abusers have perfected making victims feel guilty and ashamed for not wishing to spend their life in violent and abusive company
abusive parents will give you the bare minimum and then convince you it’s a lot more than you deserve
‘you’re only pretending for the attention’ WHAT ATTENTION? Do you think you insulting me is the attention I WANT? Do you think I would ever get any other attention for this? What fucking attention am I getting?! Stop LYING.
you are not worthless. every human has worth by virtue of continuing to live and learn and form relationships and simply survive.
your value is not defined by others. it especially isn’t defined by those who only want to tear you down and make you feel like nothing.
you’re not worthless.
I am here for having temporary obsessions that help me cope with life
me when having a trauma episode: This is just what my life is now. I will never be okay. I will never be normal. I'm damaged and ruined too much for anything. I'll never be healthy. What they did to me destroyed me. I will suffer for as long as I live.
me when I'm having a good day: I have done it, I have achieved a good life, everything is fun and life is endless possibilities maybe I will climb mountains today nothing is out of reach!! Also I will not be in a single bad mood ever again!
remember that feeling you had as a kid when bad things were happening and nobody seemed to care and you just kept thinking “Someone should be outraged about this!!! Someone should know and be completely horrified and stunned and then take me away from all this!” but it never seemed to happen and you waited and waited until you lost the faith that you were worth saving
shit abusive parents can make you feel permanently guilty and ashamed about:
not reacting immediately and running when your name is called
not showing face expression they want to see on you
not replying immediately to them
not looking a certain way
existing in clothing they would dissaprove of
being anything less than perfect at something
existing in a messy room
feeling pain in any visible way
showing any emotion that would put attention to you
showing any kind of emotion that is not convenient to them
showing trauma symptoms
showing any kind of trace of abuse they inflicted on you
being mentally ill
being unable to withstand some kind of pain or discomfort
refusing to withstand provocation
not willing to tolerate insults, humiliation and shaming
defending yourself when attacked
defending yourself against physical abuse
having human needs
requiring some sort of resources to survive
having wants and desires
showing anything but obedience and respect to those who never deserved it
wanting control over your time, your body, your life
wanting to be cared about
having your own point of view
having your own opinion
not killing yourself
a literal shellfish would have done better job of loving and raising a child than you did, you’re incompetent and a disgrace and frankly you disgust me. Both of you are fired.
my parents could literally pull out a knife and stab me and people would still go “Aww I’m sure they didn’t mean that! :) they’re your parents they love you, maybe you did something to cause that? Remember you must always respect and listen to them!!” it makes me sick
abusive parents: have a baby
baby: needs food, clothes, energy, attention, care, warmth
abusive parents: how dare. unforgivable. this is all child's fault. the nerve. the child will pay for this. we are the VICTIMS!!
abusive parent: nothing you do will ever please me but you better work your ass off in desperation to please me or else
how to tell if your “friend” is not being a friend:
every time you talk about a problem, you have to spend time convincing them it’s a real problem
you have to convince them that your feelings are real and justified
you have to explain to them, more than once, to stop saying things that genuinely make you feel awful
you have to be understanding of their point of view entire time, but that doesn’t work both ways, they don’t do it back
you have to be understanding to the point where you accept that they wont ever see your point of view
if your problems expose their privilege, ignorance or their own shitty behaviour, you have to stop talking about it
they compete with you and try to prove you that their situation is worse no matter what you struggle with
they try to convince you to get over yourself and to not think of yourself too highly
they make you feel like your opinions, actions or emotions are stupid, and like you should be ashamed for expressing anything to anyone
they pick up on your vulnerabilities then use them against you in critical times
they say things they know will hurt you, to get to you
they hurt you to prove their point and think it’s legit reason to cause you pain
they talk down to you, act as if you’re not capable of making good decisions, scare you into not doing as you wanted, make you feel inadequate and inexperienced in comparison to them
they don’t care if they tire you out with their problems
they don’t care if you’ve already given them more than you comfortably can give
they don’t find you worthy of their compassion and care
they don’t think you’ve deserved their attention or admiration
they neglect you and then come back to you when they need you
they act as if it’s normal for you to spend much more energy and time on them than they do in return
they expect unlimited compassion, kindness, energy, time and care from you, and act as if it’s the least you could do for them
they don’t even consider going that length in return
if they forget, even for a second, that you’re a human being
they’re not to be trusted.
me, while being abused: it's okay, I'm used to this already, and I'm tough, I can take it.
me, years later when the trauma symptoms hit: I WAS SO WRONG
If you’ve been thru a phase of your life feeling hopeless, depressed, broken, scared, suffering pain that you didn’t believe would ever stop, or having your whole will to go on eaten away by something devastating that happened to you, and you were alone and abandoned and ashamed of feeling this pain, I want you to know that it wasn’t okay.
Every human, especially young humans, can get overwhelmed and devastated and drown in their dark thoughts and fears, and nobody deserves to go thru that alone. If you were living close to other people, and they failed to notice, or ignored your state, or tried to make sure that you feel guilty for it, ashamed of it, deserving of it, or responsible for it, that wasn’t okay. That’s not what’s supposed to happen. Human society isn’t built on kicking someone when they’re down. Humans are not supposed to see someone suffering and deteriorating and then go ‘serves them right’ or ‘it’s their own fault’. That’s despicable.
You were not supposed to be left alone in your pain. You were supposed to get help and support. Even if you couldn’t imagine how that support and help would look like, if you couldn’t believe you deserved any, even if you felt so worthless and unimportant that taking someone’s time and energy would have felt horrible and selfish to you, you still deserved help and support during the worst period of your life.
Someone should have checked up on you. Someone should have made sure that you don’t spend all or most of your time alone, drowning in your own fears and pain, neglected. Someone should have offered you conversation and reassurances, even if they wouldn’t have fixed the underlying issue. You shouldn’t have been going thru it alone and unchecked. Someone should have taken measures to make sure you know you’re cared for, that people are going to put an active effort into changing your situation for the better. You should have been reminded, with actions and words, that you are still lovable, that you’re desired to be a part of society, that you’re not something to leave behind in a room until you either get your shit together or fail and be forgotten. You should have never feared for your relevance or your value while already suffering from everything else. You shouldn’t have been left to your own devices, with your social needs completely unfulfilled, with society turning their entire back on you.
That kind of situation makes you feel alone for a long, long time. That’s the kind of thing that makes you lose hope in people, and it should have never come to it. You should never have been in so much pain and alone in it. You never deserved that kind of cruel and contemptuous abandonment. You should never have been thru something that makes other people feel like a threat or a dead end. Your problems should never have felt so large that your place in the world your humanity and would be revoked over them.
all of the time I should have been spending laughing, bonding with people, being with friends, finding myself, finding love, figuring life out, I spent trying to figure out how to face unbearable pain and trauma and come out the other side alive