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eggmacguffin · 3 hours
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#I HAVE A HAUNTED CLOWN DOLL NAMED CHARLISLE#AFTER THIS EXACT THING#HE PLAYS A HAUNTING MELODY IN A MINOR KEY AND SWAYS UNSETTLINGLY
I need you to know that you are SUCH an entity in the BEST of ways, this made my day and I will smile every time I think of it going into the future, AMAZING
TY TY TY
and I'm sorry but I am using this as an excuse to talk more about Charlisle because he is the light of my life and no one irl ever wants to hear about haunted clown dolls
my girlfriend's mom used to be a professional clown, so everyone in her life assumed* she liked clowns a lot and gave her clowns and clown themed things as presents for years. As a result, she has a TON of clowns. So many clowns that one year when my gf and her siblings couldn't find the Christmas decorations they decorated the entire house with clowns instead.
(*She liked clowns fine, but finds clown dolls a little creepy, actually)
So in 2021 I was helping my gf's mom move, right? And I unearth the Bad Clown section of the storage closet. For broken clowns, ugly clowns, clowns with missing limbs AND. Clowns She Doesn't Like Looking At. Charlisle was there. and I was enchanted.
gf's mom noticed, and said I could have him. I asked if she was sure. she said "I Don't Like Him. I Don't Want Him."
He stands close to the height of a newborn baby. His color scheme is a Ronald McDonald nightmare, his makeup is garish, his expression is inscrutable. his hands are blindingly white, huge, stiff, & ceramic. they sound like bone when you clack them together.
He can stand on two legs but is most comfortable balanced on one, and has a key installed in the middle of his back that, if you wind it up, makes him dance and play a twinkling little melody.
Now, I have no idea how old Charlisle is, but I assume the song was once whimsical and the dance was once charming.
This is not the case in the present day.
the song has slowed into a haunting minor key, and the dance is now a rigid, jerky bending of the body with limbs frozen unnaturally in place. each performance grinds to a slow, unsettling stop with the last note drawn out unnaturally like a question for which no answer exists.
The best part, however, is how very sensitive the winding mechanism is.
If you turn Charlisle's key and let him perform, for the rest of that day he is now "alive".
This means: if you pick him up, touch him, or even set something on the table next to him, there is a chance his mechanism will trigger just a little.
What this looks like in practice: you visit my home, you set your stuff on the dining room table, and a horrid little clown monster sings a single haunting note and twitches menacingly in your direction. for no reason at all.
I love Charlisle so much. he is like a son to me
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eggmacguffin · 5 hours
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Every time I'm busy all the theaters are playing those made up artsy movies that insecure people talk about to make fun of "film snobs" that just end up sounding really cool and whenever I'm free it's all shit like a Winnie the Pooh Slasher Movie and a Goonies reboot
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eggmacguffin · 19 hours
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Will Graham will look at a crime scene and be like “this isn’t a murder, it’s a master’s thesis. our killer is getting their mfa in killing.” and everyone else will be like “ah yes of course. Murder Grad School. you’re a genius, Will.” and then Will goes to therapy and Hannibal is like “would you go to art school if you could, Will?” and Will looks up at him through his coquettish whore eyelashes and he goes “I’m more of a painter than a sculptor.” and Hannibal nods and takes notes but all his notes just say “Mrs. William Graham” in different cursive styles with hearts over all the i’s. and then Will drives home to Virginia and has a dream where he’s like sculpting a stag out of marble or something while he’s sweating through his only set of bedsheets. great show no notes love u Bryan Fuller <3
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eggmacguffin · 21 hours
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this is quite literally on-par with a royal baby announcement
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eggmacguffin · 22 hours
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eggmacguffin · 22 hours
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If Edward and Bella had a son instead of Renesmee, I'm opting to ignore the "Edward if it's a boy" line in favor of keeping the horrors alive and well with the equally questionable vampire-human hellchild Charlisle Cullen-Swan
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eggmacguffin · 1 day
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eggmacguffin · 1 day
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Cyclops gets such a rough deal man. imagine having brain damage that caused you to uncontrollably shoot laser blasts out of your eyeballs destroying everything in sight that you had to worry about literally 24/7 and also you had to supervise teenagers throwing cars at each other because your father figure and his ex are taking leftist infighting to the streets and also on top of that whenever you show any amount of concern over this situation people are like "jeez what a buzzkill. loosen up control freak. why can't you be all chill and cool like wolverine" meanwhile wolverine is having his amygdala forcibly removed by the us military for the third time this month
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eggmacguffin · 1 day
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“Lighten Up” by Ronald Wimberly
Beautifuly written- and drawn.
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eggmacguffin · 2 days
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eggmacguffin · 2 days
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Shawn and Gus are drift compatible but under no circumstances should they ever be allowed to pilot a jaeger
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eggmacguffin · 2 days
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if kabru were in a modern setting he’d be the character that says tch and does a glasses lens flare but since there are no glasses in dungeon meshi he just has to look at you like this
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eggmacguffin · 2 days
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Look. A little advice.
Once you get to a certain amount of Known on the internet or a subsection of it, or even in a subsection of a RL group of people, there are going to be people who will make up a version of you which exists only in their heads and which has absolutely nothing to do with who you are. It might better resemble who you were twenty years ago or it might never have had anything to do at all with who you were then or are now.
You cannot stop this. You cannot prevent this. Once you get a certain number of followers or a certain amount of attention, that's going to happen: people will make up stories about you which either look through a fun-house mirror at some small aspect of who you are and twist it and blow it up until it doesn't resemble you at all, or which just have absolutely no basis in fact whatsoever.
This is just another kind of parasocial relationship; it's the kind which really sucks to deal with, because it's so negative and so pervasive. It's very real, and the frustration you feel about it is very real. Nobody wants to be known incorrectly.
But. You can't control this. It's gonna happen. No matter what you say, no matter how precisely you say it, the people who want to misinterpret you will find a way to do so. This doesn't mean 'don't pay attention to what you say,' or 'don't be purposeful and precise with your language,' but it does mean 'don't obsess over the people who are determined to get you wrong.'
You can be the most anodyne, run-of-the-mill, unremarkable human being, and the people who are determined to hate you will find something that they can point to and say 'ha ha! I told you that Spider danced with the devil at midnight! I witnessed it myself!' (It will not help the situation if you are, say, self-admittedly stubborn as fuck, long-winded, and sometimes kinda fucking obnoxious, but please realize that in the end, it doesn't really matter. This is gonna happen no matter what.)
The people who matter will look at what's being said, wrinkle up their foreheads, and say, 'uh, man, it looks like Spider was actually playing with his dog at 9 am?'
That said, if you don't have elephant-thick skin from being a marginalized-gender human being who's been on the internet since before the web had pictures, there are some things you can do to make it easier when people making things up about you starts to get on your nerves:
Establish protocols for when it becomes too much: have someone read your messages, turn off your notifications, have time where you purposefully disengage.
Establish protocols for how you interact, period: "I will block people without guilt if they engage positively with the people who spread untruths about me." "I will answer everything in public so people can't lie about what I said, because it's right there in public." "I will not answer work-related stuff in DMs, that has to go to the work email." Whatever it is, create some boundaries for yourself. Stick to them. The people who push you to bend them aren't doing that for your benefit but theirs.
If you get someone who really hits your Weirdo Alarm, trust it. Yeah, block and report, but also, take screenshots and store them somewhere that isn't easily erased. I have an 'Internet Weirdos' folder, which makes it a little easier to deal with when people start doing things like 'making threats of physical harm to me and my family.' Don't fuss, just take a screenshot and chuck it in the folder. Having that record makes it easier to just forget that it ever happened, because you have a paper trail if anybody starts doing something Real Weird.
Spend time offline, with people who do actually know you.
Don't get lost in the version of you that someone else makes up in order to make up for the shit that's missing in their own life. You aren't required to play the part that someone else is trying to script for you. It is never to your benefit, only to theirs; you gain nothing by standing in that role for them, and you lose precious seconds of your one irreplaceable life.
You could be using those seconds to look at this video of how to pick up a duck, which I think we can all agree is a better investment of your time.
youtube
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eggmacguffin · 3 days
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me @ my mutuals
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eggmacguffin · 3 days
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Some computer related jobs will periodically send you emails posing as phishing scams and if you open it you automatically have to take a web safety training seminar and I just think they should do that for tumblr except with reading comprehension
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eggmacguffin · 3 days
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tsukishima from haikyuu is really funny because haikyuu is a sports anime, and with every other character they're like fuck yea. i'm in a sports anime. but tsukki has to be dragged kicking and screaming into accepting that his life is a sports anime. get powered of friendshipped and teamworked, idiot.
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eggmacguffin · 3 days
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[Image ID: The poem “One Source of Bad Information”, by Robert Bly.  There’s a boy in you about three years old who hasn’t learned a thing for thirty Thousand Years. Sometime it’s a girl.  The child had to make up its mind How to save you from death. He said things like:  “Stay home. Avoid elevators. Eat only elk.”  You live with this child, but you don’t know it.  You’re in the office, yes, but live with this boy  At night. He’s uninformed, but he does want To save your life. And he has. Because of this boy  You survived a lot. He’s got six big ideas.  Five don’t work. Right now he’s repeating them to you. 
/end id]
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