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fvckastrology · 3 years

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rising sign mood

the bitch is back! feel free to check your sun/moon/mars too! comment your crush’s sign if ur brave 🥴

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fvckastrology · 3 years

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How To Guess Someone’s Ascendant

(based on appearance)

ARIES:

Has a well formed. angular bone structure and an admirable jawline Eyebrows are arched and can often be thick The eyes look sharp (though they can really pull off the puppy dog eyes) The nose is prominent Ruddy complexion and sensitive skin Will usually sport an athletic body

TAURUS:

Big doe eyes EXTREMELY pinchable cheeks Youthful and earthy appearance Usually of average height and build, the face is usually square Their aura is very calming They carry themselves in a very elegant manner

GEMINI:

Average to just above average height, slender body and long limbs When they smile their cheeks raise and create little balls (so cute) Beautiful long eye lashes Chiseled jaws Sometimes have cleft chins They walk as if on air

CANCER:

Moon shaped eyes that often look very sad Round face Small noses that turn upwards Women can often have prominent breasts The energy surrounding them is often that of some sort of emotional turmoil

LEO:

Hair is voluminous, thick and shiny The face shape could be described as that of a lion Usually slim as they like to take care of themselves Moves in an elegant manner Teeth are large Appearance stays youthful as they continue to age A warm, nurturing aura Surrounded by an air of confidence and control

VIRGO:

Fine, elegant features Their eyes show just how grounded they are The mouth is small and sensual The hair is big and well taken care of Tends to appear younger than actually is Graceful body

LIBRA:

Serene and calm beauty Venusian type of body even if slim they can look plump Glowing skin Hella good hair Heart shaped face Great taste in clothes Gentle aura that demands attention

SCORPIO:

Prominent nose, can be Roman They have an amazing profile Eyes are sharp and dark even if they’re blue or green, it’s as if they can see all of your darkest secrets (they probably do though) Usually found wearing black If you see them smiling then it’s real Dark silky hair Long fingers

SAGITTARIUS:

Tall with long limbs Big teeth Eyes sparkle with curiosity Slim but can easily put on weight later in life Their face is long similar to that of a horse They are a bit clumsy

CAPRICORN:

Resting bitch face Amazing bone structure High cheekbones Prominent collarbones Sensitive skin Appears uptight and sad

AQUARIUS:

Dreamy eyes often light in color Attractive profile especially from the side Strong legs Good skin Their voice is calm and pleasing to the ear An air of eccentricity

PISCES:

Ethereal presence The eyes are soft it’s as if their lost in a whole other world Graceful and soft bodies Charming laugh Lovely smiles Feet are often tiny OR big

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fvckastrology · 5 years

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the signs as lovers

(it's not that deep fam but check ur lover's venus/moon sign or ur own if ur beating it at night alone)

aries: i love you sike bitch die sksksksks

taurus: hey so who the fuck was that bitch looking at you at chipotle earlier i just wanna talk

gemini: oh fuck we're still dating im so sorry baby

cancer: *is still laying right next to you* you didn't call me when you woke up this morning >:(

leo: you want sum fuk

virgo: you're like really stupid all the time but i still love you don't worry i forgive you

libra: i!!! want!!! to!!! spend!!! the!!! rest!!! of!!! my!!! life!!! with!!! you!!!! *ghosts you for a year and two months* <3 <3 <3

scorpio: bitch if you ever fucking talk to me again i'll hit you with my car i will run you over i swear to god i-

sagittarius: why are we dating i literally hate you lol go away ugly

capricorn: pardon me but ya ass phAt

aquarius: why don't u ever play chess with me i let you meet my mom you privileged skank

pisces: i like really love you like more than anything but you're kind of a thot

tag ur friends/lover

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fvckastrology · 5 years

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sun, moon & rising signs in one photo 🌟

(ur not gonna believe this, but i think u should check ur sun moon & rising)

tag ur friends and reblog w your placements!!!

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fvckastrology · 5 years

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why i fell for the signs

check your moon!!!!

aries: because they tied my shoelaces together when i wasn't looking

taurus: because they love themselves and that makes me love them

gemini: because they are funny and have the same sense of fucked up humor as me and don't get offended when i tell them i want to die

cancer: because they are so sweet and cute and their laugh is perfect and their smile is perfect and their personality is perfect and

leo: i didnt have to because they already fell for themselves

virgo: because they understand what it's like to pit yourself against yourself so often that it kills your internal self

libra: because they are pretty hot ngl

scorpio: because they pushed me down the stairs

sagittarius: because they tell jokes that make my head fall off and also because they make me want to kill them

capricorn: because they are 10001.4% spouse material

aquarius: because they give life.... well life and would probably help me dispose of a cadaver if i asked nicely

pisces: because they are so soft and pure and sleepy but also evil little sadistic cunts it's great you get the best of both worlds like hannah montana

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fvckastrology · 5 years

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mood strips for the signs 🖤

check ur rising, tag your friends

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fvckastrology · 5 years

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random things the signs remind me of 🤠

(check uranus 🤔)

aries: getting a flat tire on the freeway

taurus: overdraft fees

gemini: pigeons with uneven eyes

cancer: epipen commercials

leo: burning cookies in my easybake oven

virgo: piss water

libra: velcro shoes

scorpio: the fat ass worm from a bug's life

sagittarius: i be flossin' i be flossin' i be flossin' i be flossin' i be flossin' i be

capricorn: my chemical romance

aquarius: mesothelioma

pisces: nemo's fucked up ass bad fin

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fvckastrology · 5 years

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the signs as cute valentine's dates 💘

(check sun, moon & venus)

aries: takes you out to a subpar restaurant, but at least pays for you and then literally fucks you in the back of their car who is chivalry we don't know her

taurus: literal candlelight dinner (awe) in their living room and snuggles in a rose petal hot tub even though their mom keeps calling and interrupting naughty fun time

gemini: theme park date but you had to go home early because they got cotton candy in your eye and there might be an infection :/

cancer: takes you on a cute little evening coffee shop date and accidentally spills their boiling coffee on you but sike, little did you know they brought chocolate and napkins

leo: spends v day in their bedroom with you but even though you literally had to teleport inside of their mirror just to get them to look at you once, they still love you and got you flowers

virgo: makes fun of you the whole day but surprises you with a picnic dinner under a starlit sky outdoors and cool guess what? they bought you a new lamp for your room

libra: took you to the beach even though it's cold as fuck, you guys both got the flu and sick snuggles for the rest of the day, yes this happened in one day congrats

scorpio: admits they couldn't think of anything so you guys end up playing scrabble and they keep throwing the wooden letters at you but later they spell "i love you" with them on the board and then ya fuck

sagittarius: wraps you up in a blanket after you guys just vandalized a catholic church with spray paint and forces their headphone in your ear so you guys can listen to music and make out for a few hours

capricorn: creates the ideal lusty bedroom setting with rose petals and lace and even bought you sexy lingerie but you guys end up roasting everyone at work and drinking your weight in hard liquor

aquarius: dumps you for valentines day but also tells you they love you for the first time in your entire relationship awe so romantic

pisces: takes you to a cute little painting class and you guys get kicked out for painting dicks on the walls so you guys just end up making out on the walk home

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fvckastrology · 5 years

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2019 new year's resolutions for the signs 🎉

aries: stop sucking dick and go get a real job

taurus: liquor is not the only beverage. try water.

gemini: if u want to be less hated, maybe stay in one room and one room only this entire year

cancer: tissues exist. so stop fucking crying and get a move on if u want people to respect u more

leo: believe it or not, there is a world outside of your little big headed bubble. explore that shit.

virgo: get a big ass cup of coffee and isolate yourself, no one has time for your "advice"

libra: stop pretending you actually have people's best interests at heart and embrace your shitty personality

scorpio: start charging real money for your affection, you'll be rich by april

sagittarius: walmart sells gorilla glue. do everyone a favor and use that shit as chapstick

capricorn: go fucking vegan you animal and sign up for tinder

aquarius: pick up a hobby that doesnt involve leading people on and then abandoning them before they make the next move

pisces: be a little more self centered for once also delete ur snapchat no one cares

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fvckastrology · 5 years

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what i am getting the signs for christmas 🎅

aries: flame retardant

taurus: a cake that expires in two days

gemini: a deck of cards so they can play with those instead of other people's emotions

cancer: a cute gift basket with some bath bombs and chocolate and maybe some drugs

leo: socks even though they deserve nothing from me

virgo: a million dollars and a 18 ounce bag of skittles

libra: nothing

scorpio: some tear gas and probably an xbox one

sagittarius: a bag of peppermint cookies and if they're allergic then oh well

capricorn: a lot of gift cards and a six pack of dr. pepper

aquarius: a dictionary smh

pisces: a puppy and maybe a cute collar for it if they're extra nice

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fvckastrology · 5 years

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the signs as different holidays 🎁

(tag ur friends omg)

aries: the purge

taurus: thanksgiving

gemini: april fool's day

cancer: mother's/father's day

leo: Christmas

virgo: presidents day

libra: valentines day

scorpio: Halloween

sagittarius: new year's day

capricorn: pay day

aquarius: kwanzaa

pisces: easter

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fvckastrology · 6 years

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the signs literally right now 🌚

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fvckastrology · 6 years

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what the signs died of 😵

aries: rolled their eyes so hard they got stuck and they couldn't see that car coming

taurus: overeating and/or homework and also too many boyfriends

gemini: accidentally shot themselves in the foot and survived, but then panicked and died of a heart attack

cancer: literally anything and everything also their cousin stabbed them

leo: was jerking off to pictures of themselves and overdosed on orgasm

virgo: overthinking and finding out YOLO was in the dictionary

libra: being so nice that their heart got hella big and busted a blood vessel in their chest, causing internal bleeding

scorpio: dick exploded, left three dead one in critical condition

sagittarius: was hit by reality so hard they were dead on impact

capricorn: literally drowned in pussy and couldn't swim

aquarius: the fucking government finally flanked their ass

pisces: performing in the shower, slipped on a pantene bottle and died of embarrassment in front of their invisible crowd

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fvckastrology · 6 years

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the signs as shit my cats do 😼

aries: beating the SHIT out of my other cat and then acting like nothing happened

taurus: not sharing the cat treats like a proper gentleman

gemini: **rawr XD nuzzles**

cancer: meowing really sad when i turn the lights off and go to bed

leo: literally hitting me in the face when asking for attention or belly rubs

virgo: hissing at absolutely nothing

libra: pushing other cat off of bed

scorpio: being territorial of the shit they just took in the litter box

sagittarius: not paying attention and running into the door (hard)

capricorn: sleeping all day and becoming a literal NASCAR driver at night

aquarius: offering me a toy mouse as some sort of sacrifice for their kind

pisces: actually being nice to me for once

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fvckastrology · 6 years

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what the signs are doing this summer 🏖

aries: fighting anyone who says the weather is 'nice'

taurus: either going to the club, tanning or doing literally nothing at all

gemini: faking a great summer on ig but actually bored af

cancer: getting skin cancer bc they can't afford sunscreen

leo: breaking up with all of their boyfriends to focus on themselves

virgo: joined a local book club yep that's about it

libra: getting pregnant twice

scorpio: getting bitches pregnant twice

sagittarius: driving to ukraine to hide a body

capricorn: working and maybe practicing pole dancing

aquarius: buying thongs on eBay

pisces: hanging out with their friends and/or forcing hentai on their friends

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fvckastrology · 6 years

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the signs when you insult them 😡

check ur mars 😤

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fvckastrology · 6 years

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the signs babysitting together 🍼

aries: it sHIT on ME I REPEAT IT IS SHITTING ON ME PUT IT IN TIME OUT NOW

taurus: yep, time for a nap

gemini: *throws crying baby in air* I THINK HE LIKES IT!!!!!!!!

cancer: *actually nurturing and caring for the baby* you guys, please never reproduce

leo: THIS SMALL HUMAN JUST DROOLED ON MY TOP BURN IT

virgo: *to baby* so madeline when youre older you will definitely master crying on the inside, would you like some fig newtons?

libra: guys i put too much formula in the bottles, they won't turn all buff and shit right?

scorpio: please keep your tiny hands away from my cadaver.

sagittarius: *to leo* your shirt??? or the baby??

capricorn: this one spit on me can i kick it

aquarius: *holding baby speaking gibberish* this one is not of native tongue

pisces: aWWE LOOK AT THE SMOL PURE LIL BEEBEE CAN I PET HIM

((tag yourself in a sign that isnt your own im capricorn))

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