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ecto-batt · 8 days
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Thinking about Edward Elric as the Amestrian Military's specialest little unfireable boy
State alchemists can be fired for underperforming. We know this up front from the likes of Shou Tucker. And this makes a ton of sense from the homunculi's standpoint since the state alchemists are sacrifice candidates, and the homunculi would want to cull the weakest candidates and focus only on cultivating the strongest ones who stand the best chance of opening the portal.
........Then there's Edward. Who's already opened the portal.
There's no need to cultivate him. No gamble taken on whether he's good enough to open the portal. He passed the final test already. Graduated 4 semesters early.
And as such, has a free pass to do Absolute Fuck All.
And I'm imagining how funny this is from like an outside perspective.
Some newish state alchemist who'd only ever read up on the stories of Edward Elric, ready and excited to start their career of being paid handsomely with endless freedom to research and travel and do anything they want in the pursuit of science... surprised and confused to find themselves put on probation their first month for things like "ignoring orders." Which is, as best they had thought, a famous Edward Elric pastime.
Roy showing a slight bit of stress about his yearly state alchemist report, and Ed just snorting and rolling his eyes at Roy because every year HE just hastily does his on the train ride over (canon in the manga, a travesty it was left out of the anime) and it gets rubber stamped. Ed not realizing that other alchemists' reports get genuinely scrutinized and torn apart while Ed is free to turn in whatever absolute bullshit he thinks of 36 hours ahead of time. One year his report was about whether alchemy could be done via dance (conclusion: no it can't) and no one cared. Roy WANTS to tell Ed there's some kind of unknown favoritism around Ed making him literally bullet-proof but Roy has no way to phrase this that doesn't sound like he's just in denial and mad at how good Ed's train-reports are.
Guy from the Internal Amestrian Affairs sector who's responsible for auditing other internal military personel for any suspicious activity hitting about 1 million red flags for Edward Elric, issuing a STRONG and URGENT recommendation to suspend the alchemist pending further investigation into things like "literal bunk-buddies with two members of the Xingese royalty (enemy nation)" and "spent $10,000,000 of his stipend on a librarian to make her re-copy (what he seemed to interpret as?) military records in some extremely transparent effort to unearth state secrets (it was a recipe book but he was literally asking her about state secrets)" and "literally has never once obeyed an order, ever, not even once in his career, and is on public record having said 'I do not care about the goals and protections of the Amestrian Military. I am in fact only pursuing my own interests several of which are diametrically opposed to the safety and well-being of the governing body of Amestris'"
The issued recommendation is intercepted before it even reaches its intended desk. President Bradley himself has taken issue with it and denies it before a single set of eyes has seen it. The President's veto stamp is a terrifying hammer, used rarely, and it is now sitting on the auditor's desk.
The auditor sleeps with one eye open from then on out.
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ecto-batt · 8 days
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Danny never got help with his homework again
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ecto-batt · 8 days
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“can i be a hater for a second” girl you can kill someone in front of me and id be okay with it be fr
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ecto-batt · 8 days
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you ever try n listen to the bonnie & clyde sountrack but don’t have spotify premium so u get the whole dracula soundtrack before u get to hear Jeremy Jordan with a texan accent
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ecto-batt · 15 days
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 nourishes it
keeps it warm
fills it with love
fills it with rice
refills sanity bar
grants it a blessing
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ecto-batt · 18 days
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Support for Palestine should be unconditional by the way. Stop looking for the ways they're just like you (ex: gay, trans, neurodivergent, etc) and support them for the sole reason that theyre literally facing a genocide right now. This is what solidarity is.
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ecto-batt · 18 days
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i hate you shein. i hate you wish. i hate you temu. i hate you aliexpress. i hate you fast fashion. i hate you consumerism. i hate you planned obsolescence. i hate you plastics.
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ecto-batt · 18 days
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"a woman's place is in the kitchen!!!!1!!1!1" INCORRECT. a woman's place is being unstable and absolutely drenched in blood that is definitely not hers
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ecto-batt · 23 days
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Harold Lloyd & Bebe Daniels, 1917
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ecto-batt · 23 days
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leave the answers in the tags
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ecto-batt · 24 days
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Look at this shit
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ecto-batt · 29 days
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Last doodles of the year!
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ecto-batt · 1 month
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ecto-batt · 1 month
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the things i would do to his fucking body let me grab your slutty slutty waist whore
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ecto-batt · 1 month
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ecto-batt · 1 month
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robert sean leonard as chuck bishop in married to it (1991)
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ecto-batt · 1 month
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Danny never got help with his homework again
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