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Liner Notes #1
I've listened to it so many times It doesn't even sound like music anymore. It sounds like someone dragging their nails across a chalkboard, or touching their skin a disgusting way. I hate every little mistake, every little unwanted noise, every stupid imbalance in dynamics. My stupid fingers doing the devils work. But I'm too lazy and tired to do it again. And I feel guilty for not wanting to do it again. I feel it is my duty to make sure every stupid second reaches the best possible outcome. That is, the most amount of beauty concentrated in the smallest possible amount of space. But I also feel I'm too late to the party. I want to move on. I want to make more things, better things. I don't know whether it's foolish to let it go. Or whether it's more foolish to keep trying. As if I could possibly make it better by trying harder. As if my efforts to do exactly that didn't end in disaster already. I don't know when it's time to stop. I don't know if it's smart to spend months obsessing over something noone might even listen to. Worst of all. It's just not even that off. It's like 90% there. It's just the sea of details that are undeniably not what they could be. You could call it perfectionism. Or you could call me a lazy fuck. I don't know. Pick your investment.
I guess I must be trying to recreate that wonderful sense of awe. That tidal wave of transcendental, disarming beauty that I experience when listening to music made by other people. And maybe that's dumb. Maybe trying to get that from listening to your own stuff just isn't possible. Maybe it's like trying to tickle yourself. Or trying to get aroused by masturbating to your own reflection. I would Imagine even the most beautiful supermodels can't help but look at poorly lit pictures of themselves in disgust. You were too unprepared, the moment too revealing, you had no control of the outcome. I mean, this is how you look to other people. This is how you played it. This is the way your voice sounds. Raspy, crappy and out of tune. This is the dumb, foolish look on your face.
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