Tumgik
dingoat · 23 hours
Note
❛ it’s okay. you can let go. ❜
[Ugggh omg I made myself cry writing this, so fair warning to anyone who sobs at animal stories like me, um, proceed with care. ~900 words, not remotely proofed because I can't read it again right now ahaha. THANK for sending this ask even though I broke my own heart with it!]
---
Twenty years.
In many ways, Ahuska had come to measure her life against Pexu’s.
A tough and scrappy little cub, gifted to Ahuska all those years ago. She’d been a mark of respect from Ahuska’s mentor, acknowledgement that she was ready to raise the challenging animal as a companion and protector, and a token of congratulations for being accepted into a Clan and finally striking off on her own.
And memories of those early days were impossible to separate from the day she met Crow.
The day her life had truly begun.
“I hope you forgive me,” Ahuska said quietly, stroking the broad, blunt head that rested in her lap, all four eyes gently closed. An apologetic smile tugged at her muzzle. “For not naming you myself. For letting Nel name you just because I thought it’d win points with her dad. You were so silly back then… both of you, really. I kept the bow she put on you, did you know that?"
Pexu’s fur was thinner than ever before, her quills patchy and blunt. Her breath was shallow, but she wasn’t struggling, not when she was able to lie with Ahuska and feel the warmth of her hands against her. Fifteen was a good age for a nexu.
And Ahuska had come a long way in her training, her skills, and once properly honed and backed up by some solid scientific education, her natural affinity for healing through the Force had allowed her to give many more years to Pexu’s life. She soothed the aches and strains, she dissolved the stone in her kidney that caused her abrupt, acute pain. She took care of her teeth, her heart, her joints.
“You remember that time you took a blaster bolt for Crow?” Ahuska murmured, her fingers feeling the edge of Pexu’s jaw, rubbing firmly up and down the edge the way she liked it. “We sure won’t, not ever. Stars, once in a lifetime is enough…” she shook her head slowly, and found the little scar on Pexu’s shoulder, all that remained from the burn she’d prevented from leaving its mark on Crow. “I bet you never wasted time remembering silly stuff like that, not when you could be thinking about stealing my damn donuts again.”
Ahuska still didn’t know how Pexu had managed to pilfer all six luxury creme artisanal donuts from the gift box sitting at her bedside while leaving the box itself closed and entirely intact, especially considering Crow had been out with her the whole time and, for once, couldn’t be blamed for the nexu’s bad snacking habits.
She huffed fondly, and stroked across Pexu’s quills. “That, or about basking under the Tatooine suns. You really liked that last visit, didn’t you? Syd was sweet with you, but I guess she always has been, I mean nexus have always been her specialty. But you’re prettier than any of hers ever were,” Ahuska grinned down at her, and knew that no nexu would every be quite so beautiful in her eyes as Pexu.
She knew she’d never be happy living without an animal or two of some sort at her side, but she wasn’t sure she could ever bring another nexu into her life. “Wouldn’t be right,” she murmured, as though Pexu was able to follow her thoughts. “They’d spend their life being compared to you, and none could ever live up to that.” As if to reply, the old nexu offered a quiet, rumbling pur, and lifted her head to bump against Ahuska’s hand. “That’s right, pretty girl,” she said, biting back tears as Pexu’s next breath was a little strained, and she caught up the great cat’s head in her arms and cradled it close. “Shh, hey, take it easy. Take it easy. You’re okay.” Ahuska wasn’t paying attention to the time. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been sitting there, when the thrum of Crow’s heartbeat against her own let her know he was approaching. And not just him; Nela, too, just collected from the spaceport, who dashed over to kneel beside Ahuska without a word, throwing an arm around her shoulders and squeezing tight. “Hey, how’s she going?” Crow’s approach was a little more sedate.
He came in gently, settling down by Pexu’s rump and gently rubbing her favourite spot right at the base of her tail. The forked tip twitched, and her purr grew a little louder. “Hanging in there,” Ahuska whispered, still holding Pexu’s head, close against her chest. It was growing slowly heavier, her breaths ever shallower and less frequent. “But only just. I’m glad you made it. She’s… happy that you’re here.” And Pexu was. Ahuska felt it, that soft sense of peace that her beautiful old nexu felt, to have all her favourite, familiar hands resting on her. “She’s family,” Nela affirmed, and she couldn’t even say that much without a wobble in her voice, turning her head to press her face against Ahuska’s shoulder. Ahuska smiled, but her cheeks were wet. “She waited for you,” she whispered, before all her attention turned to Pexu, who now relied entirely on Ahuska’s arms to support the weight of her head.
She closed her eyes, and felt the way the Force shimmered inside her oldest, dearest companion. Aching for release. It’s okay. Her words, her thoughts, were for Pexu alone. You can let go, now. I love you so much.
9 notes · View notes
dingoat · 3 days
Text
Tumblr media
Because she's worth it
(original under the read more if anyone else feels the need--)
Tumblr media
8 notes · View notes
dingoat · 3 days
Text
Tumblr media
something something silly dance video
9 notes · View notes
dingoat · 4 days
Text
Tumblr media
"And I'm enough."
Ahaaaha so happy that it gets to be @cinlat 's lovely Fynta being smooch-attacked by Cormac and Verin for this one, also super fun drawing some swtor OCs that are also bg3 OCs at the same time.
14 notes · View notes
dingoat · 4 days
Text
Yeah but which one's which >.>
Tumblr media
63K notes · View notes
dingoat · 5 days
Text
Tumblr media
more stuff about becoming a god being inherently dehumanizing pls
54K notes · View notes
dingoat · 8 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
I made a little bitty hawkbat out of polymer clay and now that he's reached his forever home I can share him here >.>
53 notes · View notes
dingoat · 9 days
Text
Tumblr media
Aaaand the final random bothan design which, um, I think I'm in love. I definitely don't need a new OC but ugghh
19 notes · View notes
dingoat · 9 days
Text
Tumblr media
Bothan number three, I imagine he's a smooth talking scoundrel who knows how to use his puppy dog eyes to get out of tight corners. Just a little guy.
20 notes · View notes
dingoat · 9 days
Text
Oh hey it's you 😋
Oh I gave a great idea! *breaks character's psyche into a million unsalvageable pieces with a baseball bat*
3K notes · View notes
dingoat · 9 days
Text
Tumblr media
And another little lad. Not gonna lie if I had a new tabletop game on the horizon I'd be sorely tempted to make him a fully fleshed out character...
19 notes · View notes
dingoat · 9 days
Text
Tumblr media
Got hit by the character design urge, so I'm working on a handful of random bothans. Not completely decided on whether I want to put them up for adoption or not (there's a couple of real cuties on the way ugh)... I've been carrying around a half backed idea to create some sort of character inspiration zine for writesr/GMs/rpg players for a while but have zero idea as to how to actually go about such a thing. Anyway here's the first fellow.
29 notes · View notes
dingoat · 10 days
Text
Tumblr media
King of the World, for @mimabeann, featuring Tarrent and the oh so beautiful Vair. No surprises how much I love it every time I get to draw a bothan <3
43 notes · View notes
dingoat · 11 days
Text
Tumblr media
Getting ready to decorate the Space Barbie Dream House~
21 notes · View notes
dingoat · 11 days
Text
Reblog and put the species of the nearest stuffed animal
81K notes · View notes
dingoat · 14 days
Text
Tumblr media
[Ugh do you know how HARD this one was for me to figure out when we still have so much BETWEEN THEM to work out??? Have they told each other they love one another yet? Will they, would they? Anyway I did my best and it still hurt >.> ~750 words on the theme of pining for the impossible and a big big problem with bonded souls.]
You're Not Mine
She didn’t want to think about the time drawing to an end, she almost didn’t… want to keep progressing, knowing that every step forward she took in gaining control over her wild half also drew her a step closer to having to… leave.
She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to be apart. She wanted him to come with her even though she knew it was impossible, he never would, and yet she could not stay here forever, the thought of drawing out her return to the fox left her writhing with guilt. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair, and yet all she could do was cling onto every moment she had  while it was still there for her to hold.
“Ahuska,” Thirteen’s voice was gently amused. “How about you not dig in those claws like you’re holding on for dear life.”
“Sorry, sorry-” she winced and pulled back her hands from around his waist, folding them self consciously against her chest only to have one of his strong, long-fingered hands wrap around hers and tug it gently back to his side.
She shivered, then sighed, and tucked her face under his chin. “It’s not fair,” she whispered, as she had countless times before.
He knew what she meant. He felt what she meant. And he softly sighed in kind, knowing he could no more lie to her than cut out his own tongue. “It isn’t,” he agreed, moving his hand to rub slow, comforting circles between her shoulderblades.
“I don’t want a life without you in it,” she murmured, her muzzle sleek and soft against his jawline.
And it hurt him, as it hurt her, and he was silent for a while as he tried to find the words that would help her understand why she yearned for the impossible. “Ahuska. I love you, but you’re not mine,” he whispered, but as sweet and earnest as his tone was, he couldn’t guard against the way her heart twisted to hear it.
“Why not, why not? Your heart is big enough for me as well, I know it, I know it…”
“Big enough for your love, maybe,” he said, his hand sliding to the back of her head, fingers weaving through her hair, hoping to soothe her before speaking further. Their hearts shared their melancholy, their wistfulness, their frustration at a galaxy that had pressed them together when they could not be. He tilted his head and kissed the bridge of her muzzle. “Your love, but not your hate.”
“What- what?” She gave her head a fierce little shake against his face. “I don’t hate you. I never hated you, you know I don’t blame you for the way anything happened…”
“Five,” Thirteen said, and the way she twisted against him, her response so deep and visceral that the revulsion echoed in his own heart, only made him more certain.
She hid her grimace by tucking her face between his neck and the cushion, but she could do nothing to keep her own feelings from him. “So what?  You’re not him.”
“But I love him,” Thirteen answered simply. “You have every right to hate him, and I would never ask you to change that, to forgive him for my sake.”
“So what’s…”
“I don’t blame you for your feelings. But I can’t stand to feel them for myself, and I’m sure you don’t appreciate sharing mine.”
She didn’t.
Opening her heart to him had been… oh, it had been everything, to know one another so perfectly, man and bothan and wolf and hawkbat, but she knew how carefully they skirted around the subject of Five. She didn’t want their bond tainted with an awareness of Thirteen’s love and loyalty for him…
And how could Thirteen go to him, with Ahuska’s seething aversion simmering in the back of his mind?
How could she do that to him?
“Don’t,” he whispered, feeling her on the verge of spiralling. “You’re bigger than the mess life made of you. You’ll be unstoppable one day, and you won’t need me.”
She shuddered, and closed her eyes as she tucked herself more closely against him. “But I want you.”
“And right now you have me,” he reminded her as he kissed her on the forehead. Please, gods. He fought to convince himself as strongly as he wished it for her. Let it be enough.
16 notes · View notes
dingoat · 15 days
Text
Tumblr media
[Just a small one for these two, just a little hypothetical-maybe...]
Ulfran felt it before he saw it, though he couldn’t quite bring himself to believe it until Thirteen turned to the quiet clearing of his throat.
There was something dark in the Cipher’s expression, in that face so sallow and worn with stress. Guilt and despair, masked by defiance. Thirteen must have seen the way Ulfran faltered, the way he leaned back, tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, because his posture became immediately defensive, his lips twisting into something cruel.
“Don’t you start on me as well,” Thirteen hissed, rising from his chair.
But Ulfran’s own expression softened, sensing the uncanny duality within Thirteen, the tight grasp of that most unwelcome presence. “My dear boy,” the Sith whispered, reaching toward him reflexively. “What have you done.”
Thirteen hovered, drawn to Ulfran’s hand, torn between the need to keep himself walled off and the hopeless desire to be understood. “What I had to. Because nobody else will.” His words were clipped and harsh, but there was a desperation there that Ulfran sensed all too easily, searing like the hot blade of a saber.
“Thirteen,” Ulfran’s voice was still soft, his pale, yellowed eyes seeking to meet Thirteen’s that flared with silver. And something else. “You never had to. Whatever you think you’re achieving, whatever advantage you think you have to gain by welcoming him back…”
Thirteen scoffed, stepping back with a shake of his head. “You say that like I’ve ever had a choice…”
“You have always had a choice. The galaxy spins on your choices–!”
“Not that again. Like it’s my fault Five is the way he is. Like it’s my fault Ahuska can’t bring herself to do anything for him. In your pretty little worldview it’s always my fault, isn’t it? That’s how you justify everything. Next you’ll be saying it’s my fault Zakuul invaded, my fault that Ziost…”
“Thirteen,” Ulfran moved forward with his hands outstretched to cradle the Cipher’s face, to draw him close and cut short his self destructive line of thought.
But before his fingertips could brush Thirteen’s cheeks, time stopped.
Ulfran felt the distortion. Felt his heartbeat slow, the great weight that pulled against his movement, that made him feel as though he were pressing his hand through rapidly setting duracrete. He felt the way the Force clamped down on him, on the whole cantina, likely on the whole blessed Odessen base, and he felt the way Valkorion’s presence swamped Thirteen. He saw the way Thirteen’s eyes defocused, the way his attention drew inward, and he knew that the former Emperor was whispering to the Cipher from within.
No. No! Ulfran struggled against the terrible grip and gathered every ounce of strength he had. But Valkorion was stronger. Don’t listen to him, gods, shut him out! 
5 notes · View notes