extradimensionalsystem

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apparently theres 5 threat responses documented now!

from a trauma & dissociation workbook page our therapist shared

#makes sense

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time to play my favorite game: am i In A Mood or am i Not Me?

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a sequel to this post

#excellent post.

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Your intrusive thoughts do not make you a bad person. They are called “intrusive” for a reason.

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I would have the most beautiful situationship with him (<- fictional character)

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message to all systems please survive

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How can narcissistic personalities result from trauma?

While narcissism as a personality trait has existed for a long time, there is an increasing amount of people who associate the term the diagnosis "narcissistic personality disorder". I have put this in quotes because I believe cluster B personality disorders should not exist as diagnoses because they stigmatize maladaptive personality traits developed in response to trauma, and this stigmatization hinders a victim's ability to seek support and advocate for themselves.

I am a child abuse victim diagnosed borderline personality disorder with narcissistic traits and this post is based on a combination of research and personal experience. As mentioned above, I am opposed to referring to victims as narcissists, but for the sake of this post, I'll be using phrasing recognizable to people with misconceptions about the topic. Please bear with me.

Childhood trauma is a common contributing factor in cluster B personality disorders even in the psychiatric diagnosis; however, when most people think of these disorders, they think of an abuser and not a victim, especially in the case of narcissism--after all, the term 'narcissist' is a pejorative with synonyms such as 'conceited' and 'self absorbed'.

In order to grapple with the source of a narcissistic personality developed in response to trauma, you must first be aware of what narcissism in NPD is actually like. These narcissists are not supervillains who successfully gain the love and support of everyone. Narcissism holds you back in life. For example, it makes rejection and criticism especially difficult to deal with, which can make maintaining relationships or even having a consistent career difficult. The confident demeanor of a narcissist--while it lasts until narcissistic collapse--is not genuine self-love. It's a way to mask vulnerability to avoid harm that was inescapable in the past. A narcissist is significantly more self-conscious than the average person, as they must inflate themselves in every scenario in order to feel safe and secure. This is where we can see the internal suffering of a narcissist and how such a personality is, at its core, a defensive reaction to trauma.

But what about entitlement?

"I deserved the pain." Self-blaming response to trauma.

"I deserve better". Healing response to trauma.

"Others deserve worse". Vindictive response to trauma.

While narcissism is associated with the last response, it's entirely possible for narcissists to have escalated from the first, or even cycle between all three. You have to keep in mind a narcissist is not actually in love with themselves--but in order for a person to be entitled, you may be thinking they must see themselves as superior in some way, right? Well, it's more complicated than that. Different responses to trauma can arise depending on the person's life experience, past trauma, and current situation. Interaction with victims that have similar trauma, such as in a group therapy setting, can provoke a narcissist's view on vulnerability. With their perception of the world and human relationships, they may view other victims as weak if they appear to have a more 'sensitive' reaction, because this is the type of reaction narcissists try so badly to hide in themselves in order to avoid potential harm. If a narcissist views an abuse victim--or anyone, really--as 'weak' in comparison, they will feel wounded and experience vindictive jealousy when a person that triggers their vulnerability in some way has successes in life. This is where the sense of entitlement comes in. As a defensive reaction, narcissists try to convince themselves they are in some way more deserving of a better life. "A better life" for a narcissist, as developed through trauma, often involves some sort of power. This can lead to fixation on things like wealth, fame, and material items. Anything to appear 'better'. Anything to appear secure. Any way to feel in control and invincible from abuse.

It's not a sympathetic reaction to trauma, but it is equally painful and damaging as any other. If you are a victim with this sort of behavior, you're not "hopeless" like the internet will tell you. At age 25, I have not intentionally caused anyone pain in 6 years. The vindictive feelings are there, but I choose to back away when I feel I may involve others in my own pain. "I don't deserve it, but neither do you."

#trauma

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[explaining plurality to an American] so you know how a burger has multiple delicious ingredients inside of it

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"[character] lives in my head rent free" same bestie. probably in a different way though

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True isolation is when everyone else is talking about their vibrant teenage experience and you’re like. I was just trying to survive

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[explaining plurality to an American] so you know how a burger has multiple delicious ingredients inside of it

#sdgshdsgfs

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- amaranth.

#results are thoroughly unsurprising #i find that usually trauma severe enough to cause a cdd is severe enough to cause physical illness and/or injury #and there is also the matter that disabled children are abused FAR more often and more severely than able-bodied children

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#LMAO ... yes. #iykyk

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If you're a "neurodivergent safe space" are you normal about people with NPD? Are you normal about systems? People with psychosis?

If you only mean adhd and autism, make yourself clear.

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“The body remembers, the bones remember, the joints remember, even the little finger remembers. Memory is lodged in pictures and feelings in the cells themselves. Like a sponge filled with water, anywhere the flesh is pressed, wrung, even touched lightly, a memory may flow out in a stream.” ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes

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holy shit. one of our toughest protectors (A) has been fronting for over a week and, switching in, I can see why. i could die, i love and appreciate him so much. im honestly shocked, coming back into my body to this level of pain and exhaustion that, while i was co-conscious, i watched him shake off like it was nothing. fuck, im about to have to switch back out because i can barely breathe, let alone stand or walk! my heart hurts from the level of workplace abuse hes experienced for us, and im so grateful for every time he has held his own against our harassers with so much strength and dignity.

#raphael.exe