enby-diaries

[enby-diaries]

[enby-diaries]

every month there seems to be a person admitting a hyperspecific thing that makes them dysphoric and people attacking them over it because they dont feel the same so.. let me break this down for people that dont understand.

excessive and rigorous hygiene routines, doing housekeeping related tasks like cooking or cleaning, etc. those things can make a transmasculine person dysphoric. you know why? gender roles. these things have been constantly portrayed as "a womans duty" and have been pushed onto them their whole lives. of course theyre going to have complicated feelings when doing them even if they enjoy them.

theyre not reinforcing gender roles, theyre victims of it. theyre doing their best to be vigilant of when patriarchal thinking seeps into their minds and mingles with thier insecurities. theyre making jokes and pushing the thoughts away. leave them be.

if your reaction to somebody else's dysphoria that you dont understand is to claim youre embarrassed of your transness then simply become cis :]

or fuck off.

[enby-diaries]

I feel like it’s entirely understandable that there’s some disconnect within the trans community. I actually cannot comprehend wanting to or actively trying to be a woman. It made me want to kill myself and almost did kill me. I also understand that the opposite is true for a lot of trans feminine people.

Which is why it’s so frustrating to see things supposedly meant for trans people in general that joke about forced feminization. That testosterone is poison and estrogen is magic. “She can be saved”. Or “Everyone is transitioning!! Being a girl is just better!!”

I understand where these jokes come from. I would love to shout from the rooftops about how being a woman was FUCKING ASS. How the thought of lipstick makes me want to vomit. How maybe not like other girls girlies should consider that they’re actually trans. I want to wax poetically about how beautiful men and manhood is. But I understand that some of that stuff has a time and place? That I shouldn’t shove my personal disgust for femininity in other peoples faces??

The idea of not making your dysphoria other people’s problem just seems to be so lost on people if they’re shitting on men or trying to uplift women. Being a man is not inherently good, being a woman is not inherently good. Being assigned the wrong one kills people, I just hope we can remember that.

[enby-diaries]

let’s get burgers 13 “fitting room”

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sending love to trans dudes who can't/don't want to transition. love to trans dudes who don't want to wear binders, and to those who can't. love to those trans dudes who don't pass, and to those who don't actually care to pass. love to trans dudes who aren't all angles and androgynous looking. love to fat trans dudes. love to trans dudes who don't want to change their name, or who can't for whatever reasons. love to closet trans dudes. love to trans dudes of colour, trans dudes of any and all other minorities. love to all trans dudes, however you present, whoever you want to be, or whoever you can't be. love to all those trans dudes who can't be all look at me! and celebrate being trans! and just. yeah. so, so much love to all of those quiet trans dudes out there living their lives <333

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*overshares but in a comic format*

[enby-diaries]

ugh gender

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I really wish I was born male. I identify with nonbinary, but my gender kind of swings between almost demiboy and almost demigirl. It's frustrating that it's so hard to feel masculine in a feminine body, but having masculine features, I think I would still feel skughtly feminine. (Just with my masculine side affirmed) I want my chest to be flat, and I want a penis but I don't necessarily want to lose my vagina. It's not fair that I can't have both.

[enby-diaries]

Gender thoughts with no satisfying conclusion :l 

[enby-diaries]

I'm a dude, a man, a bro. But also. Make it. Slightly.... diet? Like I the bullseye is man, then I'm like two rings out from it. So it's close enough and I like he/him pronouns. But when someone is like "you're a man" I'm like yes, but.

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Afab demigirls and amab demiboys are valid.

Afab nonbinary woman and amab nonbinary men are valid.

Genderfluid people who are their agab most of the time are valid.

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Having gender thoughts recently and I was thinking about nature vs nurture. I feel like who I am is shaped by both inherent qualities, and my life experiences in equal value.

This connects to gender because I'm unsure that I have an inherent gender that comes from some root part of myself. But, I do have a gender, it's just one that was formed by the life I've lived, but that doesn't make it less mine.

[enby-diaries]

it's pretty validating to understand that everything that i've ever been criticised for as being a "bad personality trait" and therefore have desperately tried to unlearn or hide over the years are actually signs of neurodivergency; things that not only could i could not necessarily control nor should have to just to make other people [more often than not those i don't know] happy

#neurodiversity #neurodivergent #asd

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idk why but i get immediately possessive when someone else has the same name as my chosen name now - like with my deadname, i always expected another one but this one... i agonised over it for MONTHS and someone else has the audacity to have it too????

#chosen name #non binary #nonbinary #demiboy #nonbinary masc #enby #trans

[enby-diaries]

As an add on from my last post, I was super tired when I wrote it so didn't articulate everything. (Exhausted tbh bc I'm taking care of my mum who's just had surgery and dealing with a new medical diagnosis for myself......) To reiterate I am well aware *why* cis people aren't welcome esp as many people will have had bad experiences etc and it's tiring af to have to explain and/or validate your mere existence to people who will never understand. When I said they [my partner] wants to understand the community, I don't mean from a teaching them/hand holding place, I mean that we both come from a country where there were never any out nb or trans people. I think denying access to nb and trans people as an ally is not helpful. Cis people will continue to not understand our struggles and only see us as some sort of mythical being that they are not allowed contact with. It creates another barrier between Us and Them.

I do want a community of people like me and have found it so difficult to find because the gatekeeping is real. I've been searching for a group for around seven months. As someone who's autistic and has anxiety it was always going to be hard. Saying that, the group is not an official group or organisation or charity etc, just a local facebook group I found. I still want to go to the meet up as finding other nb people my age is super difficult; many "official" groups are for minors, which I am not. I of course will respect their rules as it's only right to do so but as the meeting is being held in a public place (a cafe), there's nothing to say my partner can't be there but on another table in case I need them. I don't want it to sound like I'm shitting on the group because I'm not, I'm just stressed at the situation.

Supposed to be going to my first enby meet up at the end of the month but I just read that you can't bring anyone who isn't nb, trans or questioning which is.... kinda shitty when my brilliant and supportive partner who would like to understand more about the community is cis. Also shitty as I have big anxiety about social events or going to places I've never been to before so often take my partner with me. Like, i get *why* that rule is there but now i just feel uncomfortable... I've wanted community for so long but idk if i can even go now

[enby-diaries]

Supposed to be going to my first enby meet up at the end of the month but I just read that you can't bring anyone who isn't nb, trans or questioning which is.... kinda shitty when my brilliant and supportive partner who would like to understand more about the community is cis. Also shitty as I have big anxiety about social events or going to places I've never been to before so often take my partner with me. Like, i get *why* that rule is there but now i just feel uncomfortable... I've wanted community for so long but idk if i can even go now

#enby #trans #nonbinary #non binary #demiboy #nonbinary masc

[enby-diaries]

my mum's rampant slut shaming of young women, esp that of minors makes me feel physically sick but i just have no idea how to address it. she literally hates women and i have no idea why. if she's not calling them sluts, she's calling them stupid. i wish there was a way to fix it. this vile toxicity that spews out whenever i go and visit her is so fcking draining.