ellaspore

[ellaspore]

drunk babygirlies behavior

#these are so beautiful they make me want to die #be my favorite #pisaengkawi

[ellaspore]

Krist was absolutely right to call this scene art. ♡ And when I read Ella's poem based on it yesterday, I had to drop all my KawiPi Week fics and make an edit for it.

Music: "The Mentor" Sleeping At Last

#be my favorite #pisaengkawi #this is so beautiful and I absolutely love it #😭😭😭

[ellaspore]

#be my favorite #pisaengkawi #coconuts mafia #ella's cursed thoughts #shitty poetry #a tribute to Krist calling this scene art

[ellaspore]

I am tired of all this bullshit so let me tell you this.

I want it all. All the stories. All the types. All the genres.

I want the sex stories, I want the love stories.

I want them innocent, I want them mature.

I want the hurt, I want the comfort.

I want the school ones, I want the office ones.

I want them healthy, I want them dark.

I want the sci-fi, I want the historical.

I want the BDSM ones, I want the vanilla ones.

I want the rom-coms, I want the political.

I want the Western ones and the Asian ones.

I want the full plate, all flavours.

Because queer stories are just stories and they should NEVER EVER be held to an IDEAL STANDARD because we deserve every aspects of our life to be put on the screen same as everybody else.

I give you Alice Oseman on why her queer content is inherently better (hint: it’s “pure” and, you know, Western).

And what the actual queer writers in Asia are saying…

And hat’s off to Jojo for pointing out that it’s good to have variety and there isn’t just one story to be told.

#fuck purity culture

[ellaspore]

I'm so in love with how they ended full circle on the give and receive angle for Kawi and Pisaeng. They click and work when the balance is achieved, when one stumbles and the other is there to pick up the slack. Because their strength is borrowed from each other, their love is nurtured in each other and nothing can be more right than them being together.

#be my favorite #ella's cursed thoughts #no thoughts just this #pisaengkawi

[ellaspore]

Why are you betraying me like this my love?

It's totally worth it. You know I would tell you otherwise.

Nobody loves me😭😭😭 except @akitbeast

Luta my love 💜🌸 Hell Sisters need to suffer together. You can't leave me to die in a puddle of my feels on my own for a whole week. It is profoundly unfair.

Platonic love of my life... I adore you beyond measure, but I'm not watching this episode of Be My Favorite so we can be sad together. I will wait till next week. Thank you very much!

Tokyo already has me crying. Damn, Ren, you killing me, dude!

[ellaspore]

Some people appreciate the difference between making love and having sex.

Both are valid.

Just saying 💁🏻‍♀️

I'm going to post something longer later but it just makes something in me cackle:

ForceNeo fucking it out fr in the back of that car. Hottest thing we've seen. If you had never seen them before and were told it was a clip from a porn you probably wouldn't question it.

GawinKrist's "sex" scene is the tamest, most lukewarm thing I've seen in ages. There was poetry overlaid. I suppose this appeals to some people.

I am not some people.

#be my favorite #only friends the series #I don't see the need to put one down to make the other better

[ellaspore]

I think what's destroyed me this episode is the fact that from where Pisaeng turned the ball until now it has all been a dream. Their first time, the years spent together, they won't be the same, they won't be there, they won't exist anymore. That simple happiness is forever gone, unreachable and I think the crystal ball worked this time because Pisaeng would throw it all away just on the chance of Kawi being ok but what comes next? Is it really worth the cost? Will Pisaeng sacrifice it all because of his mistaken sense of guilt?

And what's even worse is this… If you asked Kawi? He would have chosen this all a hundred times and more

#be my favorite #ella's cursed thoughts #I'm gonna rewatch this episode and cry some more #coconuts mafia #pisaengkawi

[ellaspore]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hey Luta,

Hope you have been well. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on the Only Friends trailer that dropped today! Please tell me it’s on your list for next month bc I would love to hear your analysis of this series!

Hey bayou love!!!

This is how that conversation went:

ellaspore — I'm in. I'm so in.

LutaWolf — It's the car for me.

akitbeast - loved Mew going: he has to respect me. Followed by the kitchen counter. Yes, please. Respectfully eat him on the counter.

So basically the consensus is. It's going to drag us through hell but entertain us while doing it. So how could I not participate! 🤣💜💜💜

#only friends #we are in for the sexy and the messy

[ellaspore]

A Sober Kawi is an Anxious Kawi

But we still love him. 

If you were anything like me, you spent episode 10 trying to figure out if Kawi was ace/demi or if there was some other issue around his reluctance to explore a physical relationship with his very horny new boyfriend, Pisaeng. 

Let me start with what we actually know about Kawi. By his own admission he realized that alcohol had made him braver, and while that’s helped him to take necessary risks in life, it also came with many perils, notably hurting other people when drunk. In the last episode he went back to his non-imbibing state. We, as viewers, have become more accustomed to the bolder Kawi. The other key thing to note is that the two times that Kawi kissed Pisaeng, he was very drunk. If we take both of these things at face value, one could surmise that Kawi wants to kiss Pisaeng, but without the alcohol he gets so caught up in his anxiety that he can't go through with it. 

A sober Kawi is not a brave Kawi. He worries, he frets, and he slides back into running from anything new. 

In the last two episodes, we have seen Kawi deflecting a lot of physical affection from Pisaeng. This hasn’t just been overtly sexual behavior like kisses, but even casual affection like hugging or cuddling. There are a few potential reasons for this behavior. This is where I’m going to be a bit more critical of the show, because the showrunners do not give us enough insight into Kawi’s inner life to figure out which of these options is the source of his reticence. 

Option 1: He’s ace/demi and he’s not comfortable with this behavior.

(Caveat: I do not know enough about ace/demi to really do justice to this topic, so please take all of this with a grain of salt or feel free to add comments to correct any misapprehensions I may have.) 

That’s plausible. It feels a little late in the show to be adding this particular relationship complication, so if this is the reason I’m concerned they won’t be able to address it well. We also know he’s 30 and still a virgin. It could be he’s not interested in sex; he has been very aggressively rebuffing all physical touches these last two episodes. However, as I mentioned before, he’s already kissed Pisaeng twice while drunk, so I’m inclined to think that he isn’t uninterested in physical intimacy in general. 

The other thing that makes me think this isn’t what the writers were going for is that Max, who has largely provided excellent advice to Kawi, doesn’t even entertain the idea that Kawi is ace/demi. He seems to feel like Kawi is running away from trying new things and deepening his relationship. I’m using Max as my guide on what is really going on in Kawi’s head. 

This also gets a little bit to what Pear and her father spoke about, regarding the only thing constant in life is change. Kawi is happy and he's not keen to make any changes that might disrupt it. The problem is relationships are not static things and you can't fix them in amber. We'll see if this becomes the last life lesson that Kawi learns.

Option 2: He’s touch-starved, anxious, and afraid of trying something new. 

This is the option that I think best fits what has happened to date. There are a couple of parts to what I think is happening here. 

I suspect that Kawi is touch-starved. He doesn’t seem to have anyone in his life showing physical affection and whenever someone hugs or pecks him on the cheek, he seems overwhelmed by the experience. I’m leaning less toward Kawi being uninterested in a physical relationship, but more like he’s overwhelmed by the feelings that it’s evoking. 

Added to that, there is also the possibility that he views the start of physical intimacy as crossing the Queer Rubicon. Once he’s had sex, he’s admitting that he’s 100% invested in this. Perhaps he has been trying to hold back part of himself. He has no relationship experience and nothing to help guide his behavior (except Max, bless him). I did spend much of the last episode worried that Kawi was avoiding intimacy because he was still not entirely comfortable with his relationship. I do think he’s self-conscious, so that may still reappear as an issue in the last two episodes. 

The biggest issue is that Kawi does not embrace change easily. It took him 9 episodes to figure out that he didn’t want Pear and the person he’d been clinging to all along was Pisaeng. We now have sober Kawi back and he is not someone who leaps into novel experiences. This is where the whole scene in the amusement park comes in. 

He wants to go to the amusement park, but just to have food and soak in the vibes. He’s not really enjoying everything the amusement park has to offer. He’s afraid to try out any of the rides, the major reason people go to amusement parks. Get it? Yeah, it wasn’t exactly subtle. Amusement Park = relationship with Pisaeng. Rides = sex. 

We are absolutely not talking about a ride. Scratch that, we definitely are.

He's going to be holding a lot more than that...

After the park he balks at riding in the car with the top down, again a new experience, something fun and carefree. Kawi is going into full turtle mode. 

At dinner, Pisaeng asks Kawi what he did wrong so he can fix it in the future. Pisaeng is really doing the heavy lifting in the relationship at this point. I felt really bad for him here. He’s trying so hard to make Kawi happy and Kawi just keeps grumpily saying no to everything. I think it’s finally at this point that Kawi takes a moment for introspection and decides to be brave. 

Brave Kawi! I have to appreciate how slooow the kiss is. They are both going in with full consent.

I’m looking forward to seeing how this develops next week. Judging by the trailer, it seems like Kawi has worked past his reticence and realizes that Pisaeng is his safe space.

(Thanks to @lutawolf and @ellaspore for a great discussion on this)

#brilliant post and brilliant meta #I do think in Kawi's case both of these options are fully true #be my favorite #pisaengkawi

[ellaspore]

So going off on this post by @biochemjess I wanted to expand further upon some thoughts. Take this with a grain for salt as this is my personal interpretation based on my life experience.

For me both options @biochemjess laid out in her post are true and there have been hints spread out in all the episodes. 

I have read Kawi as demi since episodes 3 / 4 . The whole being fixated on Pear for years, the being a virgin until he was 30 pointed out to me that he didn't view sex as that important (as he said in episode 10), he wasn't in love with the idea of Pear because she was attractive, he found her beautiful but in an innocent way. Now while all the above is true I think that the show has also been showing us that Kawi does feel a slowly growing attraction to Pisaeng that gets stronger as the episodes go on, an attraction that  grows along with his feelings.

I think camera work was used together with music effects since episode 3 to show when this was happening.

Up until episode 8 we saw Kawi fight his feelings for Pisaeng and using alcohol to act both on those and his attraction because it made him braver and less prone to be anxious and overthink things.

Now he left alcohol as a coping mechanism behind and accepted his feelings for Pisaeng in episode 8 but he is still struggling with his growing attraction and what it means for him and their relationship. If we pay enough attention in episode 9 he shut down all the kissing attempts between him and Pisaeng and I do think it's due to him trying to process what and how he is feeling about all of this.

The issue was further exacerbated by his talk with Max during episode 10. I admit here that the whole talk could have been handled better and while I don't think it had this intention I could totally see how it could come across as ace erasure. However if we look at this conversation not as applying to a broader audience but being character-specific it makes it have much more sense. I don't think Max's purpose here was to provide answers but to ask questions and make Kawi reflect on what he wants. We know Kawi tends to run away from problems and try not to think about difficult things but Max's purpose in the story has always been to question him and to push him into action exactly like he did in episode 6 during the gay bar scene (which resulted in Kawi getting drunk and kissing Pisaeng).

I think it's also important to understand how Kawi's, Max's and Pisaeng's different attitudes to sexual desire colour how they think about it and how they behave. Max's attitude is that of someone who has fully accepted his sexual desires because he knows himself, who he is and what he wants. Pisaeng's attitude is that of someone who has repressed himself for his whole life and now he is just so eager to take this new step forward because that's something he is now allowed to do. Now coming back to Kawi, his attitude is that of someone whose sexual desires are unknown. He hasn't thought about them really, hasn't thought about where he stands. His answers during his conversation with Max seem to me not as a way to evade the issue. That's why I think Max says that "sex is important to know oneself". It wouldn't be true for anyone and it's totally valid to know you are ace without trying to have sex but I don't think again this totally applies to Kawi. Kawi's is a character that doesn't know himself. His feelings, his desires, the unknown scare him and he does need to try and be pushed to come to a conclusion.

And I think that's exactly what's happening in the latter half of episode 10. All interactions with Pisaeng happen exactly after Kawi's talk with Max and we see Kawi absolutely panicking and running away and evading the issue. I think it's important here to note that for the last episodes Kawi was the one to force conversation between him and Pisaeng in order to avoid misunderstandings, the fact he didn't want to talk about sex with Pisaeng tells me he was still trying to understand where he stood exactly.

The whole evening and the date was Kawi being all in his head about what he was feeling and being scared and ignorant of his desires. But I don't think he wasn't feeling it or wanting in his own way. It's only in the restaurant that Kawi comes to the realisation that he was projecting his panic onto Pisaeng and that he was hurting him.

By the end of the night we see that Kawi has reached his conclusion, has come to a decision and he wants to try and have sex with Pisaeng. I do think there was a whole talk before this that they will get back to next episode.

Now my whole key apart from the discussion with Max that cemented that Kawi is demi, afraid of his desires but feeling attraction for Pisaeng is another scene we have in episode 10. It may be me reading a little bit too much into it but there is this scene when they are eating breakfast that may seem unrelated but which striked me as significant

Again this is personal interpretation based on my personal experience, but I feel like in this scene Kawi was struck dumb a little bit by what exactly Pisaeng's thumb wiping his mouth was making him feel. If you aren't used to sexual attraction is inconsequential moments like this that strike you the most, make you stop, the sudden spark.

So to sum it up, I think this episode cemented my belief of Kawi being demi and trying to come to terms and being afraid of what the growing attraction to Pisaeng is making him feel.

@lutawolf @biochemjess @coconuts-mafia

#be my favorite #coconuts mafia #ella's cursed thoughts #pisaengkawi

[ellaspore]

Pisaeng's mom just comes off as controlling and putting her son in a difficult position. She may love Pisaeng but that love is something that's hurting her son because she doesn't let him live the life he wants and make his own mistakes

"It's A Mother's Responsibility to Shield Her Child From Misery." Be My Favorite Quote

What utter hogwash. Shielding a child, keeps them from learning self-reliance, responsibility, and resilience. Life isn't sugar drops and fairy dust. And while we hold a certain responsibility to protect our children, that doesn't include pretending that there aren't hard facts of life. That won't prepare them for adulthood, and could in fact keep them from being a fully developed adult. How do they learn to get back up after they fall down if we shield them to this capacity?

It's like the well-meaning parents that help with every report, project, and studying for tests. Then watch in horror as their child drops out of college because they were ill prepared for how to prep and do it alone. Be there to comfort and give advice, be the soft landing when they hit the rock bottom, but don't keep them from falling at all.

Instead, I offer this quote by Winston Churchill, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts."

#be my favorite #I understand Pisaeng forgiving her I really really cannot

[ellaspore]

Jun & Jun Episode 2

We start off with nostalgia, a visit back to them as kids. Then a flash forward to a grown Lee Jun sitting on a swing where they used to play, admitting to having missed Choi Jun.

Back on the job, we find out that there is a big project that all the new recruits are expected to participate and do well in. That's if they want to keep their jobs. Lee Jun is understandably nervous for an idiot who doesn't understand that the boss will take care of all his needs.

Cause Choi Jun is making all the moves. Invitation to dinner. Using cute emoticons. Meanwhile, bestie Song Hyun Jae is trying to throw down some moves as well. You guys, Lee Jun is cute but an idiot. What person doesn't know that you need a receipt for a company card?

Why are they using the word high maintenance? I feel like it should be exchanged for needy. The "enjoy your relationship." Had me giggling because yeah, that was cute. But seriously, all the eyes that Jun & Jun were giving each other. It reminding me of another pair of characters.

Let's just say it was obvious and had I worked with them. I would have been like Song Hyun Jae and for sure caught on.

Poor Lee Jun was really looking forward to that meal alone with Choi Jun. And OMG this whole next scene was nothing but smoldering magic. I shall share some of this magic with you thanks to @bl-bam-beyond

That complete dominance waist grab! That waist grab!

@notfreetoday and I both screamed over the neck stroke. I mean, it's just...

Choi Jun is bringing the mack and while I'm slightly embarrassed, I'm here for it. " If I have to get hands on to care for them and have my scent on them. It makes me feel that they are mine." Yeah, I mean, I don't know how you can get any clearer than that. But then again Lee Jun kind of stupid. I mean, I adore that about him and clearly so does Choi.

Did he have to look at his lips and then say sexy! I think I forgot to breath while I waited for what would happen next, and that's where it ended! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

💜💜💜

#jun & jun #the ending scene had me in a puddle #enough said

[ellaspore]

I see GMMTV chose murder today. They want me to die before tonight.

#be my favorite #i'm not ready #i'm not okay #work is homophobic

[ellaspore]

Jun and Jun ep 1

Another bl series dealing with office romance/comedy that features past love... And I'm not mad about it. I also appreciate the fact that the show is not afraid to give us eye candy. Some bodies were made to be appreciated, and this show gets that.

Past this point, there will be spoilers ahead.

gif by bl-bam-beyond

If you blink, you'll miss it, but there is an adorable picture of two boys on the mantel. I'm gonna take a guess that it's our two main characters.

Lee Jun reminds me of some of my sub friends, @suga4mycoffee. The blinking stare of horror at an alarm clock that clearly betrayed him. As if staring at it will make it change. Then comes the realization that this is all too real, and dramatics set in. I call my middle child a drama king, and that's exactly what Lee Jun reminds me of. I adore it.

Seriously though. What is with oversized suites? I hate them.

Lee Jun has a picture frame of the same two boys, though different pose. He was an idol? Okay, that's interesting. Don't talk on a cell phone at a register! So rude! And you shushed her. I hope she throws the milk at you.

Okay, the dumbass is a little self-centered. I'm side eyeing you Lee Jun. You cute but cute can only let me forgive you so much. I like that Kim Young calls him out. You go girl. And then we meet mister hot back himself, Choi Jun. Whose willing to not only give his friend a ride but our drama king as well. Second hand embarrassment warning. Lee Jun is such a dork.

I really like Choi Jun. He sees it, he likes it, he goes for it. The chemistry is there, you guys. Okay, Lee Jun was super cute with give Choi Jun the milk. He doesn't have a business card yet, so he writes his number on the milk. Oh, the dramatic romantic fall is coming early in the drama.

And just like that, Choi Jun is charmed. You guys... Lee Jun is dumb. Adorably, hilariously dumb. The dramatics when realizes that he has been with the director the whole time. OMG. The Sadistic smile from Choi Jun, I really feel that Choi Jun cause me too.

Ohhhh, I got the feeling that Choi Jun really is an emotional Sadist. I'm gleefully rubbing my hands together in anticipation. Baby boy, baby boy, is just a dummy. Choi Jun for sure knew Lee Jun was the childhood friend, ahh more than friends, ahh, I don't know yet. Either way, he smitten now.

Awwww, the flashback is so fucking cute. I'm hit in all the feels. Alright, I'm in. I'm invested. We'll see where this goes.

Let me know if you want to hear my thoughts on episode 2. 💜💜💜

#jun & jun

[ellaspore]

Thai BL Favorites

tagged by @ellaspore

Disclaimer: I like to slapstick my way through these questionnaires, so if something makes little sense, it’s just me being an idiot.

Favorite BL: any where two fools meet, fall in love and do shenanigans.

Current obsession: Be my favorite

Favorite pairing: [grabs unsuspecting pair] this one.

Most underrated actor: too many. Watch a handful of series, realize how many actors keep showing up as comic relief/side characters/fillers over and over and over. 

Favorite character: [grabs sad, wet meowmeow] this one.

Favorite side character: [grabs spitting, snarky wild cat] this one.

Favorite scene in a BL: [sifts through BL database……] can’t choose one. There are so many, and they all depend on context.

Favorite line in a BL: see above answer. 

Healthiest relationship in a BL: can’t answer this one without someone going “well, actually….”, so I’ll skip.

Most toxic relationship in a BL: see above answer. 

Guilty pleasure series: my goodness, too many. See answer no. 7

#I LOVE YOU MARRY ME

[ellaspore]

So was tagged by @akkrosu to share my 9 Favorite Queer Shows I may be a little late but here they are

1. I told sunset about you

Coming of age story, denial of feelings cinematography and chemistry to die for. It will forever have a place in my heart. I can't explain exactly what it means to me

2. Not me

I am obsessed with the social and political commentary in this series, we reached levels never seen before and which I don't think we will ever reach again

3. The Eighth Sense

I felt like The Eight Sense offered me therapy and a way to relieve all my dark thoughts in a safer manner. It was like being seen and rearranged and told you can do better and become better and there will always be someone who understands, even after your mistakes even after you feel like you lost your way. You can still have hope and believe, you can always try.

4. Semantic Error

It's just iconic, all the scenes, the acting. I can't ever get away from it. The Hyung, the Yaya time, God I love enemies to lovers.

5. Sense8

It was the most Queer Show I ever saw. That's it. No explanation, everyone go watch it and be amazed.

6. Moonlight Chicken

It's a tale about people and learning to love and family. It was beautifully woven and written.

7. My School President

I think what makes MSP so very comforting is how they managed to interwine together the story .Because it's just not a love story, it's about chasing your dreams and not stopping even when you fail, it's about friendship and overcoming difficulties together, it's about family and how to care for them, it's about how important support is, how important understanding and unconditional support can be. How much having someone who has your back can change everything. And waiting and love and respect. Because I feel like this show is full of all kinds of LOVE : family, friendship and dreams

8. Word of Honor

Well villains having lost the will to live having a reason to again? Devotion? Self-sacrifice? Found family? That's the best kind of tale for me

9. 3 Will Be Free

Polyamory, transgender representation, strong-willed women. I will love it for eternity.

Honorable mentions

Yuri on Ice. That's the best sports anime for me. The show I need when anxiety seems insurmountable and I can't see my way out

Be My Favorite. Still ongoing but it already has a place in my heart. Time traveling shenanigans and learning yourself and accept who you are and to be brave and to love

Beyond Evil. Well on paper it is a "bromance" but I have never yelled "Babygirl you wanna fuck him so bad it makes you look stupid" at a show more.

Tagging @lutawolf and all @coconuts-mafia . Easier this way 🤣🤣🤣

#bl tag game