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gay-impressionist · 2 hours
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most notable times of being hit on by customers:
guy who tried to impress me with card tricks and failed every single one of them
old man who attempted to get my number when his wife walked away and slipped me his email address ending with “@ aol.com” when i said i don’t do that
cute gay couple that came back to tell me i was cute and then called the shop to ask me out
older professor who i talked to about folklore and told me he dressed as a wizard for recitals saying “this is really embarrassing but umm.. i’d love to get to know you more..” and gave me a receipt with his email address on it
dude in his 40s asking me on a movie date and me saying yes but then he kept starting text conversations with “ahoi hoi”
military guy who said it’d be hot if i killed him with a baseball bat
most notable time a customer did not ask me out:
a man who i knew had a wife and children getting really flustered and saying “um. ive been, uh.. idk if you remember me but um. i come in here a lot and ive uhhh haha umm ive been wanting to ask you for a couple weeks now.. um. have you read the green lantern issue i recommended??????”
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gay-impressionist · 2 hours
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gay-impressionist · 2 hours
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gay-impressionist · 2 hours
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🌊
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gay-impressionist · 2 hours
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Thinking about Martha and Jack and going a little insane.
Imagine being two of the only people in the entire universe to live through an apocalypse that no one else remembers happening, all because of your associations with a man you both experience deep unrequited love for.
Imagine being two of the only people to step away from that man of your own accord and being better for it, having been the victim of terrible things because this man you love so, so much is ultimately a flawed and sometimes callous person.
Yet you still love him all the same.
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gay-impressionist · 2 hours
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gay-impressionist · 2 hours
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let me tell you driving from Ohio to Washington in a SmartCar with everything I owned was funny enough on its own but once I got west of the Rockies, every. single. time. I stopped ar a gas station, random dads would just spawn beside my car. like there was some sort of dad portal following me. and they’d see my ohio plates and go, “did you DRIVE through the mountains in that?” and every. single. time. I’d go, “well, they didn’t airlift me!”
it killed. it absolutely cleared ever time. never failed to make the dads laugh. they were obsessed. i said it the same every time. it was like I was in a groundhog day timeloop on interstate 70 westbound gas stations. and i you know what? I was happy.
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gay-impressionist · 2 hours
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“I don’t want to read this” is totally valid.
“This is disgusting to me” is totally valid.
“I don’t want to read this because it is disgusting to me” is totally valid.
“I don’t think anyone should be allowed to read or write this because it is disgusting to me” is authoritarian.
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gay-impressionist · 2 hours
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Calvin's parents decide to take a Hawai'ian vacation. They're not sure how much of it their son will tolerate but they would like to do at least a few things that involve sandy beaches and scenic cycling routes. They are therefore pleased when Calvin seems to make friends with a local girl about his own age and the two of them run off to play
Now, from Calvin's point of view what has happened is that he spotted actual aliens, and starts trying to bring this to the attention if the adults. But the tourists are like, "that's nice, go shoot 'em with your water gun, have a good time," and the locals are like, "yeah, they're an older couple who decided to retire here. Happens all the time." Eventually, it becomes clear that Spaceman Spiff is going to have to handle it himself.
From Lilo's point of view, Jumba and Pleakley are her gay uncles, do you mind? Calvin does mind, and so the two of them spend the rest of the afternoon terrorizing Kaua'i in the effort to destroy one another while the aliens alternate between bailing them out of trouble and attempting to escape.
Hobbes and Stitch, meanwhile, are calmly playing checkers and drinking non-alcoholic margaritas.
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gay-impressionist · 2 hours
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Kill me once, shame on you. Kill me twice, how did you did that.
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gay-impressionist · 9 hours
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General tumblr reminder, since some people don't know: If the person's URL has "deactivated" plus a string of numbers (a date) after it, that means that they manually deleted their own blog. It doesn't mean they were banned. Banned blogs don't have "deactivated" after them and will just be the normal URL you can't click on or interact with. They look very similar and function the same, but they were caused by two very different things.
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gay-impressionist · 9 hours
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It’s an old tradition that during a leap year women could propose to men. This was usually depicted as old or ugly women trapping men, but some art focused more on the role reversal and could be quite cute.
I have a soft spot in my heart for the last one because it plays on the idea of “undesirable” people, a tall masculine woman and a shy effeminate man, finding each other but instead of mocking them depicts it as sweet that she could finally ask him because he was too shy and insecure to ask her.
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gay-impressionist · 9 hours
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Voting Blue in Alabama!
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gay-impressionist · 9 hours
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Loving reminder from your land history auntie:
North American golf courses have had 50-100 years of arsenic and mercury based fungicide and herbicides applied to their soils.
Do not eat anything that has been grown on a golf course or downstream from a golf course. I know it sounds cool and radical, but you are too valuable to poison yourself with heavy metals.
Protect each other, turn your local golf course into a pollinator garden, not a sex forest or community garden.
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gay-impressionist · 9 hours
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Marmalade 🐻 oil on wood. 2021, I think.
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gay-impressionist · 9 hours
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Ch🧐
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gay-impressionist · 9 hours
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can you do like a. when did you start learning a second language poll. that way even the usamericans would know its not about them
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