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oh gods let me head to bed and aching heads and eyes strained the eyes and my head swollen do you like that: no thoughts just the headache and this is managable so it’s ok or we just got used to the headaches or its a headache that is not so severe. I want to sound eloquent and not like a pig that just learned to type. come up with good expressions and shit. my writing language, come into being. pass trhough this clustered maze of thoughts and assumptions and bring forth light blah blah. lose my mind no everything left behind bye bye

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I highly recommend cleaning out your emails from the past if you have a high need to procrastinate or are bored. My current highlight: just some google slides comment that randomly says: Do you want get hit (must have been very frustrated with the other guy on my team, doesn’t mean hit to hurt, why oh why did I use to talk like that)

My other interesting google docs comments; this one’s on a play script - I have one because I sleep in one and I think it will be very neat. The other person replied what sheet? Sleeping bag? Such a random and vague comment.

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Frostbite feels real and I have an irrational urge to tear off my scarf and tie them around my shoes

#winter #cold

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i now get why dumbledore wanted socks for Christmas my toes are freezing off

#dumbledore #cold

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Oh the woe of misreading bus numbers as 68 when they were actually 86 on a dark windy December night

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I am learning that as much as I want to stay home it is better for me to get out. So get out me go to school go to cafés

#offline school diaries

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I have acquired a locker of one’s own. I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of random wet wipes I had in my backpack.

#offline school diaries

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I mean, I know, going through the hard times looking for the good. I’m at the window doing photosynthesis and it feels good. I’m doing (fairly simple) tasks, will go home now. Wondering where ppl go when they finish school though do they just disappear back to their homes? i mean I like being outside the house still so.. gahh no everything is working out, we just need a bit of time mate

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JhoMGoAfFc

best place to zone out, just find a relatively quiet room in school folks

#zone out #Youtube

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Review on Soul (disney-pixar)

ha I like Terry. I like how he takes on jobs no-one really wants to and how he’s easily persuaded by complements (well thank you!)

He is someone important, he has an under appreciated job. Society-adjusting me thinks that Terry is not bad, he just needs a bit of help from others to bring out the best in him/avoid too rigid thinking (imagining the Jerries spoiling Terry with complements and Trophies and sudoku and state-of-the art calculators) btw this is not reading between the lines, it’s rewarping the lines lol (I know he can be a pain, judging by how he was awarded ‘with the trophy he requested’)

Quiet coyotes I love that, I’m going to use it someday.

“Joe! You cheated.” love that line, brings everything into refocus. Yes we want Joe to live, but what he had is another chance after all.

liked “We don’t assign purposes, where did you get that idea? / A spark isn’t a purpose!” yesssss ok getting that hammered in my head. just live without trying to find that spark inside me, it’s not the important thing. The important thing is to enjoy yourself.

fish saying it’s in water and wanting to be in the ocean, when in fact it is in the ocean, nice parable. I want to be more outgoing but at the same time I am! try to explore the ocean more (= try to reach out on your own a bit more) that’s all

#review #soul #disney #pixar #animation movie

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Review on Captain Marvel

I’m trying to make the best use out of disney+ and am working my way through marvel! nearly getting to watching all of them mwa ha ha

I want to talk mainly about Captain Marvel, but want to reference She-hulk a little as well. Yes, like some reviews I saw at the time Capt. Marvel was released, the characters are flat, the story is flat. But my limited exposure to those reviews made me assume that this story was bad because it focused too much on the main character being a ‘female.’ I disagree. I don’t think the problem was with the focus on being female, it was on not knowing how to portray people like her.

When I saw the movie, I saw a bit of myself in Captain Marvel too. She is ‘dry’, ‘emotionless’. I get that part! When I process my options, observe my surroundings etc, I’m going to have to put that information in my head. That makes me withdrawn & consequently seem as emotionless to other people. It felt like Carol was emotionless because she is processing, rather than reacting. It feels like a natural reaction to being a soldier. You don’t have time to show how you feel to other people if you have a mission to complete. But in my opinion, if you have a character that is emotionless at times, than the times when that character becomes emotional needs to be a spilling out of emotion. an outburst. I feel like Carol’s outburst was overtly subdued. When she is confused about her memories, she can be confused, but we can assume that her training has kicked in. She’s trying to get out first and think about those issues later. But when she realizes that her memories are real at Earth, we need to have a point when she breaks down. I feel like we didn’t have this point, and that’s what makes her final acceptance of her identity weak. Because we are never really shown how these events take a toll on her. Sure she looks at a bunch of photos, says a bunch of words, but they didn’t really strike me. You don’t have to get emotional in every movie of course, but if identity is what you want to talk about, I feel like it would be hard to get unemotional. I feel like with realizations, you have to have a climax somewhere. Realizations may come slow, but they also come in with a bang. (I think that’s what movies tend to lean towards anyhow, time constraints are trouble). So that sort of realization might have helped the audience understand Carol’s situation and empathize with her using our own problems with identity, which I’m sure everyone would have. Where do I belong, who am I are universal questions.

That brings me to the next point, which is the question that the movie is operating on. I think the question was “who is Carol Denvers.” Many other Marvel stories start up with this question. It’s a good question. But to make a story out of that question, we need to be shown who she is first and then show how she changes. Ironman. (It’s been some time since I saw this, and I’m not an expert but) the story is that he’s a millionaire. he’s arrogant. But he goes through these kidnapping events, and has another sense of purpose. With Carol, I’m not sure the initial definition of who she is is given well. With Earth-based characters, we can get a few keywords and we can draw a picture of who that person is in our minds. It’s harder for space-based characters. In the beginning of the movie, we are given a fancy spacecraft. We are not given what kind of work she does in this spacecraft. We don’t get a sense of who she is, what kind of values she has. Instead we are immediately thrown into confusion. She has a false memory for some reason, and she’s confused, but we’re also confused. Scratch that, we don’t even care that she’s confused because we’re confused. We don’t really get a chance to see why the confusion is important to her. So I think we needed more scenes either in the beginning, or with even a flashback perhaps, of what relationship she has with her leader etc. Maybe she could have even wanted more affirmation from her leader, which he did not give her, etc. So the storyline becomes very abstract. There should be two storylines most of the time: the (1) expected storyline - that’s with the fighting, shapeshifters came to Earth, it’s dangerous the surface story, and (2) the underlying story, about trying to find who she really is. But she very easily kills her opponents. the (1) storyline is not very captivating. we know she’s going to win. (2) storyline then becomes what sells or kills the story. This is dangerous on its own because the second storyline must rely on the first storyline, the events storyline, because it is supposed to be a reaction to the (1) storyline. It feels like the story struggled because the distinction between the two storylines were not made well. Compare this with She-hulk. She-hulk is a lawyer. She likes being a lawyer, she doesn’t like being in the spotlight. What does Carol like, and doesn’t like? I’m not sure. Maybe flying? She-hulk’s surface story is that she is working on a case. She-hulk’s underlying story is that she has to deal with her newfound fame and not lose herself in it. (so far at least.) The case is interesting! And She-hulk is a very much female-issues centered story that talks about female harassment. Captain Marvel doesn’t deal with those everyday issues. She just happens to be female. I don’t think it really mattered in the storyline she’s in anyway. So for me Captain Marvel’s failure is not because it was aware that it was a female character, it was because the storyline was the problem.

Last words on Marvel. But there are still parts I appreciate from Marvel. Captain Marvel, for all its falls, had ok foreshadowing telling that the enemy wasn’t really the enemy. I liked the part when she said “I don’t need to prove myself.” At the same time, I know that Marvel is a difficult story to tell, because so much about it is told and decided before the actual storytelling part begins. I understand, but at the same time appreciate and love how Marvel stories, operating under rules, becomes a even better story because it was constrained. like sonnets!

and yeah I can be wrong. writing this reminds me of the saying that there’s a lot of reasons for something to go bad, but one reason for something to stay good

my notes: stiff characters —> emotionless at first, when you get to know her off duty becomes playful etc changed // when she has struggles she keeps it in, but it takes a toll she has a breaking point, emotion a lot

#review #captain marvel #she-hulk #disney #marvel

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there is a very particular feeling of wanting to go home, when you expected class to start at 3PM but have to actually wait until 4PM

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Being on campus is scary thrilling etc but right now im just tireddddd wanna sleep

But no bed

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I suspect that a library is one if the most evil places to exist. You come in wanting to get some honest work done and you end up reading books and reading shelves and no one knows what else I’ve been up to but I cannot stop stop and 2-3 hours are gone

#…AGAIN. #i should really learn from my mistakes etc etc #but its not my fault its the librarys fault

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i feel very much guilty so I will try to do communication so that it would feel better and I can understand the relationship better

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im learning to not raise my glass before the older person does

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I am who I am

& today i did two sessions of exercise

Yesterday I finished a diary 2022, and the summer vacation did not even end yet