flintwoodhp

[flintwoodhp]

If you value your mental health then don't think about the fact that Albus Severus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy had to sit through a Defence Against the Dark Arts class about the Unforgivable Curses after the events of Cursed Child.

Don't think about the fact that everyone was looking at them the whole time the Professor was talking, despite them purposefully sitting at the back of the class.

Don't imagine everyone whispering about the fact that Albus "didn't even need to be under the Imperius curse to do the things he did" because they don't know he only did it because Delphi tortured and threatened his best friend.

Don't think about everyone expecting it to be Scorpius that has a breakdown when the Cruciatus curse is mentioned, only to find out that it was Albus that was most affected.

Don't think about Albus shaking and having flashbacks of Scorpius' scream when the Professor talks about how painful the Cruciatus curse is.

Don't think about Scorpius doing his best to comfort his boyfriend without attracting attention to them both while Albus quietly tries not to cry aloud.

Don't think about Albus physically shaking as the Professor talks about how much of a risk of long-term damage there is with the Cruciatus curse, and don't think about Scorpius taking hold of his hand to remind him that he's still there and is still okay.

Just don't think about them having to sit there and relive the murder of Craig while everyone in the class whispers about the Killing curse.

Just don't think about it. Don't think about it at all.

#scorpius malfoy #scorbus #albus potter

[flintwoodhp]

You all talk about Albus jealousy in fics but Scorpius is a possessive boi as well.

He didn't want Delphi to tag along because he was irritated by her flirting with Albus. The script was written as if he first declared that Delphi shouldn't come, the justification comes second. They could have found a way to make her not stand out but Scorpius was like no don't come either way. And Albus priority is Scorpius so there's no way he would say no to him. And I think that's a trope in their relationship later on. Scorpius understands that someone tries to get between them and discreetly pulls Albus away from them and Albus is like "ok, sure".

He was mad when he heard that Albus owled her not because Albus didn't owl him( he figured out Harry was the one to separate them ) but because he felt like this girl now could just snoop in and he could do nothing about that. It's like a homophobic dad split apart his son and his lover and the latter is wondering how many times this other girl is seeing his love interest. And the question " are you okay, red and sweaty at the same time" clearly meant " did you like it? Because it looks like it", because come on no-one can get hurt by a kiss on the cheek, it was meant to be accusatory. Scorpius appears naive and dorky on these subjects but in reality he might know much more about that stuff than Albus. By that time, he hasld already visualised him and Albus in several non platonic scenarios and he is also the first one to give a romantic hug ( I mean, he hugs him from steps below and rests his head on Albus heart? ) This hug suggests adoration and longing, I mean look at his smile, it screams " I love that man and want to cuddle with him".

Albus jealousy can serve in fics as comedic effect because he is impulsive, direct, funny and petty. But Scorpius jealousy is just sad and deep because the boi can pick up on the subtlest form of interest coming from another person for Albus. And a part of him will always fear that Albus Potter being conventionally more handsome and socially acceptable can find someone better even tho Albus proves him wrong every single day.

It's interesting to note that Albus got jealous when Scorpius showed interest in another person and Scorpius got jealous when another person showed Albus interest. Albus deep down fears that he might not be a good boyfriend to Scorpius and that might make the latter feel unfulfilled and unconsciously look for someone else. Scorpius is much more confident as a boyfriend ( and he is a faster learner when it comes to interpersonal and intimate practicalities compared to Albus ) and his biggest fear is that the other people that show interest in Albus might make him realise he settled for Scorpius when he could have so much more.

#scorbus #scorpius malfoy #albus potter

[flintwoodhp]

Harry’s Too Oblivious to be Gay, Here’s the Proof:

James Sirius: So… Mum. Dad. I have something important to tell you.

Ginny: Oh no… I didn’t think this day would ever come.

James Sirius: What?

Ginny: Please tell me you aren’t gonna be a teen Dad?

James Sirius: What!? No!

Harry: Oh thank Merlin.

James Sirius: I just wanted to say, that I might be, or a definitely am, I know this for certain, but I’m bisexual.

Harry: Oh.

Ginny: That’s it?

Harry: What do you mean that’s it!?

Ginny: Harry, you cishet man, and James, you loveable doofus, it was very obvious.

James Sirius and Harry: How!?

Ginny: Takes one to know one.

Harry: You’re bi!?

Ginny: Yeah? Did you not realise? Next thing you know you weren’t aware Ron was bi and Luna was pan.

Harry: They were what!?

Ginny: Am I the only one that noticed this stuff. It was just as obvious as Albus being poly.

Harry: He’s poly!?

James Sirius: Dad! That one was obvious! You literally walked in on him and Scorpius snogging!

Harry: What!?

Ginny: Harry. Were you aware that Dean and Seamus dated?

Harry: They what!?

James Sirius: Did you notice that Draco was omni?

Harry: What!?

Ginny: You went to his wedding to that young muggle man!

Harry: This is a lot to take in.

James Sirius: You are an oblivious cishet man.

Albus Severus: I heard that entire thing, and thanks for coming out for me. This was entertaining. I guess we just have to be glad he at least realised Teddy is a demiboy.

Harry: W word…

Ginny: Oh my God—

#harry potter #ginny weasley #james sirius potter #albus potter #scorpius malfoy #draco malfoy #scorbus

[flintwoodhp]

- Scorpius and Albus living together after Hogwarts-

Scorpius: Albus dear? How much do you love me?

Albus: of you'd told me you'd killed someone I'd help you hide the body and plat my own d.n.a at the crime sence and take the blame.

Scorpius: okay great can you wash the dishes?

Albus: absolutely not.

--

Harry being blind and a dumbass: I still can't believe are sons are roommates you'd think they'd have enough of each other by now! I mean 7 years in the same dorm and being at each other's house's over the holidays! They were never apart.

Draco: there gay potter- are sons are gay. In a romantic relationship. They have been dating sence 4th year

Harry: I'm sorry- what.

Draco: your about as observant as a brick wall.

--

*Albus and Scorpius making out on the sofa*

Lily;L comeing trough the floo: Hey you two ready for dinner - oh I see you have already have meal plans

Scorpius pulling away completely red: AHH LILY-

Albus clearly pissed: YOU NEED TO TEXT US BEFORE COMING IN- I'VE TOLD YOU THIS-

LIly: soooo dinner

Albus: Fine.

Scorpius: okay!

--

*Albus walking into his flat after a long day at work only to see James, Lily, Rose and Hugo all sitting in his living room*

Albus: Hello people who do not live here.

Hugo: Hey Albus!

Albus: I gave you the floo code for emergencies ONLY

James: it as an emergency -

Lily - we where out of Doritos

Albus: Out.

--

* Scorpius and Albus's cuddling before bed*

Scorpius: Anything chould feel pain and be alive and just whould'nt be able to tell us. Like- what if the table feels pain and we just keep eating on it's face???

Albus: Babe what the actual fuck-

--

James: so you two shower together me and my gf do it all the time

Scorpius: No we can't agree on a water temperature

Albus: it not my fault you like your water scooped out of the fiery pits of hell!

--

Scorpius drunk as fuck sitting in the bathtub fully clothed: Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a fictional character in a horribly written play write that's basted on a super good book series written by a transphobic women.

Albus: okay no more alcohol. Ever.

#albus potter #scorpius malfoy #scorbus

[flintwoodhp]

Egg Albus totally stole his brothers clothes when he was little because they're ✨Boy Clothes✨ and then went to hogwarts and did the same thing to Scorpius

#egg is slang for a trans person before they realise they are trans #scorbus #albus potter #james sirius potter #scorpius malfoy

[flintwoodhp]

That one time Lucius was aloud to babysit

Lucius: Listen to me Scorpius Mud bloods shouldn't aloud to learn magic

Scorpius: I disagree

Lucius: And why is that?!

Scorpius: Well for starters your main thing is racism so clearly your biased- But if you look at a logical point of anything Muggle Borns need magical schooling more then pure bloods do.

Lucius: How DARE you how chould you even think that?!

Scorpius: Because 1) your argument is biased and lacks any kind of logic. And for 2) Kids go to magic school so they can learn to control there powers. If there wasn't a magic school kids whould be running wild with no control of there powers. This whould be fine for pure bloods and half bloods because they have at least one magic parent who can teach them and clean up after them. As for muggle parents - they whould'nt be able to do that for 1) That child whould probably seriously hurt someone 2) the Muggle parents whould have no clue what was happening to there kid and 3) muggle Borns running around without control of there powers whould cause the wizarding world to be exposed. So yes muggle Borns need to go to magic school.

Lucius: I - what-

Scorpius: this is what you get for blindly following bigoted and hateful views without any logic to back any of it up.

#scorpius malfoy #lucius malfoy

[flintwoodhp]

HPCC INCORRECT QUOTES

Albus: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way?

Scorpius: Excuse me Mx. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you?

Rose: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

-

Scorpius: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!

Albus: Please, just say fuck.

-

Albus: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Scorpius: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Albus: Absolutely not.

-

Scorpius: Okay, two person huddle.

Albus: You can't huddle with two people. This is just a hug.

-

Scorpius: Sorry, I'm late to the party. I've been doing things.

Albus, entering in an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too.

James : Wow, Scorpius was late too! What a coincidence!

-

Albus: As top in this relationship, I think we should-

Scorpius: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me

-

Scorpius: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward.

Albus: I’m worried about you

-

Albus: *dangling from a rope over a pit of fire* Remember when I said I’d tell you when we’re in too deep?

Scorpius: Yes?

Albus: We’re in too deep.

-

Scorpius: I think this might be a bad idea...

Albus: Don't start thinking on me now!

-

Albus: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Scorpius: Wow. They sound stupid.

Albus: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.

Scorpius: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”

Albus: I guess you’re right. Hey Scorpius, I love you.

Scorpius: See! Just say that!

Albus: Holy fucking shit.

Scorpius: If that flies over their head then, sorry Albus, but they're too dumb for you.

Albus: Scorpius.

-

Scorpius: Are you sure this is safe?

Albus: Safer than Flintstone vitamin gummies in a bottle.

Albus: Keep twisting, junior! All you’re gonna get is clicks.

-

Albus: You read my diary?

James : At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very gay handwritten book.

-

James : Albus, I sense hostility.

Albus: Good, because I hate you.

-

Scorpius: Where are you going?

Albus: To get MYSELF a gift cause somebody didn't get me one!

Scorpius: I told you I did! Its coming here on Friday!

James , knowing full well that Scorpius got Albus an engagement ring: *eating popcorn*

-

Scorpius: Wow, Albus, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Albus: We literally slept together yesterday.

Scorpius: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

-

Albus: We’re getting married, bitches!

Scorpius: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.

#scorpius malfoy #albus potter #scorbus #james sirius potter

[flintwoodhp]

- Things people have over heard Scorpius and Albus say-

Scropius: Oh, fiddlesticks.

Albus : Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language.

-

Albus : Oh, here’s my award for the most rules broken!

Scropius: That’s not an award, it’s an angry letter from Headmistress McGonagall

Albus , hanging it on their wall: Well, it has the word ‘most’ in it, so I’m calling it an award!

-

Scropius: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.

Scropius: And I started thinking.

Scropius: Like, it was just trying to get food.

Scropius: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?

Albus : Are you ok?

-

Albus : I think I need a hug...

Scropius: Good thing I'm hug shaped!

*45 minutes later*

Albus : You... you can let go now.

Scropius: No, I absolutely cannot

-

Albus : Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while I work, so instead I have Scropius periodically send me texts saying ‘we need to talk.’

Albus : It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going.

-

Albus : Talk dirty to me~

Scropius: Inflation is a serious problem and lumber prices are at a high.

Albus : Wha-

Scropius: The economy is in shambles.

-

Albus : I have an idea.

Scropius: A good idea?

Albus : Let's not get ahead of ourselves

-

Scropius: Oooh, a train!

Albus : We’re in a train station, Scropius.

-

Scropius, near tears: Please, Albus , I don’t speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!

-

Scropius: I’m in love with you.

Albus : We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Scropius: I know.

Albus : Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

-

Albus : Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset?

Scropius: No, I said "Albus , don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset.

-

Scropius: *sighs* I have no friends...

Albus :

Albus : *coughs* Bitch, what am I? A roach?!

-

Scropius: Is the pink panther a lion?

Albus : Say that again but slower.

Scropius: I don’t get it.

Albus : Scorpius baby light of my life He’s a PANTHER.

Scropius: Is that a type of lion?

Albus : No, it’s a fucking panther.

Scropius: I just read a book about them and they aren’t pink!

Albus : AND LIONS ARE?!

-

Albus : When was the last time you cried?

Scropius: Uh 15 minutes ago, why??

Albus : really? That recent?

Scropius: Yeah *voice crack* is that a issue? *starts crying again*

-

Albus: You have had 4 mental breakdowns this week

Scropius: yeah? So?

Albus: It's Monday see a therapist.

#scorpius malfoy #scorbus #albus potter

[flintwoodhp]

Albus in 7th year stealing the microphone in the great hall: I'm glad I'm getting the fuck out of this hell hole and id just like to say fuck every single one of you- expect you Scorpius your a treasure and im glad your here

#albus potter #scorpius malfoy #scorbus

[flintwoodhp]

Harry is the stupidest adult ever

-

Harry: So Albus do you have a girlfriend?

Albus whereing Scorpius's hoodie: No dad

Harry: oh okay cool

-

Scorpius and Albus snuggled up together on the sofa watching a film

Harry: Wow look at how close they are Ginny I was never that close with Ron

Ginny; We used to cuddle like that all the time when we got together

Harry: Yeah but we weren't just friends we where dating

Ginny: * sigh *

-

Harry: Sorry boys there's only one bed in your room but I can probably make the sofa into a bed

Scorpius: Oh no it's okay Mr.Potter me and Albus are just gonna share

Harry: oh okay

-

Harry: Have you seen Albus?

James; he's in the shower rn

Harry; okay then where's Scorpius

James: He's also in the shower

Harry thinking to himself: that's odd how can they both be showering we only have one there probably just Takeing turns

-

Harry walking into Albus'd room: Hey boys dinnets-

Scorpius and Albus literally makeing out

Harry; oh I see I've intruded in your bro time

-

Albus: Dad me and Scorpius are dating

Harry: What! I had no clue there where no hints whatsoever!

Albus: holy shit

#harry potter #scorpius malfoy #albus potter #scorbus

[flintwoodhp]

Albus: *working out*

James: Why are you exercising?

Albus: Scorpius gets scared easily.

James: Yeah, so?

Albus: He jumps on me and sometimes I don't have the strength to carry him.

James: Oh. That's hardcore.

Albus: Anything for love.

#scorbus #albus potter #james sirius potter

[flintwoodhp]

Harry, to Scorpius: If you ever are mean to Albus then I'll seduce your dad and convince him to marry me and then I'll be your stepmom and I'll disable the Wi-Fi at 7pm every night don't fucking try me

Scorpius: If you disable the Wi-Fi then how are you going to use it?

Harry: I don't need Wi-Fi when I'm riding your dad's dick.

Scorpius: [screams]

#harry potter #scorpius malfoy #scorbus #drarry

[flintwoodhp]

tOTALLY THE REASON

#albus potter #scorpius malfoy #scorbus

[flintwoodhp]

Albus: Come on, just spend a day together, you guys need to become friends too, now that I’ve become Scorpius’ boyfriend

Polly: That’s unnecessary

Lily: Not gonna happen

Albus: Alright fine, if you hangout for a day together, I will get you, Lily, a picture of Lysander, half naked after Quidditch, and for you, Polly, a picture of Yann fresh out of the shower

Lily: Consider it done. See you tomorrow, Chapman!

Polly: Lovely. I’ll be waiting,potter!

#scorbus #albus potter #lily luna potter

[flintwoodhp]

Scorpius: Are you ok?

Albus: I’m fine

Scorpius: What does ‘fine’ mean

Albus: It means I’m perfectly content but also wouldn’t mind if the sun exploded right now and kill us all

#albus potter #scorpius malfoy #scorbus

[flintwoodhp]

Albus, Scorpius, and Rose Play Kiss, Marry, Kill

Options: Voldemort, Peter Pettigrew, Fenrir Greyback

Rose Granger-Weasley: Can I kill all of them?

Albus Severus Potter: Yeah, I also like this idea.

Scorpius Malfoy: I don’t think so. I think we actually have to decide.

Albus Severus: Damnit.

Rose: I am not snogging my Dad’s old pet rat, and I am certainly not marrying him.

Scorpius: What? So you’re gonna snog Voldemort or Greyback?

Rose: I already told you, I’m not marrying or snogging Scabber’s.

Albus Severus: Beastiality.

Rose: You realise your Grandfather was an animagus.

Albus Severus: We don’t talk about that.

Scorpius: Oh my God. Well, Greyback is the only one actually alive, so I’m gonna kill him.

Rose: Albus, kill Voldemort so we can all have different answers.

Albus Severus: Nah. I think I’m gonna marry him just to spite my Dad.

Scorpius: Why am I not surprised?

Rose: Well I’m not gonna marry Greyback, so I kinda agree. Voldemort can have an affair with Bellatrix.

Scorpius: I don’t want to kiss either of these options.

Albus Severus: Too bad. Peter or Voldemort, who are you snogging?

Scorpius: Voldemort…?

Albus Severus: Oh, is that how you get the Dark Lord‘s favour?

Scorpius: Please don’t.

Rose: Albus, who are you killing?

Albus Severus: Myself, after my Dad betrays me to kill my husband.

Rose: Oh my Merlin.

Scorpius: Who would you rather snog?

Albus Severus: I like living life on the edge, I’ll snog Greyback.

Rose: Before or after I snog him?

Scorpius: It better be before I kill him.

#scorpius malfoy #albus potter #rose granger weasley

[flintwoodhp]

Incorrect Scorbus Quotes

Albus: This is a mistake Scorpius, enthusiastically: A mistake we’re going to laugh about one day! Albus: But not today Scorpius, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today’s going to be a mess

#scorbus #scorpius malfoy #albus potter