I think I am possibly overscheduling myself. Is it wrong that I get a kick out of being so busy I’m constantly flustered? Like I’d rather be rushing around everywhere and not even have time to think... when I have time, I get lazy. I eat a shit ton of junk out of boredom. I stress over stupid things. I have less fun because there’s so much opportunity to have fun that I pass most by.
I’m going through a weird period right now, where all I feel is disconnected. It feels harder to relate to anyone right now, and perhaps that’s just part of becoming an expat but it’s not exactly a great feeling, yaknow? Like, I love my friends back home but also it feels harder to talk about the little things cause like...there’s no way to explain it. But also I’m not really at a point where I have friends here. I don’t have anyone I can just go out to coffee with and chat and enjoy just being around here. And maybe that’s just how it’s going to be, for an indefinite amount of time.
I dunno...it’s not so much a complaint as it is an observation. And oddly enough, the more disconnected I feel from people the more...scholarly?...I feel. I guess since all I ever did when I was younger and had no friends was study.
Which has me at the point of wondering if maybe I should slowly edge my way back into Anthropology. Like...if I’m going to be consistently living like some sort of transient being between two (or more?) worlds, I may as well do something productive about it...
See this is the shit that just makes me start cursing and yelling at my computer. Because fuck no. I won’t sit here and “be patient” because some fictional bullshit is supposedly just going to WALTZ into my life and make me SUDDENLY think that OH none of the other bullshit I’ve experienced with literally every person ever just makes sense now because this one person has MAGICALLY fixed everything just by existing.
Fucking. Bull. Shit.
Ain’t nobody comin for me, and I ain’t gonna act like I believe they will and be complacent with the years of absolute shit I’ve endured from the people around me.