evangeline-noir - Tumblr blog

月世界

Welcome to my blog that has no rhyme or reason. I enjoy a lot of things so it's kind of a mess. But you'll mostly find Japanese musicians, games such as Fire Emblem and Zelda, fashion, shitposting, some posts about books/manga and the like. Sometimes I dump my drawings on here because why not. I am female and from the Netherlands.

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evangeline-noir · 7 hours

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thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

#big yes #the problem with this is also #I love wearing gothic lolita #but I hate being perceived #but when wearing the fashion I am often more than perceived #since some people think it is an invitation to bother me about it #like I'm only on this planet once just let me wear my weird clothes and ignore my excistence #I'm not hurting anyone so just pay attention to yourself :'D #also I do appreciate compliments but sometimes I just really dont want to interact with people at all because my brain #existence* merp

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evangeline-noir · 10 hours

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