Tumgik
elledelajoie · 1 day
Text
i had three fic ideas.  wrote one.  i still have three fic ideas.  this is not how math is supposed to work.
146K notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 8 days
Photo
Tumblr media
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)
258K notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 8 days
Text
I don't think fic writers know how much they matter
Do you know how many times you distracted me when I was hurt or lonely? Do you know how many times a line or a scene from fanfic marked me so much that I remembered years later, even though I can’t recall my own phone number? 
Even if the fic isn’t perfect or popular or multi-chaptered… Sometimes there’s just one sentence that changed me.
You, miles and miles away, changed me.
33K notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 9 days
Text
hey, tag this with a food people get really upset about you not liking
123K notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 14 days
Text
would love to know which one works better for you and why
3K notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 15 days
Text
i just wanted to say thank you to every fanfic writer out there.
thank you for writing what others haven't, what others can't, what others won't.
thank you for writing what can be judged and hated, but writing it all the same.
thank you for indulging in something that you love and allowing the rest of us to love it with you.
if you have one kudos or one thousand, one comment or one hundred, one bookmark or fifty, i love each and every one of you for writing them.
thank you.
4K notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 16 days
Text
Can you believe that there are people who live so close to the ocean that they can just think “hey, I should go to the ocean” and then they just do???
303K notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 18 days
Note
I love the new picture! I'm also curious if there's a reason you decided to change things up a bit
Well, it says the same thing as it did before, but I wanted it to be more legible. I’m not sure if I succeeded. I haven’t changed it other places yet. This is its trial run.
2 notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 20 days
Text
Pls reblog to spread and tell what specific word count in the tags!
6K notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 21 days
Text
i’m such a “i want your attention” but “won’t bother you” kinda person
113K notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 21 days
Text
Leading Man
Kurt wakes up the next morning after the double wedding with a pounding headache and a killer hangover. What if Mercedes is in his hotel room instead of Blaine? Complete.
Kurt woke up and looked around. It was dark, but there was enough faint light from the window that he could see just a little. He blinked his blurry eyes a few more times and realized that he was in a hotel room lying in a bed. He reached out and found no one else in the bed with him. His mind was foggy, but he lay still thinking. The last thing he could remember was ...
What was it?
After a few seconds, he remembered toasting his marriage with Mercedes. He rolled over and slipped the covers back, then headed toward the bathroom.
When he came back out, he shielded his eyes from the bright light in the room. He found Mercedes sitting on the other bed in the room.
“Mercedes? What’s going on?” Kurt made his way back to the bed. “Can we talk about it in the dark? My head is pounding.”
“Sure. Take these first.” She handed him a bottle of water and some pain relievers. After he took them, she turned off the lamp that was on the nightstand between their beds and got back in the other bed. “Drinking so much tends to give people nasty hangovers.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he deadpanned. “The last thing I remember is you and I were toasting my marriage to Blaine. Why am I in a hotel room with you and not with him?”
“Well, mainly because I wanted a chance to talk to you sober before you had a chance to do anything permanent like actually marry Blaine.”
“We already got married.”
“Not legally. Your dad may be authorized by the state of Indiana to perform weddings, but you and Blaine didn’t have a marriage license, so all the two of you did was repeat words in a ceremony. Without the marriage license, you’re not officially married. The two of you will have to head to a courthouse Monday—tomorrow morning and get a marriage license and then get officially married again, either by someone at the courthouse or someone else officially authorized to perform the ceremony.”
“Oh, right. I mean I knew that. God, my head is killing me. I hope those pills do something soon. So, you still didn’t tell me what you want to talk to me about.”
Read on AO3.
5 notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 29 days
Text
How y’all THINK fanfic authors react when you send multiple comments on different fics: Ugh, another comment from them? Wow, I don’t appreciate how they enjoy what I write. :(
How fanfic authors actually react: OH MY GOD ANOTHER COMMENT? They must be on a marathon! I hope they read my recent whump fic and tell me what they think. Their kindness will be what drives me to finish my current WIP!!!! I WON’T FAIL YOU, NEW READER.
17K notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 29 days
Text
Tumblr is doing some stupid AI shit so go to blog settings > Visibility > Prevent third-party sharing.
Tumblr media
54K notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 29 days
Text
go to settings > to the right, under "Blogs," pick the blog you want to change the settings of > scroll down to visibility settings > turn on "Prevent third-party sharing for [blog url]" > do this for each individual blog you have
Tumblr media
15K notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 1 month
Photo
Tumblr media
274 notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 1 month
Text
Tumblr media
27K notes · View notes
elledelajoie · 1 month
Text
We're fanfic writers, we spend hours researching an incredibly niche topic we know nothing about so that we can have one sentence be factually correct
18K notes · View notes