Yang:Weiss, what’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done?
Weiss:I don’t know. Fight the Paladins? Why?
Yang:Just curious. I guess beating Adam was my hardest.
Blake:Try doing other multiple times.
Ruby:Sup, What are talking about?
Weiss:What’s the hardest thing you’re ever done?
Ruby:*red* Oh you meant like conflict! Beacon was crazy-
Yang:You slept with Jaune!?
Ruby:I was talking about his armor! We’ve spared before!
Ruby:*crimson* STOP JUDGING!!!
Blake:You crack like an egg.
Weiss:We didn’t even say anything.
Yang:I was proud of your pun. That being said, where’s the boy?
Jaune:I sense death.
sometime in vacuo team rwby and alpn meet with cvfy
velvet: its so good to see you guys again.
ruby: you too, its been so long
coco: yeab so long that you guys replaced jaune.
everyone looks at coco in confusion
coco: yeah. the new blonde guy.
jaune thinks about saying something but he wants to know where this goes.
coco: dont get me wrong jaune seemed like a nice person but he wasnt cut out to be a huntsman.
ruby has no idea wether to be angry or laugh. coco goes over to “the new guy”
coco: coco adel lovely to meet me
jaune: jaune arc.
coco: wait… YOU’RE JAUNE! YOU’RE A NOODLY JOKER FROM BEACON!?
jaune: … a little harsh but yeah.
coco leans over to the other
coco: WHAT HAPPENED
everyone just shrugs
Jaune: Ah man, I feel like none of this will ever end! It feels like we’re practically drowning in stress all of time.
Ruby: You can say that again, I’m mentally drained nearly every day from just… everything.
Jaune: I’d never thought this is where we would find ourselves, traveling the world on foot, fighting off Grimm on a daily bases, and all while having to deal with the responsibility of having of saving the world!
Ruby: And here I’d always thought that my greatest concerns would be trying to make friends, pass classes, and making sure Crescent Rose was well maintained.
Jaune: I guess you can’t ever really guess where life is going to take you, but this is just ridiculous.
Ruby: It is what it is, and there’s no use in trying to say otherwise.
Jaune: Yeah, I guess you’re right…
Jaune and Ruby both look down in sobering thought, the two of them contemplating their current lot in life and what might possibly happen next.
Jaune: …At least we both have a great looking ass.
Ruby: You’re Gods damn right we do!
They then proceeded to booty bump one another, for while they may not live the most relaxed life possible, they could both go on knowing how amazingly thicc they were.
Fair enough! XD
But seriously someone help these two…
The CRWBY are in the middle of eating lunch at Beacon, while Yang is occupied trying to get her sister to eat her uneaten vegetables on her tray.
Yang: Ruby just eat the them already!
Ruby: But I don’t want to!
Yang: Come on Ruby, you’re fifteen acting like an eight year old, and I shouldn’t have to scold you like one!
Ruby: But Yang!
Yang: Don’t, “But Yang,” me missy! They’re good for you Ruby, and they’ll help you grow big and strong like me, or Pyrrah, or Jaune.
Ruby: But I drink milk, that should be plenty to help me grow big and strong!
Yang: Milk can only do so much on its own Ruby, and that’s why you need to eat your veggies!
The Sisters bickering went ignored by the rest of their friends, long since used to the sisters antics by this point and continued eating their meals without pause. All those except for Jaune of course, having heard a similar conversations many times before between all of his siblings and was starting to grow annoyed by it. The sister’s banter continued on, and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon and it was that point that Jaune had enough.
Ruby froze mid-response at Jaune calling her out, the tone behind it was firm and no non-sense. She slowly turned to meet her best friends eyes, only to flinch a little at the stern look he was giving her.
Jaune: This argument has been going on for nearly ten minutes now, and I’m tired of hearing you two bicker at one another. I get it Ruby, you don’t like vegetables but they are good for you and your sister is only looking out for your best interest. So please stop being so picky and eat them, if not for Yang, then for me?
Ruby flushed a bright red, before bowing her head down and picking up a fork to begin eating the uneaten veggies on her plate.
Ruby: *Muttering* Yes Daddy.
Ruby: I said, yes Jaune.
Jaune stared at her in bemusement for a moment, before shaking his head as if he was hearing things before he flashed her a warm smile.
Jaune: Well since we have free time before the next class, how about once you finish your plate we go get in a spar or two, and maybe have a quick leader meeting?
Ruby’s mood instantly brightened at Jaune’s offer, all former complaints forgotten as she all but inhaled remaining vegetables on her plate. One spotless tray and a happy smile later and she was trailing after Jaune like an excited puppy, the two of them happily chatting away about everything and nothing. The same, however, could not be said about the rest of their friends as they all sat in shock at the events that took place not even minutes ago.
Well, everyone except Blake, as she continued to split her attention between the book she was reading in one hand and a tuna melt she had in the other.
Yang: What the hell was that?! I have to practically twist her arm off every day to get her to eat her veggies, but the moment Vomit Boy tells her to eat them she does it without question!
Ren: It’s even more impressive that he managed to get the two of you to stop arguing before it escalated into a physical brawl as they do most of the time… no offense by way.
Yang waved off Ren’s words, not even denying that the truth behind them as she was more concerned over Ruby’s unusual behavior. While everyone was debating the sudden change in behavior from Ruby, Blake was till reading away without showing even a hint of interest in the conversation at hand…
Blake: Mmmmm, this is fourth time in two days that Ruby referred to Jaune as Daddy.
…But she was going over it in her head, and Blake would be lying if she said that her interest was not piqued at Ruby’s behavior as well. Though she only got a glance of it, Blake had a theory behind her sudden attitude change. A very kinky theory behind it, and where there was kinky theories…
Blake: …There’s a source of good inspiration.
Yang: I don’t know, what do you think Blake?
Blake: Mmmm, did you say something? My book had my attention the entire time.
Yang: Geeze, at least pretend to be invested in the conversation Kit-Kat!
Blake: Ooooh, I’m invested alright, just in a far more personal and, dare I say, possibly sexy way.
Blake was ready to solve the mystery that was her team leader, nothing that a little snooping can’t solve. It will be a pain, but the payout? Blake couldn’t stop the smirk forming on her face.
Blake: It will be worth it
Yang: Ooooh, get to a raunchy scene in your smut?
Blake: IT’S NOT SMUT DAMNIT!
I did not intend to make this anything more than a singular shitpost, but I realized that it had a good set up behind it for a second post. For those wondering, this is based off a conversation between me @noneatnonedotcom had while bullshiting AU’s with one another
Jaune came back from a mission and was alone in his room. While he was sharpening his blade, there was another Jaune sitting in a chair looking at him, this was Jaune’s inner desire.
IDJaune: Wow, great day, saved some people, took down some Grimm. And Ruby was really something, how she fought, the way she moved.
Jaune kept sharpening.
IDJaune: You know it amazes me how close you two are but you never make a move on her. Her pale white skin body, like a blank canvas you want to paint all over with your hands and cover every inch of it.
Jaune finishes sharpening and then proceeds to check his scroll.
IDJaune: When the right moment comes just plant one on her and in the heat of the moment. Carry her like she’s a queen, lay her on the bed, make her feel like she’s the most important thing in the room as you undress her. And as she looks at you with her approval just take her right there and-
Jaune’s door suddenly opens and the Jaune sitting in the chair was gone.
Ruby: Hey Jaune.
Jaune: Hey Ruby, what’s up?
Ruby: We’re about to have a meeting soon. Just wanted to give you a heads up.
Jaune: Thanks, I’m going to wash my clothes and take a shower, be there soon.
Ruby: Alright see you til then.
Ruby closes the door and walks down the hallway.
IDRuby: Wow, did it suddenly get hotter in the hallway, or was it the thought of Jaune in the shower. Or was it the thought of you in the shower with Jaune?
Ruby keeps walking down the hallway.
IDRuby: Can you imagine, his big strong arms embracing your bare body, his chest touches your back. You can feel his heart beat matching with yours and the more he embraces every inch of you the faster it gets until eventually you can’t control youself and you just let him-
Ruby punched the wall and the other Ruby was suddenly gone. And someone came rushing after hearing the noise.
Penny: Ruby, are you ok?
Ruby: Yeah, just letting off alittle steam.
10 Easy Steps To An Oblivious Knight
Step 1: Make Yourself Known
Ruby: Hi. I’m Ruby Rose. What’s your name?
Jaune: Ruby. We already know each other.
Step 2: Make Sure He Always Around You.
Nora: Jaune-Jaune. How come Ruby sleeping in the same bed as you?
Jaune: She said she wanted to sleep over.
Ruby:*stick her tongue out and snuggled next to Jaune*
Step 3: Fend Off Unwanted Foes
Cinder: Hai Jaune. I was wandering that if we could…never mind, I just remembered I got plans with Emerald. Bye! *Ran off*
Jaune: I wonder what’s that all about.
Ruby:*holding her sycthe and glare at her foes* Stay away you husssiess…
Step 4: Always make sure he and everyone know how cool he is.
Ruby:*On top of table in cafeteria and using a speaker* JAUNE ARC HAS A HUGE DI…HMPHH!
Jaune clamped Ruby’s mouth and dragged her out of the cafeteria
Step 5: Make sure he know that you needed him
Ruby: Jaune! Please open this jar pickle for me! It is so tight!
Jaune:*simply opened it with a small pop* Here you go Rubes.
Ruby: Thank you my strong knight.
Ruby: Nothing! *Dashed away*
Step 6: If he still oblivious, use a bit force
Jaune:*Only wearing a towel* Ruby! Return my clothes!
Ruby:*sniff his clothes while running* Jaune~I love your scent. *Drool*
Step 7: Insert Your Dominance
Jaune: What are you doing standing on my bed? Get down from there.
Ruby: Feel my dominance! *Proceed to T Pose*
Step 8: Always have small and constant physical contacts.
Jaune:*managed to beat Cardin*
Ruby: Nice work Jaune! *Slap his ass with a nice and firm squeeze*
Step 9: To enforce your desire for him, always remember to imagine a life with him
Ruby:*panting and moaning in bed and under the covers* Jaune! Ahh! Harder! Deeper!
Weiss, Blake and Yang covered their ears as they curse, secretly listening and cried themselves to sleep.
Step 10: If all hope is lost, Just confess
Ruby: Jaune. I like you. Would you be my boyfriend?
Jaune: Sure Ruby. I like you too. Want to see a movie tonight?
Ruby: Sure. I would love too.
Jaune: It’s a date. *Kiss her lightly on the lips*
There you have it. Follow these simple steps and the oblivious charming knight will be yours.
P/s: This steps will also works on an oblivious male ninja, oblivious female ninja, oblivious female brawler, oblivious female heiress, oblivious female babrbarian and other individual that start with an oblivious adjective.
Jaune: *read the steps written on the paper* I wonder if this will work on a certain oblivious female reaper.
Ruby: Blake. Are you sure this will work?
Blake: Of course. Would I ever lied to you?
Blake: Just go.
Ruby: Hey Jaune.
Jaune: What is it Ruby?
Ruby: Here goes. (Slap her thigh twice) *Pat Pat*
Jaune: (In trance) Your wish is my command.
Ruby: I want cookies.
Jaune: (Rush to the kitchen and back with a jar of cookies)
Ruby: It worked. (Eating the cookies)
Jaune: What just happened?
Ruby:(Slap her thigh again)
Jaune: Yes master?
Ruby: Thanks Blake.
Blake: No prob Ruby. Come on slave! *Crack a whip*
Sun, Yang, Illia: (In trance) Yes master.
Blake: This is it! My purpose is clear! I was put on Remnant to make sure you and Jaune end up together!
Ruby: Blake, you’re your own person with your own hopes, dreams, aspirations…
Blake: (Hissing, Holding a pen and a notebook) My purpose is clear…
Ruby: (Sighs, Rolls her eyes) Okay…
Yang: My advice? Don’t be overconfident. The first time I met Blake’s parents, I accidentally called Menagerie a Kingdom when it’s clearly not. They haven’t spoken to me since.
Cinder: That’s it? That’s all it took for them to not like you?
Yang: Yup. Well, also they’re super uncomfortable about their only daughter not dating a guy, and they think it’s my fault with my, “magic genetalia.”
Cinder: That’s unfortunate, but I do like hearing you say, “magic genetalia.”
Kali: Sweetie, we love you no matter what, but I have to know: why tell us you’re big now?
Blake: My friend Jaune found out on our last mission, and I decided to tell you before he did.
Jaune: Bye, Blake! (Wide-eyed) Not bi as in, “bisexual”, but bye as in “see ya!” Er, I mean, have fun bangin’ dudes out there! Just getting dick left and right!
Jaune: I just decided to stop saying, “bye,” altogether.
Jaune: (Sitting at the ruins of Beacon) How’d you know where to find me?
Ruby: This is where we first met, remember? This is where I exploded and you fell in love with me.
Jaune: (Chuckling) Ruby…
Ruby: Fine! This is where you were nice to me for ten minutes and I became obsessed with you forever.