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exhausted-dog-mom·3 hours agoText

vampiraptor:

penny-anna:

greenleafisawarriorname:

where the fuck did the movies get the idea that dwarves aren’t classy? various dwarves in the books are shown to introduce themselves with a formal ‘at your service’ and a bow, wax poetic about the natural beauty of caves, and spend hours talking about their family history to people who already know it.

and in the movies they’re supposed to be rude and messy? why though? is it because the elves are graceful and they have a rivalry with them? the rivalry between the dwarves and the elves is based on centuries of political tension, not some ‘uncouth vs stuck-up’ kids show feud.

The films are pro-elf propaganda

It should be kinda reversed, tbh. Elves are wild space cadets who like to party and sing at you and most of them have been alive too long to give a shit, like come ON, Peter Jackson

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exhausted-dog-mom·3 hours agoText

generalgrievousdatingsim:

woman in Ye Olde Generic Medieval Fantasy Setting™: i like to take long walks alone and read books and scorn stupid men who i’m self-confident enough to know aren’t worth my time

the rest of the village: what a shame! she’ll never be married or find true love

every single grumpy supernatural creature with a heart of gold who lives in an enormous spooky castle in the middle of an enchanted forest in the kingdom:

generalgrievousdatingsim:

bonus points if the human has qualities that are considered “unattractive” and causes them to be shunned by their peers that are revealed to be the reason why the monster fell in love with them in the first place

generalgrievousdatingsim:

sure there are a lot of cliche romance tropes out there but the one where the cranky asshole monster with a terrifying reputation falls in love with the fiery human determined enough to be the first person to stand up to them and force them to loosen up and live a little by showing them the kindness their life has been lacking while also not hesitating to call them out on their bullshit at every turn never gets old

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exhausted-dog-mom·3 hours agoText

systlin:

incorrectnorse-quotes:

roguehoneybadger:

scarlet-silverweaver:

marvel-lous-things:

verylatetrash:

hackedmotionsensors:

ikeracity:

deeranger:

ireneadonovan:

mindscab:

rembrandtswife:

books-and-candy-ples:

the-winter-road:

andersonsallpurpose:

theshitpostcalligrapher:

bold-sartorial-statement:

theshitpostcalligrapher:

themintykid:

systlin:

hiking-viking:

chromalogue:

kirkspocks:

odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”

Oðinn spake:

Bright the sun shone | at the time of Þor’s birth,
And bathed his count'nance fair.
Loki, wolf-father, | the trickster, the liar,
I found on the cold pavement
While returning in glory | from a grand hunt
For a 3 AM quesadilla.

@damn-fuck-i-burnt-myself-again

I need this framed on my wall it’s so beautiful. 

@theshitpostcalligrapher

ay @systlin hmu

@systlin

My husband complained that this was more Shakespeare than Eddas, and I challenged him to do better.

Solen sken, skönt gyllene

Dagen Tor föddes

På trottoaren, vid Taco Bell

Där låg Loke

—KJN

My translation:

The sun shone, sweet golden

The day of Tor’s birth

On the tarmac, by Taco Bell

There lay Loki

(For poetry reasons, Thor needs the Swedish spelling.)

@bold-sartorial-statement

ay yo show ur husband 

@bold-sartorial-statement no but hang on this should be in runes: 

(oops spot the typos)

i wanna translate this into icelandic so imma do it 

Sólin skein, björt og gullin
við fæðingu Þórs
á stígnum við Taco Bell
Þar lá Loki

The amount of quality going into these shitposts is amazing

This is not shitposting, this is transformative work!



And in Danish because why not:

Solen skinnede, skøn og gylden

På dagen for Tors fødsel

På asfalten ved Taco Bell

Dér lå Loke

“LEV MERE (LIVE MAS)”

*Snorts*




When Thor born

He hair shine brite

A very very

Magical site

But then I see

A bab from hell

I pik up loki

From taco bell

the rosetta stone of shitposting

@incorrectnorse-quotes

Now THIS is the best post on this hellsite

j

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exhausted-dog-mom·3 hours agoPhoto

knitmeapony:

voidbat:

i have never seen “…fair enough.” so eloquently stated, and he did it with only his face.

Mandy Patinkin is a goddamned genius.

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exhausted-dog-mom·3 hours agoText

broadwaytheanimatedseries:

boylikeme94:

trashpandagamer:

ruinedchildhood:

usedtobe-a-crazygirlthinking:

starsberrisnunicorns:

awildpaige:

ultracheese:

imanambulance:

natural–blues:

ruinedchildhood:

thefishychicken:

vinebox:

ruinedchildhood:

ryonceagsalud:

steampunktallulah:

ruinedchildhood:

dailytweets:

What’s happening on Twitter? 😂


https://twitter.com/smashmouth/status/992478669435060224?s=19

Love smash mouth

What’s going on this year

What is happening? 😂

LMAO He just said he does

https://twitter.com/TheRock/status/588913900789309440?s=19


LMAO reblogging again because of 5he sass from dictionary.com 😂😂

Y'all know when you get wrecked by the damn dictionary you’re a fool

Never Forget 😂

The best fucking post on here

IT’S BACK

Thread was missing my fave part.

MR THE ROCK JOHNSON

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exhausted-dog-mom·3 hours agoText

venerabledreadnought:

marzipanandminutiae:

it’s interesting to me that miasma theory was wrong but led to a lot of technically effective practices

wearing a plague doctor outfit that basically acts as a rudimentary hazmat suit? yeah, that might help somewhat

avoiding areas where an outbreak is rampant? probably a good idea, if unnecessarily broad sometimes

clean up waste to avoid a buildup of bad air? wrong reason; right thing to do

they were wrong, objectively wrong, about what caused disease, and even then the power of human observation was such that they still figured out some of the right behaviors to adopt

absolxguardian:

Time Traveler: Wait so miasma is real?
Us: No, but actually yes

crowleyraejepsen:

you know since the cdc is now recommending we wear non-medical grade face masks, we might as well all bite the bullet and make plague masks to stuff with dried herbs that will keep out the miasma that carries the disease

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exhausted-dog-mom·3 hours agoText

fuckingrecipes:

Not a joke - this is how you make bread starter for sourdough, and how people worldwide make bread at home to this day.

The wild yeast found in flour and in the air of your home can be cultivated by just…. leaving wet flour paste and a sprinkle of sugar out as free real estate.

Yeast moves in, you feed it a bit more every day, and that’s a bread starter!

Mine is about two months old and going strong. Some bakeries pride themselves in having bread starters over a century old. The wild yeast gives bread a complexity and depth of flavor that gives sourdough it’s iconic flavor.

—-

When the yeast is hungry it starts to smell like wine or acetone.

When it’s eating well and happy, it smells like vinegar and fresh bread.

Keeping it cold slows its metabolism, so you can put it in the fridge if you don’t make bread every day.

In the fridge you only have to feed it every 2 days or so. Left out at room temperature, you have to feed, and take a piece off for baking every day.

Yeast is killed at temps over 85 degrees Fahrenheit, but it can withstand short periods of being frozen, so the cold fridge is fine.

As long as you have flour on-hand, it’s basically infinite ready-to-bake bread.

——

So far I’ve used my bread starter, mixed it with flour and water, and made:

  • Dumplings (rolled dough flat and stuffed with minced veggies)
  • Bread loaves (duh)
  • Fried dough balls
  • Elephant ears (that cinnamon-sugar ❤️)
  • Pizza crust
  • Plus eggs and butter = cakey bread

catalystofthesoul:

yeast recipe:

mix flour and water into a somewhat liquid. cover, leave on counter. Every day, add a spoonful of flour to the mix, occasionally water if it gets too thick. When the mixture begins to bubble, yeast is active. Keep in fridge, use as much as you need in recipe, literally the yeast left on the edges of the container are enough to make more yeast. Keep feeding it every day :)

bimborights:

maybe if there was any fucking yeast on the shelves at the grocery store!!

terpsikeraunos:

the plague: stay inside

everyone: i must bake Bread, immediately

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exhausted-dog-mom·3 hours agoText

elodieunderglass:

elodieunderglass:

logicallyblind:

hi i’m seeing no one talk about this cover??? this is HAUNTING, it’s dedicated it to everyone who’s died from the coronavirus so far especially healthcare staff i just,,,

Hozier singing trad song “The Parting Glass”

Other celebrities: (goopily drip upon, of all things, “imagine”)

Us: (call for the guillotine)

Hozier: (a bittersweet lad, sings an ancient song to the departed)

Us: play this over silent, crisply shot black and white footage of the empty streets and silent landmarks. cut with shots of our drowning hospitals. An acceptable future documentary of 2020 that we will allow.

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exhausted-dog-mom·5 hours agoPhoto

majorlykira:

godsrev0lver:

ichaserabbits:

the-venereal-bede:

bondsmagii:

kaelio:

kaelio:

kaelio:

I assumed everyone knew this, but

image

candy desk . yeah I know you’re like “it would be stupid in a tv show if a senator famous for being a libertarian idiot whose ribs got broken in a fistfight over yard waste was infected with a virus from a one-in-a-century pandemic and continued to rifle around in the senate republican’s candy pile”. well sorry Sorkin but this is the real world and that’s just how it is

oh yeah because I forgot to mention, it was Rand Paul because of fucking course it was

also in case you didn’t know this, the US Capitol also has its own little rinky dink subway system that only they can use at it looks like this

and it looked like this in 1912 because yep it’s been there that whole time

willy wonka’s chocolate factory

article tells me there are, in fact, separate candy desks for republican and democrat senators. the republican candy desk, which is the better-known one, is operated by a singular sugar daddy, while democrats can contribute to a candy fund in order to partake of their side’s hoard

@ us senate yall really run a country like this????

Jesus Christ if you read it in a book you’d say it was too on the nose. What the fuck.

Republicans make confectioners donate all their candy to them while the democrats pitch in to pay for the candy are you fucking kidding me…I had to read the article myself and it’s somehow worse than I thought

in times like these people say things like “we need to throw it all out and start over” which is absolutely true but we also need to divest of all this whimsical shit in its entirety. if I saw, with my eyeballs, a congressperson like, vote against raising minimum wage or whatever and then take a handful of literal candy from a communal candy desk and then hop on the Magical Senator Train to Clown Town I would be in prison for murder.

exhausted-dog-mom
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exhausted-dog-mom·3 days agoAnswer
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!! What kind of cliffhanger was that!!!!! Not mad though, beacuse I loved the tension that was built up as Hana continued to watch gaara vs lee!! I'm highkey glad you kept that part because that's my favorite fight of the series. Also when you had Hana and Shikaku speak Spanish I felt like an intellectual because I understood without reading the translation in the notes. Google translate has been dethroned 🤪 - Ale

Fufufun~. I’m glad you’re enjoying it!

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exhausted-dog-mom·3 days agoAnswer
I have throughly stalked your page after reading the master piece that is your fic!!! Hanaka is *chef's kiss* !!!!! (also were both Hispanic so a win for the Latinx community😩✊)

❤❤ I’ve never had an ask before! Yay!

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exhausted-dog-mom·5 days agoText

exhausted-dog-mom:

I swear, my dog looks like a house elf. I wake up to her standing over me and think “ah, so this is how harry felt in Chamber of Secrets”. It’s not fun.

For anyone wondering what the hellion looks like.

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exhausted-dog-mom·5 days agoText

glumshoe:

im-a-part-of-all-that-i-have-met:

glumshoe:

gamma-dealer:

glumshoe:

awkwardteenageblackgirl:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

capitalism-is-a-disease:

glumshoe:

bruh-momentt:

glumshoe:

dipodids have forever ruined normal mice for me, I’m afraid

ship what the hell is a dipodid

the daddy longlegs of rodentia

see? how am I supposed to look at a normal mouse again and think it’s cute when I know it could have had the physique of the Jersey Devil and the face of Thomas Rabbit? 10/10 good character design on this pikachu-lookin’ motherfucker

new OC: Baba Yaga’s Tunisian cousin who lives in a house on jerboa legs

You mean the rats from coraline

they’re good boys. like I said. the daddy longlegs of rodentia.

Is that Mua'dib?

muad’dib is some kind of kangaroo mouse, which is pretty cute, but not AS cute as jerboa:

image

Ears are too small, legs are too short, tail isn’t as goofy and tufted. Looks like a real animal instead of a creature reconstituted from the feverish recollection of someone who hasn’t laid eyes on an actual animal since they were four years old.  

I have an important scientific hypothesis that living in a desert makes rodents cuter. Change my mind.

May I share with you the long eared jerboa for your consideration?

ideal. the perfect little man. when I am king I will have a thousand of him pull my sleigh through the sky and they will all wear very tiny bells and hats.

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exhausted-dog-mom·5 days agoPhoto

hollerbatgirl:

During the battle at  Stone-in-the-Wood, male Gelflings were used as launching pads for the female Gelflings who pelted bombs at the Skeksis.

Because Gelfling battle strategy is just like that.

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exhausted-dog-mom·5 days agoText

yourplayersaidwhat:

Druid: If it gets too cold I can wild shape into a polar bear

Dm: Has your character seen a polar bear?

Druid: Yes.

Dm: Describe to us the moment your druid saw a polar bear

Druid: The zoo.

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