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my one skill is expertly manipulating the shape of the eggs I’m cooking so that they fit perfectly onto my toast every time
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me seeing a mutual's happy post: "hell yeah buddy :)" *hits like*
me seeing a mutual's sad/vent post: "aww no buddy :(" *hits like*
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as someone that doesn't drink I think it's so cute when breweries and bars feature nonalcoholic special drinkies. like I too want to sip sippies with friends and not feel stupid or out of place.
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"you are addicted to screens" no no you see i am actually addicted to my friends. unfortunately they live in there
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Chaos femme 4 goofy butch
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first day working at my new desk and it's lovely
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really recommend getting a partner with a different religion than you and very little knowledge of your religion because the opportunities for explaining things to each other are just exquisite
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any time I play a game with a customizable character & I say I wish they could be fatter people without fail, every single time, are like “it’s fantasy 🙄”
ok what if in my wildest fantasies where i can fly or do spells or ride dragons or date trolls i’m still chubby? what if I don’t aspire to skinniness and my weight is already my idealized self what then
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a jumping spider just jumped out from behind my laptop and a screamed and threw my phone at it and now I'm crying because I hate killing anything and I feel awful
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post nut clarity does not properly convey the gravity of the pre nut insanity. like truly.
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first day working at my new desk and it's lovely
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biphobic people from all angles of modern existence including other queer people: bisexual people just can't make up their minds/they're greedy and want multiple options/probably going to come out as fully gay or straight/I could never date a bisexual person because what if they leave me for a -insert whatever gender they aren't and somehow for no reason whatsoever would hurt more if they got dumped-?/they're just using me to experiment until they decide what they are/hi I'm a cishet man and my girlfriend and I think you're hot
me a bisexual: literally and truly afraid of dating anyone and everyone and likely never will because what the actual fuck 👍
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