For a week I embedded myself with Jewish Israeli nationalists who believe it’s a worthy cause and religious duty to block desperately needed humanitarian aid at the Gaza border. They enjoyed pastries with the military while confessing to war crimes and cheering for genocide.
Made some mistakes today, as always, but managed to turn things around. Feeling better after investing myself in my creative projects.
Just sitting down to write and reevaluate stories I've written and take a moment to reflect on my life as a whole recently has been nice. It's helped me focus on what actually matters to me and what I genuinely enjoy doing, what makes me feel proud and what things I can actually affect. Cutting out bad influences and habits is hard but a process.
There are still many vices that I need to take control of and disciplines that I have to continue focusing on, but I think with every small step I'm making progress, even if I do get pushed back three steps for every two.
I feel incredibly empty, depressed and aimless. Nothing in life is genuinely bringing me satisfaction anymore and I'm procrastinating my fears and goals.
I simultaneously hate myself and others yet crave intimacy and validation. A painful and never-ending loop of chasing some idealistic, perfect life that never comes true, with reality always being more uncomfortable and unsatisfying than initially expected.
Bro took hoes before bros, rip. Gotta say though I love them. Fucked up in a comedically confused romantic way, where Syril essentially has a devotion-boner for Dedra, while Dedra was just saved by this maniac and is processing feelings of gratitude, safety, discomfort, trauma and conflict.
Favorite totalitarian crack-ship.
It’s downright fucking hilarious to me that Syril’s whole mission was to take down Cassian and that’s why he sneaked out to go to Ferrix when he heard about the funeral from Lieutenant Mosk but the minute he sees Dedra in the crowd,
and LOCKS HIMSELF AND DEDRA IN A CLOSET, completely forgetting his mission and now Mosk is a bum trying to drown his sorrows 😭