disasterdemi

[disasterdemi]

"why can't they just be friends" not in the homophobic way but in the "their platonic relationship in the source material is far more dynamic and complex than the sanitized personalities they gain as a result of shipping" way

[disasterdemi]

Aromantic awareness week!!!!

[disasterdemi]

as someone who's aromantic but very allosexual I just feel like queer people and allies who get up in arms at the idea of people fucking their friends and remaining completely platonic friends just really aren't the type of people who are gonna be actual allies to me. Like idk I don't think sex has to be some special intimate thing and I just think its age old conservative dogma being used to shame people this time just coming from people who claim to be more progressive. its dumb. its just "save sex till marriage or else you're impure" again.

[disasterdemi]

Roger Barnes from Breeze Spells and Bridegrooms is demiromantic demisexual!

#just finished this and loved it! #I'm pretty sure wyn (the other MC) is written as some brand of allo-arospec too #but yeah this read was a completely spontaneous pick so the rep was such a nice surprise! #breeze spells and bridegrooms #aspec rep #aspec characters

[disasterdemi]

everything can be an aromantic allegory if you try hard enough

[disasterdemi]

What No One Talks About

You know what no one ever talks about? How meeting "the one" doesn't make you any less aspec.

Like, you know when aphobes are all like, "You just haven't met the *right person* yet"? It doesn't follow logically.

A few days ago, my queerplatonic partner and I decided that there is a romantic element to our relationship, and that "demiromantic" describes our romantic orientations better. So yes, I "met the right person" and developed romantic feelings. But does that make me any less aro? Absolutely not. I wasn't alloromantic all along and just needed to realize it. You don't NOT develop romantic feelings your whole life and nullify your entire aromantic experience just because you find out you're arospec more than vanilla aro.

So yes, aspecs *might* meet "the one" and develop romantic and/or sexual feelings (not me, though, I'm ace as heck 😂). They might find out they're gray or demi. But that doesn't make them ANY less aspec.

Fight me on this.

[disasterdemi]

being greyromantic is so funny to me because well I am romance repulsed. Until I want a relationship with someone.

[disasterdemi]

Inspired by the brief period of time I thought I was polyamorous because I felt the same way about my boyfriend as I did my best friends and I hadn't clocked yet that all of those feelings were platonic

[disasterdemi]

some people on here need a gentle reminder that arospecs ARE aromantic. thats the point of the aromantic spectrum. that being aromantic.. is a spectrum. ive had demiromantic people ask me if they can call themselves aromantic. YES OF COURSE YOU CAN YOU ARE AROMANTIC. im sure some people choose to identify more as arospec than aromantic and thats fine, but in general, arospecs ARE aromantic, by virtue of being on the aromantic spectrum. like aromanticism is defined as little to none romantic attraction. the ‘little’ part of that is there for a reason.

[disasterdemi]

Me literally anytime I go on Ao3

[disasterdemi]

Anthologies including aro stories

(that I have read recently)

I know most people probably aren't going to read an anthology because it has one aro story in it (well, I would. And have done so!) But here's a little list in case any of these interest anyone generally, or people have access to them and would like to check out the aro stories.

1. Everything Under the Moon (Ed. Michael Earp). Aro story is Seeing Colour by Jes Layton.

I've already talked about this one, I think it's my favourite on the list (the story itself and the anthology as a whole). The anthology is full of queer fairytale retellings, and Seeing Colour is about a young aro person getting to know an older single person.

2. An Unexpected Party (Ed. Seth Malacari). Aro story is The Graveyard Shift by Jes Layton.

I also enjoyed this one, it's an Australian queer YA spec fic anthology with a deliberate focus on less common queer rep (lots of trans, nonbinary rep) and emerging writers. Being aro isn't really a focus of the story but it does use the phrase "alloromantic bullshit". There was another story with an ace character who might have been meant to be aro as well?

3. This is Our Rainbow (Ed. Katherine Locke and Nicole Melleby). Aro story is Girl's Best Friend by Lisa Jenn Bigelow.

A queer middle grade anthology. While not explicitly an aroace story, it does explicitly talk about having a squish on someone, who the MC attempts to befriend by turning into a dog. (I also believe the author is aroace?)

4. Out There: Into the Queer New Yonder (Ed. Saundra Mitchell). Aro story is The Undeniable Price of Everything by Z Brewer.

YA queer futuristic anthology. Unfortunately I found the aro story in this one of the weaker stories in the anthology, as it was a bit confusing. I also just didn't like the anthology as much as a whole either, but that might just be because it was more romance focused and I wasn't as interested.

[disasterdemi]

ALT

You gotta admit, they look pretty good together.

This is my YA trilogy about a traumatised teenage assassin trying and failing to live a normal life in a fictional closed city in Yorkshire. If you’ve been looking for YA with no romance, morally ambiguous (or outright terrible) characters, tons of murder, revolutionary librarians, poison, Esperanto, loving descriptions of street art, and varying degrees of critique of the military and the arms industry (from subtle to overt as the trilogy continues), then this might be the series for you. The Butterfly Assassin and The Hummingbird Killer are out now; Moth to a Flame will be released on 23rd May. Full details of all of them are on my website.

[disasterdemi]

This is something of a sequel to my original essay on being loveless.

It's also a discussion of the ways love is wielded against allo-aros, the a-spec community's ongoing conflation of love and attraction, and the impact allosexual aromanticism has on my lovelessness.

Because too often, unfortunately, I see loveless aromantic identity communicated and celebrated so as to exclude me, and other allosexual aros, from it.

I hope that's something we can begin to change this Aro Week.

#alloaro #loveless #loveless aro

[disasterdemi]

my take on shipping aromantic characters is that if you're aro you get to do whatever you want and if you're not you have to write me a three page essay 12 pt font times new roman double spaced explaining in detail why you believe entering a romantic relationship would be an interesting and worthwhile storyline for the character and how you believe their aromanticism would affect the way they experience said relationship

[disasterdemi]

honestly my advice for people questioning if they're aro is kind of the same as my advice for people questioning if they're trans which is do less worrying about whether or not you inherently fall into this arbitrary category and do more considering what you want in and from your life. like ultimately deconstructing societal ideals of what relationships (or gender) should be like and figuring out what you want them to look like in your life is what matters and whether or not you experience romantic attraction is kind of immaterial

[disasterdemi]

You say you accept aromanticism but do you only accept it as long as it fits your expectations? Do you only accept it as long as I keep my options open, as long as I don’t 100% settle on this label, as long as I allow you a small amount of hope that one day I’ll tell you I’ve changed, I’ve seen the light, I’ve found the One?

You say you accept aromanticism, but is your acceptance conditional on my redemption through platonic love? Do I have to prove to you that I am likable, that I am lovable, that I am human? Do I have to be touch starved, do I have to be lonely, do I have to feel like I am missing out?

You say you accept aromanticism, but do you believe me when I speak about dehumanization, about my anger at being pitied? Do you put yourself in my shoes and imagine the effort it takes to shape a future that looks like most people's worst fear? Do you understand that my life is not sad for not following your rigid guideline to happiness?

You say you accept aromanticism, but do you accept the changes I demand of society? Do you accept that relationship hierarchies are not inherent but learned? Do you accept that community is more meaningful in fighting the loneliness epidemic than finding the One? Do you notice that society is predisposed to benefit couples over singles? Do you realize that this is wrong?

If you say you accept aromanticism but only do so as long as I am quiet about it, as long as I make no demands, offer no criticism, draw no attention to myself, then I do not care for your acceptance because your acceptance isn't real.

[disasterdemi]

One of the most insidious messages we receive as aromantic people is the idea there is nothing to be gained from a platonic relationship that one can’t get from a romantic relationship. The media we consume every day tells us that what we have to offer would be somehow better if it were given in a romantic, rather than platonic context. It tells us things like emotional support, laughter, care, and love are more valuable within the confines of a romantic relationship.

This can leave an aromantic person feeling as if they have nothing unique or valuable to offer, and the things they could provide to the people they care about would be better had from a romantic partner. That they themselves are superfluous and unnecessary.

These are lies. You are beautiful, and valuable, and you have more to offer than you will ever know. You may never see it yourself, but every person who chooses to have you in their life sees something in you that is worthwhile. There is something they receive from you they don’t get from anyone else, and it’s likely something different for every person who knows you.

You are special. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to feel like you’re enough, because you are.

You are.