excessivegravity

[excessivegravity]

Ich könnte dir nicht mal böse sein, wenn du sie liebst. Ich könnte es sogar verstehen. Sie ist kleiner als ich, dünner als ich, macht dich mit ihren Problemen nicht kaputt. Sie ist einfach besser als ich. Und es tut mir Leid, dass ich dich so abfucke.

[excessivegravity]

[excessivegravity]

idk how to explain but I feel disproportionate

[excessivegravity]

This.

[excessivegravity]

Some person: you're pretty

Me : are you sure you don't need glasses?

[excessivegravity]

The way I go through 5 stages of grief every time I look in the mirror lol.

[excessivegravity]

It's crazy how much my body affects me. I don't even know what it's like to not be so dependent on your body image. How could you possibly have a great day no matter what you look like? How could you not have a mental breakdown when your jeans fit just a little tighter than you expect them to? That must be such a wonderful feeling. I won't ever experience it.

[excessivegravity]

Today I Asked My Body What She Needed

[excessivegravity]

I just want to curl up and hide my unwanted grotesque body under the covers for the rest of my life

[excessivegravity]

Look it’s me fr

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I hate it when my head and my heart war,

Especially when my head wins.

God help me stay vigilant.

~Jenni

[excessivegravity]

[excessivegravity]

Does anyone else feel lonesome?

Not lonely. Not alone. Just... lonesome. Like you don't feel connected to anyone. Like you never feel that you will find anyone that understands you, that will see you truly, let alone someone who will even like you. You see friends everywhere, but you don't see yourself in their place, like that is not for you, like you're not made for that and that's not made for you. You see people having fun and laughing and dancing and getting drunk and falling in love and you just... don't feel that for yourself. Like you're not supposed to have that, like you can't because it's not for you and you're not for it.

Like you're supposed to be seeing all these beautiful things in the world but not experience them yourself. Like you want to experience so much, experience everything, but be overwhelmed by it so you don't do any of it.

Like you want to be everywhere and do everything, but you don't belong anywhere and can't do anything. Like you're not supposed to be here. Not in a self-deprecating way but in an incongruous way. You want to live you want to be alive, but you feel you're not supposed to be. Not here at least, not like this. Just a presence in the world, not an active member of it. Even your body doesn't feel like home, your face isn't a face you recognise, like you're not supposed to have either. Like you're just supposed to be.

Like you're supposed to observe, but not experience.

[excessivegravity]

[excessivegravity]

"And the sad part is I was getting better.

And now I'm not"

[excessivegravity]

[excessivegravity]

“I lost myself trying to please everyone else. Now I’m losing everyone while I’m trying to find myself.”

— Unknown