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etrrhome · 3 years
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When it comes to renting, you don’t want to spend a lot of money on transforming your space, or make any permanent changes. However, it is important to make your rental feel your own, so that you have a comfortable and cosy space to come home to at the end of the day.
Here’s how to add your own unique style to your rental, without having to spend a lot or lose your deposit...
1. Add Personality with Removable Wall Treatments
While few landlords may let you paint walls, removable wall treatments are a great way to update your space without having to make permanent changes. What’s more is removable wallpaper and wall stickers can be taken with you when you move, so you won’t be out of pocket.
2. Created a Layered Look with Soft Furnishings
One of the easiest ways to add personality to your space is through the use of soft furnishings. This is a great opportunity to create a colour scheme, add texture and create that homely feel. Try layering soft furnishings, adding a number of cushions and a throw or two to sofas and beds, hanging floor length curtains at windows, and a rug under your coffee table or at the foot of your bed. Lots of textures, a few patterns and some colour will elevate your space and make it feel your own.
3. Breathe Life into Your Space with Houseplants
Houseplants can have a real impact in your home. Just a few in each room can make a huge difference. Try investing in a few plants of different sizes, opting for larger plants to add interest to an unloved corner, and smaller plans to sit on shelves or window sills - trailing plants are great for high shelves. Elevate your style further with beautiful pots that fit in with your scheme.
Love your Home
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etrrhome · 3 years
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WRINKLED HEART
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Learning Objective:
- Understand how different words feel differently when spoken.
- Understand the effect of hurtful words as leaving a mark on the heart.
- Understand how to show goodness by using words correctly.
Quran Verse:
Wa quloo lin naas husna
speak kindly to people 2:83
1. Have the children feel a piece of sandpaper and gently rub it over their arms. Talk about how it feels rough and hurts.
2. Have the children feel some cotton wool and talk about how it feels soft and gentle.
3. Discuss how different words feel differently when spoken. Some words feel rough and hurt the heart and others are soft and kind.
4. Use a large paper heart and ask for examples of 'sandpaper' words or phrases that make you feel sad. For each suggestion make a fold in the heart. Children can also do this on their own individual paper hearts or pass the heart around a circle and let each child have a turn.
5. Then talk about and have the children share 'cotton wool' words that make them feel good. For each response open back each fold.
Ask the children how the heart looks. Discuss the effects that hurtful behaviour can have on someone's heart as the wrinkles never come out completely.
Before we speak we must think and be smart. It's hard to fix a wrinkled heart
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etrrhome · 3 years
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1. BE SINCERE
إنَّمَا الْأَعْمَالُ بِالنِّيَّاتِ
Actions are (judged) by intentions.
[Bukhari and Muslim]
2. BE NICE
وَخَالِقِ النَّاسَ بِخُلُقٍ حَسَنٍ
Behave well towards the people.
[40 Hadith Nawawi 18]
3. LEAVE OFF THINGS WITH NO BENEFIT
مِنْ حُسْنِ إسْلَامِ الْمَرْءِ تَرْكُهُ مَا لَا يَعْنِيهِ
Part of the perfection of one’s Islam is his leaving that which does not concern him.
[40 Hadith Nawawi 12]
4. FOLLOW A BAD DEED WITH A GOOD DEED
وَأَتْبِعْ السَّيِّئَةَ الْحَسَنَةَ تَمْحُهَا
Follow up a bad deed with a good deed which will wipe it out.
[40 Hadith Nawawi 18]
5. SPEAK GOOD
مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ
He who believes in Allah and the Last Day should either speak good or keep silent.
[Sahih Muslim 47A]
Say good words hadith on manners and good character
6. SAY GOOD WORDS
‏َالْكَلِمَةُ الطَّيِّبَةُ صَدَقَةٌ
It is also charity to utter a good word.
[Al- Bukhari, and Muslim]
7. SPEAK THE TRUTH
إِنَّ الصِّدْقَ يَهْدِي إِلَى الْبِرِّ وَإِنَّ الْبِرَّ يَهْدِي إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ
Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise.
[Sahih al-Bukhari 6094]
8. GETTING RID OF HARM
وَتُمِيطُ الْأَذَى عَنِ الطَّرِيقِ صَدَقَةٌ
Removing a harmful object from the road is a charity.
[Hadith Nawawi 26]
9. DO NOT BE ANGRY
لاَ تَغْضَبْ
Do not become angry.
[Sahih Bukhari 6116]
10. THE STRONG ONE
لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ
The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.
[Sahih Bukhari 6114]
11. DO NOT HARM OTHERS
لَا ضَرَرَ وَلَا ضِرَارَ
Do not cause harm and return harm.
[40 Hadith Nawawi 32]
Do not harm others hadith on manners for kids and good character
12. DO NOT BACKBITE
لَا يَدْخُلُ اَلْجَنَّةَ قَتَّاتٌ
The backbiter will not enter Paradise.
[Bukhari and Muslim]
13. HELP THOSE IN HARDSHIP
منْ يَسَّرَ عَلَى مُعْسِرٍ يَسَّرَ اللهُ عَلَيْهِ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ
Whoever helps ease one in difficulty, Allah will make it easy for him in this world and in the Hereafter.
[Muslim]
Cover the faults of others teaching kids about manners and good character in Islam
14. COVER THE FAULTS OF OTHERS
وَمَنْ سَتَرَ مُسْلِمًا سَتَرَهُ اللهُ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ
Whoever covers the faults of a Muslim, Allah will cover his faults in this world and in the Hereafter.
[Muslim]
15. HELP OTHERS
واللهُ فِي عَوْنِ الْعَبْدِ مَا كَانَ الْعَبْدُ فِي عَوْنِ أَخِيْهِ
Allah helps the servant as long as he helps his brother.
[Muslim]
16. DO NOT BE ARROGANT
لَا يَدْخُلُ الْجَنَّةَ مَنْ كَانَ فِي قَلْبِهِ مِثْقَالُ ذَرَّةٍ مِنْ كِبْرٍ
He who has in his heart an ant’s weight of arrogance will not enter Jannah.
[Muslim]
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etrrhome · 3 years
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Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “O Allah, bless my nation in their early mornings (i.e., what they do early in the morning).”… (Sunnan Ibn Majah)
Success comes from what you do with your time and how you structure your days. The morning holds the hours when there are no distractions and fewer temptations to steer you off course. No kids to feed, house to tidy or a toddler to please.
Later in the day, you lose that control as distractions creep in and studies have suggested that ability to exert self-control and resist temptation decreases gradually throughout the day. During these hours, you have the ability to get ahead, take massive action on your big goals and feel accomplishment.
There is nothing like starting the day knowing that you’ve already prayed, exercised, and ticked off important tasks. The truth is that the first couple hours of your day are the most productive and create momentum for the rest of your day.
Benefits of  having a morning routine
Spiritual Benefits:
One the greatest benefits of the morning is Fajr, there is a sense of inner peace when one prayers the dawn prayers. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “The two Rak’ah before the dawn (Fajr) prayer are better than this world and all it contains.” ( sahih Muslim)
Physical benefits:
Many studies suggest that we eat less calories if we sleep early and wake up early. Not to mention that we have more energy and are more motivated to get a workout in.
Quality ‘me’ Time:
There are so many different demands on our time that we simply forget time for ourselves. Time for self-reflection and contemplation. According to some research by creating and following a morning routine your stress, depression and anxiety levels will start to decrease and your life satisfaction level will begin to increase.
Mindset Benefits:
Ever find your mind always stimulated and going from one thought or idea to the next? One benefit that comes with having a morning routine that works, is that it helps you focus so you can use your energy on what matters most.
The Prophet’s Morning Routine
The best morning routines start the night before.
Abu Barzah al-Aslami (radhi allahu anhu) said that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) used to prefer to delay Isha, and he did not like to sleep before it or talk after it.”  [Saheeh al-Bukharee]
The Prophet (ﷺ) stated, Our Lord descends to the lowest heaven every night when the last third of the night begins when He says, ‘Who calls Me to answer him? Who asks Me to give him? Who asks Me for forgiveness to forgive him? (Sahih Bukhari and Muslim)
Action step: Go to sleep after Isha and if you can wake up 10-20 minutes before fajr in order to pray Witr.
Sitting in the place where you have prayed
Hadeeth of Sammaak ibn Harb, who said: “I asked Jaabir ibn Samurah,
‘Did you used to sit with the Messenger of Allaah?’ He said, ‘Yes, frequently. He would not get up from the place where he had prayed Subh until the sun rose. When the sun rose, he would get up. They used to talk about things that had happened during the Jaahiliyyah (days of ignorance), and they would laugh and smile.” Saheeh Muslim (1/463)
Action Step: Stay seated at the place you have prayed until sun rise
Start your day on a light note (or reward yourself)
One benefit that we should not overlook here is that after the prophet (sallaahu alaihi wasalam) worshiped Allah and gave Him his due rights, the prophet (salalaahu alaihi wasalam) would laugh and smile subhannalah.
It was also narrated that the Messenger (sallal-laahu-alayhi-wasallam) said: “O Allah, bless my people in their early mornings.” When he sent out a detachment or an army, he sent them at the beginning of the day. Sakhr was a merchant, and he would send off his merchandise at the beginning of the day; and he became rich and had much wealth.(Sunan Abu Dawud)
Action Step: Start your day after sunrise, do something for you. It is so crucial that you take this time as me time first because as mothers we struggle to find this time. If there is something that you want to do that makes you happy, now is the time to do it. Before the kids wake up
Serve your Family
We understand that when the prophet was not leading the people in prayer he was at home serving his family. ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) was asked: What did the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) do in his house? She said: He was a human being like any other; he would clean his garment, milk his sheep and serve himself. (Narrated by Ahmad)
Action Step: Serve your family when they wake up. There is nothing calmer than being ready for your kids, with breakfast on the table and ready to talk to them about the day ahead (this is also backed by science).
By following the Prophets (sallaalahu alaihi wasalam) sunnah, and setting your intentions to doing it for the sake of Allah you are turning actions and habits that you would other wise have already done into worship (insha Allah).
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etrrhome · 4 years
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etrrhome · 4 years
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etrrhome · 4 years
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What To Do If You Are NOT Going For Hajj?
The first ten days of Dhul-Hijjah are the most beloved to Allah.
The Prophet testified to that. He said:
...
There are no days in which righteous deeds are more beloved to Allah than these ten days. (Bukhaari)
WHAT ACTIVITIES IN THESE 10 DAYS WILL BRING THE REWARD OF JANNAH?
Obviously, Hajj is one of the best deeds that one can do during these ten days. However for those of us who were not invited to His House this year, there are still many, good deeds that one can do and earn the Pleasure of Allah.
Some of these are:
1) Fast all nine days and especially fast the Day of Arafah
The Prophet (PBUH) said:
Anyone who fasts for one day for Allah’s pleasure, Allah will keep his face away from the (Hell) fire for (a distance covered by a journey of) seventy years. (Bukhari, Muslim)
The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to fast on the ninth day of Dhul-Hijjah and he said:
Fasting the Day of Arafah (ninth Dhul-hijjah) is an expiation for (all the sins of) the previous year and an expiation for (all the sins of) the coming year. (Muslim)
2) Do a LOT of Dhikr and Takbeer
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
There are no days on which good deeds are greater or more beloved to Allah than on these ten days, so recite much Tahleel (saying Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah), Takbeer (saying Allahu Akbar) and Tahmeed (saying Al-hamdu Lillaah).(Ahmad -Saheeh)
Ibn Umar and Abu Hurayrah used to go out in the marketplace during the first ten days of Dhul-Hijjah, reciting Takbeer, and the people would recite Takbeer when they heard them. (Bukhaari)
Takbeer at this time is a Sunnah. So recite it in the masjid, in your home, on the street and every place where it is permitted to remember Allah.
Revive the Sunnah that have been virtually forgotten and earn great rewards for doing so.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
Whoever revives an aspect of my Sunnah that is forgotten after my death, he will have a reward equivalent to that of the people who follow him, without it detracting in the least from their reward.(Tirmidhi- a hasan hadeeth)
Men should recite these phrases out loud, and women should recite them quietly.
3) Stand in Night Prayers: (Tahajud, Qiyam al Layl)
Remember the virtues of spending the night in prayer, and its sweetness in Ramadan?
Why not revive this beautiful act of worship during these nights as well?
Remember, how in the last third of every night, Allah Almighty calls out to us, His servants: Is there anyone to invoke Me, so that I may respond to his invocation? Is there anyone to ask Me, so that I may grant him his request? Is there anyone seeking My forgiveness, so that I may forgive him? (Bukhaari, Muslim)
Why do we miss this golden opportunity? So, seize the chance NOW and expose yourself to His Divine Generosity and Mercy, ask Him to forgive you and guide you and set things aright. He will surely listen.
4) Make Sincere Repentance.
One of the most important action during these ten days is to repent sincerely to Allah and to give up all kinds of disobedience and sin right away because we do not know when we will die and thus become unable to repent, and also because one evil deed leads to another.
But what does repentance mean?
It means that you come back to Allah and give up all the deeds, open and secret, that He dislikes. that you regret whatever you did in the past, giving it up immediately and be determined never ever, to return to it, and resolve to adhere firmly to the Truth by doing whatever Allah loves.
But as for him who repented, believed and did righteous deeds, then he will be among those who are successful. [Al-Qasas 28:67]
5) Come back to the Quraan
It is time now to dust off your copy of the Quraan and return to its refuge. Make it a daily habit, using these 10 days the beginning of a strong and beautiful relationship with it. Read it with meaning, reflect on it, understand it, and then implement it in your daily life.Remember that reading one letter of the Quraan earns you ten rewards.
In this way, reading Surat Al-Fatihah, which doesn’t take more than two minutes, will give you more than one thousand rewards!
This is on ordinary days, so what about these magnificent days! Certainly the reward will be far greater, Insha Allah.
6) Increase ALL the types of good deeds.
If we are unable to go to Hajj this year, we should occupy ourselves in the worship of Allah; pray extra prayers (Nafilah) recite the Quraan. Make Dhikr of Allah, send Salaams on the Prophet, make dua, give charity, honor our parents, uphold ties of kinship, enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, and add other good deeds and acts of worship during these days.
So whosoever does good equal to the weight of an atom, shall see it; And whosoever does evil equal to the weight of an atom, shall see it.[Al-Zalzalah 99:7-8]
7) Get the reward of Hajj wherever you are:
You may be unable to do Hajj this year, and you may feel sad. However, you can get the reward of it right where you are.The Prophet said:
Whoever prays Fajr Prayer in congregation, and then sits and remembers Allah until the sun rises, then (after a while) prays two rakas, he will gain a reward equal to that of making perfect Hajj and Umrah.[He repeated the word "perfect" thrice.] (At-Tirmidhi)
Slaughter an animal and distribute the meat.
Ibn Umar said: The Prophet lived in Madeenah for 10 years and every year he slaughtered an animal. (Ahmad-Saheeh by al-Albaani)
9) Attend Eid prayers
But remember that Eid prayer is a form of worship and we should avoid unislamic behavior (especially) in dress and in etiquette during these times.
10) Thank Allah
One of the best forms of worshipping Allah Subhaanahu wa Taala is to thank Him, deeply, sincerely and continuously.
Alhamdulillah, there is much to be gained in these coming days. Hasten to do good deeds and striving hard in worship .
And worship your Lord until there comes unto you the certainty (death).[Al-Hijr 15:99]
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etrrhome · 4 years
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The biggest secret to a happier home is people living in it, the attitudes we come in the door with, and the simpler things that we can do to the space we call home each time we’re in it that don’t cost a thing.
Of course, everyone has a different idea of what will make their home feel intimate and like a place that they want to snuggle up in, but, to try and master the art of hygge, here are some of the best ways that you can change things in your home.
3 tips how to make your home feel more warm and cosy
1. Add a flame or two
add in a few candles around the room, once they are lit then the whole space is going to feel a whole lot warmer.
2. Bring some of the outdoors in
Plant some plants in the rooms that you use the most, or, treat yourself to some beautiful flowers.
3. Add Texture
Oh, this one is my favourite! Soft materials and furnishings create a more sensual feel – items such as cosy cushions add warmth to the experience.
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etrrhome · 4 years
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etrrhome · 4 years
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To be continued....
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etrrhome · 4 years
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31 Q - to ask to your kids!
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Take a look at these amazing benefits to offer about the importance of having conversations with your children:
Kids learn conversation skills like how and when to talk versus listen
We reflect on our days, how we felt, and the choices we made
Conversation starters for kids opens up topics that otherwise wouldn’t be shared
All family members learn about one another
You’re able to celebrate successes and how to support and encourage one another
Kids value how others feel
You’re able to reinforce family values like kindness, respect, and perseverance
Kids build confidence and competence
You practice gratitude
You strengthen the family bond
These questions will reveal so much about you and your family. They’re fun, insightful, and a fantastic way to get kids to open up.
What was your favorite part of the day?
Who did you play with at school?
How were you kind to someone today?
What are you proud of?
What are you thankful for?
What’s one good thing you’re really good at?
Who’s the nicest person you know?
Which family member do you love seeing the most?
What are you looking forward to this [season/month/week]?
How would you change the world when you grow up?
What could our family do that would make the world better?
What superpower would you like to have?
If you could only keep one toy, which toy would it be?
Pretend you could be the teacher: what rules would you have in the classroom?
If you could be an animal, which one would you be?
Would you rather [blank] or [blank]? (e.g. go to the pool or beach)
If we spent time alone just you and me, what would you want to do (or where would you want to go)?
Let’s say you could be any age, what age would you be?
If you could be any cartoon character, who would you be?
What does it mean to be a good friend?
What do you think makes a family close?
What makes you feel happy?
How do you cheer yourself up when you feel sad?
What’s your favorite book?
What’s your favorite meal?
What do you like best about our family?
What’s your favorite thing to do as a family?
What’s your favorite thing about [a family member]?
What do you like best about school [or camp, swim class, etc]?
What’s your favorite holiday of the year?
What’s your favorite room in our home?
remember, there isn’t a “right” answer, no matter how whimsical theirs might be. It’s perfectly fine for your child to say she would love to be a unicorn or fly to the clouds to cheer herself up.
Above all, apply these questions to learn, grow, and bond with your child—whether over nightly dinners or even waiting in line at the grocery store.
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etrrhome · 4 years
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Every Eid we try to fly home to family and friends. I had full plans to visit this year as well. However, it seems like we will be celebrating it all by ourselves! I am not going to lie, it made me really sad at first. But then I remembered that Eid is special, alone or with others, and I must make the most of this day with my kids.⁣  ⁣ Here are some ideas to make Eid exciting in quarantine, especially for your kids: ⁣ ⁣ 𝟏. 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞! There is nothing that builds excitement  for an event than banners being put up and gifts being wrapped, and favor boxes being filled. Involve your kids to help you set up for Eid. ⁣ ⁣ 𝟐. 𝐁𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐦: Have a lavish breakfast/brunch and enjoy all the sweets because Eid is the festival of sweets. ⁣ ⁣ 𝟑. 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬: Start with the grandparents and make your way down the list of family and friends to wish Eid to.⁣ ⁣ 𝟒. 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐣𝐢𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐞. Drive to family and friends and safely wave. ⁣ ⁣ 𝟓. 𝐒𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐢𝐝 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐚𝐭: Eid is a form of ibadah so don’t forget to recite the Takbiraat out loud.  ⁣ ⁣ 𝟔. 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐮𝐩: Nothing screams party than a fancy outfit! Plus, it is sunnah to dress up in your finest clothes on Eid.   ⁣ ⁣ 𝟕. 𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐄𝐢𝐝 𝐒𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐡 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲: set up a tent or an area in the backyard to pray the Eid salah together as a family. ⁣ ⁣ 𝟖. 𝐆𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐆𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐬: Open up presents with your kids and drop off sweets, gifts, or even greeting cards to family and friends. Gift giving is the perfect sunnah to build love between each other. ⁣ ⁣ 𝟗. 𝐄𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐄𝐢𝐝 𝐆𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬: Spend the day doing Eid games with your kids. Put up a pinata, have a gift treasure hunt, do crafts, play with bubbles - anything so that it is not a regular normal day. ⁣
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etrrhome · 4 years
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Don’t be a.......
When you grab your young child's arm, dig your fingers and nails into them, jerk them around, or do anything that leaves a mark on their body...that's physically abusive.. When you taunt them because they're crying by imitating them and making faces mocking them...that's emotionally abusive.
When you call them names or make fun of their intelligence (or lack thereof)...that's verbally abusive.
When you threaten them with harsh and horrific punishments in the next life for disobeying you...that's spiritually abusive.
Child abuse is ugly and has many faces. No parent perceives their actions as abusive, but if we took a hard look at how many among us treat the most vulnerable members of our family, we are likely to find abusive behavior or something very close to it.
Children may test our patience, may push our buttons, may anger us and exasperate us in ways that very few others can, but just because we brought them into this world does NOT mean we can do whatever we want to them and justify it.
They belong to GOD and He is watching our every word, our every look, and our every action towards them.
Let's not delude ourselves to think that just because we feed them, shelter them, and send them off to school, that we're doing enough. God is the Sustainer of ALL life (including ours). We are just a means (sabab), but we are certainly NOT the source of their sustenance.
PROTECTING THEM FROM HARM IS ALSO OUR JOB, BY THE WAY. SO HOW EXACTLY ARE WE DOING THAT WHEN *WE* ARE THE SOURCE OF THAT HARM?
If you have anger management issues, PLEASE seek help.
If you have time management issues, PLEASE seek help.
If you have spiritual afflictions, PLEASE seek help.
Let's all restore the "village" mindset by calling each other to the better angels of our nature. Indeed, even a virtual village is better than no village at all.
May Allah ﷻ forgive and guide us to never take the amana of our precious children for granted and abuse our power. And may He help us help each other with gentle and beneficial reminders and sincere help. Amin.
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etrrhome · 4 years
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A Simple Gratitud Hunt for Kids
From our earliest moments, mindfulness becomes a powerful tool to increase happiness and well-being.
Here is a fun scavenger hunt that is designed to focus young minds on good things in their lives, fostering gratitude and creating positive memories.
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etrrhome · 4 years
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Why Mindfulness?
Infant
Even the youngest children can sense distraction. So work on being present.
Right From the Start
During the first year of life, the most effective way to share mindfulness with a child is to embody it. Children are hungry for our attention and affection, and can sense when parents or caregivers are distracted. So when you are with an infant, try to stay in the present moment no matter what is happening.
In practice, this can be as simple as holding a baby quietly and maintaining eye contact with a gentle, loving demeanor. “When the baby gazes at the parent, the parent can gaze back,” said Ms. Kim. “That kind of reflective mirroring behavior is a good way of teaching infancy mindfulness.”
Smartphones are popular, but distracting. Mindfulness teachers encourage parents and caregivers to put down the phone and engage with a baby, even if it’s simply making eye contact and smiling. “Instead of scrolling through email, put down the device and be fully present and attentive,” said Ms. Kim.
Stay Calm
When infants do become upset, try not to let that make you agitated. Doing so can trigger an unhelpful cycle where parent and child are each feeding off each other’s unhappiness.
“Parents and children really co-regulate each other,” said Ms. Greenland. “As the child starts screaming, if the parents escalates, too, they ratchet each other up.”
When You Are Feeling Frustrated
For parents or caregivers who find themselves upset and out of touch with the present moment, a popular mindfulness exercise known as S.T.O.P. can be helpful.
Stop. Just take a momentary pause, no matter what you’re doing.
Take a breath. Feel the sensation of your own breathing, which brings you back to the present moment.
Observe. Acknowledge what is happening, for good or bad, inside you or out. Just note it.
Proceed. Having briefly checked in with the present moment, continue with whatever it was you were doing.
Movement
Being mindful is simple, but it’s not always easy. Especially when spending time with infants, there can be many moments when caregiving is, well, boring. “There’s nursing, there’s diapering, there’s feeding,” said Ms. Kim. “That’s about it.”
If you find your mind wandering, one way for parents to re-engage with mindfulness is to move, either performing gentle yoga when the baby isn’t being held, or trying out a walking meditation.
“Too much of the mindfulness work is really oriented towards staying still,” says Ms. Greenland. “If your nervous system is riled up, many people, especially those new to practice, are better with moving.”
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Thankful With Every Step
For parents with infants, it can be useful to cultivate a sense of gratitude. This exercise, like others in this guide, is adapted from "Mindful Games," an activity card set created by Ms. Greenland and Ms. Harris.
First, find a space where you can safely and comfortably walk indoors while holding your child. If you’re not feeling particularly happy, that’s okay. The point of this exercise is not to magically feel better. It is to experience the sensation of moving and to focus your attention on the sensation of holding a baby and walking, and to focus on the feeling of gratitude.
Holding the baby safely and then turn your gaze downward and begin walking slowly and deliberately. Notice the feeling in each foot as you step. Do you feel the heel of your foot, the ball of your foot and your toes? Parents naturally feel a range of emotions when holding a child, from deep love to being intensely overwhelmed and anxiety. If paying attention to your body makes you uncomfortable for any reason, you can try listening to sounds as you walk instead. Simply listening to the orchestra of sounds while walking slowly — from the rustling of your clothes as you move, to singing birds, to the everyday activity of your home — can be a calming break from the constant caretaking required for an infant
Next try sending yourself and your baby well-wishes with each step. Caring for an infant can be deeply exhausting, as all of your energy, day and night, is being devoted to another human being. It’s an especially important time to be kind to yourself. Every time you take a step, send yourself and your baby a wish. (You can use these wishes or create personal ones in your own words.)
May we be happy.
May we be healthy and strong.
May we sleep well soon.
May this exhausting time together make our bond stronger.
May we have compassion for each other.
As you turn around and retrace your steps, think of the ways your life is better because of your child and continue the exercise. Remember that at times, infants and caregivers can co-regulate. If a caregiver is feeling agitated, his or her walking slowly and deliberately, with a focus on something other than the baby being upset and worrying about how he or she will get the baby to calm down, will settle the caregiver, which in turn may help regulate the baby.
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etrrhome · 4 years
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Children of all ages can benefit from mindfulness, the simple practice of bringing a gentle, accepting attitude to the present moment. It can help parents and caregivers, too, by promoting happiness and relieving stress. Here, we offer basic tips for children and adults of all ages, as well as several activities that develop compassion, focus, curiosity and empathy. And remember, mindfulness can be fun.
What Is Mindfulness, and Why Do Kids Need It?
From our earliest moments, mindfulness can help minimize anxiety and increase happiness.
How It Helps
Adversity comes at us from the moment we are born. Infants get hungry and tired. Toddlers grapple with language and self-control. And as children develop through adolescence to become teenagers, life grows ever more complicated. Developing relationships, navigating school and exercising independence — the very stuff of growing up — naturally creates stressful situations for every child.
At each developmental stage, mindfulness can be a useful tool for decreasing anxiety and promoting happiness. Mindfulness — a simple technique that emphasizes paying attention to the present moment in an accepting, nonjudgmental manner — has emerged as a popular mainstream practice in recent decades. It is being taught to executives at corporations, athletes in the locker room, and increasingly, to children both at home and in school.
Early Habits
Children are uniquely suited to benefit from mindfulness practice. Habits formed early in life will inform behaviors in adulthood, and with mindfulness, we have the opportunity to give our children the habit of being peaceful, kind and accepting.
“For children, mindfulness can offer relief from whatever difficulties they might be encountering in life,” said Annaka Harris, an author who teaches mindfulness to children. “It also gives them the beauty of being in the present moment.”
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Part of the reason why mindfulness is so effective for children can be explained by the way the brain develops. While our brains are constantly developing throughout our lives, connections in the prefrontal circuits are created at their fastest rate during childhood. Mindfulness, which promotes skills that are controlled in the prefrontal cortex, like focus and cognitive control, can therefore have a particular impact on the development of skills including self-regulation, judgment and patience during childhood.
Modeling Mindfulness
Mindfulness isn’t something that can be outsourced. For parents and caregivers, the best way to teach a child to be mindful is to embody the practice oneself.
“Learning mindfulness isn’t like piano lessons, where you can have someone else teach it to your children,”
“You have to learn it yo urself.”
Of course, being a parent is an incredibly stressful experience in its own right. For those raising children, practicing mindfulness exercises — and ideally practicing mindfulness meditation for even a few minutes a day — can be profoundly beneficial, allowing caregivers to not only share the skills of happiness and acceptance with a new generation, but also take better care of themselves at the same time.
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etrrhome · 4 years
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‏تحسّس قلبك؛ كم فيه للدنيا وكم فيه لله؟
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