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ffamranxii · 1 year
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*shows up two years late with Starbucks*
So I guess I'm back
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ffamranxii · 1 year
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With the holidays coming up, maybe you'd like a print as a gift? I seem this as stickers and other things, too, and I do have other designs. Please take a look!
If you see this design for sale by anyone other than ChibiMonkey2530 on Redbubble, that design is stolen art and I ask that you do not purchase it. I only sell on Redbubble under that name. Thank you!
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Hey everyone! If you liked this wallpaper when I first posted it, I’ve now put it up for sale on redbubble! There are two versions, “Eden Compilation,” which is this exact image, and “Eden 2,” which has been slightly adjusted for size to use on tapestries and blankets.
I am disabled and mentally ill and I’m hoping that at least some of you loved this wallpaper enough to want to buy it so I can pay some bills and necessities. My shop name is ChibiMonkey2530 - anyone else selling this is not me and I ask that you don’t buy from them. Thank you for all the love you’ve shown this wallpaper!
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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I got out of a very abusive, controlling relationship a few years ago with very little money to my name and moved back in with my parents. I've been saving to get an apartment, which is about $1100-1300/month here, ever since. I got a job that allowed me to save up, but I was also relentlessly harassed, bullied, overworked, and sexually assaulted to the point where I had a series of mental breakdowns that ultimately led me to quit.
I lost my new boyfriend a few years later due to my father's interference. My father doesn't want me here. Before I moved home he actually hadn't spoken to me in three years, because my previous boyfriend was black. He says I deserve all the abuse "that n*gger" put me through, which included complete alienation of all my friends, complete control and exploitation of my finances, brief homelessness, and the death of my child. He tried to throw me out a month into dating my new boyfriend because "he can put you up now." Between my job and my father, I was always stressed and miserable, and my boyfriend couldn't take it. Then he got cancer, and told me he couldn't deal with my problems on top of his own, he couldn't take my father anymore, and we couldn't do this anymore. We broke up. All his friends, even the ones who were supposedly my friend too, sided with him.
I lost a tooth at the beginning of the pandemic, right in the front of my face. It was a crown that had broken. I can't afford to fix it - I need an extraction of the remaining tooth and an implant, which is $6k total. I only have Medicaid, which the oral surgeon doesn't take and which doesn't cover implants anyway. My self esteem tanked.
I don't have any friends. I'm autistic and have never been great at making them in the first place, and wasn't able to repair the friendships I lost because of my ex. I don't talk to my extended family, who my father has been telling for years that I'm an ungrateful, horrible bitch he wishes he never had. They agree with him. Talking to my mother is like talking to a brick wall. She's so burnt out putting up with my father's abuse that she can't even pretend to be a support for me. She never has been anyway.
Most of the time I feel like a glitch in a computer program. I'm not supposed to be here, so people ignore me until I cause problems (whether I actually did or not). No one cared when I was being abused by my ex, even when I came to work crying every day and couldn't afford to eat. No one said anything in my defense when I was being harassed at work, and after I was assaulted HR told me it was all in my head when I'd report things like "Joe and Brian are telling people they fucked me in the stock room." Sometimes I'll vent on social media - both where I know people and where I'm anonymous - and get no response, except maybe "stop saying xyz about people, be grateful for what you have." I had to delete Facebook because it added to my depression.
I can't hold a job anymore. I'm terrified of people and being outside. I recently got a freelance gig doing transcription but the pay is very low and only per minute of audio, and I suffer from migraines which makes it difficult. I've posted on social media that I can also do editing and proofreading, with no takers. My health has always been very poor and my mental health is trash. No therapist near me takes Medicaid and I'm afraid to go out and talk to one anyway. I've been denied state assistance, though I was recently approved for food stamps. I can't get cash assistance. I'm burning through all of my savings with student loans (which apparently can't be put on hold because they're all private) and the rent my dad demands.
On top of all this, my mother just told me she's divorcing my dad, because he's abusive and cheats constantly. She's disabled and won't be able to keep the house so she's moving out. She's the only reason I've been able to stay here. I'm pretty sure my father will kick me out, or tell me I can only stay if I become the maid and yard caretaker. He's already trying to sell my car (which he had to put in his name because my ex destroyed my credit), which will leave me trapped in the house, and my mother has made it clear I can't move in with her.
My cousins all have their lives figured out. They're all married with kids, add I'm constantly being reminded of, with their own houses or apartments and good jobs. They're not afraid of people, or struggling with money, or having a panic attack at 1am on a Wednesday because they don't know how they're going to get through the next week, let alone the next year. It feels like the cat is the only one on my side and the only one who actually wants anything to do with me. Ten years ago my father called me a failure as a daughter, an adult, and a human being, and it's just... true.
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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The State of This Blog
I’m sure at this point many of you have seen my numerous disclaimers about how I am not a wholly reliable source of information regarding the tag bans, but I have a bit more to say, specifically in regards to my own actions going forward.
The list (Linked here) now contains 400 banned tags, the majority of which have been given a hard block. I am not abandoning the list, but I am going to keep the inbox closed for now, for a couple of reasons.
One: I feel that I have contributed to spreading panic and stoking outrage. It was not my intention, but I have gained a platform and I would like to ensure I use it responsibly.
Two: The list has 400 phrases. I’m not saying I won’t continue adding to it, but I believe we’ve reached a point where further edits are not entirely necessary. As the list grows, the blocked tags we find become more and more niche. What we currently have is a good sample size of tags that have been blocked, which shows us the range of tags being affected.
Three: This isn’t quite as big picture, but tbh I’m… really tired. I think I mentioned my chronic illness when #spoonies got banned, but I have myasthenia gravis and my muscles are shit. I’ve been on screens way too much the past 2 days and I have just straight up overexerted my eyes, so. Yeah. I need to rest.
This shit’s gonna get worked out, you guys. I’m sorry if I contributed to anyone’s anxiety. It’s going to be okay!
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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And now it's Official Official!!! New Furubana next year and a date for the illustration book!
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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A lot of people like to say 3rd Semester Goro is Akechi's true personality, and while there's a kernel of truth to that it misses the bigger picture. 3rd Semester Goro is an Akechi who has no purpose other than defeating Maruki. He thinks he's dead and he hates himself because of his failures and the realization he was playing right into Shido's hands all along. He's purposefully pushing the Thieves and Joker away and playing up the "Darkechi" side of him so they assume he's just a twisted psychopath and don't get attached. Because he doesn't want friends, because he thinks he doesn't deserve them, and especially because he doesn't want Joker to risk the true reality for him.
It just makes me mad when people say Goro is a psychopath and use the 3rd Sem as evidence he hates all the Thieves and Joker and just enjoys killing people. They're missing the subtext for the outward mask. Goro is never truly vulnerable in any scene other than in the Engine Room. That's the only time we see hints of his true self--his desire to be loved, his underlying wish to be Joker's friend. Those are real parts of him even in 3rd Semester, but he's wearing another mask, an apathetic, cruel one to push others away.
It's basically another version of the "Robin Hood is fake" argument people made before Royal came out and disproved them with Hereward. Both personas are a part of him, and both the detective prince mask and darkechi are aspects of himself, but both are used as masks to conceal the true self underneath. And I'm tired of people missing that so they can strawman him into a heartless psychopath who has no values.
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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Help escaping abuse
Today my applications for SNAP, medical assistance, and cash assistance were denied. So that’s great. 
In case you missed it, I am currently trying to raise money to escape my abusive father and move in with my disabled mother upon the finalization of her divorce. Neither my mother nor I can afford to live on our own. I moved back in with my parents at the start of the pandemic after suffering an unrelated mental breakdown. This was a mistake.
I do have a redbubble shop, where I sell mostly stickers (Fruits Basket, Haikyuu!!, and Persona) and some wallpapers I’ve made as my only source of income, as well as a paypal - Laurrante@ gmail. com (no spaces). I am trying to raise at least $2,000 to cover the initial costs of moving into an apartment with my mother (rent, car insurance, utilities, groceries, and medication for both of us) without my father finding out. He doesn’t know about the divorce and we don’t want him getting wind of it. 
My father is abusive emotionally, verbally, and financially. Some of the things he’s done to us include: Refusing to put in the window AC units during a heat wave which almost put me and my mother in the hospital for heat stroke, threatening to poison, kill, or throw out our animals, insults the animals almost daily (calling them stupid, ugly, disgusting, etc, and threatening to eat them), constantly berate and insult us for not being able to work or “not doing anything” during the day, completely control every penny spent and meticulously monitor mail for packages, berate and insult us whenever he has a bad day at work or is annoyed, scare the shit out of our cats by screaming and stomping around and then yell at the cats for not wanting to be near him, and every day undermine everything we say, act like we’re stupid and don’t know what we’re talking about. My father also cheats on my mother, and has since the last time she got out of the hospital after heart surgery. He expects her to do all the housework, yard work, and grocery shopping with no help, and if I attempt to help or do it myself he yells at us both. He’s called me a failure as a daughter, an adult, and a human being. 
My father is extremely racist and attempted to disown me several years ago for dating a black man. The only reason I was allowed back in the house was because my mother begged. Our only relationship is his abusive commentary and my trying to ignore it. 
Please help my mother, myself, and our cats escape my father. Any amount helps at all. The last time I posted we received $175! I am adding more stickers to my redbubble shop, and am accepting donations through Paypal. It’s my goal to raise at least $2,000 without alerting my father.
(Please reblog this post, rather than like. Only reblogs spread posts through this platform. Likes only bookmark it for yourself and no one can see them.)
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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On Fandoms, Age, and Gender: The Politics of “ Putting Away Childish Things”
Weighing in on yet another round of “fan spaces are youth spaces” (aka “go home and knit, old lady” or “You’re old enough to be my/someone’s mom! gross!” )
Consider these thoughts:
There’s a whole set of interests and behaviors that you might become interested in as you grow from child to adolescent to young adult and take greater interest in the wider world.
You might like horses, or dolls.  Or building models.  You might play soccer, or follow baseball every summer and learn about  box scores.   You might follow the college football draft, or love a pop band.  You might deeply admire a rock band and learn to play the guitar.  You might love superheroes and see all their movies.  You might love space opera and collect paperback books.  Maybe you collect trading cards of your favorite team players – or movie moments.  You probably get t-shirts and posters of teams, or media outlets.  You might get deeply into a social or political cause.
Those are all expressions of interest in the world, all with associated social aspects, many with associated creative actions. 
And then you get older.  And here’s the thing about that list.  The things on that list that are “for boys?”   Are also “for men.”   But the things on that list that are “for girls” or “for nerds?” Are only “for children.”  
Adult men wear brightly colored team clothing and paint their faces without shame.   They join fantasy football leagues and hang out online.   They follow Phish (or continuously talk about how they did when that was a thing).  They spend vast sums on tickets to bowl games.   They get excited all over the internet about Geddy Lee’s greatest hits.  They spend long afternoons on the golf course, playing very bad golf.
No one tells them to grow up 
An adult woman who turns a childhood dollhouse into a beautiful scale model of a real Victorian home is “eccentric.”  An adult man who builds a vast HO train layout in his basement is a “train enthusiast.”   An adult woman who displays her favorite Bryer horses is “odd,” an adult man with a shelf of signed baseballs is “a collector” or even “an investor.” 
Adult women making fanart of attractive movie stars is “creepy,’ while adult men decorating their garages with calendar art of scantily-clad very-young women is “just what guys do.”
Interests and hobbies that were feminine and are taken up by men become acceptable.   When The Beatles were greeted with mobs of fainting teen girls, they were a “boy band.”  When young men discovered them, they became Serious Musicians.  
Over and over, across fields of interest, things that girls like are “toys and games and childish” and should be left behind by adults, while things that boys like are “hobbies and sports” that are lifetime pastimes.  And acceptable “hobbies” for adult women?   Most are things that could be coded as household chores, but generations of women have worked to turn into enjoyable pastimes:  knitting, sewing, quilting.  Home decor.  Baking.   Many adult women (myself included) enjoy doing those things in their free time and have elevated them to art forms.  But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re rooted in utility, while “men’s hobbies” are, by and large, rooted in leisure.
Look around you and follow the pattern.  And then, before you ask “Why are adult women in fan spaces,” maybe ask “why do I feel like adult women don’t get to have fun?” 
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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This is still one of the greatest things ever made.
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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Trying to warm up again after finals made me forget how to draw 😭
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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sometimes iwa plays along w oikawa’s antics and oikawa cant contain his joy
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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Absolutely losing it at this Reddit post
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And the update
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She buttered Jorts
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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Daisuga fluff , requested by anon! ( omfg is this even fluff, is this even daisuga idk anymore I’m sorry I never darw bl before )
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ffamranxii · 2 years
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Fangs….
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