escapism-a-la-lin
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some things just need to be put out there
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BPD's Fear of Abandonment isn't the Same as Another Fear of Abandonment
tw// abandonment, could trigger BPD episodes and splitting (BPD-wise), mentions suicide
I hate when I see people downplay BPD and how it's "just a fear of abandonment" and "everyone is afraid of being abandoned." No, not everyone is. BPD and abandonment is one of the biggest criteria I've noticed people meet (along with the unstable relationships, which is connected). And it hurts to see people without BPD classify it as just a fear of abandonment that everyone has. BPD itself is so much more, but this post is directed towards the fear of abandoned.
How is it different?
1. For us, and it may differ for other people with BPD, we only fear abandonment from our FP's. Anyone else, we're okay with. Kind of like "I only need them, only them." People without BPD who have a fear of abandonment, tend to fear abandonment towards more than just a FP. It's typically towards friends, partners, family, etc. and not towards someone they're as reliant on. (That didn't make sense um- It's like people without BPD are afraid of abandonment from people close to them, while that's not necessarily the case for people with BPD.)
2. People with BPD notice any slight change. While people without BPD might try to notice changes, people with BPD's brains are wired to notice any slight change that their brain feels might lead to abandonment. Taking longer to respond, a change in tone, a change in body expression, and rejection, etc. can all lead to BPD episodes and splitting. People without BPD may notice changes, but most likely not to this level.
3. Validation and reassurance that we won't be abandoned is something we /need/ in order to not constantly be in a BPD episode. We're wired to be prepared for abandonment, to expect it, and to try and avoid it. Others with BPD may not experience this, but if we get reassurance and validation we won't be left and that they care about us, we're able to not constantly be in a BPD episode. They obviously still happen from the things I mentioned before, but it's not constant. People without BPD don't need this.
4. People without BPD don't use "extreme" measures to avoid abandonment. People with BPD are known to avoid getting close to people to avoid the abandonment we believe will come, abandoning others before they can abandon them, and more. We're even known for "threatening" suicide to avoid being abandoned. I put threatening in quotes because it's not really a threat. It really does sometimes feel like I'd rather not live than be abandoned.
That's all I've got right now. I'm currently really dissociated. If you have any others, comment them! But the general take away is: BPD's fear of abandonment is much different and shouldn't be compared to person without BPD's fear of abandonment. It's not normal to experience the fear this strongly and try to avoid it this much.
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I didn't "choose my own path", you just never gave me a fucking flashlight
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Oh look, it's a bingo card for childhood trauma.
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Some people say not to unalive bc then all the people who you don't like will post on social media about how much you meant to them.... but what about those of us whose bullies/undesirables would never even hear about our deaths? It doesn't quite apply does it?
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Love how I've been replaced in everyone's life within what, five months? Really gives you a perspective on your importance in this universe
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ADHD THINGS????
Does anybody else do or have these???
Zoning out hard enough that you repeat sounds you hear? Like you hear a car engine and literally say “Brrrrrrrrooooom” (I’m literally the worst for this!)
The constant need for music to be playing, or at least have headphones on my head to have the option to listen to it
Random spurts of energy that result in walking quickly around the house or clean your entire room at three in the morning
Can’t keep routines for the life of you, it’s either already implanted in your daily life or will never happen again (attempting meditation in the morning or working out)
Getting too excited and stimming by clapping a lot or slapping somebody, normally a sibling. Usually paired with squealing or laughing very very loudly
Somebody saying to ‘be quiet’ and feeling like you’re the worst person to ever exist then shutting up for the rest of the evening
Being completely overwhelmed and your brain completely shutting down, sending you to your happy place to actively avoid the problem you need to solve
Either not being hungry all day or starving because you’re hyper focusing on the fact you haven’t eaten in hours
Migraines from not drinking enough water then chugging to much when you remember
Hobbies involving hyper focusing and purchasing hundreds of dollars worth of stuff for it, just to get bored and let the stuff sit in the back of your closet
NAMES AND FACES! Being awful at matching names and faces then feeling completely awful about it when you forget their name!!!
When something breaks your routine, that’s it. You’re done for the day and you’re completely useless and refuse to do anything else
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Did I neglect and ruin some of my closest friendships because I'm depressed and neurodivergent or am I just a shitty person?: A Tragedy by Me
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Just a general question... if you ask your mother to do something for you so you can do your chores more regularly and reliably, and all she does is say how much of an inconvenience that is and tells you to stop hiding behind your add diagnosis... does that count as ableism? Or am I really just as useless as she makes me feel?
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It's really not all that great when you find out someone is an absolute trash bag of a human being but the rest of your friend group, whom you love very much, still thinks that person is an angel.
And then they distance themselves from you and you can't help but wonder if this is 2008 all over again and your former friend is spewing lies about you.
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I'm so fucking useless
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How do you explain to your teachers that you couldn't study five month's worth of content in one month because you were busy staying alive and fighting depression? Because where I'm from they will just say "sounds like a you problem" and continue with their life while you get left behind.
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Pov: you're alone on valentines day. No one texts you. Not even your friends. They are busy. You're alone. It also feels like a déjà-vù.
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Maybe text people directly instead of tagging them in "I miss you" or "ppl I wanna catch up with" posts.
If you miss me, show me on a personal level, don't tag me in some chain post, because that doesn't mean shit.
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