where the fuck did the movies get the idea that dwarves aren’t classy? various dwarves in the books are shown to introduce themselves with a formal ‘at your service’ and a bow, wax poetic about the natural beauty of caves, and spend hours talking about their family history to people who already know it.
and in the movies they’re supposed to be rude and messy? why though? is it because the elves are graceful and they have a rivalry with them? the rivalry between the dwarves and the elves is based on centuries of political tension, not some ‘uncouth vs stuck-up’ kids show feud.
The films are pro-elf propaganda
It should be kinda reversed, tbh. Elves are wild space cadets who like to party and sing at you and most of them have been alive too long to give a shit, like come ON, Peter Jackson
woman in Ye Olde Generic Medieval Fantasy Setting™: i like to take long walks alone and read books and scorn stupid men who i’m self-confident enough to know aren’t worth my time
the rest of the village: what a shame! she’ll never be married or find true love
every single grumpy supernatural creature with a heart of gold who lives in an enormous spooky castle in the middle of an enchanted forest in the kingdom:
bonus points if the human has qualities that are considered “unattractive” and causes them to be shunned by their peers that are revealed to be the reason why the monster fell in love with them in the first place
sure there are a lot of cliche romance tropes out there but the one where the cranky asshole monster with a terrifying reputation falls in love with the fiery human determined enough to be the first person to stand up to them and force them to loosen up and live a little by showing them the kindness their life has been lacking while also not hesitating to call them out on their bullshit at every turn never gets old
odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”
Bright the sun shone | at the time of Þor’s birth,
And bathed his count'nance fair.
Loki, wolf-father, | the trickster, the liar,
I found on the cold pavement
While returning in glory | from a grand hunt
For a 3 AM quesadilla.
I need this framed on my wall it’s so beautiful.
ay @systlin hmu
My husband complained that this was more Shakespeare than Eddas, and I challenged him to do better.
Solen sken, skönt gyllene
Dagen Tor föddes
På trottoaren, vid Taco Bell
Där låg Loke
The sun shone, sweet golden
The day of Tor’s birth
On the tarmac, by Taco Bell
There lay Loki
(For poetry reasons, Thor needs the Swedish spelling.)
ay yo show ur husband
@bold-sartorial-statement no but hang on this should be in runes:
(oops spot the typos)
i wanna translate this into icelandic so imma do it
Sólin skein, björt og gullin
við fæðingu Þórs
á stígnum við Taco Bell
Þar lá Loki
The amount of quality going into these shitposts is amazing
This is not shitposting, this is transformative work!
And in Danish because why not:
Solen skinnede, skøn og gylden
På dagen for Tors fødsel
På asfalten ved Taco Bell
Dér lå Loke
“LEV MERE (LIVE MAS)”
When Thor born
He hair shine brite
A very very
But then I see
A bab from hell
I pik up loki
From taco bell
the rosetta stone of shitposting
Now THIS is the best post on this hellsite
What’s happening on Twitter? 😂
Love smash mouth
What’s going on this year
What is happening? 😂
LMAO He just said he does
LMAO reblogging again because of 5he sass from dictionary.com 😂😂
Y'all know when you get wrecked by the damn dictionary you’re a fool
Never Forget 😂
The best fucking post on here
Thread was missing my fave part.
MR THE ROCK JOHNSON
it’s interesting to me that miasma theory was wrong but led to a lot of technically effective practices
wearing a plague doctor outfit that basically acts as a rudimentary hazmat suit? yeah, that might help somewhat
avoiding areas where an outbreak is rampant? probably a good idea, if unnecessarily broad sometimes
clean up waste to avoid a buildup of bad air? wrong reason; right thing to do
they were wrong, objectively wrong, about what caused disease, and even then the power of human observation was such that they still figured out some of the right behaviors to adopt
Time Traveler: Wait so miasma is real?
Us: No, but actually yes
you know since the cdc is now recommending we wear non-medical grade face masks, we might as well all bite the bullet and make plague masks to stuff with dried herbs that will keep out the miasma that carries the disease
Not a joke - this is how you make bread starter for sourdough, and how people worldwide make bread at home to this day.
The wild yeast found in flour and in the air of your home can be cultivated by just…. leaving wet flour paste and a sprinkle of sugar out as free real estate.
Yeast moves in, you feed it a bit more every day, and that’s a bread starter!
Mine is about two months old and going strong. Some bakeries pride themselves in having bread starters over a century old. The wild yeast gives bread a complexity and depth of flavor that gives sourdough it’s iconic flavor.
When the yeast is hungry it starts to smell like wine or acetone.
When it’s eating well and happy, it smells like vinegar and fresh bread.
Keeping it cold slows its metabolism, so you can put it in the fridge if you don’t make bread every day.
In the fridge you only have to feed it every 2 days or so. Left out at room temperature, you have to feed, and take a piece off for baking every day.
Yeast is killed at temps over 85 degrees Fahrenheit, but it can withstand short periods of being frozen, so the cold fridge is fine.
As long as you have flour on-hand, it’s basically infinite ready-to-bake bread.
So far I’ve used my bread starter, mixed it with flour and water, and made:
- Dumplings (rolled dough flat and stuffed with minced veggies)
- Bread loaves (duh)
- Fried dough balls
- Elephant ears (that cinnamon-sugar ❤️)
- Pizza crust
- Plus eggs and butter = cakey bread
mix flour and water into a somewhat liquid. cover, leave on counter. Every day, add a spoonful of flour to the mix, occasionally water if it gets too thick. When the mixture begins to bubble, yeast is active. Keep in fridge, use as much as you need in recipe, literally the yeast left on the edges of the container are enough to make more yeast. Keep feeding it every day :)
maybe if there was any fucking yeast on the shelves at the grocery store!!
the plague: stay inside
everyone: i must bake Bread, immediately
hi i’m seeing no one talk about this cover??? this is HAUNTING, it’s dedicated it to everyone who’s died from the coronavirus so far especially healthcare staff i just,,,
Hozier singing trad song “The Parting Glass”
Other celebrities: (goopily drip upon, of all things, “imagine”)
Us: (call for the guillotine)
Hozier: (a bittersweet lad, sings an ancient song to the departed)
Us: play this over silent, crisply shot black and white footage of the empty streets and silent landmarks. cut with shots of our drowning hospitals. An acceptable future documentary of 2020 that we will allow.
Fufufun~. I’m glad you’re enjoying it!
❤❤ I’ve never had an ask before! Yay!
dipodids have forever ruined normal mice for me, I’m afraid
ship what the hell is a dipodid
the daddy longlegs of rodentia
see? how am I supposed to look at a normal mouse again and think it’s cute when I know it could have had the physique of the Jersey Devil and the face of Thomas Rabbit? 10/10 good character design on this pikachu-lookin’ motherfucker
new OC: Baba Yaga’s Tunisian cousin who lives in a house on jerboa legs
You mean the rats from coraline
they’re good boys. like I said. the daddy longlegs of rodentia.
Is that Mua'dib?
muad’dib is some kind of kangaroo mouse, which is pretty cute, but not AS cute as jerboa:
Ears are too small, legs are too short, tail isn’t as goofy and tufted. Looks like a real animal instead of a creature reconstituted from the feverish recollection of someone who hasn’t laid eyes on an actual animal since they were four years old.
I have an important scientific hypothesis that living in a desert makes rodents cuter. Change my mind.
May I share with you the long eared jerboa for your consideration?
ideal. the perfect little man. when I am king I will have a thousand of him pull my sleigh through the sky and they will all wear very tiny bells and hats.
hey pun what the FUCK does that mean
Hangin with my Gnomies!
Pun I thought you mean blasphemous in the biblical sense and nearly flipped my goddamn lid trying to decipher what about gnome hats was an affront against god
Gnomes are, themselves, an affront against god
I swear, my dog looks like a house elf. I wake up to her standing over me and think “ah, so this is how harry felt in Chamber of Secrets”. It’s not fun.