goatsgotmilk

[goatsgotmilk]

The flowers are blooming

What a clique

And yet they remind me of you

Peacefully I see your hair

Entangled in

the flowers

in the vines

in the moss

I must learn to accept the bloom

There will always be a tangible sadness to it

A calm sadness

That’ll repeat in my head

Like a song from an old lover

In all the art I’ve drawn of you you have been obscured

because I’m afraid you’d see

How poetic is it that you will never see this

That you’ll never see this painting of you

You are love

I am love

#poems and poetry #love poem #personal poem #poetry #poem #love poetry #queer poem #queer poetry #gay poetry #gay poem #trans poetry

[goatsgotmilk]

breathe . it's like indigo star dust i'm like the orange streetlamp out there in the dark night , & being home just feels like being a child again . it feels like those days i loved you so hard & you loved me back , & those days i slept on the living room couch nursing the heart you inevitably broke . sometimes pain feels good it feels like you're living for something it feels like you're here , & alive , & something actually tried to touch you in the heart , stuck its dumb fingers in & we just cradle it in our mouths like we can't tell the difference between intimacy & nourishment . i had you all in my mouth , & now i spit you out , but it doesn't matter because it was over & i'm just here feeling what lingers so deep in the bedroom carpet when i dig up the dust , but only because night has fallen , & day had eaten my heart out , & it all feels the same & different , & my body knows only to drip this out onto the page , slowly , bittersweetly , acid burning holes between the letters .

#poetry #poem #fucckkkkk

[goatsgotmilk]

I don’t want you tonight

I didn’t want you last time you were so close

I won’t want you because the conditions won’t be perfect

The next time I see you it won’t be the same as the first

So we mustn’t touch

You won’t ever help me put my armor on again

And I won’t dare to ask

Even though it makes me so happy

To have your hands

To have your mind

Occupying my space

Occupying my time

My friend told me you would like my poetry if I showed it to you

Yet.. I know you’d be off put

I won’t read you my poetry

Nor will I fantasize about it

Nor will I fantasize about you

Silent words in my head held dear by no one but me because I will never tell you the poetry in my head

I won’t tell you your hands are beautiful

That they are perfect even

Smooth against my skin

Against my eyes

I look against your body

Your wrists fit so perfectly against the gray of your suit and I can’t stop thinking about it

I can’t stop thinking about

Every excuse

To not go up to you

To not brush against you

Because I’m afraid you’d walk away

I can’t stop thinking about

How I want to be with you tonight

And the juxtaposition of not telling you

I’ll compare my thoughts

I’ll see to it that I never sleep with you again

And again I’ll think about how much I want your hands on my back

On my chest

Holding me

#poems and poetry #poetry #personal poem #love poem #poem #queer poem #queer poetry #gay poem #gay poetry #trans poem #trans poetry #thoughts #basically a journal entry

[goatsgotmilk]

It’s my birthday

I’m barely nineteen and

You didn’t know

You won’t know until next year.

When we are sitting together at your imaginary apartment drinking imaginary booze on my twentieth birthday and I let slip that we hung out last year on this day.

You probably won’t know me in a year

By then I’d have wasted your time

Yet I still imagine it

Yet I still imagine telling you it’s my nineteenth birthday and you give me the shirt you won tonight

Under dancing figures I could feel us drift apart

I romanticize your back facing away from me

I wonder if you can feel my stare

and hope you don’t look back and see me

There are people fucking each other behind you

In front of me

And I imagine it is us

I imagine you reach your hand out for mine

Looking at the ceiling I see our shadows dancing

Contorted paintings

#poems and poetry #poem #poetry #personal poem #love poem #queer poetry #queer poem #gay poetry #gay poem #trans poetry #trans poem

[goatsgotmilk]

Did you know

This is the last poem I will ever write about you

This is the last thought I’ll have about you

Today is closure

Today is planned

My room is a mess

I clean it frantically

This is proof that I am living

This guilt

This mess

I clean to forget and it works

We used to plan to call and clean together

I remember once we did and I was upset

I got high, extremely high

And I cried

The last time I cried in your arms

I thought we were going to

see each other again

I wonder if I would have acted differently knowing otherwise

Now we plan one last call

Now I convince myself I want this

Now I am empty again

The sheets torn

We both convince ourselves we miss the thought not the person

It feels right

It doesn’t hurt as much

This call doesn’t hurt if I see it as nothing more than to convince ourselves we will cease

That the poetry will be done

That I will stop responding to your writing

That I will stop writing one last poem

But until then

I will convince myself:

One last poem

One last call

One last goodbye

#poems and poetry #poem #poetry #personal poem

[goatsgotmilk]

I fuck myself every night

Thinking about you

Is that too intimate?

Are my words too intimate

Writing poetry about you

Fucking you

Fucking myself

I drew us together

Too intimate for the eyes to bare

For this, you will never hear my poetry

You will never see the art that comes from you

Though I want to show you so badly

I want to intimately read you my poetry while you fuck me

While you hold me and make me feel small

So I will fuck myself

Reading my poetry

Every night

#artists on tumblr #poems and poetry #poem #poetry #personal poem #love poem #artwork #my artwork #art #drawing #knight art #queer art #queer artist #trans artist #trans art

[goatsgotmilk]

Can one knight really sway me over

One night

Only one night and I think

I touch

To mimic

One knight

And I’m ashamed

I laid there

Grasping the layers of sheets

I tore the sheets that night

Ripped a hole that was once open

Fixed by your first lover

.Or your second

I never really asked..

I felt helpless

..Shameful, small, full

Full of you

Full of everything

Full that knight

#poems and poetry #poem #poetry #personal poem #love poem

[goatsgotmilk]

You doesn’t mean YOU anymore

It means everyone but you

When did you stop meaning you

I could place it to about two months ago or possibly today

It has been a slow transition

But now you

Is irrelevant to the person before

And brings a new light to every new you that I come to love

The light on the ceiling

Is a new light

A new sun and a new ceiling and a new you

#poems and poetry #poem #poetry #personal poem #love poem

[goatsgotmilk]

We parted so unceremoniously

The dew in the morning was red on my walls on my skin

I didn’t sleep or eat

Flowers bloomed in winter

On the ground next to the abandoned train tracks

A previous lover would meet me here

Now that you’re gone. it’s over.

I envy my old affairs

That was the first time I was truly alone

#poem #poetry #poets of tumblr #love poem

[goatsgotmilk]

You’re still my muse

In my head I imagine the sun in the

morning

Hitting your face so perfectly

And I think I’ll never see this again

So I must take it for granted

You’re still all I think about on sunny days, on rainy days,

When I think to tell someone something

special I always feel empty

Because there isn’t that someone

anymore

I’ll think in poetry. over and over

How I miss you and how.

I will never see you again

I will write about you

And I will hope to stop writing altogether

Because the only reason I started was because:

Of you

So it will always remind me

Of you

#poem #poetry #personal poem #poems and poetry #love poem

[goatsgotmilk]

Have I gotten over you

I’ve laid with others

And loved it

And yet I ache

The complexity of conflict in confliction

I will never be as brave as you

To feel

To think

All I’ve been thinking about is me

What have you been thinking

about

I wonder if it’s me and hope

Hope

Hope. It’s not. Please forget me

Please forgive me

I still wonder if you want to move to seattle

If you plan to

And I still hope /you do

/you don’t

#artists on tumblr #poem #poetry

[goatsgotmilk]

A Poem About Drug Abuse

The stars have forgotten.

Their absence of habits

They forgot that I will always have a substance problem and; that every time I’m upset I think only about (escaping)

And how cowardly am I because the stars forgot how to comfort/

//They bite their nails and hit their head

And I haven’t looked at the stars in so long

That I had forgotten what they looked like

I had. and haven’t forgotten the Big Dipper because I looked up and saw it again

And wrote about it a second time for the second longest poem I have written in a year

And that’s because I didn’t use the stars tonight

Instead I just thought

#poems and poetry #poems #poem #poetry #depressing poem #writers and poets #sad poetry #substance abuse

[goatsgotmilk]

My poetry is correct through your mouth

And I’ll sing it but it won’t ever sound right because you sung it once in my head

#poems and poetry #poems #depressing poem #poetry #poem #writers and poets #sad poetry #artists on tumblr #artwork #my artwork

[goatsgotmilk]

Kiss the back of my hands

Bruised paper surveys

Fill the space in my head

#poems and poetry #poems #depressing poem #writers and poets #sad poetry #poem #poetry

[goatsgotmilk]

Suddenly I forgot what your face looked like

And as I tried to recall it I realized I never had touched your appearance or seen it with my own eyes

I’ll recreate you in my head

So I am able to be sane again

#poem #writers and poets #artistic #sad poem #original poem #short poem

[goatsgotmilk]

I sink/sync our breaths

Together.

.But it’s just an

Illusion

#poems and poetry #poem #new poets on tumblr #poetry #sad poetry #depressing poem #artistic #poems #writers and poets

[goatsgotmilk]

Fault

I forgot to clean my curtains before I left

That’s why the water I drink is stale

It will bother me every day I am gone

I will be gone for awhile

It’s just because the curtains are dirty

When I come home. I won’t be able to see through the windows anymore.

Nor will I be able to see my reflection

Because I forgot

I will tip over cups/ step in ash trays as I walk to the windows to take them down

Because I haven’t cleaned my curtains I am not allowed to see,

#poems #poems and poetry #depressing poem #poetry #poem #sad poetry #writers and poets #sad peoms #sad poem #poet on tumblr #original poetry #original poem