funkylittlebard
moved to bi-aragorn YEET
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moved to @bi-aragorn
i won’t be posting here anymore, i’ve moved all my fics and any new ones i post will be going over there!
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moved to @bi-aragorn
i won’t be posting here anymore, i’ve moved all my fics and any new ones i post will be going over there!
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Hi! I have made a new blog, so I’m going to move a few things over and then this one is getting deleted. Should’ve made this one a primary blog not a secondary blog in the first place but there we are ahaha
new blog is @bi-aragorn - not a lot there rn, but i’m about to copy my fics over and then carry on as usual, but with some LOTR as well as The Witcher stuff
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shit what WAS my first ship
i think it was the 10th doctor and rose??
@professorjaskier and @dani-dandelino what about you?
You know what? Today is a good day to tell me about your first ship⛵
😂 mine was SasuNaru 🙈 10/10 nostalgia
@wolf-and-bard @hailhailsatan @kalikatze @kuripon @enchant-the-pasta @fontegagrilledcheese (and everyone else)
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💜✨ This is an Amazing Creator Award! Your creations are incredible, and they light up every dashboard they land on. Pass this on to eight of your favorite creators to show your appreciation and let them know their art is loved! ✨💜
I also got this from @moonysrz, @unremarkablegirl and @comfyswitcherblanketfort.
You guys are the sweetest. I adore you. I'm sending this right back at you!
Also @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde, @elliestormfound, @officerjennie and @funkylittlebard! Four of my favourite writers!
@dama-art, @journeythroughunknownlands, @herostag and @hobbart-art! Four of my top artists!
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What to do when you don’t like a fic: a step by step guide
Step 1:
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Oh I love hiiimmm 🥺😍
Pride Gim from Twit :)
Love a Gimli who is defiantly gay in the face of all those who dare to assume he is not.
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I am once again reminding you that if a content creator has not asked for criticism, whether you believe it to be constructive or not, Do. Not. Leave. Criticism.
Content writers, especially writers, are usually doing this for free. This is a hobby. This is not our jobs. Your criticism can stop a creator from doing what they love, and they should not be held at the same standards as professionals who have an expectation of reviews and feedback.
The comment section, reblogs and tags are not places for criticism. Gush about the piece, tell them why you loved it, tell them what it meant for you, but keep it positive. Keep them motivated.
If you don't like something, scroll on by. This counts for fics, art, gifs, characters you don't like, kinks you don't enjoy (including Dead Dove content). If you have nothing good to say then just ignore it, quit the fic, scroll past.
Thank you.
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Happy belated birthday Maya!
Hey! @mayastormborn! I am sorry this took so long but hopefully you like it!!
Fic goes with this lovely art bc @dapandapod and I schemed and then i ran out of time anyway but you get the point
Hope you enjoyyyy, Geraskel floof is also here on Ao3
Rating: Gen
Tags: Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Pillow Fort, No Plot To Be Seen
the absolute softest version of a pillow fort i will ever write hiding below
By the time Jaskier finally finished performing, he was hot, sweaty, and utterly exhausted. It was the fifth night he had played in this particular inn, and there had been another tavern the week before that. At least now they were in Oxenfurt so he could go and collapse into the comfort of his own bed after a nice long bath. Maybe he could even persuade one of his partners to carry him home…
He swooned dramatically as he reached their table. With the back of his hand held against his forehead and the other resting against the table, he let out a pitiful groan.
"Oh, I am so tired!" he sighed, dropping his weight onto the table a little more. "If only I had a big strong witcher to ca- Hey! I wasn't finished!" he squawked, clutching his lute protectively as Geralt scooped him up into his arms, clearly impatient to get out and away from the noise as well. Eskel laughed, and leant over to press a kiss to Geralt's temple, smoothing out the frown. Jaskier smiled as he felt the rumble from deep in Geralt's chest as he purred.
They arrived back at their rooms about five minutes later, not wasting any time dawdling to look at the view, and Jaskier was already struggling to keep his eyes open. He blinked sluggishly, and hid a yawn behind his hand as Eskel fumbled in his pocket for the keys. Geralt was stroking Jaskier's arm, fingers brushing against the bare skin at his wrist ever so softly. Jaskier stared in awe, stunned as he always was by how tender and careful Geralt could be with both him and Eskel. It was all very different from the Geralt who had punched him when they first met. Though, Jaskier supposed, Geralt hadn’t really changed very much- he'd punched that stablehand last week for trying to butter up Roach with sugar lumps- but they understood each other much better now. He hid his face in Geralt's neck, hiding the overwhelmed tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. The door clicked softly shut behind them, and Jaskier felt himself being lowered to the ground. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat, looking up to see two bright pairs of yellow eyes staring straight at him. He blinked, lost for words for a moment, and then felt Eskel's warm hand on his lower back. He shivered, and leant further in, sighing happily when Geralt's hand joined it.
"Geralt, why don't you go and fetch the wine?" Eskel said as his hand rubbed circles across Jaskier's back. "I'll fetch the pillows,"
With a quick peck to his cheek, Jaskier found himself being ushered to sit on the rug in the middle of the living space and watched as Geralt rummaged in the cupboard for glasses. Eskel scurried about their rooms gathering all of their pillows and blankets, which he dropped in a pile at Jaskier's feet. He shuffled, feet rucking up the edge of the carpet, and when Jaskier looked up, he could see a faint blush rising in Eskel’s cheeks. Jaskier tilted his head to the side as Eskel cleared his throat, staring at the floor, unable to meet Jaskier’s eyes. What could possibly have made the other man so nervous? He reached a hand out to him, and wrapped it around Eskel’s ankle, petting it softly in what he hoped was a soothing manner.
The fidgeting stopped as Geralt appeared behind him and rested his chin on his shoulder.
“C'mon, Eskel, just ask him,” Geralt murmured, before moving away to set down the wine. Eskel blinked and took a sharp breath before finally meeting Jaskier’s gaze.
“It’s silly but… we thought you might like it,” he paused again, pushing the rug back into place with his foot. “We used to do this thing as kids were we’d make a fort-” he gestured vaguely at the collection of pillows- “and then get snacks and stay up talking and shit. ‘S just nice, you know,” he scratched the side of his face, bashful grimace marring his expression. “Thought we could just enjoy being close to each other, and you could maybe get some sleep after your perform-oof!”
He was cut off by Jaskier slamming his full weight into him with a forceful hug. Jaskier was chattering excitedly, though much of it was lost with how squashed his face was against Eskel’s chest.
“-yes yes yes, let’s do it, Geralt can you get some snacks, too,” Jaskier babbled, and Geralt was up and into the kitchen within seconds. Jaskier slowly eased back and smiled broadly up at Eskel, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. “You’re so sweet to me, darling,” he whispered, and bounced away to begin arranging the blankets as he wanted them.
It didn’t take long before the three of them had a very cosy looking fort set up in the corner of their room. Stripped down to their braies so that they wouldn’t overheat, they crawled into the space and settled themselves comfortably. Jaskier had ended up in the middle, surrounded by the two larger men, and he felt very small and very, very safe. He sighed, and wriggled back against the cushions, eyes slipping closed. He could hear rustling coming from his two witchers, and then warm arms were wrapping around him. He slung his own arm around Geralt’s shoulder, and smiled widely as he felt them lean in closer.
“Love you, Jask,” Eskel whispered, and pressed a kiss against his cheek. Jaskier’s smile grew bigger as he felt Geralt lean in from the other side, his nose pressing into Jaskier’s face as he gave him a kiss as well. They sat in contented silence for a moment, the two witchers occasionally kissing his face, as he basked in their affections.
“Want some of this wine, Jaskier?” Geralt said after a while, still managing to sound gruff despite the way they were all cuddled up to each other. Jaskier giggled, and leant over to kiss first Eskel and then Geralt.
“You spoil me,” he chuckled again and reached out, waggling his fingers. “Go on then.”
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today i am become a sad aiden pahaha
On today's episode of What Chaos Is Happening In The Bog:
And the best part:
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Tongue, no.15
third and final one! Here on Ao3
Rating: Explicit
Tags: Rimming, Rivals With Benefits, mention of infidelity
Valskier hiding under yonder
Reducing Valdo to moans and whimpers always had the added bonus of making the bastard stop talking nonsense, Jaskier thought as he dug his fingers into the flesh of his fellow bard’s round arse. Certainly, the main appeal was that fucking his rival provided a level of excitement that was difficult to find in other prospective partners- married women provided risk, too, of course, but Valdo...well. Jaskier found himself at a loss for words.
Just as well really, given that his mouth was currently otherwise occupied. He bit down on Valdo’s arse, sucking it into his mouth, hoping to leave a vivid purple bruise. He’d like to see Valdo explain that one away. He pulled away, smirking at the sight of the pink patch of skin. He ducked his head down to lick at it, enjoying the way it made Valdo squirm.
He had the other bard trapped against a wall, trousers round his thighs, rendering him practically immobile. If Valdo was going to talk nonsense about Jaskier’s rhyme schemes and singing voice, he really ought to expect being the one to get shoved around. Come to think of it, perhaps the brat had done it on purpose. Jaskier shook his head, and leant in closer over Valdo’s hole, spreading his cheeks with his thumbs until it was visible. He let out a breath of warm air over it just to watch Valdo’s wriggling.
“Get on with it, you bloody tease!” Valdo hissed, turning his head to bare his teeth at Jaskier. Jaskier took no notice, and maintaining eye contact, licked a stripe over Valdo’s hole. Predictably, Valdo shivered and dropped his head against the wall. “So, your mouth is good for something then, Julian,”
Jaskier frowned up at him, and bit at his arse again, this time less playfully.
“Don’t call me that, Valdo,” he whispered, and dipped his head back between Valdo’s cheeks. He licked around his hole again, allowing Valdo time to get used to the sensation, the utter bastard. Then, he flicked his tongue across the pink hole, pulling at Valdo’s arse again with his hands. He dipped his tongue unhurriedly into it, smiling as Valdo whined. He pulled it back out, still holding Valdo’s arse apart, hole exposed to the cold morning air. “Or I won’t give you any more of this.”
Valdo whined pitifully above him, and Jaskier leant in again, circling the hole with his tongue, before pushing in past the muscle. He licked at the rim, pushing against it with his tongue- for a second he considered nipping it with his teeth, but there was always the possibility that Valdo would whine about that and refuse to let Jaskier fuck him. He had to be in the right mood for Jaskier to get his teeth on him.
Jaskier kept up his assault on Valdo’s arse, alternating between sliding the length of his tongue into the other bard and pulling out to tease at the outside of his hole. When he had Valdo writhing on his tongue, and spluttering out small pleas for Jaskier’s cock, he pulled back, pressing kisses across Valdo’s arse cheeks. He stood up, pressing close behind him so that Valdo could feel the hot line of his erection against him.
“Are you ready for me, Valdo?” He felt him shudder against him and then a tiny voice spoke up, in a voice barely above a whisper.
“Y-yeah, fuck me, Jaskier,”
Jaskier groaned, and mouthed at Valdo’s neck as he pressed his palm against his own cock. It was always so much better when Valdo stopped being mouthy.
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Bit, no.3
Second chapter here
Inspired by this wonderful art
Rating: Explicit
Tags: Pony Play, Impact Play, Riding Crops, Anal Sex
Geskel kinky nonsense below the line
Geralt whined, his voice high and trembling, a line of spit falling from his mouth as the crop struck across his backside again. They’d been at this for what felt like hours, Eskel first opening him up on his fingers until Geralt was groaning with every push, then slowly pressing into him before holding still for so long Geralt was almost certain he was going to cry. And all this had been before Eskel had picked the crop up from the side of the bed, and begun stroking it over Geralt’s arse, then swinging it down harshly, vivid lines of red marring the skin. The gag had been in Geralt’s mouth before that, from the moment he had stepped into their room that night. Eskel had been waiting for him, sat on the bed, fingers caressing the soft leather of the bit, wandering over the material. Geralt had shivered, and gladly knelt before him, head bowed and mouth open.
Eskel struck his arse again, and Geralt cried out, thoughts torn back to his current situation. His arse was beginning to throb, and Eskel’s thrusts had become harsher, pushing into him roughly, shoving Geralt forward on each push. He shivered, as Eskel pulled back out and, still at the same rapid pace, back in, nailing his prostate on every thrust. Tears were forming at the corners of Geralt’s eyes.
“Atta boy, Geralt,” Eskel said, stroking the crop across the small of his back, and yanking on the reigns. Geralt felt his dick twitch and whined around the bit, desperate for some friction against his cock. Eskel pulled on the reigns again, just as his cock slammed into Geralt’s prostate.
“Ah, ah, ah…” Geralt moaned out, unable to form words, not that he was expected to when they played like this. The floor was blurring before him as Eskel thrust harder and struck him again with the crop. Geralt wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold off from coming- his hair was sliding free of the tie, slipping onto his sweaty, damp forehead, and his hands were scrabbling for purchase against the floorboards. He closed his eyes, head dropping between his shoulders, as Eskel hit him one final time with the crop before throwing it to the side in favour of grabbing Geralt’s hips. Geralt shivered, feeling small in his grasp, and whined again as fingers dug roughly into the red lines across his arse. Eskel groaned behind him, thrusts speeding up, leaving Geralt a whining, quivering mess. He panted desperatelyand glanced down, seeing the puddle of pre-cum he had left on the floor below his cock.
“Such a messy boy, aren’t you?” Eskel said, and pulled the reigns back with a sudden rough tug. With a high-pitched yelp, Geralt found himself falling back against Eskel’s chest, hands fumbling for something to hold onto, and crying out as Eskel’s thrusts became slower and more forceful. Pathetic little moans fell from his lips with each thrust, until a large warm hand wrapped around his cock and then he was gasping, writhing in Eskel’s grip, only held in place by the firm hand on his reigns. He shuddered at the thought, eyes rolling back in his head, and came with a long, deep groan. Geralt blinked sluggishly, whimpering from the overstimulation as Eskel continued rutting into him, his cock still hitting Geralt in exactly the right spot. Geralt panted roughly, tears finally leaking from his eyes as Eskel groaned, and Geralt felt his cock pulse in his arse, filling him.
As Eskel moved to pull out, he pushed two fingers into Geralt’s arse instead, keeping his come inside him as he reached for a plug. Geralt keened, shaking slightly as the cold material was pushed into his sensitive arse. Staring at him, Eskel chuckled and wrapped him in his arms, pressing gentle kisses across his forehead.
“Atta boy, Geralt.”
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Horn, no. 10
I did BIKM's Mini Bingo again this month, great fun, I wrote ~1.5k of porn in about 2 days because time management who
they're all fairly unedited so bear with me on that aha
but without further ado, here is the first one.
First chapter of this fic on Ao3
Rating: Explicit
Tags: Yennefer's Taxidermy Unicorn, Vaginal Sex, Plot What Plot,
Yenralt having a good time below
It started with his hand running gently down her cheek. Yennefer thought, as she often did when Geralt initiated sex, that he looked a little anxious. She bit back a smile as she threaded her hand through his hair, pulling him down for a kiss. She heard his pleased sigh before their lips met, and let her hands fall from his hair to settle around his waist, holding him close to her chest. She wanted to be gentle with him this evening however exciting her plans might be.
Slowly, she helped him out of his armour and then his clothes, let him glide his fingers across her chest as she slid out of her dress, and pulled him back in for a series of delicate and tender kisses. She was beginning to feel impatient, heat pooling in her belly, but she could be soft with him a moment longer before she had her way with him.
She nudged him backwards, letting him take a few tentative steps away from her, and walked her fingers down his chest, glancing over his nipples. His back brushed against her stuffed unicorn, and Yennefer smiled as his eyes grew wide. As if he hadn’t already noticed, the cheeky bastard.
“Yen-” he began, his voice already husky, and she cut him off with a kiss. His hands went to her hips, gripping so tightly she was sure there would be bruises, yet he still let himself be pushed back hard against the unicorn. Yennefer grinned, teeth flashing in the darkness of the room, as he took the hint and eased himself up onto the creature’s back. He reached for her once he was settled, his arms wide, and his pupils wider. Yennefer eased one leg up and then the other, holding onto his shoulders for balance. She settled so that she was hovering over his cock, smiling as she felt it press against her thigh.
“I want to try this just a little differently tonight, Geralt,” she murmured, leaning close to his ear. “Lean back against the neck for me,” Geralt complied without a moment’s thought, dragging her with him. Yennefer leant down to kiss down his neck, eager to reward him for his patience and his strength, and she smiled delightedly as he let out a deep groan. “Yes, just like that,” she purred, and adjusted herself so that she was straddling him again, with her hands reaching around past his neck to reach the unicorn’s head. She shuffled closer, smiling at the muffled moan Geralt hid behind his teeth when she dragged herself over his cock. She wrapped her hands around the unicorn’s horn, and rocked her hips down again over Geralt. He moaned, his hands shooting up to grip her by the hips.
“Yen, please,” Geralt said, his thighs trembling as he held himself in place for her. Yennefer couldn’t resist rubbing herself over his cock again, smiling as he tipped his head back and groaned again. With a shiver, she pulled herself up, and reached a hand quickly between them to hold his cock into place as she sank onto it. The sound of both of their moans melded together in the air as she took more of his cock into her, and she moved her hand up to rub at her clit with swift, hard movements. She felt herself clenching around him as she did so, and he whined as Yennefer sat down on his lap. They were both breathing shakily as she reached back to wrap her hand around the horn again, running her thumbs along its ridges- for a moment her mind drifted, wondering how something like that would feel in her… but it was an idea for another time. She gripped it harder, and pulled herself up and dropped back down onto Geralt’s cock, air rushing out of her like she’d been punched as he gasped, fingers pressing tighter into her hips. She kept going, riding him as hard and as fast as she could until he was panting erratically beneath her, and she was letting out tiny little gasps herself. With one last push, she dropped down onto Geralt’s dick as he yelled, thrusting up into her, his eyes closed in bliss. She dropped a hand between her legs and rubbed frantically at her clit, and then seconds later she was groaning, her clit throbbing hard as she slumped against Geralt’s chest. Her other hand slid down the unicorn’s horn and landed against her leg, as they caught their breath, savouring the closeness for just a moment longer.
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Jaskier in 1.04 “Of Banquets, Bastards, and Burials”
a pretty boy. a handsome man. a pretty handsome boy-man.
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The answer has already been discovered. But by who?
I'm actually getting so frustrated with this on my honour 🤣
Fucking anon mystery has me losing my mind
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Clue 31/33: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n94O41DSyG8 You may suck at cooking, but you could learn to be better at Pokemon
...fucking spaghetti
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My god they got my best side and all
goose
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