disaster-theysbian - Tumblr blog

disaster-theysbian · 3 months

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It's my 2 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Haha, two years ago I was in a new relationship with a wonderful woman. A history of abuse had left her very emotionally vulnerable and bombarding her with love was overwhelming for her. So I came here to dump all the feelings I felt it was too soon to verbalise, all the little moments that I was squeeing about, the absolute wonder of being gay (as I was pretty newly out of the closet myself).

These days there's nothing we can't say to each other so I suppose I don't post as much. I should really! We are living together, I am step-parent to her cat, and we are getting married ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

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disaster-theysbian · 6 months

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disaster-theysbian · 8 months

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Because @morningsolitude has specifically requested it, here is the rest of the Useless Lesbian Story of how my partner and I got together.

Quick backstory, we'd been friends for a year or so before having a platonic cuddle at a party. Then we realised our feelings weren't very platonic at all, and proceeded to dance around the issue for the next two months because... well, useless lesbians.

It started with me popping round to use her printer. Then it was popping round for cups of tea. Cooking dinner together. That kind of thing. We had a movie night where we shared our Favourite Stupid Films from our childhood, and it ended with a Very Awkward Handshake (story here )

Anyway, the following night was a Christmas movie night with all of our friends, including her brother and brother-in-law. All of them were getting ready to knock our heads together. Whereas the night before we'd had a sort-of cuddle under a blanket, we were so conscious of people watching us that we were sitting bolt upright and not touching.

Then our phones start pinging. A few of our friends started posting cute animal cuddle gifs in the group chat. We were smoking at the ears by this point. I went to the loo and actually heard her voice from upstairs (she never shouts, ever) calling her brother in law a twat!

She gave me a lift home that night and it was excruciatingly awkward as ever. But we both knew something was there, and we both knew that neither of us were going to be brave enough to say it.

So I decided I didn't have to say anything at all.

That week was Christmas, so I made her a card. A silver elephant wearing a Santa hat on a dark forest green background, bordered with holly and ivy, holding a single sprig of mistletoe in its trunk.

She came round for a cup of tea before giving me a lift to our craft group's Christmas party. I gave her the envelope. And promptly hid behind a cushion as she opened it and read what was inside: "Shall we address the elephant in the room?"

The next thing I knew she gently took the cushion away from me and pulled me into the gentlest, warmest, most comforting hug I'd ever had. I let myself melt in her arms.

I had come to realise, and realised over and over during the first year of our relationship, that I'd never known love before I knew her. Attraction? Yes. Desire? Yes. Infatuation? Yes. Codepedency? Trauma bonding? An innate, unmet need for validation that was preyed upon by multiple people? Yep yep yep.

Before I confessed my feelings to her, I didn't really care if she didn't share them. I just loved being with her. I loved watching her smile and laugh, and infodump about her favourite things. I just wanted to be around her. And the way she made me feel.

She made me feel like I was worthy of care and respect, without me doing anything in particular or saying anything in particular, or liking the same things as her, or looking a certain way. This was something I'd rarely felt, not just with romantic partners but among friends and family. As friends, she never treated me like I was extra special, never said anything cheesy like "you're perfect just the way you are". But I felt special just being around her. Just sitting there having cups of tea or eating dinner, folding laundry, doing normal shit. I'm not the only person who feels this way around her. She is so well loved among our friends because she so quietly, innocuously, makes you feel like you matter, without love-bombing you or putting you on a pedestal. She doesn't even know she's doing it.

She has given me back so much of my faith in humanity, in kindness, in patience, and optimism. She has given me back my own self, that I hid under layers and layers of people-pleasing cultivated by 25 years of toxic environments.

On Valentine's day just gone, I asked her to be my wife.

And she said yes.

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disaster-theysbian · 9 months

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Just had a wild experience at a BnB on England's South Coast. Buckle up!

The lady who owned it was very nice. Well turned-out, in her sixties, she raised her children and grandchildren in the house before turning it into a BnB. She showed me round, went through house rules, and introduced me to her cat. We'll call him Henry.

Henry is very fluffy, slightly wonky, with one eye. He was found in a pile of rubbish, and the lady nursed him back to health as a kitten. Apparently, he was born without a brain, because he has been hospitalised no fewer than three times after running into the road without looking. One of the rules was that Henry has to be kept inside, as he clearly does not learn from his mistakes and costs his human a lot of money when he decides to play in traffic.

Later on in my stay I was chilling on the bed, the window in my room open (it was very high up, had to stand on my tiptoes to open it, and the windowsill was basically nonexistent.) The door was closed but obviously not clicked fully shut... because the next thing there is a bang, the door opens, and Henry throws himself at the wall and riccochets out of the window.

I *freaked*.

I tried to call him back in, but no, he just stood on the roof of the conservatory and stared at me. A long term tenant appeared, rolling his eyes and shaking his head, said not to worry, this happens sometimes, he'll be back (hopefully).

I tried to enjoy dinner with my friend but I was worried about Henry. I got back after midnight, tipsy, and went to bed. Not long after, I heard the landlady crash in and call Henry. I thought I'd better own up so I went and told her I'd accidentally let him out. She said (drunkenly) "it's alright darling, he's here, I just wanted to cuddle him!" I was like "omg thank God!"

Then she giggled like a naughty child and said "do you want a glass of wine?" So I said "Go on then!"

Then two hours later we are both plastered and I'm like "Jane why are you with this man he is a WALKING RED FLAG BABE HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU" she's like "YOU'RE ONLY A BABY HOW ARE YOU SO WISE" and I'm like "because it's cheaper to take my therapist's advice on board than go back every month with the same shit"

*giggling*

I didn't see her again before I checked out but I left her a thank you note on the back of a piece of paper with positive affirmations on it that I've had in my wallet for months. I felt it was a nice thing to have happened, to have been able to pass on some of my therapy to someone else and help them set boundaries and heal, and that it's never too late to start saying yes to yourself.

And then I had to help Henry again because he got his paw stuck trying to get the window open.

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disaster-theysbian · 10 months

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Gotta say, I've been out as a lesbian for 3 years and nonbinary for a year and a half. And I've noticed something.

Just because someone *always* gets your name and pronous correct, and angrily calls out anyone who forgets, doesn't necessarily mean they support you.

Conversely, just because someone struggles to remember your name and pronouns, or can't wrap their head around gender neutral/neo pronouns at all, doesn't necessarily mean they DON'T support you.

This is applicable to any situation really not just queer shit. Watch what people do, not just what they say, and you will find your friends. Someone might shower you with compliments and have common interests with you, but what happens when you tell them no? Do they get angry when they are corrected? Do they have kind things to say about other people?

My colleagues wouldn't know a gender-neutral pronoun if one hit them in the face with a dictionary, but they make sure I've had a lunch break and get home safely. They have my back if I have a difficult patient. They defend me against other staff members who like to create drama and bitch about people as if they're still in the school playground. If someone has something to say about me being a big ol' queer, they make it known that discrimination has no place in our unit.

My best friend in the whole entire world forgets my name and pronouns every day. When the organisers of her therapy group changed "men and women" to "people" and "he/she" to "they" in order to be more inclusive, there was outcry. Everything from the "it just doesn't sound right" grammar-policing nonsense to the "f*cking special snowflakes are offended by everything". She came down on them like a ton of bricks. She said if the organisers hadn't told them that it was changing, that they wouldn't have noticed. She told them they obviously haven't loved someone outside of the gender binary and they were missing out. She then told them how she had seen me grow and develop since I came out, and how in awe she was of the person I had become. No, she doesn't understand it at all, but why should that mean that she can't be there for me and appreciate how happy I am to be able to be me? Why should that mean, because you lot don't understand it, that someone with the same issues as the rest of the therapy group feels unsafe and unwelcome and doesn't get their issues resolved? As a result, a few of them changed their minds, INCLUDING HER OWN FATHER, and the rest at least shut the hell up about it.

ON THE FLIP SIDE...

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns delighted in making me walk on eggshells, inventing reasons to be angry with me, convinced me I was a terrible person and even went as far as to try and turn me against my own therapist. They tried to tell me that my therapist only said I was a good person because she was paid to, and that because they themselves had a psychology degree that they could tell I had all these complexes and needed to work hard to be a good person, and it was unlikely I'd never get there. (I chose to listen to my therapist and stop being friends with this person).

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns continued to do things that made me uncomfortable when I asked them to stop. Never said in as many words "you're not allowed to hang out with your friends" but conveniently had an emergency every time I had plans, and accused me of being uncaring if I needed my own space. They knew I had difficulty asking for help, but still got angry with me when I asked because I didn't ask "soon enough".

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns told me they would look after me and they didnt. .

A queer person threatened to misgender me MORE when I corrected them.

I'm just saying, that if you choose to yeet everyone who doesn't get your name and pronouns right... that doesn't necessarily make you safe. We live in a very binary world. As much as we want that to change, it won't if we ignore or shout at the bits we don't like. (Believe me, I've tried).

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disaster-theysbian · 10 months

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Don't think I ever told the story of the time I did the most useless lesbian thing ever.

My fiancée (then friend) and I were hanging out at my place (a shared house). We had been crushing on each other for months and our mutual friends were ready to knock our heads together.

We were talking about friendship etc. And warm fuzzy feelings. I thought it would be a good moment to tell her.

So I looked her deeply in the eyes, took a deep breath, and said:

"I suppose what I'm trying to say... is..."

~*GAY PANIC*~

"I value your friendship!"

There was a pause, she went "aww, I value your friendship too!" But I could tell she was a bit put out. She'd *hoped* I was going to say the other thing. And I fucked up.

I called my Gayrents as soon as she left and wailed "I FRIENDZONED MYSELF WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO???"

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disaster-theysbian · 10 months

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Fiancée: OK so we need to go to IKEA and pick up the chest of drawers and the kitchen stuff for my brother

Me: BLÅHAJ!!!

So here I am, nearly 30 years old, carrying a giant shark plushie around IKEA. When a senior consultant at the hospital where I work comes around the corner and sees me giggling my tits off like a 5 year old.

That'll be fun on Monday when I have to pretend I'm a serious professional.

#wlw #harold they're lesbians #help im in love #lgbtqia #le dollar bean #the tumbling dyspraxic #funny #neuroqueer #neurodiversity #autistic feels #possibly autistic #ikea shark #ikea #blahaj #adhd brain #adhd

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disaster-theysbian · 10 months

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Panic! At the disco? More like Dissasociating! On the toilet

#neuroqueer #neurodivergent #adhd brain #adhd #adhd tag #living with adhd #autistic feels #possibly autistic

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disaster-theysbian · 1 year

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"Do you like apples or bananas?"

"Apples".

"Why, have you never tried a banana?"

"Not that it's any of your business but yes. I still like apples."

"So you don't eat bananas any more?"

"No."

"Did you have a bad experience with bananas?"

"Yes, I had to pretend to like them for 26 years to avoid the conversation we are currently having.

"... would you like to try my-"

"NO I WOULD NOT. FUCK OFF."

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disaster-theysbian · 1 year

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Dates in the first month: country walks, dinner for two, tea at a posh garden centre

Dates after 1 year: "Ooooh do you want to see the new Tesco??"... "OOOOH YAY LET'S GO TO THE NEW TESCO!!!"

#wlw #help im in love #harold they're lesbians #lgbtqia #le dollar bean #lgbtpeople #women loving women #love #wlw love #lessbeans #healthy relationships #dating #fun #british #british humour #longterm #relationship

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disaster-theysbian · 2 years

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I'm dead. It was Rob Banks.

do y'all remember when people on tiktok were talking about how it's morally wrong to name yourself "arson" because it's a crime?

anyway if you're trans and you need a new name, may i suggest Murder?

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disaster-theysbian · 2 years

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Love getting screenshots from my girlfriend of comments I left on her Facebook posts from last year, followed by "OMG were you flirting with me???"

The selfies that I responded to with flames and heart eyes? The picture of you and your cat where I commented "Absolutely gorgeous! Nice cat too"?? The meme about a big lesbian (like you) picking up a small lesbian (like me) to which I replied with a gif of a surprised/giggly baby???

Nah babe, I was just being friendly. *eyeroll*

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disaster-theysbian · 2 years

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My girlfriend just asked for my help to pick out a new floor for her front room.

Is this Lesbian-ese for "I want to live with you"..?

Doesn't help that we're British, that's another layer of indirect communication to get through

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disaster-theysbian · 2 years

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I've been having trouble lately with work, health, and headweasels.

This morning my Very Shy girlfriend sent me a video of herself singing "How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You"

I fucking cried. She is so pure. I don't deserve this wonderful ray of sunshine...

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disaster-theysbian · 2 years

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When my girlfriend kisses me deeply and passionately, then takes off her glasses and puts them aside... my heart basically does what a dog does if you say "WALKIES!!!"

#yes please #yes yes yes #help im in love #wlw #harold they're lesbians #lgbtqia #le dollar bean #women loving women #lgbtpeople #wlw love #love #lessbeans #kissing #making out #disaster gay #disaster lesbian #excited

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disaster-theysbian · 2 years

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Ladles, jellyspoons, and cutlery of any and all culinary natures, I give you...

*drumroll*

LESBIANS!

*confetti cannon*

#wlw #help im in love #harold they're lesbians #lgbtqia #le dollar bean #lgbtpeople #women loving women #love #wlw love #lessbeans #gay girls #lesbians #useless lesbian #disaster gay #disaster lesbian #healthy relationships #neurodiverse stuff #neurodivergent #humans are weird

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disaster-theysbian · 2 years

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There's something slightly off about the feeling of absolute safety?

Melting into the arms of the person you love?

Feeling their heart beat against your cheek?

Nothing in the universe but them and you, drifting through endless galaxies of bliss?

And then having all manner of alarm bells ring inside your head, because safety is just not a normal thing for you to feel?

Like, what even is existence without a low-frequency hum of foreboding and a high-pitched whistle of imminent danger? The ever-present background noise of your life, like a cranky old refrigerator.

Of course you've experienced some kind of security, and it has always been unwarranted. Since when has anyone you've ever felt comfortable with *not* hurt you in ways that puts food on the table of your therapist?

How epically wonderful it feels for the anxiety fridge to fall silent. As you and your partner touch, so do you touch heaven.

If this feels so wonderful, how bad is it going to be when it doesn't any more?

If this is how good it feels to fall for you, what happens when I hit the ground?

These questions spin around in my head as I clutch at straws made of cynicism and doubt, slowing my descent into absolute lunacy.

And then you look at me with eyes all concerned. Eyes that I feel like I can see behind, and there's nothing there except the love you've already shown me, so, so many times.

And I realise I'm not falling.

I'm floating.

With you.

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