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Miles running from the Prowler while that dope theme music is playing:

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“Is there friendly fire?” I ask to my teammate who is about to get very mad

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i wish sleep worked like it does in minecraft

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ah yes, the furi bosses. with their vague names and moral righteousness. or as i like to call them; that fucker, traffic light, grandpa, sewer guy, my dad, mercy, sniper bitch, parry central, waifu, and i robot.

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oh and when i was a year old, after i got my foot amputated my parents were pushing me around in a stroller at a street festival in miami and i was chewing on my foot or whatever and this street performer came up to us and was like “aw i bet that tastes good!!” and my dad was like “yeah look at what she did to the other one!!!!” and pulled back the blanket covering my left leg to show a stump with a huge scar on it and i’m pretty sure my dad terrified that poor man

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When you’re stuck in a point and click adventure game:

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MY SCIENCE TEACHER CAUGHT THE TABLE ON FIRE AND HES JUST STARING AT IT

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Scars are really cool and sexy but in this day and age how do you even get one without it being an accident

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You, broke: straight up shipping spider ham and spider noir

Me, woke: in spider noir’s universe he falls in love with a radio host he saved who looks suspiciously like John Mulaney

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u know that thing where an animals grow in a far off place and some idiot introduces him to a new habitat and it turns out its characteristics that help them in their own sometimes are too helpful in the new one and they become like an invasive species yeah thats the word i was missing anyway back to my point i think i saw a human version of that just now i was driving in tonights snow storm and i saw a man wearing a big ass cowboy hat to keep the snow off him and a bandit red bandana to keep it off his face and a big ass pancho to keep him warm and nice ass cowboy boots to keep his calves dry and he was prancing along while everyone on the road looked miserable and frozen solid and idk i guess the point im trying to make here is i feel like cowboys would have taken over russia if given the chance or something

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right: bring back the racism

left: can sonic be trans?

centrist: sit on me

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best thing i learned today: “The Loud American” role in Japanese businesses

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how to get the d