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“Deconstruction is not a skepticism or a nihilism. It is a form of critical intimacy–a kind of love rather than an act of destruction–for an enemy inside already. In deconstruction, the line between friend and enemy shifts.”

—

Pheng Cheah lecturing to the undergrads on Derrida today and I can’t agree with/love this enough. (via rhizombie)

At some point in an English class in college or grad school, a professor said something like “Analyzing it to death? No, we’re analyzing it to life” and I think about that approximately every day

(via kalipedia)

wow i love this

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I feel like this is the realest most exposing moment of the 21st century

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Michel Foucault, Utopian Body

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“I hope you live without the need to dominate, and without the need to be dominated. I hope you are never victims, but I hope you have no power over other people. And when you fail, and are defeated, and in pain, and in the dark, then I hope you will remember that darkness is your country, where you live, where no wars are fought and no wars are won, but where the future is. Our roots are in the dark; the earth is our country. Why did we look up for blessing — instead of around, and down? What hope we have lies there. Not in the sky full of orbiting spy-eyes and weaponry, but in the earth we have looked down upon. Not from above, but from below. Not in the light that blinds, but in the dark that nourishes, where human beings grow human souls.”

—

Ursula K. Le Guin, “A Left-Handed Commencement Address” (Mills College, 1983)

this passage planted itself in my consciousness when i was 24, and 10 years later, it informs so much of my approach to living, thinking, creating.

(via quantumcorean)

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This was a really great read 

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no story here really, just some of my favorite lines accumulated over the years in my snippets folder. all of these are easily googleable. carson jamison als gornick manuoso rankine 

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“if there is a light then i am going to swallow it. if there is a god then i’m going to make him cry.”

— s. osborn, from “blasphemies at the 5th street station,” published in The Rising Phoenix Review (via lifeinpoetry)

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“John Cage: “One must be disinterested, accept that a sound is a sound and a man is a man, give up illusions about ideas of order, expressions of sentiment, and all the rest of our inherited aesthetic claptrap.” “The highest purpose is to have no purpose at all. This puts one in accord with nature, in her manner of operation.” “Everyone is in the best seat.” “Everything we do is music.” “Theatre takes place all the time, wherever one is. And art simply facilitates persuading one this is the case.” “They [I Ching] told me to continue what I was doing, and to spread JOY and revolution.””

— Marshall McLuhan and Quentin Fiore, The Medium is the Massage: An Inventory of Effects (1967)

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carve this into my forehead

One thing I’m finally leaving behind in 2017 is the delusion that I can earn someone’s love by serving them.

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it is shameful that i look back at my 2017 and am not full of pride and joy. i  did so much - i finished a thesis, defended it, graduated from college, learned to set boundaries, stood up for myself institutionally, advocated for myself, took steps to make sure those that hurt me don’t hurt others, moved to a new city alone, took risks and got rewards, got a job after graduation, realized that it made me miserable, quit, and got another job. like, i’m amazing. and smart. and dedicated, and passionate and driven. so fucking capable and strong.

but i just feel fucking horrible- not all the time, but enough to know it’s too much - f u l l of shame and guilt and disappointment, about myself and others. i can’t focus on the things above, the things i’ve done, powered through - the things i should be proud of. when i look back, i remember pain and hurt and fucking suffering and sacrifice without fulfillment. i remember the people close to me who have hurt me, that they chose to do so. what did i do to deserve that - how could i have convinced them not to? what about me was not enough to not hurt? i know the answer to these questions are nothing, i know. but my body doesn’t. i feel like sometimes i remember lost trust and lonely trauma. internalized blame, it feels meant to be.

i don’t know how to fix this, how to get better, how to love myself without perfection. how to love my pain and trauma, how to grow with this hurt, embrace it with full force. i don’t know how to be healthy and not codependent, how to engage and disengage hurt. i don’t know how to take care of myself when i feel like i can’t fix others and that i have to do that before i can help myself.

i wish i could start new, i wish i could be new again and just get rebirthed with the knowledge but not pain of experience. the world is dark now and i feel like can’t shake it out of my own life. i feel like i was made to be like this, shaped from the very beginning. it feels unfair, but also how it was meant to be. but i don’t want to be like this. 

#tmi y'all #adventures in trying to forgive and live with your dysfunctional addict family members #and the relationships you pursued by projecting that and trying to fix everyone around you but yourself :)

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The Year in Ugliness. I’m glad I got to write this.

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There is a distinction I am beginning to make in my living between pain and suffering. Pain is an event, an experience that must be recognized, named, and then used in some way in order for the experience to change, to be transformed into something else, strength or knowledge or action. Suffering, on the other hand, is the nightmare reliving of unscrutinized and unmetabolized pain. When I live through pain without recognizing it, self-consciously, I rob myself of the power that can come from using that pain, the power to fuel some movement beyond it. I condemn myself to reliving that pain over and over and over whenever something close triggers it. And that is suffering, a seemingly inescapable cycle. And true, experiencing old pain sometimes feels like hurling myself full force against a concrete wall. But I remind myself that I HAVE LIVED THROUGH IT ALL ALREADY, AND SURVIVED.

Audre Lorde, Eye to Eye: Black Women, Hatred, and Anger (from Sister Outsider)

#hi i'm back and fucked up as ever :+)

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Humans can adapt to endure almost anything, but in doing so, they sometimes perpetuate incredible evil. The death of human empathy is one of the earliest and most telling signs of a culture about to fall into barbarism.

Hannah Arendt - The Banality of Evil         (via arabellesicardi)

#my queen

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just a 4 3 2 depending on the day, trying to be a 1

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