ernmark
ernmark
Two woods converged on a snowy road
teller of stories and keeper of songs for the Penumbra fandom - 31 - ace - nb - she/her
Explore Tagged Posts
Trending Blogs
Statistics
We looked inside some of the posts by ernmark and here's what we found interesting.
Inside last 20 posts
Time between posts
272159.95
Number of posts by type
Photo
1
Video
0
Audio
0
Text
17
Chat
0
Answer
0
Link
2
Quote
0
Fun Fact
40% of users visit Tumblr between 1 and 30 times a month.
ernmark · 14 hours ago
Text

I’m such a lazy writer (I tell myself). I never bother to edit my work. I just obsessively reread it and tweak every sentence that sounds even slightly off until I’m sorta okay with it.

13 notes
ernmark · a day ago
Text

Siggy has decided on her new favorite place.

20 notes
ernmark · 2 days ago
Text

Did you think I wouldn’t post puppy pics?


Two labradors curled up on a dog bed, one a brown puppy and the other a shepherd-colored adult
A brown labrador puppy curled up on a leg, which is clad in plaid pajamas

This is our new puppy, Siggy.

She’s incredibly energetic and apparently not yet house trained, so she’s the focus of a lot of my energy at the moment.

I can share remarkably few pictures of her, because the only time she isn’t vibrating into a blur is when 1) she’s sleeping, usually 2) on top of somebody.

25 notes
ernmark · 16 days ago
Photo

ernmark:

Here are a few Magnus Archives valentines, just in case you need to tell that special eldritch something in your life how you really feel.

Special thanks to @tane-p for helping me come up with these.

PostPostPostPostPostPostPost
192 notes
ernmark · 19 days ago
Text
screenshot of a discord server featuring two photos of the same large yellow dog, his chin resting on a person's knee, his head almost perpendicular to the floor

My oldest dog was posing, so my partner and I got pictures from both angles

25 notes
ernmark · 21 days ago
Text

My weirdest dreams are always the most mundane ones.

Last night I dreamed I was lurking in the Penumbra Podcast discord and saw some people talking about me.

“Anybody heard from Ernmark lately? Is she okay?”

“Is she still in the fandom even?”


So.

Just to let y’all know. I’m okay, I’m still here, and I’ve got a new puppy. 

35 notes
ernmark · 28 days ago
Text

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Remember my brother’s Star Wars RPG game?

First session: we determine that my Tuskan Raider nobleperson should be the one sticking in the back and sniping at enemies… while the itty bitty Ewok should act as the tank of our two-person party.

The Ewok.

This guy.

Three solid feet of whoop-ass with a pointy stick, that one.

As might have been predicted, the little guy got hit hard. Hard enough that I needed to provide some quick medical attention before my brother-in-law had to roll up a new character.

With my Tuskan Raider nobleperson.

Who has no medical training.

Who earlier that game mistook the Ewok for a baby Wookie, and was promptly informed that no, they’re two separate species.

It went about as well as can be expected.

Which is to say: I rolled a 1.

18 notes
ernmark · 29 days ago
Text

One of my favorite little linguistic quirks is understatement to the point of making no statement at all, which somehow still means something.

I don’t have the breadth of experience to say whether it’s a generational thing, or just to a certain subculture of internet users, or what have you. But I do hear it a lot, and it makes me stupidly happy every time.

  • A man introduces himself as President Sir Lord Quentin Trembly II? “Oof. That’s a name.”
  • Just witnessed something bizarre or uncomfortable or just really unusual? “Well. That happened.”
  • Somebody asks you to describe the last book you read? “It sure was a book, alright.”

And the thing is, there’s no one set meaning to this kind of understatement, exactly? But I feel like regardless, it conveys something complex.

It can apply to something strange or ridiculous or just plain awful, it can mean “I liked it but it’s terrible” or “it’s got merit but I hated it”. It can be a safeguard of opinion so you don’t have to prescribe it a specific adjective, in case the person you’re talking to has strong opinions in a different direction. Hell, it could mean that you haven’t had enough time to properly form an opinion yet.

I think the current use is adjacent but not completely the same as its use in ‘90s and ‘00s media, usually when a character was forced to give an opinion on a sensitive subject. Often these scenes would have lines like “…your book was certainly… a book. And it definitely had pages. And chapters.” But whereas the older usage almost always came across as condescending and uncomfortable, there seems to be more shared humor in the modern usage.

It’s just such a strange little phenomenon, and I really like it. 

489 notes
ernmark · a month ago
Text

ernmark:

In the event that you find yourself walking down an unnaturally long hallway, alone with only a man who has no face:

  1. Remain calm. For all you know this may be an illusion created by a greater malevolent force to trick you into doing something stupid.
  2. If you are noticed by the man with no face, acknowledge him with a polite nod. In the event that he is an actor in a costume, a person with an unusual skin condition, or an ordinary human under a glamour, you don’t want to be rude. In the event that he isn’t human, he may take you for a fellow ghoul, already glamoured and on your way to take a victim of your own.
  3. Remain calm.
  4. If you are approached by the man with no face, stop. Wait. Politely, quietly allow him to ask you a question. Do not speak before he does.
  5. If he asks you a question, give him an answer. Do not give him your true name.
  6. If he lunges for you, take whatever you have on hand– your purse, your grocery bag, your umbrella– and fight him off. Do not touch him with your bare skin if you can help it.
  7. If an exit has appeared, run. If not, don’t let him out of your sight. Don’t let go of your weapon. Don’t assume that he can’t get up again until you’ve made sure.
  8. Find what you have faith in– your god, your friends, your lucky charm– and listen. Fear will chase you into danger. Faith will lead you home.
  9. When you return to where you belong, remember what you learned. Keep your eyes open as long as you have eyes.
  10. And if you find yourself in another long hallway with a frightened stranger and no face of your own, don’t worry. You’ll know what to do.
397 notes
ernmark · a month ago
Link
We’ve Got Depression All Wrong. It’s Trying to Save Us.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shouldstorm/202012/we-ve-got-depression-all-wrong-it-s-trying-save-us?fbclid=IwAR0pz8Jr691h5kKlKsnJU6rEm_cTq0z-TBe8KoyjlpxkAZiuQl64eEvqzpA
<p><a href="https://three--rings.tumblr.com/post/639792900590452736/weve-got-depression-all-wrong-its-trying-to" target="_blank">three&ndash;rings</a>:</p><blockquote><p><a href="https://ernmark.tumblr.com/post/639128561725423616/weve-got-depression-all-wrong-its-trying-to" target="_blank">ernmark</a>:</p><blockquote><blockquote><p> Sometimes the threat is so bad or goes on for so long, that the nervous system decides there is no way to fight or to flee. At that point, there is only one option left: immobilization. <br/></p></blockquote><p>This article has an interesting take on depression and why it exists in the first place– and some of this includes stuff that I and other depressed people have observed firsthand over the years.</p><p>Disassociation adds a layer of distance between the mind and the thing that’s causing it pain. Anhedonia cuts off all good feeling– but it dulls the intensity of harmful feelings, too. Those huge chunks of missing or fuzzy memory are often times when some part of your brain decided that you were more likely to survive if this period of time wasn’t clearly encoded. </p><p>And it brings to mind that often, the first feelings that return when I start to rise out of anhedonia are anger and frustration and rage. Looking at this model, it seems like that’s the fight response booting back up so you can finally get yourself out of whatever situation hurt you in the first place. </p><p>And I think that’s why a lot of people get brief episodes of serious depression– like after the death of a loved one or a natural disaster or other major things that they can’t possibly control– or even ‘less’ serious depression after a major disappointment, a breakup, etc. And then there are people like me where that protective mechanism went a little haywire and it kept going even after I got to a better situation. </p><p>And I think this is valuable to know– because if a major trigger is the feeling of no control, then understanding it properly can put some of that control back into our hands. </p></blockquote> <p>I’ve always said about depression that a lot of depression is a response to environmental stimulus.  Sometimes it’s acute, like a death or whatever.  But a lot of the time, in our modern world it’s chronic.  An employment situation that is necessary to endure.  Modern schooling.  An abusive family one can’t escape.  An unhappy marriage.  Dealing with chronic illness.  (Poverty on its own and in conjunction with the above, of course.)  Pervasive racism.  <br/></p><p>In those cases, it’s not so much that the brain is simply wired badly, it’s that it’s trying to cope with a stressor that we must endure rather than flee or fight.  Medication and therapy can help with both innate depressive brain malfunctions and ones that have environmental causes, but the treatment should be angled slightly differently.  And it’s always worthwhile to consider how to escape or remove the underlying cause WHEN POSSIBLE.  <br/></p><p>But yes, in some people, this mechanism isn’t so much heywire as super sensitive, I believe.  I see most mental illness as similar to normal human brain processes that exist in everyone, but dialed up all the way to 11 with the knob broken off.<br/></p></blockquote>
582 notes
ernmark · a month ago
Text

When I was in grade school, I noticed pretty quickly that I got punished more severely for being tardy than I did for missing a day entirely. So it got to the point that when I overslept, I’d have my mother call me in sick rather than come in late.

In college I learned that I lost more points for not having my paper done on time than for missing class. A really uncomfortable amount of my college career was spent a few hundred feet from the classroom I was supposed to be in at the time, frantically finishing an essay instead of attending class.

As an adult, I actively flee from people and situations if I feel like I haven’t done something that I owe them. I’m terrified of going to the dentist because I haven’t brushed as regularly as I should. I’d put off going to the doctor for years at a time because I hadn’t exercised as often as they wanted me to. I would actively reject calls from loved ones because I hadn’t played a game or watched a show or read a book that they wanted to talk to me about. And I’ll go radio-silent on tumblr and other social media when I feel like I owe someone a fic or a bit of meta that I haven’t done yet. If you’re wondering why I sometimes disappear for ages at a time, it’s that.

And it’s shitty. Because rationally I know that my loved ones aren’t going to hate me for not getting around to watching a show. My dentist won’t get mad at me. Now that I have an actually halfway decent doctor, I’m not even being fat-shamed in the office anymore. 

Twenty-some years of learned behavior is a hell of a thing to break out of. 

The first step in that direction is forgiving yourself. Teaching yourself that nobody’s going to punish you for failing to live all the way up to your obligations. 

And part of that is removing yourself from the people and environments that are going to reinforce that old way of thinking– not least of which are social media circles where somebody is punished more harshly for trying and making an honest mistake than for never trying at all.

And part of that is being open about that discomfort and fear, because it turns out that a whole lot of people are actually willing to cut you some slack and work with you instead. You don’t always have to give up and hide.

It’s something I’m working on. It’s something I fail at sometimes. A lot of times.

And that’s okay.

I’ll try again tomorrow.

184 notes
ernmark · a month ago
Text

ernmark:

I’ve been drowning myself in sci-fi over the holidays, and I noticed something.

There was a moment during “The Mandalorian” where I was watching Din Djarin rushing to rescue his baby and my immediate thought was “oh, he’s such a good dad…”

And then my immediate next thought was

“Is he, though?”

Keep reading

@july-19th-club

It’s a bit tangential to the original point, but this made me want to add that this power fantasy isn’t exclusive to father roles.

We see it overwhelmingly in depictions of… Most relationships involving men, honestly. But especially in romantic relationships, where devotion is proven by violence and possessive rage instead of all the little moments of intimacy and work that actually go into maintaining a relationship.

(And also, this is why queer stories tend to feel more solid than the cis-heterosexual default– because there’s more expectation to show those little moments in order to make the relationship believable).

229 notes
ernmark · a month ago
Text

I’ve been drowning myself in sci-fi over the holidays, and I noticed something.

There was a moment during “The Mandalorian” where I was watching Din Djarin rushing to rescue his baby and my immediate thought was “oh, he’s such a good dad…”

And then my immediate next thought was

“Is he, though?”

Now don’t get me wrong– I think as far as fictional father figures go, he’s one of the better ones by a significant margin. But that’s a low, low, low bar. If anything, Baby Yoda is more akin to a housecat than to a human toddler– decently good at keeping himself fed and entertained and generally alive, and all you really need to do is to make sure he doesn’t eat things that aren’t food and make sure he doesn’t die in extenuating circumstances.

Again, he actually does put more on-screen effort into actually caring for the kid as a child than most fictional father figures go, with moments of explicitly feeding, playing with, and cleaning him. Maybe all of five minutes’ worth over the course of two seasons, but at least it exists.

But the thing that made me think “aw, what a good dad” wasn’t the actual care and raising of a child. It was the marker that says “good dad” across most genre fiction:

By using violence to protect his ward from the violence of other men.

(See Logan, True Grit, Bioshock: InfiniteThe Last of Us, Taken, etc, etc, etc)

The thing is?

That’s not actually parenting.

At all.

It’s a power fantasy.

And I will outright admit, as somebody who is super uncomfortable about parenting, it’s a much more palatable and romantic story than the stuff involved in actually dealing with a wants and needs of a child. There’s nothing wrong with a power fantasy– but eventually genre fiction becomes so saturated with that particular power fantasy that it kind of worms into your head, until you’re thinking “ah yes, this man is ruthlessly violent in his protectiveness and therefore he’s Good Dad Material” as a reflex. 

Compare that with Benjamin Sisko’s relationship with his son Jake in Star Trek: Deep Space 9. Their relationship is such an intrinsic part of the show that it barely seems noteworthy, except that it is. 

And I recognize that a significant reason behind that is Benjamin Sisko’s actor pushing for positive representation of Black fatherhood on TV– but I think it’s exceptional for portrayals of genre fiction fathers across the board. 

Every single time they’re on screen together, Benjamin is actively parenting Jake– comforting him through little disappointments and major trauma, encouraging his interests (and coming to grips with those interests not aligning with his own plans), teasing him, cooking with him, disciplining him when he acts out, communicating with him. Multiple times Jake inadvertently forces his dad to confront his own biases and prejudices and become a better man because of it. The love and affection between them is palpable in every frame. And as the show goes on and Jake grows up, he’s allowed to venture out and make mistakes and get hurt– and instead of going in guns blazing to the rescue, Benjamin Sisko comforts him and helps him heal.

And weirdly enough, they manage to do all that with very few episodes actually centered on that relationship. This is all just constant background radiation of the show, with most of the stories focusing on alien politics and whatever the hell just popped out of the nearest wormhole.

I will add this addendum, though:

This is where fandom really thrives. Because they take all those sweet, wonderful family moments from one extreme and they apply them to the other, so that those Good Dad vibes are actually earned. It fills the space between spaces, especially in those works where the creators either couldn’t fit in the important little moments– either because of the limitations of the work, or because they themselves didn’t understand how important those moments really are. 

229 notes
ernmark · a month ago
Text

My younger brother is starting up a Star Wars RPG game for me and our brother-in-law.

Given that I’ve vibed with The Mandalorean more than most of the movies I’ve seen in the franchise, I decided to play a Tuscan Raider.

My brother-in-law will be playing an Ewok.

Neither of us is going to be able to speak the common dialect.

My brother helpfully designed us a translator droid to assist us. Unfortunately, it won’t be able to speak either of our native languages for at least the first level.

So this first Zoom game is going to consist almost entirely of my brother narrating as we babble gibberish and try to invent an interspecies sign language on the fly.

I’m gonna have fun.

23 notes
ernmark · a month ago
Text

Just dropping by to say I’m still here.

I haven’t listened to the new episode yet, but as soon as I’m in the right headspace to do so, I’ll shower you all with all the words I have in me.

Love to you all

<3

29 notes
ernmark · 2 months ago
Text

This list is a little tradition of mine, so here we go.

1). 19,642 notes - Jan 25 2020 - On executive dysfunction and decision fatigue

2). 1,277 notes - Jan 10 2020 - On old folk remedies to treat anemia (with a surprising amount of logic behind them)

3). 886 notes - Jan 8 2020 - What Jet sees when he looks at Juno and Peter

4). 768 notes - Sep 24 2020 - On paranoia and the little moments when we want to check up on our loved ones

5). 694 notes - Mar 28 2020 - On food, cultural osmosis and cultural sharing

6). 344 notes - Oct 19 2020 - On the origins of the names of certain elements

7). 314 notes - Oct 8 2020 - Among Us and the No Assholes rule

8). 230 notes - Mar 6 2020 - My attempt at a RvB TTRPG

9). 229 notes - Nov 16 2020 - Interactions between my dogs and the neighborhood children

10). 199 notes - Oct 18 2020 - Speculations about Juno’s narration of The Wedding

Created by TumblrTop10

11 notes
ernmark · 2 months ago
Link
We’ve Got Depression All Wrong. It’s Trying to Save Us.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shouldstorm/202012/we-ve-got-depression-all-wrong-it-s-trying-save-us?fbclid=IwAR0pz8Jr691h5kKlKsnJU6rEm_cTq0z-TBe8KoyjlpxkAZiuQl64eEvqzpA
<blockquote><p> Sometimes the threat is so bad or goes on for so long, that the nervous system decides there is no way to fight or to flee. At that point, there is only one option left: immobilization. <br/></p></blockquote><p>This article has an interesting take on depression and why it exists in the first place&ndash; and some of this includes stuff that I and other depressed people have observed firsthand over the years.</p><p>Disassociation adds a layer of distance between the mind and the thing that’s causing it pain. Anhedonia cuts off all good feeling&ndash; but it dulls the intensity of harmful feelings, too. Those huge chunks of missing or fuzzy memory are often times when some part of your brain decided that you were more likely to survive if this period of time wasn’t clearly encoded. </p><p>And it brings to mind that often, the first feelings that return when I start to rise out of anhedonia are anger and frustration and rage. Looking at this model, it seems like that’s the fight response booting back up so you can finally get yourself out of whatever situation hurt you in the first place. </p><p>And I think that’s why a lot of people get brief episodes of serious depression&ndash; like after the death of a loved one or a natural disaster or other major things that they can’t possibly control&ndash; or even ‘less’ serious depression after a major disappointment, a breakup, etc. And then there are people like me where that protective mechanism went a little haywire and it kept going even after I got to a better situation. </p><p>And I think this is valuable to know&ndash; because if a major trigger is the feeling of no control, then understanding it properly can put some of that control back into our hands. </p>
582 notes
ernmark · 2 months ago
Text

Why does Spider-Man call himself Spider-Man?

Yes, we as the audience know that the reason for his powers is the spider bite. But he doesn’t necessarily know that himself.

Depending on which incarnation of the franchise you’re dealing with, he doesn’t know the spider bite is anything remarkable at all. Yes, he got it right before he got his powers, but typically that happens right after he goes into a place with a lot of weird-ass experimental stuff going on. For all he knows, he got a blast of radiation or inhaled some messed-up gas from one of the many, many poorly-regulated experiments being run at the facility. And he’s a scientist– he should know better than anybody that correlation does not mean causation.

Also, consider his powers: strength, speed, super-healing, wall-climbing, and mild precognition. Again, it changes depending on the incarnation, but most of the time the web-shooters (the only explicitly spider-themed part of his schtick) is a technology, not an inherent power. Those same powers could just as easily be associated with a gecko or an ant. 

In some incarnations, it actually makes a little bit of sense– in that he’s got spiders on his mind (having just been bitten by one) when he chooses a scary-sounding name for his pro-wrestler-sona. But that only works for some of them.

26 notes
ernmark · 2 months ago
Text

Consider a Star Wars comedy of errors:

One day, while Luke is busy wrangling an entire gaggle of force sensitive children (seriously, what was he thinking? keeping track of a bunch of kids is hard enough, but these can make stuff levitate) he loses track of Grogu. 

Meanwhile, a couple space pirate smuggler types see this weird-ass creature they’ve never seen before, and they decide to snatch him and see if they can make a quick buck off the sale or bounty or ransom.

But when they bring him to a potential buyer, the contact goes pale.

“Oh. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no.”

“What’s wrong? Is it diseased or something?”

“No, you idiot. You just kidnapped the fuckin’ Prince of Mandalore. Do you have any idea what his father did to the last people who put a hand on his kid?”

“Wait, that guy? The one in the shiny armor? But this kid doesn’t look anything like him?”

“How would you know, he never takes off the damn helmet!”

Meanwhile Luke, exhausted and vaguely wondering if Chewie would be interested in babysitting while he takes a long-needed nap, realizes that he’s missing one of his students. He does a quick Force-ping to make sure that Grogu’s okay, but decides he’s gonna go out and get him before anything bad happens. 

Cue a long, drawn-out comedy in which a band of smugglers frantically ply little Grogu with frogs and shiny things while they try to return him to his father while fleeing the scary cloaked guy with the laser sword who keeps chasing after them.

Luke and the smugglers arrive at the doorstep of Din’s ship at just about the same time, trying to fight each other off to save the kid. Meanwhile Grogu, completely unperturbed, waddles through the chaos and into his bemused father’s open arms. 

Nobody, absolutely nobody, has any clue what the hell just happened. 

32 notes
ernmark · 2 months ago
Text

taleshunter:

ernmark:

Boomers: There has only ever been one fruitcake, which has been regifted–

My friends: fuck you, fruitcake is delicious.

Also my friends: There has only ever been one bread maker, which has changed hands a thousand times via Goodwill and Facebook Marketplace…

Me: There has ever only been one folktale, which has been told generation after generation, slowly changing in details…

35 notes