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Me meeting a genie: Okay, so my first wish is for 1000 dollars a day, deposited to my bank account without any way of tracing it to anything illegal. I want this money to come from the ten richest people in America (100 dollars each), withdrawn under the guise of nebulous, random purchases and surcharges. It would probably be best to split the money into a myriad of smaller fees, though, to reduce the likelihood of anyone noticing. Got all that?

Genie: um

Me, continuing on without a care: For my SECOND wish, I want you to give me the ability to learn any given phoneme, so that I can learn to pronounce new languages perfectly. If you're willing, it'd be nice if it were a little easier to memorize new languages too, but if that's not cool, I'm perfectly fine doing all the legwork myself I mostly just want to be capable of pronouncing things correctly.

Genie, now staring at me like I'm insane: ......okaaayyy?....

Me: For my third wish. I want to always have great ideas for gifts for people. Every birthday, every holiday, I want to be able to come up with something they'd really like, with enough time to actually get it for them.

Genie, just staring at me

Me: I can provide you with a written document if that would help.

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i havent been on my computer in a week what do i used this for again

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Sent card to friend and couldn't find my stickers (because I have very few and pretty much never use them) but I think this is better actually

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Imagine a bee rn in a hive muttering "the beekeeper is not real because he is not intervening or helping me at all with this disastrous relationship I have with another bee". now imagine that's you talking about the good lord. now imagine a dog with a propeller hat on

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testing out my new set of lockpicks in the petco spider aisle

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As someone who grew up with "I'm not going to praise you for doing what's expected of you; that's not being good, that's doing the bare minimum" I want to encourage you to celebrate every little thing you can. Everything that takes energy and effort should be appreciated and you're allowed to be happy about trying.

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Today my toddler INSISTED we open every sauce that came with our Chinese take out so she could sample every single one. She didn’t care for the spicy mustard, she LOVED the soy sauce, she said BLEH BLEH to duck sauce, and she said OH SO GOOD to sweet and sour

She then decided she needed to shove an ENTIRE crab Rangoon into her mouth which gave me a heart attack but she did in fact manage to eat the entire thing with minimal effort on her part. This was after she chanted “RANGOON RANGOON RANGOON!” at us until we gave her one.

Kids are fun and I am exhausted

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Got around to darning the holes in my sock heels! Now they're ready to wear in my favourite boots next winter too.

Also tried carving avocado pits! I let it dry for a few days, cut it in half and used a crafting knife to carve a lil bird. Nice and soft to sculpt!

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“People are inherently terrible” no!!! Have you ever seen a child wait for their friend while they tie their shoelaces? Have you ever known someone who would bring hurt squirrels and rabbits and mice to the nearest vet just so it doesn’t suffer? Have you seen someone grieve? Have you ever read something that hit your heart like a freight train? Have you looked at the stars and felt an unexplainable joy? Have you ever baked bread? Have you shared a meal with a friend? Have you not seen it? All the love? All the good? I know it’s hard to see sometimes, I know there’s pain everywhere. But look, there’s a child helping another up after a hard fall. Look, there’s someone giving their umbrella to a stranger. Look, there’s someone admiring the spring flowers. Look, there’s good, there’s good, there’s good. Look!!!!

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I genuinely think humans are naturally good and kind when external forces such as capitalism aren't frightening them into only acting in their best interests.

For example the fish doorbell. Fish looking for a place to spawn get stuck waiting for the weerdsluis lock to open so they can carry on swimming to a breeding ground the fish doorbell is a live stream where you can look out for fish if you see a fish you tap the doorbell icon on the fish doorbell website I checked and it said 942 people were also looking at the live stream last time I was there. Despite everything going on in the world 942 people took time out of there day to check if a fish needed them to ring a doorbell and that is the kind of thing I think human nature really is about.

People are brilliant and thoughtless and funny and easily swayed towards prejudice but also caring and driven to apathy sometimes but we're also bloody resilient and so much more.

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ran out of dog poop bags at the park and the only other dog + owner in sight was this microbully wearing pajamas so i asked the guy for some and he said he didnt have any. and i was 2 seconds from saying "ok your little homonculus doesnt shit??"

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every single day I think about how american black vultures are known for engaging in allopreening (preening between different species)

and they have a specific relationship with crested caracaras, in which the black vultures assist them by not only preening them after meals but also leading them to food in the first place— due to their superior sense of smell— while the caracaras assist the black vultures by acting as a warning signal in case of danger

and while this is more typical of black vultures, this is not common at all for any member of the falconidae family— it’s a special bond!

yet another post in favor of vultures everyone , hope you enjoy:) and I implore you to do some more research on these incredible birds !!

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