Adventures Outside The Gender Binary
Come for the memes, stay for the spicy social commentary. They/them (nonbinary). No NSFW, racism, hatred towards/exclusion of any lgbtqia+, or any other hate/exclusion groups.
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Republicans: You need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps! No handouts! Earn your way in the world!

Also Republicans: Funding schools in minority areas that are disproportietly poor so that the kids there have a chance at succeeding too? No way!

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If you win a point on your first serve, it鈥檚 an ace.

If you do very well on a test, you aced it.聽

The highest card in its suit is (usually) an ace.

From this I conclude that our ace friends are amazing.聽

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Hi! This blog has grown a lot more than I ever though it would鈥t started just as a way for me to feel heard, but now it is so much more. With that said, I am asking anyone who follow me if they鈥檇 be willing to fill out this brief form so that I can provide you with better content. Email addresses and other personal info will not be collected (it is completely anonymous).聽


Many thanks, River

My thanks to those of you who have already filled this out!聽

I got some great feedback and am going to be using it to improve the blog. Also, many of you left heart-warming comments that made my day, and I just want you to know how much you mean to all of me. We may have never met in real life, but you鈥檙e the only people in the world i can be myself with.

The first change resulting from the feedback is…the creation of a resources section on my blog! Since this blog is mainly LGBTQIA+ focused, most of the resources focus on that, but I鈥檝e also included some resources for racial minorities since I also post about that as well.聽

If you have suggestions for resources, feel free to message me and I will gladly add them in!聽

-River <3

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Hi! This blog has grown a lot more than I ever though it would…it started just as a way for me to feel heard, but now it is so much more. With that said, I am asking anyone who follow me if they鈥檇 be willing to fill out this brief form so that I can provide you with better content. Email addresses and other personal info will not be collected (it is completely anonymous).聽


Many thanks, River

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How do you feel about the term madamonsieur?

Tbh I鈥檓 not familiar with it (and a quick google produced unclear results), so I don鈥檛 think I can really have an opinion.

I鈥檓 not sure if this is what it is but given the nature of my blog I鈥檓 guessing there鈥檚 a good chance it鈥檚 an identity label, and my belief is that people can and should choose whatever label they feel fits them best and that the rest of us shouldn鈥檛 judge. I don鈥檛 want to be policing anyone鈥檚 existence. :)

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Mauree Turner is a member of the Oklahoma State Legislature. Prior to being elected, they worked with the ACLU on criminal justice reform. Turner, who uses she/they pronouns, is both the first openly nonbinary person to serve in a state legislature and is the first Muslim to be a part of Oklahoma鈥檚 legislature. She may be only 27 years old, but Turner has already proved herself to be a major force for change, campaigning for criminal justice reform and improvements to public healthcare and public education, in addition to fighting to raise Oklahoma鈥檚 minimum wage.聽

Every month, I鈥檒l be highlighting an LGBTQIA+ person of color who was/is a significant force of positive change in their community. These people, and their accomplishments, are far too often overlooked, which is why we need to learn more about them and spread the word of their contributions!

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People on the asexual and aromatic spectrum are valid parts of the lgbtqia+ community.

People who try to exclude ace and aro folks are not valid parts of the community.

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Someone called me ma鈥檃m for the first time today and wow who knew 4 letters could pack in so much dysphoria

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If you truly love America, you aren鈥檛 afraid to confront it when it doesn鈥檛 stand up to our ideals. Supporting BLM, fighting for LGBTQIA+ rights, combating misogyny, working for racial and economic equality, and calling out racism are all actions I take because I love this country.

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Trans people don鈥檛聽鈥渃hoose鈥 their gender.

The only thing they choose is to courageously be themselves, even in a world where doing so can mean discrimination, harassments, and violence.

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Ok so there鈥檚 a handful of out trans kids in my school and can I just say that I am so incredibly proud of them and impressed by their courage. You guys give me so much hope and make me feel seen in a world where I can鈥檛 be out.聽

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People when I don鈥檛 conform to feminine gender norms: You鈥檙e not a girl at all!

Me, actually nonbinary: correct…


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For such a long time I thought that I couldn鈥檛 be trans because I was fine with being a girl when I was a little kid. I thought that in order to be nonbinary, I would have had to have always had a feeling that something was off, and that just wasn鈥檛 true for me.

I was fine being a girl until I was around 10. I always used that to say well look, I鈥檓 cis. But the truth of the matter is that being a girl has made me want to cry nearly every day for the past 7 years. I only have fragments of memories of being okay with my gender. Eventually, I had to stop defining myself by who I used to be and instead consider who I am now.

Every trans person鈥檚 story is different. Everyone experiences gender differently. There is no right or wrong way to be trans. You are the only one who can determine your identity, and no matter what it is, you are valid!

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Random Person:聽鈥淲hat are you?鈥

Me, trying to figure out if this is because:

a. I鈥檓 biracial and have an ambiguous racial appearance

b. I鈥檓 an androgynous-presenting nonbinary person

c. I鈥檓 just such a mess

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I鈥檝e been feeling lately like I should just pretend to be cis for the rest of my life.聽

Even if being my true self would make me intrinsically happier, I don鈥檛 know if it鈥檇 be worth it for all the discrimination and personal struggles.聽

But the thing is, the more I try to convince myself that I鈥檓 a girl, the more wrong it feels. I tried to change the pronouns in my tumblr bio to she/her, but I just couldn鈥檛 do it. I鈥檝e been having very vivid dreams in which I鈥檓 not a girl. The presence of my chest still pains me.

I don鈥檛 know what to do. I feel like they鈥檙e always be a divide between who I am and who I have to be for the world.聽

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A common misconception about trans people is that we鈥檙e constantly trying to聽鈥済et鈥 you in terms of pronouns, etc.

We understand that we may be misgendered on accident, and we know that there鈥檚 a big difference between a slip-up and transphobia.聽

For instance, the one friend that I was out to (before I recloseted myself) had a hard time using they/them pronouns for me, because she had always known me as a girl. I understood that she was not trying to hurt me, but that this would just take time.聽

If I鈥檓 misgendered by an employee at the grocery store, I鈥檓 not going to be indignant and say,聽鈥渋t鈥檚 they!!!鈥. In fact, I wouldn鈥檛 even say anything. I only plan on correcting people when they鈥檙e someone I鈥檓 going to be interacting with on a regular basis. Some trans people might politely correct the person, but they wouldn鈥檛 be angry or accuse the person of transphobia.聽

We know that adjusting to a friend or loved one鈥檚 pronouns takes time. We know that we may not be gendered correctly in public. We are not going to attack you if you slip up.

There鈥檚 a big difference between accidently misgendering someone and doing it on purpose. The former is no biggie, while the later is transphobia.聽

Also, if you鈥檙e not sure what pronouns to use for someone, ask! :)

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Hey so if you don鈥檛 really understand trans people but support them anyways because you know that whether or not you can get someone鈥檚 struggle doesn鈥檛 affect how valid it is, you鈥檙e awesome and I love ya.聽

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鈥渨Hy is eVeRyOnE tRaNs aLL oF a sUdDeN? dOeSn鈥橳 tHaT mEaN iT鈥檚 jUsT a tReNd?鈥

No, it just means that it鈥檚 become more acceptable (although it鈥檚 still a struggle) to be trans and so more people are embracing who they are and living as their true selves instead of repressing their feeling and spending their lives in misery. Also, a lot more people have the vocabulary to express who they are due to education on lgbtqia+ issues, and hence they are able to describe themselves better than they were in the past - there鈥檚 finally a word that shows who we are.聽

Hope this helps!

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[ Link to survey ]

The eighth annual international gender census, collecting information about the language we use to refer to ourselves and each other, is now open until 10th March 2021.

After the survey is closed I鈥檒l process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a report summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like we鈥檙e part of a huge and diverse community.

If you think you might have friends and followers who鈥檇 be interested, please do reblog this blog post, retweet this tweet, boost this Mastodon post, check out this post on Reddit, and share the survey URL by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks like Facebook. Every share is extremely helpful - it鈥檚 what helped us get 24,000 responses last year.

Survey URL: https://www.smartsurvey.co.uk/s/gendercensus2021/

The survey is open to anyone anywhere who speaks English and feels that the gender binary doesn鈥檛 fully describe their experience of themselves and their gender(s) or lack thereof.

Thank you so much!

If you can, please take this survey!


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If you鈥檙e a parent who loves and supports their lgbtq+ kid, not despite the fact that their lgbtq+ but because they鈥檙e your kid and their gender/sexuality doesn鈥檛 affect your love for them, then:

a) you are awesome

b) please adopt me

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