gldgod

[gldgod]

We're gonna make it.

We're gonna make it.

But this moment is gonna take forever.

So let's take forever.

#wrote this in my journal today and honestly it's hitting #poetry #writerscreed #spilled ink #original poem #original poetry #poem #excerpt from a book i'll never write #writing #love #words #spilled words #spilled poetry #spilled poem #new poets society #poeticstories #poetryportal #poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #inspiration #comfort #mental health #mental illness #disabled #autistic #neurodivergent #anxiety #depression #sad

[gldgod]

miss baby blue there's a world out there for you i know i never was ready & maybe neither were you but you starbursted this boy's heart & that has been more than enough i know magic & love still exist it's in the tongues , the eyes the stupid , beautiful things we say & do & how i'd never make this into something it isn't but for little moments i loved you the way the ocean loves its pearls crawling out to the beach to leave them gifted in sand

#poetry

[gldgod]

i've seen this sunset a million times but i don't think this neighborhood street ever looked so quiet . this orange light's my green one , steel lollipop glowing across the yard . feels like the heart of childhood - & there's one star in the sky that's soon to slumber , & i just stand here from the kitchen window , trying to reconcile the pull of memory & the pull of escape into somewhere where nothing knows my name , except the head on this body . the dusk falls so quickly , & when there is no one around all i think of is you , & the ticking bomb in my fingers , & wondering if seeing you again would set it off or if i'd rather swallow it than hear your voice again . i know the question , but i'm afraid of the answer , so forgive me if all this dusk does is fill me with longing i'd rather let be than to drop it in anticipation of the shatter .

#poetry

[gldgod]

we gotta get the hell out of this hometown trade away our old clothes , hope they find some new skin to cling to , tow away the wreckage that night we spun through the rain , headlights whirling , & the way i laughed like god was running through my veins . fuck these woods , these bricks , the field of grass that i'd always drive past to get to your house .

i didn't eat tonight . the lights were too bright in the pizzeria , & dad played songs of the past , & the moment the house went quiet i cried into my hands , because nothing was ever going to be the same again , & i didn't want to come home anymore .

i just hear the echoes of being a thousand miles away trying to let you go , & the letters never replied to , & how springtime just holds the corrupted memory of you , & how i desperately need to write over it something new .

something that proves i can still love , & still be loved , & not just push the edges of this cratered heart further & further . God , i trust You , & my chest heaves in surrender , though my fists still are learning how to unclench , my teeth grit tight to what i know no longer exists .

i'm loyal to the end , & i've accepted that i'll always be the one to be left , but promise me this , that there is still love for me out there . i know there is , & that is why i will still fall asleep tonight , to meet the sun in the morning & try to take it into my bones , my breath like this is the only way i can keep going .

#poetry

[gldgod]

look for the orange light , & you'll know that i'll be there . from the streetlamp outside my bedroom window , to the salt rock glowing inside , to the lights when the band played my favorite song , & i only knew how to cry - springtime feels awfully like the skin of something between a dream , and a fairytale ; a memory , & the tip of my tongue barely tasting , time . i've ridden in a million cars , seen the sun set from the kitchen a million times more , & i'd never ask to freeze that moment , like an ice cube snapshot that'd never melt , but if it just lingered a little longer than it was meant to , i wouldn't mind . just an extra half second longer for what was only meant to be a second - give me that it's enough .

#poetry

[gldgod]

breathe . it's like indigo star dust i'm like the orange streetlamp out there in the dark night , & being home just feels like being a child again . it feels like those days i loved you so hard & you loved me back , & those days i slept on the living room couch nursing the heart you inevitably broke . sometimes pain feels good it feels like you're living for something it feels like you're here , & alive , & something actually tried to touch you in the heart , stuck its dumb fingers in & we just cradle it in our mouths like we can't tell the difference between intimacy & nourishment . i had you all in my mouth , & now i spit you out , but it doesn't matter because it was over & i'm just here feeling what lingers so deep in the bedroom carpet when i dig up the dust , but only because night has fallen , & day had eaten my heart out , & it all feels the same & different , & my body knows only to drip this out onto the page , slowly , bittersweetly , acid burning holes between the letters .

#poetry

[gldgod]

in the black rain , the trucks rush on past their engines moaning like ghosts down these streets . time is falling , one second at a time , pills dropping down god's throat , & you think memories are held in the stomach , where nourishment finds home . & you swallow down a piece of space , crank a star up like salt , find that familiar voice , to hold you steady when everything is fizzling away , like rainwater in the dark sun .

#poetry

[gldgod]

kiss , on that foreign head what could be but where's the time

worlds scraping right on past when i'm walking away , are you looking ?

we shared one night , just a word or two but we don't speak , only smile

the door's closing & i'm gone is it just dust now , blowing through ?

#poetry

[gldgod]

& now i'm here with my head down speaker on the top shelf praying to grit guitar being played like my spine & skull shaking looking for god behind the tears & the silent yelling & the loving rage the breaking out & breaking down when my skin chips & cracks like marble & sunlight leaks out tell me if you see an angel coming down or going up

#poetry

[gldgod]

💐

Thanks for the flowers <33

#ask

[gldgod]

white-shirted, tatted boy you can find him in the kitchen trying to make conversation over little spinach lugging out the scraps of onion skins , banana peels , garlic shells , & dying flowers to the compost bin across the dark yards he holds a heart too heavy in the chest it bulges , like a half-sliced orange between a fist , sopping all sweet & wet he knows love too well , but it can't escape his lips it just sounds like the light coming on , a touch against a sleeping body , the pitter-pattering just outside the door , a love letter written with only a name & scrawled heart right now , all time is colliding memory & experience & destiny & he sits in bed against the february seeping through the windowpanes he's just trying to find his breath amidst the headlights , red , gold , & white shooting-starring down the same old highway he's a star , a sun , flaring ever so quietly warming his voice so he can sing love songs when the urge of love flushes against his neck , & there's nothing left in holding back

#poetry

[gldgod]

sunlight cuts through & the sun god knows it's all for you the way you carved his name into your chest , & took it as your own he knows when the blue skies call all you want to do is be home to remember springtime & how beautiful it all was he knows home is a million miles away but the unripe flower petals stand stagnant & unseen in the wind that only exists when you're walking along the sun path take each step slow , let each breath hold you hold you before the dunes of separation rolled over & out when you still held love's hands tender against your cheek i know it's hard but don't turn away it still wants to know your name not the one you carved though it is true but the one you keep hearing someone call , just behind you your name , your name let it find you & you'll know god is more than just a prayer it's an answer

#poetry

[gldgod]

somehow you gotta let it touch you deep within . let it reach down & grab hold of something something that's trying to jump out your throat something you can't quite name - just the broken trail of ants sputtering across the floor looking for home . i think what we're all hoping for is an unlonely life . they say when you're young the difference between no one caring & one person caring is the difference between venus & earth & everything else , well it's all icing on the cake - it's hunger or warmth of an open kitchen golden , like the sun is coming home to toss off his work coat & to touch your face like it's floured dough & he hasn't eaten all day .

#poetry

[gldgod]

in some other world , a pale pink moon is bathing the night in its soft light what do they say about growing up ? they don't warn you about how your brother's shaved peach fuzz mosses the bedroom floor , the miles of wet road between home & somewhere else - how once more you love him more than ever , & once more you're jealous over everything new he's gotten when it's not even what you wanted for yourself when i look out into the night it's dark blue velvet it's the lonely white streetlamp in the distant parking lot it's holding youth in my palms & watching it soap up , turn bitter then sugar sugar it all looks so sweet looking back it all feels so innocent , & wasn't it ? & now we're growing up , & i realize that in the end , if i have no one else , i'll have a brother i'll have a brother

#poetry

[gldgod]

spend a week in bed you'd think it'd feel better to be dead not in a self-destructive way but in a deep yearning to live to feel the sun merging into me exchanging golden godliness to see your face across from mine in real space , real time though my head is pounding , my eyes are stinging , i hold on to that distant knowing that soon it will be over the planet'll flip over on its side i'll be halfway to headlong falling , diving , letting my wings spread touching life in its rawness chewing it up , slicing it to the bone silver-plattered straight to the tongue beckoning to the hungry & heartful

#poetry

[gldgod]

in a cloud of steam , strawberry smoke plumed like a peacock crown & graced my head , kingly . the robes wear heavy , but i take each step one at a time . when i close my eyes & turn on that old familiar song , i see all the life & lovers i used to love . but the roads are turning gold , pebbled like a midas smile & i feel how beautiful things could be . what was was golden , but what will be is not something you can just hold in your palm , & know its worth - it's something you need to taste , a tongue's blindness transcended , the first vibration of joy biting fang deep into your bones rippling , rippling the unending reverberation through the universe that this is good . where we are , & where we're going - it's good .

#poetry

[gldgod]

golden honeyed sunlight gets [you] home safe god [knows] how sweet [the taste] gumming [up] heaven [between the] sheets goading hell [to] stay grisly heretic somewhere [far] go [now] here [is where] sanctuary [makes its] glowing home so [precious] golden [my love] honeyed [this moment] sunlight [shone only on us] giving holding sharing [like tomorrow is forever away]

#poetry