dndandmylife
dndandmylife
chaotic neutral bards.
winsome•she/her•21•pan•mixed•librai finally realized i should make a sideblog for my dnd crap
629 posts
dndandmylife · 8 days ago
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Cleric: How tall are you?
Warlock: 4'5
Cleric: I’m using disguise self to become [Warlock]
Druid: I’ll become [Warlock] as well
Cleric: Hey, [Sorcerer] can be [Warlock] too-
DM: wh-
Warlock: ..I think I’ll be [Warlock]
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dndandmylife · 9 days ago
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Thorin: What’s with the new body wash you bought? It smells like dish soap
Bilbo: It was on sale
Thorin: I smell like a plate, Bilbo
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dndandmylife · 9 days ago
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clerics vs warlocks
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dndandmylife · 10 days ago
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running a d&d campaign is actually so easy you literally just have your friends make up some people and then figure out what are the funniest possible problems for those people to have
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dndandmylife · 10 days ago
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dndandmylife · 10 days ago
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Wizard: Oh, I like your Goblin detecting sword! That's funny.
Goblin who thought they just had a cool glowing sword: ... My what now?
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dndandmylife · 11 days ago
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dndandmylife · 11 days ago
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DM: Allora, it’s your turn.
Allora (Druid): So. I’m going to use my free action to cry…
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dndandmylife · 11 days ago
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sauron teaching elves how to make ring
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dndandmylife · 15 days ago
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Party member: Vampirism isn’t an STD, is it?
DM: Only one way to find out 
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dndandmylife · 15 days ago
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?!?!?!?!?!?!!???
who tf is gonna be nude? the ents???
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dndandmylife · 17 days ago
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wizards have incredibly strong legs from going up and down the wizard tower all day and night. you're gonna wish you got fireblasted if a wizard ever kicks you. if a wizard ever kicks you in the chest you're gonna be a head and legs for the rest of your life.
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dndandmylife · 22 days ago
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Can you tell me why Frodo is so important in lotr? Why can't someone else, anyone else, carry the ring to mordor?
but someone else could.
that’s the whole point of frodo—there is nothing special about him, he’s a hobbit, he’s short and likes stories, smokes pipeweed and makes mischief, he’s a young man like other young men, except for the singularly important fact that he is the one who volunteers. there is this terrible thing that must be done, the magnitude of which no one fully understands and can never understand before it is done, but frodo says me and frodo says I will.
(when boromir is thinking of how he can use the ring to defend gondor, when aragorn is thinking of how it brought down proud isildur, when elrond is holding council and gandalf is thinking of how twisted he would become, if he ever dared—)
but then there’s frodo, who desires nothing except what he has already left behind him, and says, I will take the Ring.
it is an offer made out of absolute innocence, utter sincerity. It is made without knowing what it will make of him—and frodo loses everything to the ring, he loses peace and himself and the shire, he loses the ability to be in the world. It’s cruel, the ring is cruel, it searches out every weakness you have and feeds on it, drinks you dry and fills you with its poison instead, the ring is so cruel.
and frodo picks it up willingly. for no other reason except that it has to be done.
(the ring warps boromir into a hopeless grasping dead thing, the power of the palantir turns denethor into an old man, jealous and suspicious, it bends even saruman, once the proudest of the istari, into a mechanised warlord, sitting in his fortress and bent over his perverse creations—all the best of intentions, laid waste)
but there’s a reason gollum exists in the narrative, which is to show—well, to show what frodo might have been. because even as frodo grows mistrustful and wearied, as the burden of this ring grows heavier and heavier, he is never gollum. he is gentle to gollum. he is afraid—god frodo is so afraid for 2/3 of these books he is so tired and afraid, but he keeps moving, he walks though it would pull him into the ground, because he asked for this, he said he would.
someone else could have carried the ring to mordor, I suppose. the idea of a martyr is not dependent on the particular flesh and blood person dying for some greater purpose. but such a thing has to be chosen, lifted onto your shoulders for the right reason, the truest reasons, and followed into the dark, though it would see you burnt through and bled out.
I will take the Ring, though I do not know the way.
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dndandmylife · 27 days ago
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Forgot to post this Davenport earlier. Anyways now @rocketgayng has heard his description I can post this
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dndandmylife · 28 days ago
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Space Jam but literally
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dndandmylife · 28 days ago
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When a piece of a PC’s backstory comes out during a crazy plot point:
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dndandmylife · 28 days ago
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I have discovered the truth about chainmail bikinis, and it is imperative those wearing such armor do not think about it too hard or they may inadvertently cross the line between Sexy Hero and Homicidal Pervert.
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