essieyou

[essieyou]

Blank

Surrounded by deceptive tongues

Your breath has blackened out my lungs

Fuck I want to leave this space

I hope that nothing over there awaits

All i crave is a quiet darkness

I give permission to be heartless

Blank I look at you and stare

Can’t you fucking see she is not there.

The girl you say you miss

Just bite your tongue and reminisce

She is gone she’s not returning

My shell awake, alive, its burning

My heart is dead, deadly and dying

But they say just keep trying

I am waiting for the moment

The breath that will be carefully chosen

For the time of relief, I will wait

Till all I know have taken the bait

The moment of safety I remember

That tired drifting of unconscious pleasure.

This time I will be more careful

So not to be disrespectful

To scare the people that meant a lot

Inflicting more pain, I will not.

This time I will not be found.

I will go back to the ground.

[essieyou]

He Is In Sync With Light

Never walking a straight line

A confusing enigma

Always making semi circles

Before going side ways

That’s how he finds you

He stumbles into you

On his way to nowhere

And everywhere.

His knowledge is terrified

Of what he will never find

Absolutely fearless of what he will.

His shadow takes bites from people

Unwilling to let the bruised slip past

His heart and shadow work together

Filtering through peoples hurt

Tearing into open wounds

Prying shrapnel from the flesh.

Laying it all on the table

Subjecting it to the most logical dissection.

All the while beneath his surface.

His heart is chained and locked

A captive in a cage of his logic.

It creates a wall he will not acknowledge

A hard chrysalis he exists within

His perception is his deception

Claiming to be an open book

Whilst true, he is the author.

Where others might write a chapter

He will write three words.

There is a fragility to his soul

Broken, mended, broken, cemented.

He draws strength from the density.

Yet, he is a magnet for the broken

He doesn’t fully comprehend the reason

Beyond his own perceived darkness

He carries incredible light.

When people are in the dark

All they want, is to go towards the light.

-EssieYou

#spilled poem #poetry #freeverse poem #poetsandwriters #emotions #short poem #poets on tumblr #friends

[essieyou]

A silent heart beat

Is stopped

A god who doesn’t respond

Is dead

- EssieYou

[essieyou]

Aqua

When I was a kid I was fascinated by water

How it moved and how it flowed

It could be still and it could be fierce

I loved big things, wonderous things

Things that were so vast I couldn’t see where they ended.

I loved the thrill of actively seeking.

Plunging myself into deep waters.

Swimming far out into the ocean.

Conquering the tall waves.

I was born to be in the water.

The river made me feel like a fish.

Swimming in the water next to sting rays was a norm of my childhood.

I had no fear.

My sister would run screaming from the water

I would name them and call them my brothers.

Let me in a pool and I wouldn’t get out until I was plucked out by grown hands.

Darkness did not mean it was too late to swim.

Other kids prayed for toys.

I would pray for gills.

I wanted the ability to swim endlessly.

Somewhere along the line my body

Got in the way of my heart.

The ocean dumped me

Nearly broke me.

Fear stole my living fascination.

But it did not end the quiet wonder.

A decade too late my dried heart runs to you.

Aqua, you are a mystery I love to be submerged in.

We were born to be together.

-EssieYou

#poetry #spilled poem #freeverse poem #poetsandwriters #short poem #poets on tumblr #friends

[essieyou]

Soon the foot prints will be washed away

An incoming tide will make them an invisible history.

#oceanbeach #poetry #ocean #pictures #photography #spilled poem

[essieyou]

Fall

If I fall and no one is around to hear

Did I really fall?

The short answer is yes

The long answer is no

In short

I fell and it hurt

I screamed

But I turned my scream into courage

Just so I could wipe my tears

Look you in the eyes and say

I have always been

Bleeding.

This is normal for me

Don’t take it out of context

Don’t put reason to rhyme.

Look at me, I am good.

I don’t need you

Not for a single second.

I know the outcome here

You might bandage this

Gaping wound

Just to tare it apart again

To rip new holes in my flesh

You’ll Look into my eyes and

Question why I am now in pain.

I’ll ask you why

Why you bandaged me up

Only to do more damage

than was there before.

But, you’ll blame the ground.

This treacherous rough road.

Say I tripped and fell.

Just like you swear I did before

You met me.

So the long answer is no.

I didn’t fall.

I will never fall for anything again.

-EssieYou

#poetry #spilled poem #freeverse poem #emotions #poetsandwriters #sad poem #poets on tumblr #friends #heartache #pathological liars #short poem #i want to be alone

[essieyou]

A Simple Ode To My Perpitrators

I have claimed back what you took.

This body is no longer your play thing.

These toes will never point in your direction.

These feet will never step to your orders.

These knees will never bend to your will.

These thighs will never be forced in any direction.

You never had a right to enter my body.

This stomach will never again be used as a reason.

A siren call about why I will never be enough.

The reason that only you could ever see it and not be in disgust.

My breasts are not your property and will never again be compared to another woman’s.

These shoulders will never hold the weight of your world.

These arms will never be left bruised with the evidence of your strength to pin.

These hands will never build your false good reputation whilst you destroy my truthful good one.

This neck will never hold a pulse of fear, afraid of what you will do next.

This mouth will never speak your twisted cover ups and taste your poisoned kiss.

These eyes will never again see your crocodile tears feigning emotions you know nothing about.

This hair will never be cut short for your liking.

This body will never be clothed in anything I do not choose it to be.

This body, is my body.

My toes will point in the direction I choose to go.

My feet will walk my own journey.

My knees will bend to my will.

My thighs are mine to control.

I have the right to say NO and choose who enters my body.

My stomach is mine and you were wrong because I can see it and not be in disgust- I am someone.

My breasts are mine and they are a beautiful part of womanhood.

My shoulders are to carry my world and no one else’s.

My arms are free.

My hands will only build for me.

My neck will only be a holder for fine jewellery and invited kisses.

My mouth will only speak my truth and taste the kiss of a good man.

My eyes will see through all lies and look upon truth.

My hair will grow long because when my hair grows long I feel the most myself.

My body is now clothed in armour.

This is my body.

It is the external wrapping of a mind that has taken decades of abuse.

Abuse in every sense of the word.

So many perpetrators I have lost count.

For years every inch of my body has carried their secrets.

The darkest parts of themselves that they released onto me.

As if my body was a punching bag for their demons.

These perpetrators chose me because I had a loud heart and a quiet mouth.

I have let people hurt me until I was laying on the floor with nothing left.

Then quietly, I let them use me as a stepping stone to their next accomplishment.

After all this, I am sorry to say you did break my mind. For a moment.

But believe it or not people cared enough to save me even when I no longer wanted to be alive.

People cared, something you said was truely impossible for me.

My mind has now seen the mistakes and is returning stronger.

Stronger than you ever thought possible.

I will never again let anyone puppeteer my mind.

Hurt me again and you’ll hear how loud I’ll scream.

There will be nothing to drown out the sound of what you’ve done.

This body and this heart is mine.

To everyone who slowly took pieces of it

Check your pockets or your dungeons

Or wherever you’ve kept me all these years.

I am no longer there.

I’m here. In my body. Whole. Where I belong.

This body can take pain the strongest medicine known to man couldn’t fix.

My mind and soul can rise above it.

This body is mine. This big heart is mine. This mind is mine.

I am a strong woman and no one will take that from me.

- EssieYou

#poetry #spilled poem #freeverse poem #emotions #poetsandwriters #poets on tumblr #womanhood #strong #watchmegrow #stronger #ode to you #body #words of mine #button poetry #look at her now

[essieyou]

My body is mine

No one will ever

Take it again.

[essieyou]

The Russian Doll

Like a Russian doll

There are layers

Faces beneath the

Expressions of each

Entire women tucked

Safely away from those

Who do not suspect

If you have a learned mind

A wrench in your words

You may pry open and find

The first or second

Each one will make you

Feel as though you know

All there is to know.

No one will ever infiltrate

Through the safe protective layers

To find the deepest parts.

Her littlest most protected dolls

Her soul and her true being

Will always be hidden

Making people believe they have

Seen all there is to see

That’s the trick of the Russian Doll

That’s all they’ll ever know.

-EssieYou

#poetry #spilled poem #freeverse poem #emotions #poetsandwriters #poets on tumblr #short poem #sad poem

[essieyou]

Spin

I follow the equal sign to logic

Only to mess up the answer

Is there truly only one to find

It’s like playing spin the bottle

With your mind, only this time

You don’t get a kiss

You become the bottle

Destined to spin and spin

Landing on theory after question

There is no rest

The game doesn’t stop

Until you do.

-EssieYou

#poetry #spilled poem #freeverse poem #emotions #poetsandwriters #sad poem #short poem #poets on tumblr #philosophy

[essieyou]

My God

They called

“My God my God

Why have you

Forsaken me”

Was it because

He was never

There at all?

I was all alone

Maybe

We all are

Now what to

Hold dear

I am now lost

- EssieYou

#spilled poem #poetry #freeverse poem #emotions #poetsandwriters #short poem #sad poem #poets on tumblr

[essieyou]

Disappearing

I fell so in love with falling

That deep disappearing

I can’t help but long for it

How can something be an

Unchosen happy place

All alone but completely okay

So happy, so content

Those emotions finally made sense

Why had I never felt this much peace?

I feel trapped now

Pulled back from a dream

In a state of taboo to say

I miss the falling

The grass

The fading in and out

The shooting stars

Transport me back

Just for a moment

I am so sorry

Let me be in that moment

Please, just stop loving me

Let me be disappearing

-EssieYou

#poetry #spilled poem #freeverse poem #emotions #poetsandwriters #short poem #sad poem #friends #poets on tumblr

[essieyou]

Memories To Dust

I peruse with wonder these written words

My running thoughts have them blurred

As they attempt to nestle inside my head

The new wonders exchanged for dread

I will not give up

I will try again

Having a captivating conversation

My mind leaves the page to the violation

Pulled from a brilliant mind of the 16th Century

To a constant reel of flashing memory

I will not let you win

You will not ruin me

The girl in which you were aquatinted

Did something you wouldn’t have anticipated

Has finally snapped your monstrous chains

She has set your rule book up in flames.

She is fighting to stop every memory

You will never again steal her identity.

She is going to come out of this even better

This Woman is putting herself back together.

-EssieYou

#poetry #spilled poem #emotions #ptsd #poetsandwriters #short poem #poets on tumblr

[essieyou]

Incipient

This incipient situation

A period of virtual manipulation

Heart of desperation

Has been voided of expectation

A step back from all relation

Learn comfort in the situation

Ending social participation

For the deeper preoccupation

All by my own causation

Questioning my past spiritualisation

Leaning into the depersonalisation

Attention to the globalisation

Pulling away for disorganisation

No longer falling folly to idealisation

Reaching for intellectualisation

Taking baby steps towards legalisation

I’m not here for victimisation

You see I’ve come to the realisation

The world is full of Synchronisation

You must decipher the Symbolisation

To question the illuding visualisation

Sorting calls for Theorisation

To test the tried and near ancient equation

I will find the fluctuation

With my intense infatuation

It is imperative for my perpetuation.

- EssieYou

#poetry #spilled poem #emotions #poetsandwriters #poets on tumblr #short poem #philosophy #deep meanings #friends #social good #spirituality #questions

[essieyou]

A Shooting Star

Last time I saw a

Shooting star I was ten

Up too late babysitting

A six foot tall

overgrown toddler.

I told myself next time

I saw a shooting star

I would know I was the

happiest and safest

I’ll ever be.

Fourteen years later

Laying in that grass

Body feeling the pull

Of gravity like never before

Yet somehow feeling

Utterly weightless

Staring up at the night sky

I got my shooting star

Many flew into my sight

One at a time

I’ve never felt more

Peaceful

Is it possible

To love the feeling

That removes all feeling

Maybe it is true

That a constantly

Broken heart

Eventually falls in love

With the darkness.

-EssieYou

#poetry #spilled poem #freeverse poem #emotions #poetsandwriters #poets on tumblr

[essieyou]

Cold

Giggling and agreeing

No one is seeing

Smiling and nodding

Bones are sobbing

Agreeing completely

Feeling nothing deeply

Blood is running cold

From this life I still hold

But as I move forward

With my heart solidly boarded

I will try to understand

With what I’ve got on hand

The complexity and meaning

To this realms repeating

To wake my heart

Revive her by art

Mend my soul

and try make all whole.

-EssieYou

#poetry #spilled poem #emotions #poetsandwriters #sad poem #poets on tumblr #short poem #poem

[essieyou]

In between

When it happened

I didn’t die

But life I abandoned

Now I’m here

In between

What is real

And what is unseen

For knowledge of the unknown

My appetite is unquenchable

Though, one word rings through

You are completely forgettable.

- EssieYou

#poetry #spilled poem #freeverse poem #emotions #poetsandwriters #sad poem #short poem