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I went and read your fic Married because of that other ask and AHHH I loved it so much!! the concept was so cute <3 I loved Draco’s anguish that Harry was married before realizing he was his husband and being awed at how hot he was. precious!
Thank you so much! <3
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Harry was a lot.
And if he was being honest, he felt like he'd always been a lot. Like the burden of his company came with far too many complications, far too many challenges for his friends and loved ones to bear. His emotions were big, his sense of duty and justice were big, his opinions of the world were big.
His body and its desires (or lack thereof) were a lot. The way he loved, obsessively, immensely, deeply, every atom of his soul devoted to reshaping itself to fit that of his beloved, was a lot (too much, always too much, and still not enough).
He was just a lot. Loving him, he reasoned, must be a fairly difficult task (it was difficult for him, so surely it would be difficult for someone else).
This dilemma tumbled around in his head as he fried some eggs and potatoes, avoiding the garlic since it did something funny to Draco's stomach. Wondering how he could possibly make himself into something less, or perhaps, if he was unable to do that, how he could give Draco enough in return for his love. Was there a way to repay someone who loved him enough to give up sex, to listen to the endless ramblings in his head, to sit and cuddle with him on the couch even when Harry's most innocent of touches caused a wave of arousal that he then ignored? How-
"Morning, love," Draco murmured, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist and leaning against him.
He swallowed around the thoughts crowding into his throat, marbles rolling around in his mouth. "Hey," he rasped, light and cheerful as he could.
Draco moved so that he was at his side, arms still around him, "what's that?" he asked softly, thumb trailing over his side.
"What?" Harry asked as he flipped the potatoes.
A finger traced the frown at the corner of Harry's mouth, brushed over the line between his eyebrows, "What's going on in that marvelous head of yours?"
"Breakfast is ready," he said in lieu of answering the question that he wasn't even sure where to begin with.
Draco caught him as he started to turn toward the cupboard for a couple of plates, "Wait," he said, throwing a stasis charm over their eggs. "Tell me?" he asked softly, eyes warm and soft, curious and just a little afraid.
And Harry couldn't stand that look, couldn't bear the thought that Draco might be wondering if it was something he'd done that had upset Harry's delicate balance inside his head. "It's just," he bit his lower lip and looked down at where Draco's hands had caught his. "I'm a lot. Asking you to live with me, to share a life with me, it doesn't feel fair to you."
He chanced a glance up at Draco only to find him staring back with that particular look of affection that made Harry want to curl up into a ball because it was too much and he wanted that affection too badly. “Darling,” Draco started.
“No,” he said, shaking his head and barely resisting the impulse to cover his ears.
“Harry,” he said, a soft huff of a laugh escaping with the sound of his name. “Light of my life,” he continued, moving closer to Harry again and wrapping his arms around his waist once more, firm chest pressed solidly against Harry’s back. “My love,” he continued.
Harry squirmed, letting out a plaintive groan.
“I love you so much,” he pressed a soft kiss to Harry’s neck and Harry couldn’t help the way his head tipped to the side of its own accord to give Draco room. “You are my most favorite human being in the entire world.” He squeezed Harry’s stomach a little tighter, “better yet, the entire universe. Getting to live with you makes me impossibly happy.”
“But-”
“No buts,” Draco replied. “I choose you, Harry. I choose this life. I want this life. And nothing you can say about it will make me change my mind.”
Harry sighed and let his body relax against Draco’s, the sweetest defeat he’d ever accepted.
“That’s more like it,” he said, holding Harry tighter. “Just love me and let me love you. What else could we possibly want?”
And when he put it like that, Harry supposed there wasn’t really anything else he could ever want.
———————
Read more of my fics if you’d like :)
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Sorry! Here it is, for anyone who would like to read it. <3
I just read your fic on ao3, named Married. I am so in love with the fic. I love how Draco forgets that he is married to Harry and I find it endearing that Harry always indulge Draco. They are so cute in the fic. I really loved the fic. Thank you for writing.
Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! <3
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I just read your fic on ao3, named Married. I am so in love with the fic. I love how Draco forgets that he is married to Harry and I find it endearing that Harry always indulge Draco. They are so cute in the fic. I really loved the fic. Thank you for writing.
Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! <3
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Hey friends. I always promised that I would write a disclaimer if I ever wrote something sad. So here is that disclaimer: this is sad. Harry is also experiencing some internalized “ace-phobia”, if you will. Just really struggling to believe that being ace is ever enough in a relationship with someone who is not. Yes, the author is hardcore projecting on the poor character.
“I’m sorry,” Draco said, and it sounded sincere, even Harry could hear the ring of truth to it over the splintering sound of his heart. “I just,” Draco swallowed, looked down at the glass in his hands, “I think living alone would be what’s better for me right now.”
Harry nodded, shoving down the emotions, pushing back the hurt, the yearning, as he forced a smile, “no. For sure,” he said, keeping his voice light, pushing every ounce of happy-for-you-undertone that he could. “Yeah. You have to do what’s best for you,” he agreed, and he meant it, even though it hurt the way that it hurt when you sliced open your foot on a piece of glass; sudden and sharp, terribly painful in its unexpectedness.
“It’s not you,” Draco said, reaching across the table and squeezing Harry’s hand, giving him a smile and Harry wondered what the other man could see on his face. “It’s not that I don’t want to live with you,” he said.
He nodded, “right. I get it.”
“And you can come over all the time, we can have a movie night whenever we want since I won’t have Pansy and Blaise to worry about.”
“Yeah,” he said, smiling. Smiling, smiling, smiling. Please Godric, let it be enough that Draco can’t see past it. “Yeah. That sounds great,” he agreed.
“Dinner once a week,” he promised, “and we can cook together!”
He nodded, plastering the smile even harder to his face, “I’d love that,” he said. Not as much as he would have loved doing the shopping together, and cooking together in their shared space but… best not to think about it.
“I love you too much to live with you,” Draco said, like that made any sense at all.
“Yeah,” he said, pushing down the tears threatening to spill, heart throbbing in his throat. “I love you too,” he said. Not too much, he thought, more than his body could hold sometimes but not so much that he couldn’t live with the other man.
“I’m sorry,” Draco said again.
And Harry wanted to make up a lie, wanted to tell Draco he had another appointment or something, but Draco was his best friend. More than that, Harry had thought. They’d started planning a life together; he’d told Draco everything, given him his entire heart. Draco had said that he wanted Harry forever too. Harry’s worked so hard to actually believe him. But that was probably just the mixed signals that Harry sent, confusing everyone that he loved because he couldn’t love them in the way that they wanted. “Don’t be. I still have Ron and Hermione.”
“You could try living alone too,” Draco offered, and Harry knew it was because of the conversations they’d had, about how hard it could be living with people who were in love. About how alone Harry felt even when he was in the same room as them sometimes.
He knew Draco was trying to offer a good solution, “nah,” he said, aiming for casual and hoping that he hadn’t missed the mark by as much as it felt like he had. “I don’t do well on my own. It’s okay. I’m okay,” he assured.
“Okay,” Draco said, giving him a little smile. “I toured an apartment today.”
“Oh,” he said, “tell me about it!” And he let himself get lost in Draco’s joy, lost in how excited he was for his own adventure.
“And it just feels right, you know?” Draco asked when he finished describing his viewing.
“I’m really glad,” he said, genuinely because he loved Draco. Loved him with his entire heart and wanted what was good for him. But he couldn’t say he understood. He couldn’t. Because all Harry wanted was to be able to come home to Draco at the end of the day. All Harry wanted was someone to sit on the sofa with and eat dinner with. He wanted to be able to take care of Draco, to love him on his hard days and to listen to his stories. Harry wanted a place to come home to where he could just shut off the facade, could just be Harry.
But they didn’t want the same things. That was clearer now than it had ever been. Someday, Draco was going to get married. Someday, he’d fall in love with someone else, someone who could love him the same way, someone whose body wasn’t broken, someone who’d want to have sex with him. Someday, he’d meet someone who could be enough, who would have the capacity to accept the love that Draco felt like was too much for Harry.
And Harry wouldn’t deny him that. He wouldn’t stand in the way. It didn’t matter that Harry loved Draco with everything that he had, with all that he was, in every way that he was capable of loving another human. It wasn’t enough.
It hadn’t ever been before Draco. It had been foolish to believe that could have changed.
How could he have hoped that it might be now? How could he have let himself dream that he might ever be enough for the best person he knew?
He loved Draco more than anything, so he did the only thing that he knew how to do.
He loved him with every beat of his bruised and bloodied heart. Harry set aside his own needs, his own wants, his own desires and loved Draco in the way that he needed and not in the way that Harry wanted. Harry set aside his hopes, and dreams, the plans they’d made together and begged his heart to be happy for the other man.
Be good, he begged himself. Be kind.
Love was sacrifice. How could he have let himself forget?
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drarrily-we-row-along · 2 months
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"What?" Harry asked, whined really, squirming a bit in his seat and trying not to feel too pleased. Or rather, trying not to let how pleased he was feeling show on his face.
"What, what?" Draco asked, grinning at Harry as he scooped another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth and continued to look at Harry with that particular gleam in his eyes.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked, grin stealing over his face without his permission. In his lap, his fingers twisted around themselves as his heart fluttered around in his chest.
Fond. So impossibly fond. Looking at Harry like he was absolutely enthralled by his very existence. "Like what?"
Harry opened his mouth, closed it again, and shook his head. He looked down at his hands in his lap, fingers twisting while his heart continued its merry jig. "Like you love me," he murmured, shy and terrified of being too much, of reading too much into the expression on the other man's face, afraid that he was wrong.
"Harry," Draco said, voice light with gentle laughter.
He looked up, couldn't help himself, only to see that Draco's face was still doing that. Draco was still looking at Harry with such delight, such affection, that Harry couldn't breathe with it. His body was going to simply cease to exist, it wasn't possible for him to exist when he felt this loved, when he felt this happy.
"Is that all my face is saying to you?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
He shook his head, looked away, bit his lip to stop the smile that was a product of the warmth that had spread from his chest and up his neck, warm and sweet as honey it filled his limbs, filled his brain, tried to erase his fears and doubts with more success than Harry would like, if he was being honest. Fears and doubts kept him safe, kept him from falling too far, falling too hard, falling into a place from which there was no returning.
"Do you want to tell me what else my face is saying?" he asked, teasing, and Harry ached with it.
He never wanted this moment to end. Never wanted to leave this place, leave this love, leave this perfect, crystalline day. Harry shook his head again, he couldn't say it. He couldn't tell Draco what else he saw on his face because what if he was wrong? What if he was just projecting all of his hopes and his dreams, but it wasn't really how Draco felt?
"I'm so into you," Draco sighed, resting his chin in his hand.
Harry looked up at him, couldn't help it. The smile was too big, too wide, his heart in his mouth ready to just spill his guts for what was surely not the first and hopefully not the last time.
"You're so attractive," he continued, giving Harry the words that he so longed to hear. "I love getting to spend time with you. I love when you look like this."
"Like what?" Harry asked, wondering what Draco saw when he looked at him, wondering if Harry said as loudly with his face and with his body that Draco was loved, was cherished. He wondered if Draco knew that he always wanted to be with him; always wanted to hold his hand, to cuddle on the sofa, to eat meals together, to tease him and make him laugh, to hold him when he was sad. "What do I look like?"
"Like you know you're loved," Draco said simply. "You look so happy, and I can't," he broke off, shaking his head, "I can't believe I get to be the one to put that look on your face."
He laughed, "What?" Without his permission, his fingers reached for Draco's, ghosting over his knuckles before Draco's fingers caught his and slid together.
"I love getting to make you happy," Draco said, shrugging helplessly, as he continued to look at Harry like he never wanted to look at anything else, face so open, so delighted that Harry felt like he couldn't quite look at him.
"I want to make you happy too," he said, squeezing his fingers, afraid, so afraid, that he was taking too much and unable to give Draco enough in return.
Draco lifted his hand, pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles, "You do. Harry," he said softly and Harry met his gaze once more. "You make me so happy."
"Yeah?" he asked helplessly, needing the reassurance, needing to hear the words to see his face when he said it.
"Yes," he said, huffing an incredulous laugh as he brushed his lips over Harry's knuckles once more.
"I love you." The words flooded out of his mouth, spilled between them without his permission. "So much, Draco. Do you know that too?"
"Of course I do," Draco assured softly, squeezing his hand. "Yes."
"A lot," Harry added, just in case his face wasn't as good at telling Draco as Draco's was at telling Harry. Just in case all of the love that filled up every nook and crevice in his body was being missed, just in case all of the love he felt and expressed differently was somehow not as readable, was somehow not enough.
"I know, love," he assured again, thumb brushing over Harry's wrist.
He squeezed the other man's hand, "It's different," he whispered, even though Draco already knew that, "Different than how you love me."
"Harry-" he started.
"But it's really big," he said, eyes filling with tears, "I love you so much."
"Hey," Draco said, moving so he could pull Harry into a hug, tucking him under his arm and letting Harry hide his face in his neck. "Hey," he soothed, "It's alright. I know, sweetheart. I know you love me just as much as I love you. I know."
"Promise?" Harry whispered.
He nodded, pressing his face into Harry's curls. "Yes, love. I promise. You're so good," he whispered.
He let out a soft sound, somewhere between a whimper and a word of dissent.
"You're so good. It's such a gift to be able to love you. You're such a good gift."
He wrapped an arm around Draco's waist.
"I love you," he murmured into his hair.
Harry nodded.
"Thanks for letting me," he added.
Harry hummed, he wanted to be loved more than anything, wanted this more than anything. But he could understand what Draco meant, it was scary to allow yourself to be loved, to believe that you are worthy of such a thing. Scary to imagine what could happen if you let yourself open up to the possibility of blossoming into a person who is loved, scary to imagine what would happen if you came to need someone else. Maybe sometimes part of loving someone else was allowing yourself to be loved in return. Maybe believing that someone loves you and letting them is itself an act of love to them. "I'm a little afraid."
Draco nodded, "that's okay. I am too sometimes."
"What do you do?" Harry asked.
He hummed, "Well, I ask if I can just let myself be happy."
"What?"
Draco shrugged, "I ask if I can just let myself be happy," he repeated. "Can today be enough for today? Can I just enjoy all of the good that this relationship has to offer without worrying about the possible loss in the future?"
"Can you?"
"Sometimes," he replied and Harry could hear the smile in his voice. "I try to. Because today is all we have and grieving what I do not know today has never made loss later any easier."
Harry sighed, snuggling a little closer.
"So, Harry Potter, can you just let yourself be happy today?"
He took a deep breath, thought about it, and nodded. He could do that. He could just let himself be happy. One day at a time.
-----------------
Read more of my fics, if you’d like
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drarrily-we-row-along · 3 months
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Titan Arum
It wasn’t Harry’s fault.
Their relationship had always been about competition, from the very start, from 11 years old when they’d despised each other. And some habits died harder than others. It hadn’t been intentional that their dating was a bit like a competition, it had sort of just happened.
Planning alternating date night activities, giving the most heartfelt gifts, being liked by the other’s friend group, even who could give who the most orgasms… It all just sort of happened.
And the same was true with the flowers. Harry had sent Draco a bouquet their first valentines together (3 weeks after they started dating) and periodically they’d send each other random bouquets since. That those arrangements happened to get bigger and more elaborate each time was no one’s fault. The competitive spirit kept their relationship interesting and very focused on the other’s happiness.
It wasn’t Harry’s fault.
Maybe their competitive natures were to blame.
Maybe it was Draco’s fault for sending that ostentatiously loud bouquet to Harry’s classroom when he had the fourth years.
Or maybe it was Hermione’s fault for informing Harry that the largest flower on earth was the Amorphophallus titanum when he’d been idly wondering aloud about where he could find a really big, impressive flower.
Maybe it was that he trusted Hermione to tell him any extra information he might need to know. He hadn’t even bothered to look at the flower before he placed the order for delivery.
Or maybe it was the fact that the flower’s name had both the words amor and phallus in it. And frankly, Harry found the thought of sending Draco a flower that looked like a dick amusing.
But no matter the case; it wasn’t Harry’s fault.
At least, that was the line he’d be using when he arrived in Draco’s office after a furious patronus.
“What. The. Actual. Fuck?” Draco ground out.
Harry couldn’t even see him around the giant plant in the room; standing at least 8 feet tall and several feet wide, it took up almost all of the space in the room.
But as distracting as the sight of such a flower was, that wasn’t the thing that captured Harry’s attention. He’d never in his life smelled something as unpleasant as this flower. It smelled like dead, rotting animals, and Harry had to bury his nose in his sweater. “Err…” he started.
“Don’t you bloody well ‘err’ me, Harry James Potter,” Draco spit. “Why are you sending me a fucking corpse flower? What is wrong with you?”
“It’s the biggest flower in the world,” he said weakly. “And it’s called amorphallus, which seemed funny. Unlike the name corpse flower.”
“Amorphophallus,” Draco corrected. “And that still doesn’t explain why you would send something like this to someone you love.”
And there was just a little twinge of hurt to his voice, Harry could never stand that. He braved his way deeper into the office giving the plant as wide a berth as the small office allowed. “I’m sorry, darling. It wasn’t my fault.”
Draco raised an accusatory eyebrow at him.
“Hermione told me about it!” The eyebrow arched further. “And it was easy to order once I knew who to talk to.” He grinned at Draco, “and the name was pretty funny, you have to admit.”
“I have to do no such thing,” he replied with a haughty sniff.
“How would you feel if I said that you won the flower contest?”
Draco perked up at that “admitting defeat?”
“This is the most ghastly plant I’ve ever seen.”
“Venomous tentacula,” Draco offered with a grin.
“Still better than that,” he said, nodded to the flower.
“It’s a good thing I know you love me,” he said, leaning over to kiss Harry’s cheek.
He nudged him with his nose, “I do love you.”
“I know,” he repeated with a grin. Then, “dinner?”
Harry nodded, “what about the plant?”
Draco shooed him out, “I’ll deal with it later.”
————
Six weeks later, as luck would have it, when the flower opened in the green house, Harry happened to be there collecting some harvested mandrakes.
Draco also was there, and as Harry watched, he harvested several pollen pods from the titan arum.
He cleared his throat and Draco whipped around, “does this mean I won after all?”
——————————
Thanks for the prompt, nonnie! Sorry it’s been an eternity in my inbox.
Read more of my fics here
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drarrily-we-row-along · 3 months
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i apologize in advance for stalking your 100 drabbles in 100 days tag and liking a bunch of random things in a row <3
Hello!
Please never apologize for reading through my writing. 💜
I am always genuinely very delighted when I see that someone has enjoyed my writing enough that they want to read more of it. So happy that you’re enjoying it!
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drarrily-we-row-along · 3 months
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“Cuddles.”
Draco blinked and looked over his shoulder to see Harry standing behind him. He had a tumbler of what Draco suspected was whiskey and he was glaring at Draco like he’d stolen his favorite quill. “Pardon?”
“Cuddles,” Harry demanded, lower lip protruding.
He glanced around the bar to see if anyone had noticed, hoping that perhaps no one had seen Harry approach him. No one knew about them, no one knew that they’d been seeing each other for the past four and a half months. “You’re drunk, Potter.”
Hurt flashed across Harry’s face and Draco wanted to slice out his own heart and hand it over. “M’not,” he mumbled. “Just want some cuddles.”
“It’s late,” Draco said desperately, glancing around and wondering who was listening. You could never be too careful when it came to the press. “You’re probably just tired.”
“Why won’t you give me cuddles?” Harry asked, eyes looking suspiciously wet. “Why are you ashamed of me?”
“Ashamed of you?” Draco asked, at this point he was sure half the bar was listening. “What-”
“I’d be good to you,” he said, pouting again at Draco. “If you wanted to tell people about us.” He shook his head, “I’ll be good to you no matter what,” he clarified, as though Draco didn’t already know that. “Please? Cuddles?”
And he didn’t know what to do or to say. He’d been keeping everything a secret for Harry’s sake.
“Oh go on, Malfoy!” Ron Weasley shouted at him from across the bar. “Everyone knows about the two of you already. Neither of you are as sneaky as you think you are, and Harry won’t shut the fuck up about you.”
He looked at Harry, “you told them about me?”
“He’s obsessed with you,” Ron supplied.
“And you’re obsessed with him,” Pansy called from where she was leaning by the pool table.
“Cuddles?” Harry asked, pulling Draco’s attention back to him.
“Oh, come here,” Draco said, pulling him into his arms and pressing a kiss to his lips.
Harry’s body melted against him, arms wrapping around Draco’s waist as he kissed him back. There was a smattering of good natured applause and wolf-whistling but Draco could hardly hear it, too distracted by the elation inside his chest.
After a moment, Harry pulled back, “take me home?”
And how could Draco refuse?
———————
Read more of my fics, if you’d like
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drarrily-we-row-along · 3 months
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Hozier is my favorite singer and I feel like although there is a lot of options for poetry there is nothing written as close to his lyrics or as close as they make you feel, but your writing even when you don’t use it as inspiration for one of your fics is still as amazing, I don’t know how else to put it. this little corner of the internet is truly the best thank you for sharing hope you are starting the year alright.
🥰🥰🥰🥰
Hozier is one of my favorite artists, too. I’m obsessed with the album he released this fall.
Thank you so much!!! What a kind thing to say. Writing has been hard the past couple of months, I’m gently pushing myself to put my toes back in.
Anyway, so happy you enjoy my writing and that you enjoyed the most recent story I posted. 💜
Happy new year! I hope your year is off to a great start!
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drarrily-we-row-along · 3 months
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All My Dreaming, It's Only Given a Name
Inspired by the Hozier song "To Someone in a Warmer Climate"... I'm fucking obsessed with it. I can't stop listening to it. If you haven't heard it, you simply MUST.
Harry woke up slowly, the room was still dark, his body warm and so content he couldn't be bothered by the ways his muscles twinged with the need to shift.
There was a comforting weight around his shoulders, a hand in his hair, anchoring him to the warm presence beneath him. A second hand had slipped under his shirt, hot palm cupping his side.
Godric, he never wanted to move again.
"Hi," murmured softly against his temple, lips brushing over his forehead in a lazy approximation of a kiss.
His heart swelled and burst, pressing against his ribs, pushing his lungs until he couldn't breathe with it; this easy, gentle affection. A love so full, so gentle that it felt like the tide washing over him and pulling him along. Words seemed to great a feat, so he just pressed his nose into Draco's collarbone, hoped it was enough.
"Hello, darling," whispered soft and sweet into Harry's hair as Draco's fingers carded through the curls there, his other hand drawing Harry even closer, lightly squeezing his side. "It's so early, love."
A low whine escaped Harry's throat, his body pressing closer, stretching out against Draco's until their bodies were aligned.
"That's it," he murmured encouragingly, holding Harry like he was something precious. "Come closer," he added, "close as you like."
"I'd like to crawl inside of your skin," Harry mumbled, then realized how odd that must sound.
Draco just chuckled softly, "I do understand that impulse," he said. "It doesn't ever feel like I can get close enough to you either."
He sighed, let the short-lived worry of being misunderstood fall away. "I used to dream about this, you know?"
"Did you?" he asked, voice warm like honey; indulgent, like he wanted to hear whatever Harry wanted to say no matter how ridiculous it might be.
He shook his head, "Not exactly," he said softly, turning to prop his chin on Draco's chest.
The other man shifted a bit so that he could look down at Harry, chin scrunching up in a way that should be unattractive but that Harry found impossibly endearing.
"My dreams are paltry in comparison to the reality of you," he murmured like a confession.
"Poetic," Draco replied, lips tilting up at the corners to soften his words, to tell Harry he was teasing, that he was feeling shy about being praised.
He hummed, "My whole life," he whispered, "There's this," he broke off, searching for the right word, "ache," he said, tapping his fingers against Draco's breastbone. He shook his head, "There's always been this yearning to be loved, to be held, to be cared for without the expectation of what I'll be able to give."
"Darling," Draco whispered, and Harry could hear the ache reflected in his voice. It was like this sometimes, like Draco took whatever was hurting Harry and held it in his own body, reflecting it back at him with an empathy and tenderness that left Harry elated and terrified all at once.
"But then there was you," he continued. "And all of my dreaming, it seems like a shadow compared to the reality of being loved by you. All of my longing, my yearning; the restless pursuit of something I never thought I could actually have-" he broke off, eyes stinging.
Draco's thumb brushed away a tear and lightly traced his cheekbone.
"I found all of the things I'd dreamt of in you," he managed. "And more," he added. "This is the fulfillment of everything I've ever wanted; a simple, cozy love. A shared bed, a shared home. Dinner together and evenings on the sofa, weekends attached at the hip. Someone to hold me gently, to kiss me tenderly. Someone who will let me hold them and love them with my love that's too big and never sufficient all at once."
"Darling," Draco murmured again. "You're not too much and you are enough," he assured. "I don't need anything more."
Harry nodded, snuggled back under Draco's arm, resting his head on his shoulder once more. "You make everything better."
"I love you," Draco breathed in that way of his, wondering and helpless, like the way he loved Harry was something that he found immense pleasure in. Godric, Harry loved it when he said it like that. "I love you so much," he repeated. "You make everything better too, darling."
"I love you too," Harry said softly, the simplest thing he knew. The truest thing he knew.
"Do you want to sleep a little more?" Draco asked through a yawn of his own.
He shrugged a shoulder, "Maybe," he said, "I do want to stay like this, even if I can't sleep any more."
"Alright," he agreed, dropping a kiss to the top of Harry's head. "Do you mind if I go back to sleep for a while?"
"Of course not," he said, squeezing Draco's ribs and kissing his collarbone.
Draco hummed, squeezed Harry a little tighter. "You're alright?"
Harry nodded, "Better than," he replied truthfully.
"Kay," Draco whispered, then as though sleeping was as easy for him as breathing, he dropped back off to sleep.
He lay there, listening to his beloved breathe, and couldn't fathom how his life had turned out sweeter than his very best dreams.
--------------------
(Read more of my fics, if you'd like)
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drarrily-we-row-along · 3 months
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All I need is for someone to gently cup my face and tell me I'm not as doomed as I feel.
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drarrily-we-row-along · 3 months
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Hi,
A very happy new year to you !!
Hello! ❤️💚❤️💚
A very happy new year to you as well! I pray this year brings you many blessings and great joy!
Please allow this to be an excuse for me to write a little drabble for you (my first of 2024) honoring the New Year! (I just keyboard smashed it in my phone, please forgive any typos!)
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It was the bloody fireworks that woke Harry up from a dead-sleep. His body instantly alert, hand reaching for his wand on the nightstand.
The colors lit up his hotel room once more as the next set of fireworks exploded through the sky, lighting up the unfamiliar skyline in Hong Kong where Harry and Draco had been sent on (and just completed) their latest mission.
Draco.
Harry looked around the room, a room which now seemed conspicuously empty. Without his permission his hand strayed to the other side of the bed. The side of the bed that Draco had crawled into when they’d returned to their hotel after the harrowing escape. Draco had slipped in under the covers next to Harry and murmured, “is this okay?” Like he was afraid of the answer.
Harry’d reached across the small gap to take his hand, nodding because he couldn’t get the words out, couldn’t say how much he’d longed to be close to the other man.
“Can I kiss you?” Draco had whispered next.
Harry had met him halfway across the space between them.
He shivered at the memory of how softly he’d pressed his lips to Harry’s, at the way his fingertips had trailed feather-light over Harry’s cheekbones, leaving a tingling warmth in their wake.
When Draco had pulled back, Harry had been nervous that he’d want more; more than Harry could give. But he hadn’t, he’d just gently stroked Harry’s hair back off his forehead and pressed another soft kiss there too. “Can I just hold you for a while?” Draco murmured.
And how was Harry meant to say no to that? He’d cuddled in and fallen asleep within minutes as Draco’s fingers carded through his hair. His last thought before he’d drifted off had been to wonder how he could have gotten so lucky.
He shook his head as he collapsed back on the bed, he should have known it was too good to be true. That someone would just want to cuddle, would just want to be with him, it was too much. Or perhaps not enough. Either way, it didn’t change the fact that the new year had arrived and Harry found himself as alone as he always was when the new year arrived.
He was sulking, considering having a proper cry, when he heard the toilet flush and the sink start.
His heart leapt into his throat, an unwieldy frog trying to escape the hands of a child who would capture it.
The door opened a moment later and Draco tiptoed out, closing the door with a soft snick before turning back to the bed. He froze when he saw Harry staring at him. “Sorry,” he whispered, honoring the warm-dark around them, “did I wake you? I didn’t mean to disturb-”
Another round of fireworks interrupted him as Harry shook his head, “the fireworks,” he said helplessly. “I thought you’d gone,” he said, hoping his voice held steady enough that it didn’t betray his grief over that fact.
“Did you want me to?” Draco asked, gesturing toward the door.
“No!” Harry said quickly, too quickly.
But Draco’s shoulders eased and he slipped back into the bed next to Harry.
Harry reached out and tentatively brushed his knuckle over Draco’s hand, longing to close the distance between them but not knowing how.
Draco cleared his throat, “did you know there’s a tradition that says whoever you kiss at midnight is the person you’ll be with until the next new year?”
He swallowed roughly, “I don’t think that anyone wants that responsibility.”
Draco’s tongue darted over his bottom lip, “seems more like a privilege than a responsibility to me.”
He laughed, knuckle still trailing over Draco’s hand. “I like kissing,” he whispered. “And I love to be cuddled and held,” he continued. “But…” he trailed off, swallowing past the shame and embarrassment.
“You don’t like sex?” Draco offered, voice warm with compassion and devoid of any judgement.
He nodded, avoiding his gaze.
“Harry?” he murmured, “can I kiss you?”
He blinked, “I’m not going to change my mind about it. It’s not something that can be fixed.”
Draco nodded again, “it’s not something that’s broken.” He shrugged, “you don’t have to want to have sex with me for me to want to be your partner in more than the work sense of the word. I’m,” he broke off and bit his lip, “honestly I’m a bit gone on you.”
“Yeah?” Harry asked, eyes stinging, chest constricting painfully at the thought that he might get to have this, might get to love Draco and be loved in return.
“Yeah,” Draco replied with a little laugh. He cupped Harry’s cheek, stroking his thumb over Harry’s cheekbone. “So, what do you say? Want to spend this year with me?”
How about this lifetime? Harry thought. But he didn’t say it, instead he nodded and leaned in letting Draco kiss him. They had their whole lives ahead, one day, one kiss, at a time.
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drarrily-we-row-along · 3 months
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2023 Year End Review
2023 has been a year.
For me personally, it's been a year full of discovery, full of fears and full of love; euphoric highs and desolate lows. This time of year is very hard for me; I hope that the coming year has a bit more stability, and a bit more hope/promise for what the future will hold. But this year was certainly not without its gifts. I know myself better than I did the year before, I've wrestled with the Lord and experienced a greater depth of Their love than I ever have, and I have allowed myself to fully enter into the mortifying (horrifying) ordeal of being known and deeply loved by another human for the first time in a very long time (perhaps more fully than I ever have). I'm not sure what more I could ask for from a year, to be honest.
As far as writing has gone, I've done significantly less writing this year than I have the past two. Writing has been really hard the past couple of months and I hope that I'll be able to get back into the swing of things this year.
In 2023:
89 Fics (mostly short little fics and microfics this year)
120,191 words
This year also saw the crossing of the following (momentous, for me) milestones:
Over 700 User Subscriptions on AO3
Over 2,500(!) followers on Tumblr (genuinely, what the heck? When did that happen?)
Over 400 fics posted on AO3
Over 1,300,000 total words posted on AO3
Over 1,200,000 hits on said works on AO3
Over 125,000 kudos on said works on AO3
When I started reading fanfiction, I never would have imagined that I could have written and posted that many stories, or all of those words. I remember looking at authors' dashboards and perusing their stories and being in awe of their creativity and ability to spin their words into entire worlds for me to fall into. And I thought never, in a million years, could I be one of those authors. What a delight, what an immense blessing to be able create.
Thanks for coming along on this journey with me. May 2024 come with immense blessings for you and your loved ones. <3
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drarrily-we-row-along · 3 months
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So I was doing my annual dumping of fics from tumblr to AO3 since we’re almost to the end of the year and went to take a peek at my stats and
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“A Kiss to Build a Dream On” has over 20,000 hits… how has this happened? Like how have this many people visited it this many times?
I’m just feeling really emotional about that. If you’re one of the people that has read this fic, thank you so much. My whole heart is absolutely, overwhelmingly delighted.
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drarrily-we-row-along · 4 months
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Your Oct 1 microfic made me smile :) thank you
Thanks so much! <3 glad you enjoyed it.
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drarrily-we-row-along · 5 months
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I just read your post 💜 I dont have any personal experience but I wanted to share an observation. It sounds like the both of you are fantastic when it comes to communicating and being open with how you're thinking/feeling/etc. And that to me is the most important part of sharing a life together. And also as an allosexual person, I would be out of this world elated to spend a life together with someone who is ace and spoke about me the way you speak about her. Sending you love and support 💜
Hello lovely soul!
I don't know how I missed this message in my inbox when it came in, I'm so sorry!
Thank you so much for your kind words! I would agree that we're actually pretty good at communicating, we spend a lot of time talking. She's one of those people who has no artifice, she just is incapable of deception (her every thought and feeling is on her face) and one of the things she asked for when we first became friends was that I wouldn't use my mask that I have in place almost constantly. (My mask isn't even something I think about, just a deep-rooted trauma response that I have to consciously turn off). So, yeah. We've spent a lot of time talking, I'd given her a lot of my story and pieces of my heart (and vice versa) that no one else gets to see long before I figured out I was ace and as she was falling in love with me. It was actually largely the way she talked about her attraction to me and her experience of emotions related to being in love with me, and the way she was willing to tell me about her experience, that made me start wondering about being Ace. Because I love her with my whole heart but it's just really different. (She always says "same, same but different".) Anyway, she's been there through the whole process of self discovery just loving me and encouraging me, and yeah- I'm rambling again.
"And also as an allosexual person, I would be out of this world elated to spend a life together with someone who is ace and spoke about me the way you speak about her." I just. That sentence hit me like a sack of bricks. (Literally considering writing it out and hanging it on my wall.) It's so reassuring, like a warm, squishy hug for my heart. She's just such a good, kind, generous soul and I get afraid that loving her and letting her love me is taking something from her, that I don't have enough to give. That sentence just really helped reassure that scared part of me, though, more than I am even capable of articulating.
Thanks so much for popping by to leave me such kind encouragement. I'm beyond grateful.
All my love, C
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