foryourself-forever

[foryourself-forever]

at the end of the day it’s just you and your silly little life. so go on, enjoy it, be the person you want to be.

[foryourself-forever]

stop playing it cool, just be passionate and intense and insane and whoever sticks around is meant for you

[foryourself-forever]

i never should’ve learned like and literally

[foryourself-forever]

[foryourself-forever]

want to gently lay my face in the palm of his hand

[foryourself-forever]

[foryourself-forever]

is it just me or the books that I always delay reading are the ones that actually becomes my favorite

[foryourself-forever]

"You ask yourself: where are your dreams now? And you shake your head and say how swiftly the years fly by! And ask yourself again: what have you done with your best years, then? Where have you buried the best days of your life? Have you lived or not? Look, you tell yourself, look how cold the world is becoming. The years will pass and after them will come grim loneliness, and old age, quaking on its stick, and after them misery and despair. Your fantasy world will grow pale, your dreams will fade and die, falling away like the yellow leaves from the trees . . ."

— Fyodor Dostoevsky, from White Nights

[foryourself-forever]

i dont talk about this nearly enough so im going to do it now: its so so important and awesome to me that dunya didn’t fire the gun.

like, obviously it would have been badass of her to fire it and kill svidrigailov, yeah. but.

throughout the book, dunya is compared to raskolnikov very heavily and enthusiastically (much by razumikhin, but thats another story), in both her appearance and content of her character. this, along with being the family martyr become among the only things we really get to know about her (she’s a female side character in an 1800’s russian novel, surprise surprise). so being alike to raskolnikov is her box. her main box. all the characters have boxes, that’s her box.

being so strongly compared to raskolnikov, it sets up expectations for her to follow suit in his nihilistic ideologies, or perhaps his violent tendency. so, when she has the revolver in her hand, it is forced into mind that she is supposedly just like raskolnikov. then, moment of truth, she doesn’t shoot. well, she does, but she misses on purpose—thats beside the point. she warns, like a rattlesnake before it bites. she separates herself so gracefully, proving that she has one thing raskolnikov doesnt: mercy. she shows mercy to svidrigailov, implied murderer and rapist, leaving him to dwell in his philosophy and existential misery. she separates herself, and in doing so, she proves what vast strength she has. it’s something she is proving constantly throughout the book, over and over, but this final move of not falling into the open hands of murder, she proves her goodness. she shows us that she is not her brother, because she’s better. when faced with the chance to murder someone who really deserved it she didnt kill, and that by no means weakens her. she shows she’s better than raskolnikov (or who he was becoming, trying to be), luzhin, svidrigailov, what have you. and also like??? fuck?? i love her?? people are out here NOT giving her the attention she deserves and it shows. but all in all shes entirely different and shows that over and over leading up to this scene. i just think this moment is important in finalizing that separation of characterization, and annoying how the other characters can’t see her individuality.

sorry for the rant i know it was mostly repetition of the “shes a different character than raskolnikov and i think thats fucking SICK” thing

anyways i love her the weddings next week

[foryourself-forever]

raskolnikov from crime and punishment considering killing himself but then seeing some girl try to kill herself by jumping off a bridge but she survives. and then he’s like omfg that’s so awkward and embarrassing nevermind

[foryourself-forever]

Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

[foryourself-forever]

[foryourself-forever]

I can read a 500 page book or 100k word fanfiction in one sitting, but the moment I have to do a required reading for uni I suddenly don't know how to read

[foryourself-forever]

[foryourself-forever]

patch of sunlight from the window save me

[foryourself-forever]

you are not hard to love

you are not hard to love

you are not hard to love

whoever made you think otherwise was not worthy of your love

[foryourself-forever]

may i bully you with my love