funnyao3

[funnyao3]

“Hey, is he breathing,” Anika asks, and Wylan peeks through his fingers to glare at her. “Kaz will kill us if he dies back there, ya’know?”

“He’s fine. You’re fine, right, Wylan?”

“No,” Wylan says.

“See, he’s fine.”

-A lack of air supply by Milkfrog

#soc #six of crows #soc ao3 #soc fics #wesper #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #nina zenik #matthias helvar #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

"You used to kiss me." 

"And now I kiss your sister."

His mouth falls open as he splutters, "You—"

"Not all the time, you asshole," she says, shaking her head. "Just when she's around."

"She's around all the time, Nora?!"

"Okay, so maybe all the time. Are you sleeping here?"

"Absolutely not," he says, shaking his head.

"Then please leave so I can go back to not sleeping next to your sister."

"I hate you so much??" It sounds like a question, an exclamation, and an expletive.

-David is a Beagle by ptwrites

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

“Also, we wouldn't care if we were having an armadillo,” June says firmly. “Just as long as it will occasionally deign to clean its room when the time comes.”

“Burrow,” Henry says vaguely. “Armadillos live in burrows.”

“Important correction,” Nora says solemnly, at which point Pez calls for wine and board games, which effectively cuts short their discussion on whether or not June will soon be pushing out a small, armoured mammal in a month or so.

-The stranger you recognise by clottedcreamfudge for stutteringpeach

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context #june claremont diaz #nora holleran #june x nora

[funnyao3]

“Where were we?” he asks, leaning forward and shifting through some of the papers on the table.

“Personally, I’d love to know if you ever intend on making any sort of move on Henry, or if you’re planning just to stare at him longingly for the rest of time.”

He lets out a pathetic, embarrassing sort of coughing sound.

“What? I—“

“Not to say that wouldn’t work exceptionally well for him, really,” she continues, which is not fucking necessary. “Lord knows the man is smitten with the idea of someone pining over him. It might be the quickest way to his heart, actually.”

That is very good to know, and also the worst thing he’s ever heard.

-I don’t know how not to by sm_27

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

“You zoned out,” June says curiously, eyes going between Alex and Henry in a way that says she’s doing gay math and Alex isn’t going to like her findings.

-Take me where I cannot stand by clottedcreamfudge

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context #june claremont diaz

[funnyao3]

Would you go back?” Inej asked softly, her dark, careful gaze settling on him and Jesper. Jesper turned to peer down at the smaller boy, knowing the answer, of course knowing the answer, but wanting to be sure. Wylan shook his head quickly, copper curls falling in his eyes, tickling Jesper’s chin.

“Definitely not.”

“Because you’d be lost without me.” Raising an eyebrow, Wylan glanced at him.

“And because my father tried to have me killed.”

“That, too, obviously. But mostly because of me.”

“I feel like your ego needs the win right now, so I’m going to let you have this one,” came the dry response.

-My whole heart (deemed and delivered a crime) by hopeisbloody

#soc #six of crows #soc ao3 #soc fics #wesper #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #nina zenik #matthias helvar #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

Eventually, he settles on his old faithful – a pros and cons list.

Pros

Henry

Sex with Henry.

Would make the speeches easier.

Cons

Henry ghosted me and ran away.

Would ruin potential to develop reputation as international bisexual playboy.

-The Art of Losing by bigfishbigpond

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

Henry is going to die.

Quite possibly, he’s already dead, and this is his own personal circle of hell, filled with weird and specific tortures designed for Henry’s suffering only. Punishment for all the gay sex, probably.  

-The Art of Losing by bigfishbigpond

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

Sinking down in his chair, Wylan wrinkled his nose, clearly considering how to explain.

“It’s a long story,” he muttered, staring at the table. “Well, not long, just kind of sad.”

“Like all of your stories, then.”

-My whole heart (deemed and delivered a crime) by hopeisbloody

#soc #six of crows #soc ao3 #soc fics #wesper #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #nina zenik #matthias helvar #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

“sometimes you just have to take a risk and go for it, you know?”

“The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed,” Nora says solemnly, a little cross-eyed.

-Shirts that go hard by Stutteringpeach

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context #nora holleran

[funnyao3]

Nothing about this is theoretical anymore. His hypothesis has been well and truly proven – even though the entire paper would just be a series of exclamation marks and eggplant emojis, with a bibliography consisting entirely of a picture of Henry. It still fucking counts.

-Hook(up), Line & Sinker by athousandrooms, clottedcreamfudge, indomitablelove, railmedaddy, TheAmberFox

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

“Just trying to keep things real, you know?” Alex grins, and he actually fucking winks. Henry swallows down another gulp of Special Sauce (blue version) to avoid proposing marriage.

-Shirts that go hard by Stutteringpeach

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

“it’s making me feel like shit.” He pauses, then adds, “Again. In a different way.”

“Because you’re well again,” Pez reiterates.

“Physically, yes. My soul continues to suffer.”

“And people say I’m dramatic. Have you tried – and stay with me on this one, as it’s quite the wild ride – actually telling him how you feel?” Alex stares at Pez with undisguised horror.

“That’s the worst thing you’ve ever said to me,” he says flatly after a beat of silence.

-Hook(up), Line & Sinker by athousandrooms, clottedcreamfudge, indomitablelove, railmedaddy, TheAmberFox

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context #pez okonjo #percy okonjo

[funnyao3]

“You've been here for a couple of months,” she says to Alex, switching her cup to her left hand so she can pet David, who's taken something of a shine to her. “How did you inherit a cat and a house, somehow realise you were bisexual, and move in with your brand new boyfriend?”

Bea, who has calmed down considerably now that she's allowed to be herself in front of the guests, laughs from her seat in an overstuffed armchair. “Lillian said he could keep the cat. The cat inherited all her belongings. You can see how that played out.”

“I don't think the cat had much to do with the other stuff,” Alex points out sleepily.

-The stranger you recognise by clottedcreamfudge for stutteringpeach

#literally cannot recommend this series enough #its so fun #rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context #bea fox mountchristen windsor

[funnyao3]

Pez stares at him for a moment before nodding slowly and picking up his glass of wine from the coffee table. It’s eleven in the fucking morning. On a Thursday.

“A pickle indeed,” he says gravely, before throwing back half of his wine in one go. Then, apparently committing fully, he throws back the rest of it as well, before putting the glass back down on the table.

-Hook(up), Line & Sinker by athousandrooms, clottedcreamfudge, indomitablelove, railmedaddy, TheAmberFox

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context #pez okonjo #percy okonjo

[funnyao3]

“I had such a funny dream,” Wylan says, keeping his voice hushed. 

Jesper’s spine stiffens, ever-so slightly. Wylan having a funny dream could either mean he’s about to share a harmless and sweet anecdote, or a harrowing and traumatic memory.

-pendulum swing passengers by MaudeAlise

#soc #six of crows #soc ao3 #soc fics #wesper #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #nina zenik #matthias helvar #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

What follows is a swift back and forth between Alex and Nora that ends in Alex methodically deleting whole swathes of the document – notably the ones alluding to Henry in some way – while Nora immediately pastes them back in. It’s like watching a game of never-ending tennis, except the players are over-caffeinated and the ball doesn’t agree with the laws of physics.

#submission #source: three grubs in a trench coat + gay brit wizard #by clottedcreamfudge #red white and royal blue #rwrb #firstprince