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fatherfoodfaith · 9 days
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fatherfoodfaith · 9 days
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fatherfoodfaith · 10 days
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I haven’t been on my blog in so long, which doesn’t matter really because not many people saw the things I post.
I feel the ache in my chest coming back, the stinging on my skin. Sometimes I think I am born to do these things, to fuck up and be fucked. That’s a pretty accurate representation of what I do, “Fuck up and be fucked”. I ask myself, when will i be over this? When will I properly grow up? But it’s been years and I still have that feeling that deep down I am just simply not a good person.
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fatherfoodfaith · 5 months
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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fatherfoodfaith · 5 months
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Angelica Joy
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fatherfoodfaith · 6 months
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i saw my ex the other day. Still tall, still had dark eyes, hair and skin. His hands were still large, his teeth still crooked and his ears still big.
I watched as he walked into the house, dodging people and spilling drinks. I watched as he put he his head on the table, and as he lifted it again for her to light the cigarette tucked in the corner of his mouth.
“i thought you don’t smoke”
He looked at me in a way i’ve never seen, i hated it, i fucking hated it. It’s been 6 months and I see him. I try think of every single thing he did wrong, all the bad and the hurt he caused yet for some reason, i can’t help stare in the same way i always have and believe i forever will.
“not until you arrived.”
He hid from me, in small rooms talking to big groups, sipping out of plastic cups and half empty bottles. He hid in shut off rooms, with cabinets covering doors and half asleep girls sprawled on sofas.
I sat in the open, trying to see him through windows whilst I drunkenly and endlessly spoke of him to people who know him all too well. I overshare, over speak. I tell them how much I care and how I want the best but what really happened and I wonder how him and the new girl are? Are they together? Are they fucking? Can you tell me about how he is? What does he say about me? Do you think he misses me? Do I still have a chance.
I continue to drink, accepting bottles and cups from men who want more than conversation in return for their generosity. It’s his friends mostly, trying to grab the small of my back as they ask me how I am and do I need a lighter for that?
I watch her too, her slim legs below the end of little black dress. She’s white, of course, and blonde too. My drunken self finds me walking towards her, words spilling out my mouth like vomit. Bite your tongue, bite it till it’s blue and purple and blood fills your mouth. I ask questions as if accusations, your his new girl? your together right? how long? he’s staying the night isn’t he?
Hours, hours of waiting and sitting and standing and talking, waiting.
“come one let’s go on a walk, let’s talk”
six months waisted for a drunken and meaningless thirty minutes, i meant every word i said.
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fatherfoodfaith · 6 months
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i don’t miss him as a person.
i miss having someone to stroke my hair, tucking it gently behind my ears as they look into my eyes.
i miss having a chest to lay on, a heartbeat to listen to closely, as everything else washes out into white noise.
i miss having a hand to hold, dragging me up hills, warmth growing between our palms as our grips tighten.
i miss having a person, unstable but still feeling permanent.
i don’t miss him though.
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fatherfoodfaith · 6 months
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GIRLS I HAVENT POSTED IN SOOOO LONG!!!
my life is so different to when i stared this blog, honestly in the best way possible, i still have my struggles but life is majorly changed ! i may shut down this blog and start a new one im not sure …
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fatherfoodfaith · 10 months
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need mutuals :(
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fatherfoodfaith · 10 months
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fatherfoodfaith · 10 months
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fatherfoodfaith · 10 months
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fatherfoodfaith · 10 months
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My biggest fear is love and getting hurt in love but still believing.
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fatherfoodfaith · 10 months
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fatherfoodfaith · 10 months
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@elissbabby and me on our first sleepover
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fatherfoodfaith · 10 months
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mother
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fatherfoodfaith · 10 months
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