it is the most wonderfully made, historically inaccurate, giddily fun, perfectly paced, goofy horror movie romance novel bullshit bonanza that has ever blessed the silver screen.
i mean it is just so beautifully full of every genre without being overwhelming.we’ve got: comedy, action, suspense, horror, romance, adventure, ancient aesthetics, and it’s a period piece. all perfectly balanced and blended into one movie.
and the characters are so LIT
we got our main babe, evelyn “motherfucking” carnahan, a super-klutz librarian, total history nerd, and certified badass/damsel in distress. she raises the dead on accident, because she cannot resist books, and has the guts to put that motherfucker back where he came from and literally saves the world.evie’s greatest hits:
“what is a place like me, doing in a girl like this?!”
*after totally destroying the library* “i’ve just made a bit of a mess in the library.”
“no harm ever came from reading a book.”
evelyn: *upon opening the tomb* “i’ve dreamt about this since i was a little girl.”rick: “you dream about dead guys?”
then we’ve got rick “brendan fraser” o’connell, your not-so-typical battle hardened gun slinger with a heart of gold. he seems filthy, rude, and a complete scoundrel at first, but then he turns into a literal puppy, with massive heart eyes, that worships the ground evie walks on.rick’s greatest hits:
*screams at mummy*
*screams at sand*
*screams at things that are illogical to scream at*
next is our Comedic Relief Character™, jonathan carnahan, who also rises above his trope. he’s there for the laugh sure, but is never useless. he actively helps to move the plot along and isn’t just there. he also is the farthest thing from brainless and annoying.jonathan’s greatest hits:
evelyn: “have you no respect for the dead?”jonathan: “of course i do, but sometimes i’d rather like to join them.” same.
oh and that time he was like “IMHOTEP” and saved his own ass like that was so smooth, y’all know what i’m talking about right??
then there is ardeth BAE. he is the audience rolling his eyes because *sighs* white people. he’s tired of these motherfucking mummies in this motherfucking desert. literally prettier than everyone.(he has a much bigger role in the mummy returns, but is still so fab here)
and of course THE MUMMY. imhotep. actual emo. literally carved some poetry into the back of his sarcophagus when he was buried alive with flesh eating bugs, because he is that Extra™. just wants to bring his girlfriend back to life so he can make out with her without it being treason.
and all the side characters are also gr8.
now i wanna take a moment to talk about the romance. because it is so BEAUTIFUL. like usually in action movies it’s macho man undermines girl and they bone. not here. no time for that shit.
rick and evie have such a great relationship based on mutual respect and affection. they both cater to each other’s strengths and cover each other’s weaknesses. they are the literally definition of: “those two. in a fight, they’re lethal. around each other, they melt”
what else, i could literally talk about this movie all day.
the special effects have held up pretty well.the music score is GORGEOUS.the costumes are amazing.the makeup, especially for anck su namun, OH WOW.the george of the jungle era brendan fraser sign me the fuck up.rachel weisz.
so many good things.
it’s just great.
#i secretly rate every action movie from 0 to the mummy
it’s a beautiful mess of a movie that can be enjoyed by people of all ages and transcends time and posterity as the alpha mummy movie, and to those who disagree i beseech you:
Prompt 6: Forehead kisses but it’s the male being kissed on the head.
You steal as you run, the laughter bubbling up through your throat as it turns into a squeal the moment he catches you. His arm snags you around the waist as he tugs you to him. You suck in a deep breath of air and look at him coyly over your shoulder, “Okay. You caught me. You win.”
Marcel’s face is a giant smile, “I won? What’s my prize?”
You roll your eyes as you turn in his arms, “What would you like?”
You’re more than happy to oblige, you lean in towards his lips, and you wait for his eyes to close before swooping upwards and placing it on his forehead. His eyes flash open as you step out of his arms, “Oh, you think you’re cute.” He tugs you closer, as your arms wrap around his neck.
“What? You don’t like my forehead kisses?” You bat your eyelashes at him.
He smiles, “I love your forehead kisses. I’ll take them all day everyday, right along with this.” He kisses your cheek, “And this,” your chin, “And this,” right by your ear, “And this,” His lips crash against yours, and man oh man is he a good kisser, when he pulls back you suck in a breath through your teeth. “And this.” This time the kiss lands on your forehead, and you contemplate just how lucky you are that Marcel is all yours.
Sit between my legs, lean back against my chest, and masturbate while I tell you all the ways I’m going to fuck you after you make yourself cum.
“Yeah, just like that,” Angel’s voice was low in your ear, his hands on your knees, keeping them separate, “Yeah, baby,” he kissed the back of your neck, “I know, I know,” he smiled at the sounds of your aroused whining, “I know what you want, baby, I want it too, but first... First I want you to make yourself cum. Yeah,” he encouraged lowly, “good girl,” he kissed your neck as you fingered yourself, his hands shaking on your knees, the desire to touch you strong, but his resolve was stronger. “Keep going, baby... Let me tell you what I’m gonna do to you after you cum, yeah? I’m gonna take those pretty little fingers and put em in my mouth,” his voice was muffled, his lips ghosting over your flesh, “cause I fucking love the taste of you. And then I’m gonna kiss you,” he kissed your neck, “I’m gonna kiss the shit out of you,” he promised, “and then I’m gonna lay you down and fuck you,” he went on, “Like really fuck you. I’m gonna beat that pussy up,” his fingers tapped on your knees, eager to touch you further, “Gonna fuck you so hard, baby girl, I’m gonna make you cum again, I swear I will. Gonna make your whole body shake, I’m gonna fuck you till I can’t fuck you no more, and then I’m gonna bust in you, fill you up with my nut, baby girl. And I want you to keep it in you. No shower, no clean-up. You’re gonna sleep in these sheets with my cum in you....fuck, I might stay in you too,” he grinned, reading the signs of your body, knowing that you were close, “Yeah,” he said again, his voice slow and low and so damn hot in your ear, “just like that....”
“What I’m gonna do first,” EZ said, one hand palming your breast, and the other on your chin, keeping your eyes on his, “after you cum, is I’m gonna eat you out until you cum again,” he grinned, that golden boy smile contradicting his devilish words, "I'm gonna have you ride my face. That sound good, baby?" You answered him with a moan as you shoved another finger inside of your wetness, making EZ chuckle approvingly. "I'll take that as a yes. Let me tell you how I'm going to make love to you," he said, kissing you softly as he spoke, "I'm going to pick you up after I eat you out," he began, "and I'm going to lay you down on your back," he was still kissing you as he spoke, still kissing you as you fucked yourself on your fingers, turned on by his words and his proximity, wanting nothing more than to cum--both for your own relief and because you wanted EZ to fuck you now, "I'm going to kiss every last inch of this perfect body," his hand tweaked your nipple, and your hips jutted upwards, wanting his hands all over you, making him laugh again, "Not yet," he said, kissing you gently, "Just listen." You struggled against him, and he wrapped his arm around your middle, keeping you from turning around, nothing but a mass of warm muscle behind you, "Listen," he commanded, his voice going straight to your quivering pussy, "I'm going to make love to you," he promised, "I'm gonna make sure you know how much I love you, how lucky I am to have you," he smiled down at you, and your eyes watered, a mix of adoration, desire, and desperation going through you, "I'm going to take you nice and slow, baby...soon as you cum for me."
Coco was hard as a rock behind you. He was wearing black boxers, and you could feel the wet spot against your back as you fingered yourself. Coco leaned into you, his long hair brushing against your exposed chest, both of you breathing heavily as you fucked yourself on your fingers, his name coming off of your lips like a prayer--or a plea. "You're so fucking sexy," Coco whispered, his lips brushing against your shoulder, "Fuck... I love watching you fuck yourself," he moved, reaching for something on the floor, "Yo... I want you to fuck yourself with this." You opened your eyes and looked down--it was his knife. It was in it's case, and your eyes widened with excitement. "It's clean," he began, but you were already taking hold of it. He laughed, "Oh, okay..." You slid the holstered knife inside of you, and you and Coco gasped together, your head falling back against his chest as the pleasure overtook you. You loved when Coco brought his knives into the bedroom; it was a turn-on for both of you. "You're close," he noticed, one hand on the base of your neck, squeezing gently, and the other on your wrist, controlling how deep the knife case went inside of you, "Yeah, fucking cum for me. Let me fucking tell you what I'm gonna do after you cum, yeah? I'm gonna fucking fuck the shit out of you," his hand on yours was moving faster, pushing the knife in deeper, making you moan and squirm with each movement, "I'm gonna toss you like a coin, flip you like a mattress, fucking twist you up like a pretzel," he promised, "till you cum again on my dick." Then I'm gonna smoke a joint till I'm ready to fuck you again while you suck me off." You nodded, silently begging him to keep talking. "Oh, you want more?" He asked, a smirk clear in his voice. "Then fucking cum."
"Look at you," Miguel's voice was low, but the only thing you could focus on, "Come on, mi amor, look." You opened your eyes. Miguel had a full length mirror placed in front of the bed, and the sight of the two of you was unbelievably sexy. Miguel was fully clothed, wearing a grey suit and burgundy shirt; the only thing missing was his tie--that was wrapped around your neck. You were completely naked (aside from his tie), legs splayed open wide, your reflection in the mirror incredibly filthy. Your hair and eyes were wild; tears in your eyes from the orgasm you'd had a few minutes ago when the combination of Miguel choking you with his tie and the toy between your leg had proven to be too much, and you could see how wet you were in your reflection. "You look so pretty," he cooed, "Keep fucking yourself," he commanded gently, "I want you to cum one more time." You made a whining noise, your body shaking with need--for him. Miguel chuckled, always amused by your neediness, and kissed the side of your face. "I need you to cum one more time," he said slowly, "let me tell you how good I'm going to fuck you once you cum again. I'm gonna lay you down on your stomach and fuck you from behind," his large hand covered yours as you held onto the vibrating toy between your shaking legs, "I'm gonna keep this," he pushed the toy deeper into you, "pressed against you while we fuck. I'm gonna make sure you watch it, too," he went on, pulling the tie with his other hand, making your head fall back against his shoulder, "Gonna make sure you watch the way my cock slides in and out of you, watch the way that pretty pussy swallows me up," he kissed your exposed neck, his bearded face a new kind of friction above the silk of his tie, "I want you to see how fucking beautiful you are when I'm inside you." Your eyes fluttered closed, and he let them stay that way. He knew what that signified. "Go on, mi amor... cum."
Rio chuckled against the shell of your ear, and you shivered with lust. He kissed the side of your neck, his hands trailing up and down your torso, his touch somehow firm yet gentle, lasting yet fleeting. "Love this," he whispered, his mouth warm against your burning skin, "love having you like this," he kissed the back of your shoulder affectionately, "You don't know how good you are, mama," he went on, "you don't know how much I love you. Let me tell you how much I love you," he went on as you touched yourself, spurred on by his words and his touch and his voice, "Every morning when I wake up, I crave you, ma. Not just want--crave. I need you. When I ain't with you, that need fucking hurts. I can feel it in my chest, you know? And every night, you're the last thing I think of, the last thing on my mind," he sighed as you practically purred against him, "I love you," he whispered, "My girl... My fucking boss ass bitch, my--" you pushed your ass back against him, and he hissed, his erection twitching in his pants. "Don't do that," he said through clenched teeth, "You know better. You get it when I say you get it, and you know you ain't getting it till you cum on your own." You whined, and Rio kissed your shoulder again, both hands going to cup your breasts, those sinewy fingers giving special attention to your nipples. "I want you to make yourself cum, ma," he continued, "and then once you do, I'm gonna hit it the way you like, huh? Nice and slow. I'm gonna kiss every single inch of you, suck on your clit the way you like, gonna fuck you raw," his voice dropped, and your body clenched with desire for him, "I'm gonna cum inside of you till I ain't got nothing left," he vowed, "because I'm yours, mama. I'm all yours...so go 'head. Show me what's mine."