dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

Egg: Scrambled

Steak: Not bleeding

Milk: Chocolate

Alcohol: Vodka

Warm Drink: Coffee

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

I don't care how old they say they are... this is how I picture anyone whose birth year begins with "20--"

it used to be 2007 you know

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

ok but we couldve been going insane together

sorry for ignoring you ive been going insane

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

Throw the whole Gen Z away

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

Also...

#words that aren't spelled the way they're pronounced... words with useless silent letters... whoever came up with this shit was dumb af 😑 #why tf does gnat start with a g??? how the hell is colonel pronounced kernel???

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

Also...

#words that aren't spelled the way they're pronounced... words with useless silent letters... whoever came up with this shit was dumb af 😑 #why tf does gnat start with a g??? how the hell is colonel pronounced kernel???

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

Respectfully... ma'ams.... please

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

Don't...

Even...

Get...

Me...

Started...

A knife to the throat doesn't mean she wants to kill you, it means she wants to kiss you... it's our love language.

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

Nah see I don't trust anything that can shapeshift into a piece of paper sliding under the door 👀 This liquid bones creature belongs in an episode of the X-Files 😑

Turned into orange juice for a second

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

Ok but this is a valuable lesson that'll help him understand how money works when he's older... you try to keep it in your bank account but it just keeps coming right back out 🤦

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

Congratulations! Hold on to this feeling because it wears off fast when you're responsible for ALL maintenance, upkeep, repairs, property additions/removals, taxes & insurance increases, etc... on top of your regular utilities and bills. It's worth it though to put that money into a home you own instead of paying for someone else's home.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

I‘ve reached maximum middle aged lady level.

I got a house.

I‘m buying a house.

I‘m going to be a house owner.

I‘m going to own a little house, with a little garden and a little picket fence.

I‘m walking to the bank and tell them to take all my money.

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

Say it louder for the republicans in the back...

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

"Look it's too hot. Yall not bouta keep openin this door lettin my cool air out, if you come in again you stayin in."

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

i need to get laid. laid to rest

#In that order

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

The Culture™ ✊🏿

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

Tell Caesar... I want him to know it was me.

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

Another way for friendships to transition from childhood to adulthood

Play toys -> Sex toy shopping

Play pretend -> Role playing during sexy time

Snack time -> Licking chocolate syrup or whipped cream off each other

to succeed in adult friendship you must remember the key tenets of child friendship:

Play Toys

Play Pretend

Snack Time

#I mean... if yall haven't been to a sex shop together is the friendship even real 😂