fuck-this-im-a-witch

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

Pray to your gods of love and beauty while you take a shower. Pray to your gods of war before you help a friend move. Pray to your gods of good health and good fortune if you see a cold going around. Pray to your gods of night and dreams as you're laying down for bed.

Prayer does not have to belong to a traumatic Christian upbringing, nor is it a lesser practice when compared to any other ritual or spell.

Pray.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

This whole "you are 100% responsible for manifesting your own reality" thing sounds empowering on the surface, but it's both victim-blaming and dehumanizing because it implies that other people are effectively NPCs with no agency of their own, and you are somehow responsible for their behavior no matter what.

It's toxic individualism at its finest.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

One important cleansing tool I never go without in my witch life is a big container of disinfectant wipes.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

I cannot believe I have to say this but you HAVE to learn about plants on a scientific level if you use herbs in spell crafting. It’s for SAFETY reasons. You CANNOT BURN CERTAIN HERBS and you cannot touch or consume certain herbs. You NEED to know this for every herb you use- it’s not a pick and choose thing you guys it’s SAFETY. ESPECIALLY to my chronically ill witches and practitioners like myself.

Please stop throwing herbs into a fire bc you saw some tiktok witch do it. PLEASE.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

Spiritual eugenicist dingbats be like "medications and therapy are all bad for you, so you must do shadow work instead", and bruh, who's going to tell them a psychologist came up with the whole concept of shadow work as a form of psychotherapy.

#yeah I have a long list of people from history I'd beat up with a cane in a Dennys parking lot and Jung is up there on it #Like shadow work is great and some of y'all seriously need the solo work but please go seek licensed help sometimes #and also take your fucking meds ~from the one on daily meds~

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

So the thing about that "love 'n light" spirituality you want to spread around oh-so-lovingly is - whatcha gonna do when lots and lots of people say no to it? What are you gonna do when they tell you that you're full of shit and don't actually understand the ancient traditions that you claim prove what you believe? Are you going to admit you're wrong and back off, or are you going to double down, because you've been taught that spreading your religion is the only way to ensure peace and prosperity? When people get more and more active in their resistance, are you going to concede and leave them be, or are you going to dismiss them as brainwashed masses or agents of darkness? What will you do when people on your side declare that they need to be forcibly reeducated or even executed because the world's peace and prosperity depends on it?

Do you understand how the very belief that peace and prosperity is contingent on religious assimilation makes it like any other form of religion whose followers feel like they have to push it on you? Do you see how it's in the early stages of becoming exactly like all of those violent religions you claim to hate so much? Because it is.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

Hey folks, if someone gives you their take on what's the proper way to deal with the gods, make offerings to them, etc., it's not a bad idea to consider the social and material reality this person is coming from and think about how it might be affecting their opinions. Like if someone's telling you that you need to go all-out with lavish offerings, and they come from a wealthy background, well - that should be a clue about their personal biases.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

Here’s the thing about cultural appropriation, specifically in the witchcraft community

You can do whatever the fuck you want. It’s not illegal for you to call your herb bundle a “smudge stick” or to call your smoke cleansing ritual “smudging.” You can practice “voodoo” and “hoodoo” (legally speaking, within the US at least), you can wear locs (and call them “fairy locs”), you can dress up in traditional indigenous clothing. You’re not gonna go to jail or get fined for doing these things.

BUT the rest of us are also free to tell you you’re appropriating another culture and we’re allowed to not associate ourselves with you, and we’re allowed to not give you a platform to appropriate other cultures or spread misinformation about these cultures. We’re allowed to call you out. We’re allowed to share educational content about these subjects and issues in direct opposition to your own stance on the matter.

AND doing some of this shit, that you ain’t got no business doing, can lead to spiritual consequences. You’re invoking spirits and energy that you have no business interacting with. That can have some pretty scary consequences.

So yeah technically you can appropriate cultures and practices til you’re blue in the face. But don’t come crying to us when you find yourself surrounded by supposed “enlightened” individuals with questionable morals and a pissed off spirit attached to your dumb ass.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

"Blessed be" - do you actually know where it came from?

"Blessed be" has become quite the catch phrase in 21st century spiritual circles, especially among the modern witch communities. It's practically become the witches' version of "I will pray for you", and quite frankly, it's become more and more annoying for many of us to see it and hear it all the time, everywhere.

The phrase originates from a Wiccan ritual, which is included in some Gardnerian initiation ceremonies. During the rite, the High Priest or High Priestess performs on a person what is known as the "Five Fold Kiss", and recites the following words:

Blessed be thy feet, which have brought thee in these ways, Blessed be thy knees, that shall kneel at the sacred altar, Blessed be thy womb, without which we would not be, Blessed be thy breasts, formed in beauty, Blessed be thy lips, that shall utter the Sacred Names of the gods.

Before Gerald Gardner incorporated the phrase into his Book of Shadows, "blessed be" has already appeared in other religious texts such as the King James Bible ("blessed be the name of the Lord"), which, I would not be surprised, if it were the inspiration for the phrase "blessed be the fruit" in The Handmaid's Tale.

So, as you can see, for the witches who aren't Wiccan, and for the witches who aren't religious at all, this can be an obnoxious thing that gets thrown at all of us constantly.

I maintain my position that "blessing" people as well as praying for people without their consents and/or against their wishes is an invasive thing to do to begin with.

There are many appropriate phrases to express well wishing that can be used as a greeting or form of regards. Stop saying "blessed be" to everyone. Please.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

Career Affirmations

• I love what I do.

• I can always move ahead in my career.

• My career makes me feel safe and excited.

• My career is very lucrative.

• I already make a huge load of money.

• People at work love me.

• I have strong interpersonal skills that are very useful as I move ahead in my career.

• I am making moves every moment.

• I can always choose what I do for a living.

• I can retire when I want.

• Working is such a fun and joyful thing for me.

• I can rest and relax whenever I want.

• I have plenty of time to unwind.

• Time is on my side.

• Money is on my side.

• I can be my own boss if I want to be.

• I get paid for doing something I consider fun and stimulating.

If you found this post useful, consider supporting me by buying my poetry collection.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

“The sacred and magical and divine is everywhere”

you: yes

“therefore the traditions and practices that involve these things are in some way all related”

you: perennialism, unacceptable

Where did I go wrong? /gen

Mexican and Indian cuisines both involve delicious flatbreads, but Naan and Tortillas are not the result of a secret enlightened order of chefs teaching their culinary secrets to the world. While there is insight to be gained through the study of both naan and tortillas, they do not represent progress towards or from some primordial, ultimate form of flatbread.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

I’m bored so drop your hot take on anything spiritual related. I wanna see what people’s opinions are on certain subjects.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

banishing (how to do it)

yeah this is like all UPG but it works good for me, take what you will and leave the rest behind.

if your response to this is "but most people never ever have to deal with unwanted spirit problems so you're probably wrong if you think it's a spirit! do shadow work and touch grass!" please let me invite you to just not interact with this post at all.

Don't cleanse. Like please don't, why do people do this??

"I am confident an unwanted spirit is in my home and I cleansed but nothing happened."

Okay, an unwanted guest is in your home and you did a bit of vacuuming and washing the dishes, so why are they still there??

Why WOULDN'T they be there?! It's nicer now??? It's better for them to stay?!?!?!

"I want to break up with my boyfriend so I did his laundry but he's still texting me :/"

Cleansing =/= banishing and cleansing should be saved for cleaning up after an unwanted spirit after they are banished, which again, is not accomplished by cleansing.

Stop raising wards that trap the spirit inside.

"I cleansed and put up a protection but that only made the problem worse!"

Yes you did a wash up and locked the spirit inside with you, of course it's pissed off. It's trapped.

If you feel the need for immediate protection when dealing with a spirit problem, craft an amulet that serves as a personal protection for you. NOT one that seals off the entrances to your home.

Once the spirit problem is taken care of and you are confident its presence has been removed, feel free to raise up those wards sky high.

Also, if you are heavy-handed with the warding, spirits can sometimes just get trapped inside regardless. Learn how to temporarily "switch off" wards when you need to so things can leave.

Put your fucking foot down and tell the spirit to leave.

This will solve a surprising number of unwanted spirit problems. Not all of them, and come on, please stop telling people they never need to learn actual banishing skills just because telling spirits to leave works most of the time.

But you gotta do it. And I mean you don't have to be an asshole about it. You don't have to jump right into screaming in the spirit's general direction and threatening all such harm on it.

And there's plenty of good reasons to start with this step, especially if you want to be a spirit worker, but that's neither here nor there. Just tell them to leave.

Go to an area where you think the spirit is, or go where its private and speak with the intent that the spirit will hear you.

(You may also sign or write; would generally not recommend doing this operation entirely mentally)

"Hey, Dude. I know you're here, and I want you to know that you must leave. It is no longer an option for you to stay. I request that you leave immediately, and I request that you do not come back to this place. Leave now and we part ways in peace."

Do not go belly up and beg the spirit. It benefits you to behave with authority and dignity.

DO NOT try to "soften the blow" by twisting your words into something that is no longer a demand that the spirit depart. "Hey, if it's okay with you, I'm hoping you'll leave soon, or as soon as you're able... I don't feel comfortable with you here, and I'd prefer if you went." Great, now the spirit knows how you feel. So what?

Banish the spirit (or human, or whatever).

Presumably we're at this step because the prior step ("bro, seriously just leave and never come back") did not work.

Obtain correspondences heavily associated with banishing, use them to enchant a candle, burn the candle.

Can't use a candle? Try a simmer pot.

No fire at all, including incense? Try a floor wash (test carpets to ensure there will not be staining).

Can't burn things or clean the house? Try a sigil you visualize being imprinted on all the walls of your home.

Can't visualize? Consecrate something to represent the spirit, drop it in a jar of water along with banishing correspondences, swirl it around like a whirlpool, chant about the spirit being washed away.

No waterproof containers? Consecrate something to represent the spirit, stand on the edge of your property, throw it off the edge of the property.

You get my drift -- do magic. Do magic. Do magic that banishes. Use magic specifically to banish. Not to cleanse the vibrations or whatever. Specifically magic intended to yeet a spirit.

At this point, do not try to ignore the problem or keep talking it out. Do not just try to meditate or whatever. Do magic. Do magic that banishes.

Here's a banishing spell if you need it:

Basil, cloves, red pepper

Candle (ideally, red)

Paper and ink

Small offering

Draw the planetary seal of mars and the planetary square on a piece of paper, ideally in red. Dress a candle in oil (*burning your house down is an effective way to banish a spirit but perhaps too heavy-handed; dress with care) and include either one or three dried, powdered herbal correspondences to it.

Dedicate the candle to Mars. ("Planet Mars, someone on the internet told me you'd help me if I asked - I'm asking now. I give this candle to you. It belongs to you now.")

Put the candle near the paper.

Evoke Mars. ("Planet Mars, where your symbol exists so you exist. Where your planetary square exists, so do you exist. The space has been made welcoming to you through the presence of these Martian correspondences.") The martian correspondences are the basil/cloves/peppers, btw ("I ask you to bring your attention now to me. I ask you to dwell fully in this space.")

Read the Orphic hymn to Ares if you'd like a little extra elbow grease behind your evocation.

Petition Mars. ("So please get rid of this spirit, it seriously sucks so bad.")

Offer payment. ("In exchange for this help I know you will provide, I give you this candle and also this [small offering].")

Seal the deal. No, you do not need to be able to receive psychic confirmation from a planet or whatever, but do not proceed if you feel any gut-level bad feelings or suddenly get a ton of anxiety. If that happens, be like, "Mars, buddy, never mind - I get a bad feeling about this, so I'm noping out. Thanks for listening while you did. Leave in peace."

But if you feel fine about moving ahead, just be like, "now I give you Mars this offering, and I light your candle, with full and total assuredness that this spirit will be permanently banished from my space, my life, and my home."

[Light the candle, give the offering]

Cleanse

The spirit should be gone before you put up wards

Residual ickyness can make you feel the spirit is still nearby even if its been banished

Cleanse your space and see if the symptoms of the spirit return.

If symptoms return, the spirit has not been banished.

If they don't return,

Put up wards.

Ya got haunted because ya didn't have a fence up to stop random cows from wandering into the garden of your life and trampling all your hard work. Put up the wards.

Oh, but maybe the banishment didn't work, in which case:

Mitigate symptoms.

I mean yeah, maybe try at least a few more types of magical banishing, call in a priest even. But!

Not every spirit can be banished. That's just the long and short of it.

As humans we have the capacity to intertwine our lives, intentionally or otherwise, with forces that cannot be immediately removed from our presence.

Like if the grand spirit of a forest hates all humans and you build a house in the forest, you're not going to be able to banish the forest from the forest, you feel me?

Sometimes, banishing isn't the solution.

As rare as it is, it happens. Make personal protections, use mirror or other illusory wards to hide from its attention, make reparations if possible, avoid attracting attention, and get on with your life.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

"Why do you spend so much time criticizing New Age, why don't you criticize problems in witchcraft communities more?"

You wanna know the truth here?

*leans forward*

New Age is a problem in witchcraft communities.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

to any witch that uses incense in their practice:

is there a reason only white sage incense exists? i've always heard it was endangered (though i read a few articles that said it wasn't) so i looked for regular sage but all i can ever find is white.

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

I’ve been practicing witchcraft for a month, here’s what I have to say:

-Your craft/practice is poetry. It is art. Do what feels right in the moment.

-After a while, you’ll treat yourself better.

-Not everything is a sign. But when signs do come, you’ll know.

-If you do a daily Tarot pull, do it at night!