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dont-mind-me-just-tumbling · 3 years

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Hi I saw your post about fics being in character and I thought this could be a good opportunity to share some insight to help people who struggle with their characterization. I love your writing and ask could you share some traits you see as 'core' Rowan and Aelin traits? Maybe more valuably, would you be open to sharing your process for what you look for in the text when understanding characters, what stands out to you and what you make sure to include vs what you don't? I understand if this isn't something you want to share and I send this ask with good intentions and respect and hope this can start a productive discussion, no drama. Thanks :))

totally okay that you asked this!!

i think part of it is that i have read everything up to EoS so many times. like at least four times each and i've read heir of fire and queen of shadows probably six times each. i've only read kingdom of ash once bc it's still too painful to read again lmaoooo.

when i write i also always look for any chance i can to make parallels. i love making canon parallels to anything from small moments to bigger ones that are more recognizable. like the rowaelin qos reunion, rowan's "where is my wife" moment. rowan and aelin sparring in any capacity, like, anything like that. because i think that helps when you're pulling from the text and putting them into situations where you know how they interact with them, and it makes it easier to add in bits and pieces before and after. if that makes any kind of sense. (this also goes for legit any ship that i write. nessian, feysand, etc. pulling from the text and putting them in familiar situations will always help.)

as far as traits go, one of my major ones that i always try to keep in mind is rowaelin's loyalty to each other. rowan is like loyal to aelin almost to a fault sometimes. he will do anything and everything for her. when it comes that's why their thing is "to whatever end." they will follow each other to whatever end and beyond.

aelin has a very low opinion of herself. she thinks that she's expendable compared to those around her. she is very depressed sometimes and i think it gets overlooked a lot. (when i get my books back from my sister, i plan on doing a meta about this.) but she's been through a lot in her life and i try to keep that in mind in a lot of au's. some au's that are heavier (like iihasts and fafs) i try to pull on that. her mental health is very important to a lot of the way she handles things. post KOA, i know this girl has PTSD. it's evident in the way she handles a lot and takes a long time to warm back up to rowan in kingdom of ash. but she was tortured and manipulated for months. she's not okay.

people (in the books) also call her selfish A LOT but most of what she does she does for other people. she even spared dorian the weight of killing his father and told him she did it. like, come on.

as celaena, she does lean on the more selfish side, but as aelin she's doing everything she does for the greater good of the entire world. she didn't forge that lock for herself. she forged that lock for a better tomorrow for everyone she loved. which is incredibly selfless. she would also completely throw down to keep her loved ones safe.

the arrogant behavior is such an act. she's not really like that, it's a cover to hide everything she's truly feeling inside, to protect herself, to keep people from truly getting to know her. she can flip her personality to better suit the situation and the people she's around. she's mostly only her true self around aedion, lysandra, and rowan. i don't even think she really reveals herself to the rest of the cadre for probably a very long time. she picks fights when she's hurting the most and rowan is really the first person to see and recognize that. (very evident in hof when she sees what a good person gallan appears to be and goes and picks a bar fight immediately. or when arobynn humiliates her and she wears her nicest jewels to try to intentionally get robbed so she can start a fight.)

the reality is that she's an insanely hard worker, she keeps going and going and going to meet to meet her goals. she's a master strategist and very quick on her feet in any situation she finds herself in. she feels isolated (which goes back to her depression and ptsd) and she feels misunderstood. but she has been known to literally give the cloak off her back (with kaltain) and the money in her pocket (with yrene) and doesn't expect anything in return. literally nothing in return. she just did it out of the goodness of her own heart, yet she's constantly filled with self doubt that she's a bad person because people tell her that she is (chaol literally calls her a monster and she holds onto that and ends up asking rowan if she is one.)

she gives a lot of forgiveness and second chances, except to abusers. she pulls no punches with them. yet even with arboynn, she made sure there were no redeeming qualities left before letting lysandra kill him. instead of seeing it as a victory, though, she just felt hollow. she doesn't take joy in killing these people. she is not a bad person.

she feels a lot of guilt when she feels she could have stopped things. i think she carries those moments with her. which is why she helped those people the king wanted dead to escape in com. she has no problem ending people that deserve the punishment, but when they don't, she does what she can to help them.

rowan is so respectful. he finally gets his mate and his wife and his love back and he's consistently giving her the space she requires when it's so hard for him to not just touch her. he puts his own needs aside consistently based on what aelin needs.

he's a complete and total hardass to other people but is so soft for her. but he's also territorial about her. he's protective of her. but never at the cost of what she needs and wants. however, he will put his foot down and make people swallow their own tongues if they're disrespectful toward her. but he's also respectful toward everyone, not just aelin. he can prove his points without physical violence even if he would want to.

in that same vein, if you're doing enemies to lovers, he doesn't understand her at first. he think's she's spoiled and doesn't have a single clue about the trauma she's been through and he's very hard on her. he treats her like another warrior in their training. he doesn't go easy on her just because she's a woman (which also still comes from a place of respect) but the second he finds out about her trauma the way he treats her shifts. he becomes protective because he doesn't put up with that kind of shit. he isn't torturing her in their training, in fact aelin in hof says that he's brilliant even if he beats the shit out of her every damn day. a lot of people try to twist that into a thing of abuse, but again, he's training her like a warrior. he doesn't coddle her and she doesn't want to be coddled. again, this comes from a place of respect.

he also learns from his mistakes and tries to right them, and takes action to better himself from it as soon as he can. this is important. he has the humility to apologize, whether it be by actions or words. he doesn't ask for credit in the things he does and ends up kind of making jokes about it. i think he has a lot of humility at the end of the day. he is quick to forgive others when it's deserved but has a lot of trouble forgiving himself. this is also important.

but rowan also has a playful side with aelin. they have witty banter that they exchange even when they're not totally on board with the other. he's funny in subtle ways, and toward the end of the series we see that he's so wholly comfortable with her that he even gets a little silly.

after his own trauma, he also falls into a very deep depression. for centuries. it took aelin coming along for him to come back out of his shell. everyone gave up on him, but aelin never did. just like he never gave up on her, and they were able to walk out of that darkness together. i also think he feels a lot of guilt when innocent lives get put in danger and risk or die at his hands when he felt he could have stop it, much like aelin.

rowan is also very calm in most situations. he's able to work out solutions like the warrior that he is even when other people are losing their minds, which makes him a very good soldier and eventually king.

i could keep going but this is getting wildly long lol. i hope this helps even a little. thank you to @westofmoon @whimsicallyreading @punkassbookjockey26 for helping me with my thoughts as i'm still exhausted from surgery and healing.

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dont-mind-me-just-tumbling · 3 years

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All I’m saying is Rowan would’ve told Feyre that’s she was going to die due to her pregnancy with no hesitation, during a causal dinner because he was bored.

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dont-mind-me-just-tumbling · 3 years

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my favorite scene in the whole tv history

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dont-mind-me-just-tumbling · 3 years

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I thought I wasn't into light haired men but now I am married to Rowan Whitethorn

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dont-mind-me-just-tumbling · 3 years

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Aelin vs Dorian: Why KoA is Aelin’s Book and One Way to Read the Lessening of Her Powers

I’ve seen this issue come up post-Kingdom of Ash a ton so I wanted to give it a good ole fashioned meta. This is going to be long, and detailed, and full of quotes from Kingdom of Ash and the series as a whole. So I’ve broken it into two parts to make it easier, with TLDR’s up top for ease. (except please do read this because I’ve worked on in for a month and my phd dissertation has suffered because of it).

I feel like there are aspects to this that I haven’t articulated very well, but it’s time to post! It’s time! As always, thoughtful comments are welcome, but pls no one yell at me.

Part 1. Why Kingdom of Ash Should Be and Is Aelin’s Story First and Foremost

TLDR; Because Aelin is the chosen one and true hero of the story, she’s the one who performs the sacrifice to save her world and because she does this, any argument that Dorian’s actions are in any way of equal importance to hers or that he is also “the hero” is invalid.

Part 2. The Meaning Of Aelin Losing Her Powers, and Why “But a man didn’t lose his powers all the way” Is Not Great Counter Argument Given What the Series As a Whole Says About Power

TLDR; Aelin isn’t disempowered or anything, demonstrated by that fact that she effectively avoids a fate that condemns her to death, saves the world, and screws over the gods, and learns that her true magic is in her heart of fire, not her literal fire. Aelin and Dorian both lose a lot of their powers, and this is really significant because it means that neither of them are going to be doing any conquering any time soon.

All page numbers from American hardcovers, unless otherwise noted.

Part 1: Why Kingdom of Ash Should Be and Is Aelin’s Story First and Foremost

Okay so at this point you’re either like “duh Lucia of course KoA is Aelin’s book” or you’re like “NO IT WASN’T, DORIAN HAVILLIARD SPOKE TOO OFTEN” or you’re like “Chaol and Dorian didn’t have sex so this book was irrelevant to me,” or maybe you’re only here for Manon Blackbeak and you think KoA should have been her book not Aelin’s, in which case I would like to show you the way to books .5-2 in the series.

Whichever way you’re thinking, the debate over whether Aelin is the hero in KoA seems to come at it from a few angles, mainly being:

1. Dorian in KoA was the chosen one and is the hero just as much as Aelin

2. It’s fucked that SJM gave Dorian such a big role in KoA because it’s Aelin’s story

3. It is Aelin’s story because she’s the character who ultimately saves the day, does the World Saving Thing, and facilitates other characters doing the other World Saving Things. If the story belongs to anyone but Aelin, it’s the other female characters who SJM serves to us on a silver platter with the words “WOMEN SAVE THE WORLD” engraved in 32 point Arial Bold font. When you look at the canon text, and don’t just fall back on your knee jerk reaction to either hate Aelin or hate Dorian, it’s pretty damn clear: Aelin, assisted by various ladies, saves the mother fucking world, solidifying her place as The Heroine within the text and also making the point that successful women are backed by other successful women.

I’m going to be arguing point 3, in case you couldn’t already tell.

Point 1: The World Saving Thing

The Lock scene. The scene we had all been waiting for since EoS, since Elena sent us all on a meandering hike through the marshes of Eyllwe to find a “lock” (see: not a lock, actually a mirror, Elena is a crafy lying biotch) that could save the world.

Forging the Lock is the World Saving Thing. It’s the killing Voldemort of this story. It’s the dropping of the ring into the fires of Mount Doom. While other things, like finding the deathly Hallows or Aragorn taking up the sword that was broken and has been reforged, are also important, there is no denying that killing Voldemort, destroying the ring, and Forging the Lock, are *the* things that need to happen. Obviously, in this universe, instead of Hallows and swords, we need to find Wyrdkeys and Wyrvens and Healers. But does that stuff matter if someone doesn’t use their entire life force to forge a new lock for the Wyrdkeys ensuring that no more demon lords can come through the gates and sending the gods back to the world from whence they came? NO IT DOESN’T, IT MEANS FUCK ALL WITHOUT THE LOCK.

What’s the point of the final battle if the Wyrdkeys are still out there for Erawan to use to summon his abusive ass brothers to Erilea? What’s the point if Maeve gets her hands on a Wyrdkey? Whats the point, basically, of Dorian finding all of the Wyrdkeys if someone doesn’t then do the sacrificing thing to put them back in the gate?

The entire point is to get rid of the keys by forging the Lock and ensure that the world remains safe for centuries to come.

And who is the someone who does the sacrificing thing??? MOTHER FUCKING AELIN ASHRYVER GALATHYNIUS, THAT’S WHO.

Keep reading

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dont-mind-me-just-tumbling · 3 years

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rowaelin never had a bad track. “even when this world is forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, i will love you.” SEXY. “i'd walk into the burning heart of hell itself to find you” BANGER. “to whatever end” SMOOTH. don’t even get me STARTED on “all those centuries, i was just looking for you”

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dont-mind-me-just-tumbling · 3 years

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36. Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along?

Oh yeah for sure, one of my best friends is almost the exact same as me and we just bounce off eachother aha

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dont-mind-me-just-tumbling · 3 years

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100 good questions to ask your friends at 4:02 am when you can’t sleep (can also function as an asks list)

Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance?

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known?

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody?

Do you place any value in gender roles?

Do you have to be related to be family?

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones?

Are you in love? Do you want to be?

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation?

Would you be happy with a life without romance?

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody?

Would you change your appearance if you could?

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.?

Do you believe in reincarnation?

Would you want to be reincarnated?

Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both?

Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem?

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them?

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’?

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why?

Do you want a grand adventure?

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different?

How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody?Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better?

Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both?

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality?

How fluid is your concept of gender and sexuality?

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far?

Are you afraid of growing old?

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century?

Do you believe in some form of god/s?

Are your choices fated or of your own free will?

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die?

Do you believe in star signs?

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult?

Was your childhood happy?

What are you missing from your life?

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along?

Do opposites attract?

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago?

Do you know what you want out of life?

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’?

What fundamentally matters do you?

Is freewill an illusion?

Do you create art? How do you define art?

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful?

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for?

Is true world peace ever possible?

Do you have to suffer to truly understand the human condition? What is the human condition? How can you really experience it?

Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free?

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others?

What do you expect from a friend or partner?

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person?

Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some?

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong?

Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time?

Is a conscious what makes someone a person?

What do you think about artificial intelligence?

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing?

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity?

What do you think the next era of music will be like?

What do you think the next era of fashion will be like?

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them?

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them?

How confident are you, really?

How consistent is your perception of time?

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote?

How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’?

What’s the worse thing a person can be?

How do you feel about monogamy?

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else?

What’s the tragedy of your life?

Would your life make a good play?

Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time?

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation?

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect?

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent?

Do you crave approval and/or praise?

Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy?

Are you ever going to be satisfied?

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy?

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time?

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)?

Are you a deep person?

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it?

Are you who people think you are?

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion?

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it?

Do you anger easily?

Are you a jealous person?

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality?

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it?

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate?

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn?

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them?

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately?

Is unrequited love real love?

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you?

Are you overly analytical?

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation?

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious?

What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in?

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dont-mind-me-just-tumbling · 3 years

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I am in love with him

Rowan Whitehorn appreciation post.

The Little Folk made him a tiny hawk and he loved it so much that he kept it in his saddleback and carried it with him.

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dont-mind-me-just-tumbling · 3 years

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ROWAELIN X TOG QUOTES

this has been in my drafts for ages, pls enjoy it

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dont-mind-me-just-tumbling · 3 years

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Would die for them no questions asked

Rowaelin Quotes

“I missed you,” he said quietly, his gaze darting between her mouth and eyes. “When I was in Wendlyn. I lied when I said I didn’t. From the moment you left, I missed you so much I went out of my mind. I was glad for the excuse to track Lorcan here, just to see you again. And tonight, when he had that knife at your throat…” The warmth of his callused finger bloomed through her as he traced a path over the cut on her neck. “I kept thinking about how you might never know that I missed you with only an ocean between us. But if it was death separating us… I would find you. I don’t care how many rules it would break. Even if I had to get all three keys myself and open a gate, I would find you again. Always."

Their hands clasped between them, he whispered into her ear, "I claim you, too, Aelin Galathynius."

"I would pay good money to see seventeen-year-old Aelin meet seventeen-year-old Rowan."

His green eyes glittered.

"Seventeen-year-old Rowan wouldn’t have known what to do with you. He could barely speak to females outside his family."

"Aelin frightens everyone… But not him. I think that’s why she fell in love with him, against her best intentions. Rowan beheld all Aelin was and is, and he was not afraid."

"I missed you only with an ocean between us. But if death was separating us... I would find you."

“To whatever end?” she breathed. Rowan followed her, as he had his entire life, long before they had ever met, before their souls had sparked into existence. “To whatever end, Fireheart.”

She handed him the towel, but didn’t let go as his hand closed around it.

“You’ve become a tyrant, Princess,” he said.

She rolled her eyes and released the towel, turning as he stood in a mighty movement, water sloshing everywhere. It was an effort not to peek over her shoulder.

She flung herself on the male, crashing into him hard enough that anyone else might have gone rocking back into the stone wall.

But the male grabbed her to him, his massive arms wrapping around her tightly and lifting her up.

Gods, he was brilliant. Cunning and wicked and brilliant.

Even when he beat the hell out of her. Every. Damn. Day.

"Where is Aelin? Where is my wife?"

"I wish you to become who you were born to be. To become queen."

"And tell Rowan,” Aelin said, fighting her own sob, “that I'm sorry I lied. But tell him it was all borrowed time anyway. Even before today, I knew it was all just borrowed time, but I still wish we'd had more of it.” She fought past her trembling mouth. “Tell him he has to fight. He must save Terrasen, and remember the vows he made to me. And tell him... tell him thank you—for walking that dark path with me back to the light."

She realized that Rowan saw each of those thoughts and more as he reached into his tunic and pulled out a dagger. Her dagger. He extended it to her, it's long blade gleaming as if he'd been secretly polishing and caring for it these months.

And when she grasped the dagger, it's weight lighter than she remembered, Rowan looked into her eyes, into her very core of her, and said, 'Fireheart'.

She had lied to him. She had wanted to save lives, yes. But she had gone out there with no intention of saving her own.

"What in hell is that?”

She kept going toward the bathroom, refusing to apologize or look down at the pink, delicate, very short lace nightgown. When she emerged, face washed and clean, Rowan was sitting up, arms crossed over his bare chest. “You forgot the bottom part.”

She merely blew out the candles in the room one by one. His eyes tracked her the entire time.

“There is no bottom part,” she said, flinging back the covers on her side. “It’s starting to get so hot, and I hate sweating when I sleep. Plus, you’re practically a furnace. So it’s either this or I sleep naked. You can sleep in the bathtub if you have a problem with it."

"Tell me that we’ll get through tomorrow. Tell me that we’ll survive the war. Tell me—” She swallowed hard. “Tell me that even if I lead us all to ruin, we’ll burn in hell together."

"I love you. There is no limit to what I can give to you, no time I need. Even when this world is forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will love you."

It was a long story, and sometimes she grew quiet and cried - and during those times he leaned over to wipe away her tears.

"Even when we’re apart tomorrow, I’ll be with you every step of the way. And every step after—wherever that may be."

"It would all be fine, even if it went to hell, so long as he was here with her."

He would not apologize for today, or yesterday, or for any of it. And she would not ask him to, not now that she understood that in the weeks she had been looking at him it had been like gazing at a reflection. No wonder she had loathed him.

"I spent centuries wandering the world, from empires to kingdoms to wastelands, never settling, never stopping—not for one moment. I was always looking toward the horizon, always wondering what waited across the next ocean, over the next mountain. But I think… I think that whole time, all those centuries, I was just looking for you."

He gripped her hard, forcing her to meet his eyes as he snarled, “I see you. I see every part of you. And I am not afraid.”

He lifted the lavender soap to his hair, and she squeaked.

“You don’t use that in your hair,” she hissed, jolting from her perch to reach for one of the many hair tonics lining the little shelf above the bath. “Rose, lemon verbena, or…” She sniffed the glass bottle. “Jasmine.” She squinted down at him.

He was staring up at her, his green eyes full of the words he knew he didn’t have to say. Do I look like I care what you pick?

Her scent hit him. For a second, he could only breathe it deep into his lungs,his Fae instincts roaring that this was his family, this was his queen, this was Aelin. He would have known her even if he were blind. Even if there was another scent entwined with hers. Staggeringly powerful and ancient and—male. Interesting.

But she didn't want to know - didn't want to think about the Sun Goddess and her agenda as she flung herself on Rowan, breathing in his scent, memorizing the feel of him. The first member of her court - the court that would change the world. The court that would rebuild it. Together.

She sucked in a shuddering breath, and he pulled back far enough for them to share breath. Her fingers shook as she brushed them against his mouth, and his control nearly shredded apart right there.

"What are you waiting for?" he said, the words near guttural.

"Bastard," she murmured, and kissed him.

Her mouth was soft and warm, and he bit back a groan. His body went still—his entire world went still—at that whisper of a kiss, the answer to a question he’d asked for centuries. He realized he was staring only when she withdrew slightly. His fingers tightened at her waist.

"Again," he breathed.

She slid out of his grip. "If we live through tomorrow, you’ll get the rest."

He didn’t know whether to laugh or roar. "Are you trying to bribe me into surviving?"

She smiled at last. And damn if it didn’t kill him, the quiet joy in her face.

They had walked out of darkness and pain and despair together. They were still walking out of it. So that smile… It struck him stupid every time he saw it and realized it was for him.

Rowan stood with his queen in the rain, breathing in her scent, and let her steal his warmth for as long as she needed.

"Tell me that even if I lead us all to ruin, we’ll burn in hell together."

"We’re not going to hell, Aelin," he said. "But wherever we go, we’ll go together."

She yawned, and Rowan rubbed his eyes, his other hand still in hers. But he didn't let go. And when she awoke before dawn, warm and safe and rested, Rowan was still holding her hand, clasped to his chest.

"The male I fell in love with was you. It was you, who knew pain as I did, and who walked me through it, back to the light. Maeve didn't understand that. That even if she could create this perfect world, it wouldn't be you with me. And I'd never trade that, trade this. Not for anything."

Faster than lightening, his hand shot out and she gagged, jolting as he grabbed her tongue between his fingers... He released her tongue, and she gasped for breath. She swore at him, a filthy, foul name, and spat at his feet. And that's when he bit her. She cried out as those canines pierced the spot between her neck and shoulder, a primal act of aggression - the bite so strong and claiming that she was too stunned to move. He had her pinned against the tree and clamped down harder, his canines digging deep, her blood spilling onto her shirt. Pinned, like some weakling. But that was what she'd become, wasn't it? Useless, pathetic.

She growled, more animal than sentient being. And shoved.

Rowan staggered back a step, teeth ripping her skin and she struck his chest. She didn't feel the pain, didn't care about the blood or flash of light. No, she wanted to rip his throat out - rip it out with the elongated canines she bared at him as she finished shifting and roared.

Rowan grinned. "There you are."

His breath caught, harsh enough that she looked over her shoulder.

But his eyes weren't on her face. Or the water. They were on her bare back.

Curled as she was against her knees, he could see the whole expanse of ruined flesh, each scar from the lashing. "Who did that to you?"

It would have been easy to lie, but she was so tired, and he had saved her useless hide. So she said, "A lot of people. I spent some time in the Salt Mines of Endovier."

He was so still that she wondered if he'd stopped breathing. "How long?" he asked after a moment. She braced herself for the pity, but his face was so carefully blank - no, not blank. Calm with lethal rage.

"A year. I was there a year before... it's a long story." She was too exhausted, her throat too raw, to say the rest of it. She noticed then his arms were bandaged, and more bandages across his broad chest peeked up from beneath his shirt. She'd burned him again. And yet he had held her- had run all the way here and not let go once.

"You were a slave."

She gave him a slow nod. He opened his mouth, but shut it and swallowed, that lethal rage winking out. As if he remembered who he was talking to and that it was the least punishment she deserved.

He turned on his heel and shut the door behind him. She wished he'd slammed it - wished he'd shattered it. But he closed it with barely more than a click and did not return.

"I know you are tired, Fireheart. I know that the burden on your shoulders is more than anyone should endure. But we'll face this together. Erawan, the Lock, all of it. We'll face it together... We'll face it together. And if the cost of it truly is you, then we'll pay it together. As one soul in two bodies."

Rowan had not possessed an army of his own to give to Aelin. To give to Terrasen. So he had won an army for her.

She dared a look at Rowan, whose face remained carefully blank, but saw the words there anyway. You wicked, clever fox. And here you were, thinking the red hair was just for vanity. I shall never doubt again.

"I can't bury another friend."

"You won't."

"If anything ever happened to you, Rowan-"

"Don't" he breathed. "Don't even say it. We dealt with that enough the other night."

He lifted a hand - hesitated, and then brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen across her face. His callused fingers scrapped against her cheekbone, then caressed the shell of her ear.

It was foolish to even start down that road, when every other man she'd let in had left some wound, in one way or another, accidentally or not.

There was nothing tender in his face. Only a predator's glittering gaze. "When we get back," he said, "remind me to prove you wrong about every thought that just went through your head."

She lifted an eyebrow. "Oh?"

He gave her a sly smile that made thinking impossible. Exactly what he wanted - to distract her from the horrors of tomorrow. "I'll even let you decide how I tell you: with words" - his eyes flickered once to her mouth - "or with my teeth and tongue."

Rowan smiled, drinking in the sight of her: pale, grave face; the dirty clothes; the injuries. Yet her shoulders were back, chin high. "You make me proud to serve you."

A jaunty slant to her lips, but silver lined her eyes. "I know."

She smiled at last. And damn if it didn't kill him, the quiet joy in her face.

They had walked out of darkness and pain and despair together. They were still walking out of it. So that smile... It struck him stupid every time he saw it and realized it was for him.

Aelin slumbered beside him, her breathing deep and even, yet again wearing one of his shirts. Some primal part of him snarled in satisfaction at the sight, at knowing she was covered in his scent.

The three others whirled for Rowan, and there was nothing he could do to get to that fuse.

To save the queen who held his heart in her scarred hands.

All Rowan now had to offer his queen were the strength of his sword, the depth of his magic, and the loyalty of his heart.

"Take off your hood," he said with a soft growl, his eyes fixed on her mouth.

She crossed her arms. "You show me yours and I'll show you mine, Prince."

The feeling that passed between them, so powerful there was no language to describe it... It was not mere friendship, but something born of and strengthened by it.

She brought the piece home to its final explosive, triumphant chord.

When she looked up, panting slightly, Rowan's eyes were lined with silver, his throat bobbing. Somehow, after all this time, her warrior-prince still managed to surprise her.

He seemed to struggle for words, but he finally breathed, “Show me—show me how you did that.”

So she obliged him.

He needed to sort this out—needed to get her to just look at him again, so he could try to explain that he hadn't been prepared. Having her touch the tattoo that told the story of what he'd done and how he'd lost Lyria... He hadn't been ready for what he felt in that moment. The desire hadn't been what shook him at all. It was just... Aelin had driven him insane these past few weeks, and yet he hadn't considered what it would be like to have her look at him with interest.

The creature took Aelin's face in its hands, and her sword thudded to the ground, forgotten.

Rowan was screaming as the creature pulled her into its arms. As she stopped fighting. As her flames winked out and darkness swallowed her whole.

He supposed any lick of self-consciousness had been flayed from her under the whips of Endovier. Even though he'd tattooed over the bulk of the scars on her back, their ridges remained. The nightmares, too—when she'd still startle awake and light a candle to drive away the blackness they'd shoved her into, the memory of the lightless pits they'd used for punishment. His Fireheart, shut in the dark.

He speared that bond into the world, casting it wide as a net. Flinging it out with his magic, his soul, his cracked heart. Searching for her.

Fight it, he willed her, sending the words down the bond.

"Even if I had my choice of any dream-realities, any perfect illusions, I would still choose you, too."

Aelin had known, though. That he was her mate. And she had not pushed it, or demanded he face it, because she loved him, and he knew she’d rather carve out her own heart than cause him pain or distress.

His Fireheart.

His equal, his friend, his lover. His wife.

His mate.

She did not think she’d ever see him again.

He did not accept that.

He would not accept that.

And he would not accept that he had found her, and she had found him, and they had survived such sorrow and pain and despair together, only to be cleaved apart.

As Rowan’s face, calm with lethal wrath, appeared in his vision.

"Where is Aelin?"

There was pure panic, too—pure panic as Whitethorn saw the blood, the scattered blades, and the shirt.

"Where is Aelin?"

Rowan brought the shirt to his face and breathed in her scent. Felt something stir in him—felt the bond flicker.

He let the shirt drop, let the wind carry it far out to sea, far away from this blood-drenched place that reeked of pain.

"I will find you.”

Rowan’s hand was resting casually on his sword, though Dorian’s own magic swept the room and realized the weapon was to be the physical distraction from the magical blow he’d deal Elena if she so much as looked funny at Aelin.

"Fight it. Fight her. I am coming for you. Even if it takes me a thousand years. I will find you, I will find you, I will find you."

His sculpted chest heaved slightly as he ran an eye over her bare body. "You… are so beautiful."

"You’re magnificent," he murmured onto her lips, his tongue sliding into her mouth.

"(...) I'd invite you to come play house. And I'd give you two days before you were bored out of your mind and grousing to me about it."

"I happen to love playing house. Nesting is an art form for me." Her lips twitched.

"Don't you dare turn this into some joke about birds."

She ruffled his hair, but he caught her wrist, squeezing gently while he rose from his seat and brought his face dangerously close to hers. He knew every fleck of gold in those remarkable eyes—knew how her very blood tasted. And this near to her, their breath mingling...

The smell of chocolate and nuts hit him, and when he twisted in his seat, he discovered her carrying a small, misshapen cake, a sheepish smile on her face.

“It took me hours to make this damn thing, so you’d better say it’s good.”

While he chewed and swallowed, she was practically hopping from foot to foot and wringing her hands. So he let out a grunt of pleasure, took another bite, and then another, until the entire piece was cleaned off his plate. Then he took another piece. And another.

He gave her a long stare that usually sent men running, but she bit her lip and glanced at the cake. It was enough that he’d adjusted his grip on the fork, picked up a piece, and brought it to his mouth.

Despite himself, Rowan was smiling when he shouldered open the bathing room door—and quickly cast up the contents of his stomach.

"She is going to fight for you, Rowan," Essar said, looking over a shoulder. "And you deserve it, after all this time. You deserve to have someone who will burn the earth to ash for you."

His heart was pounding wildly, but he kept his face blank, his will ice and steel.

"Through all the centuries, I have never seen you present another female as your equal—as your friend. And I do not think you did it because of who she is. I would not take that gift away from you, Rowan. Because it is a gift. She is a gift—to the world, and to you."

"So bloodthirsty."

"Is that a problem for you?" It was a real question. (...)She was afraid of the monster she would be if she unleashed her power.

"I find it endearing." She gave him a playful shove, but he caught her hand and held it, his calluses brushing her own.

Celaena looked at the white hand gripping Rowan. "Take your hand off him."

"I love you. I am in love with you, Rowan. I have been for a while. And I know there are limits to what you can give me, and I know you might need time—"

Aelin met Rowan's eyes again, he leaned in to press a soft kiss to her neck. He said, "You told that girl to come to Orynth, didn't you?"

She nodded. Rowan pulled back to look at her face, study her. The pride in his eyes made her throat tighten. "It is an honor to serve you."

"Fireheart."

She sniffed back tears. "Buzzard."

Rowan said smoothly, "Milady has to release bits of her power daily or it can consume her."

Despite herself, despite what she’d done, she decided she wanted Rowan to call her milady at least once every day.

Celaena laughed under her breath. "The next time you touch him without his permission, I will burn you into ashes."

Rowan took up a spot beside her, his knee brushing hers. Like even a few feet of distance was unbearable.

"Because you’re the only one arrogant and insane enough to hunt a goddess?"

Rowan shucked off his boots, tossing them onto the dry sand behind him. "Because I’m the only one arrogant and insane enough to ask Mala Fire-Bringer to let me stay with the woman I love."

Rowan bit down against the rage at the sight of other males near his queen, reminding himself that they were his friends.

"It won’t," Aelin said, meeting Rowan’s stare. Pine-green eyes held her own.

Show them why you’re my blood-sworn, she silently told him.

A hint of a wicked smile. Rowan turned to them. "Let’s go."

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