geekguy123

[geekguy123]

You know, things have been a real mess this past year. I dropped out of grad school, was forced to move to a new location and start a new job, was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder recently, and am in between apartments sleeping on a mattress in an empty room at my parents. I’ve kicked so many people out of my life and lost almost everyone I had that still spoke to me, some of this being my fault, and some of this realizing that the people I had around, never cared about me or were willing to reciprocate or do anything for me unless they benefitted from it in some way. I have struggled so much this year. With feelings of failure, with my mental and physical health, and specifically socially. While I know it’s untrue, I feel so unloved, so unwanted, so misunderstood. I don’t know how to interact with others because I’m so socially stunted, and I don’t know where to start. I tell people I need them but when they’re around I don’t want them all of a sudden and I don’t know why. It’s infuriating and I hate myself for it, so I’m trying to understand my borderline better. I have been consistently lied to and left by people that promised me the world, only to build me up and break me back down within the blink of an eye. I make a lot of dumb posts. I can be toxic. I just need people in my life that genuinely care and that can put up with me. I’m difficult but I give so much of myself to those people in my life that I care about and I would literally do anything for them. No one wants to stick around for all of my issues. No one wants someone that’s viewed as damaged goods, broken, difficult, or a work in progress. No one knows all the shit that goes on behind the scenes nor do they care to know. It’s not something they should have to concern themselves with anyways. I’m really fucking trying. I mean that. I just wish I could prove that to others and I wish that change could come sooner. I’m tired of the world, others, and most importantly, myself. I can’t be alone much longer. I don’t know what will happen if I am. This can’t be all that life is. I don’t need sympathy. I don’t need fixed. I just need to be accepted and loved.

#alone #so alone #depression #depressed #hurt #broken #confused #upset #mental illness #mental illnesses #abandoned #me #myself #friend #friends #relationship #relationships #single #date me #borderline #borderline personality #generalized anxiety #anxiety #social anxiety #PTSD #trauma

[geekguy123]

casual

[geekguy123]

I'm yours.

[geekguy123]

I don’t take pics often because I hate how I look, but I think this one is decent. 

#me #selfie #selfies #picture

[geekguy123]

When did it become cool to hurt the people that care for you and love you the most?

#lonely #hurt #broken #alone #help #help me #mental illness #mental illnesses #depression #anxiety #trauma #love #heartbreak #single #borderline personality #me #defeated

[geekguy123]

[geekguy123]

[geekguy123]

I want one single person to come into my life and not treat me as a burden. I wish one person would stay and fully accept who I am, loving me for me.

#depression #depressed #love #single #alone #hurt #broken #mental illness #mental illnesses #mental health #borderline #borderline personality #borderline personality disorder #social anxiety #socially anxious #sad #abandoment #attachment

[geekguy123]

end my suffewing

[geekguy123]

sending so much love to everyone who feels like they’re never chosen as the best friend, as the partner, as the favorite. sending love to all of you who have been treated and felt like second best. sending love to all of you who have felt rejected and unwanted. to all of you who have had to try really hard to fit in because you felt like you never will. 

you are so loved. you will be seen and heard by the right people. you can trust that you are valuable and not defined by other people’s perceptions of you. if someone doesn’t see your worth, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

[geekguy123]

[geekguy123]

sometimes I think about how red is the first color in the visible light spectrum to be absorbed in ocean water

and how many deep-sea creatures evolved to be red as a stealth adaptation, making them near invisible when there’s little to no light present

and it makes me think. If there’s never any visible light present in these animals’ lifetimes, if no ROV shines a little flashlight in depths that would otherwise not have light, would these animals ever get the opportunity to actually be red? that might be a stupid question.

imagine being a little deep sea creature and having no idea you’re red until something comes along and shines a light on you except you still wouldn’t be able to tell because you’re probably colorblind. anyway. I don’t know where I was going with this post

[geekguy123]

I’m looking for some people that are in their late teens or their twenties that have mental illnesses or have been through abuse. I’d really love to meet new people and have some people I can relate and talk to in my life. If anyone is willing I’d love for people to reach out and talk a bit.

#help #mental illnesses #talk to me #mental health stigma #mental illness #anxiety #anxiety issues #anxious #depression #depressing #depressed #in need of friends #no friends #friendship #conversation #living with ptsd #social anxiety #socially anxious

[geekguy123]

brain.jpg(s)

[geekguy123]

[geekguy123]

[geekguy123]

Great dad. A+ for trauma.