forlornalbatross
forlornalbatross
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|Who? me?| Alcestis in despair , staying away like I never existed | (_I am a kind soul after all; because all this time , my intention is always to be gentle , genuine & decent to yours_) | Endless recollection of a particular memory for somewhere I was left alone , dead & forgotten - There's so much sad part of me that's incommunicable  & I mourn like I was made of grief - | | Otherself | | Reblogs |
forlornalbatross · 17 hours ago
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October 21 2021 | Thursday 6pm (tempus editae)
D C de Oliveira | Text
I will always be sad without you & embracing that sadness is the only way to live , even when I really don't want to because I know now that this pain I feel is really there without you in my life so what's the point of living just in this state of despair?
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forlornalbatross · 2 days ago
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October's Deluge: longing , comfort has yet found the softening of thorax , magpies calling , in years of wander into the wondering abyss of waiting for sadness to release itself with only your kind gesture , whatever shape or form may it be that I am seen & forgiven , that my sin may receive mercy please response to a psalm to the ever so lasting plea
of thirst , of you through whatever the shameless of desire in the hands of my hungry evergreen scarlet of words -
October 20 2021 | Wednesday 10.40am (tempus editae)
D C de Oliveira | Letter
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forlornalbatross · 2 days ago
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October 20 2021 | Wednesday 9.05am (tempus editae)
D C de Oliveira | Text
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forlornalbatross · 2 days ago
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October 20 2021 | Wednesday 8.30am (tempus editae)
D C de Oliveira | Text
Old gem: refurbished
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forlornalbatross · 2 days ago
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October 20 2021 | Wednesday 8.10am (tempus editae)
D C de Oliveira | Text
Old gem: refurbished 
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forlornalbatross · 3 days ago
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Light Blue, felt in a throbbing mouth how to sync to the unseen? tongue discombobulated,  disconnected language, 
weeding the silence
mourning over the unsaid
white of mild agony fleeting with the clouds
we are made of what cannot be spoken,
the harbouring of untellable,  such suffering in a clothed desire
forgive and then accept
for the feathers are heavier than the stones
if the heart is ignored by the burden of the logic —
Photos & Words: Dolly~ 30.03.2018
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forlornalbatross · 3 days ago
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I guess
I deserve
the hate .
I'd hate me too -
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forlornalbatross · 4 days ago
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ah! I fear
I've humiliated myself again & feeling the shame & embarrassment
crawling & cringing inside my own skin
perhaps I must now deal with the consequences of trying to challenge the silence & reopen the pandora's box that's long thrown away , rejected & denied its existence
& I don't think self pity or loathing will be consolable -
right , self muting , would have been nice --
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forlornalbatross · 4 days ago
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even if
your feeling
was short & tender
but it was all I have left;
one that is worth to hold on to this long
forevermore may it be
yet it is the only love that ever meant
more than anything to me
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forlornalbatross · 4 days ago
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carve
open the crux
for the eyes to
see her true intention
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forlornalbatross · 4 days ago
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what have I done
again
more wrong turn ,
have I loved you wrongly?
do I ever get the chance to get it right?
will I ever get it right?
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forlornalbatross · 4 days ago
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feeling the wretchedness is coming , overwhelmed by this sickening pain , this endless ache of no ending
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forlornalbatross · 4 days ago
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exhausted beyond my humanness
tired from exhuming the body & preserving what's left -- the soul is unanchored , lost & dragged under the bottomless abyss; my language is sorrow , despair & that neverending grief tying themselves heavier by the inevitable second
all my tears shed , unrunny , dried up well , a deserted drought
I've lost the appetite to write , to bear the unbearable that is of this agonising ache , my longing haunts me , like a stabbing edge of the eclipse , nothing fills in its fullness
& I am made of what's inconsolable , no more of me , more of me nowhere , death unaccompanied as life ever was: a sole lover
D C de Oliveira from Forlornly “Arid”  | October 18 2021, 6.49am . Monday
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forlornalbatross · 4 days ago
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Will try to catch up with reblogs
otherwise I will be back -- & catch on the reblogs later
Off to work soon
Second day since 3 months of covid lockdown
Will visit your blogs when I return or something like that
updated:
5th day - of work. - Catch up soon. Have a grand weekend -
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forlornalbatross · 4 days ago
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& being in love with you without being with you was a punishment I seemed to have to live with
D C de Oliveira from Melancholia “Seventeen”  September 02 2021, 12:0pm . Thursday (via memoryslandscape)
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forlornalbatross · 4 days ago
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“It hurts to stay , it hurts to go , it hurts to sit , it hurts to stand , it hurts to sleep , it hurts waking up | it hurts to watch , it hurts to unwatched , it hurts to breathe , it hurts to unbreathed | it hurts here , there , somewhere , anywhere , everywhere , nowhere , elsewhere | it hurts to write , it hurts to speak , it hurts to mute , it hurts every which way | there’s not a place , a time , a moment this does not hurt | why bother living with bones that are wrapped with a hurtful skin? | why die when that too will hurt | & why exist just to be imprisoned by this hurt? | how everything hurts , chronic with ache , incurable pain , immedicable suffering , dire loss of an acute grief -”
— D C de Oliveira from Melancholia “Eleven” July 10th 2021, Saturday 10:08:56 pm · 4 days ago
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forlornalbatross · 4 days ago
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Monday seems to be the day I get this tremendous ache -- unsavoury with the dreadfulness of a heart half beaten , left for dead / I've opened my palm like a door where all of the fallen branches slowly lift themselves up / how to be this exhausting to share a part of yourself in a plane unseen but felt? / & at night where she visits from above / my window is her gate , to let herself in / why sorrow? why ache for more beloved? / I am already yours / why do you still think you grieved alone? / when your silver fluid of your marrow had bled through my own? -
D C de Oliveira from Forlornly “Affliction”  | September 20 2021, 12pm . Monday
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