guruthesecond

[guruthesecond]

The Human of Tai Chi

Fangul watched in admiration as Human Ko moved around the small room, his body contorting and twisting into odd shapes.  He would extend himself fully, one leg all the way behind him with his lower appendage pointing away from his body... what had Human Ko called that? His fort?  With the top half, he would extend his arms away from his torso in opposing directions.

"What is it you are doing, Human Ko?" Fangul asked as he put two of his four feet into the human's quarters.  "Are you attempting to hurt yourself?" He'd heard of other humans with a wish for pain, for death.  Berserkers is what Human Ko had called them.  Ko made a quiet sound deep in his throat, kind of like a cough spasm but from the turning of his lips, Fangul assumed it was a chuckle.

"It is a martial art practice called Tai Chi," Human Ko responded bringing all his appendages together and standing erect before beginning another movement.

"A martial art? Isn't that for fighting?" Fangul could recall learning about Martial Arts from the Internet when he was stationed in the earth region known as Korea.  Wasn't there someone named Lee Bruce in their history?

"Martial Arts are not always offensive," Human Ko responded as his body dipped and his hands pushed at invisible force.  "I have used my skills in defense more than to attack." He suddenly expelled all the air in his lungs and jumped backwards, startling Fangul into taking a few paces away.

"Why do you do these things?" Fangul asked in disgust.  

"To train my body," Human Ko deadpanned, thrusting his chest forward and turning towards Fangul.  "We are a species of destruction, bred for chaos.  This brings peace."

"You speak of Peace but train to fight?"  Human Ko paused and showed his teeth while wiggling his forehead hair vigorously.

"Ah, Grasshopper," Human Ko adopted a new speech pattern.  "It is better to be a warrior in a field than a farmer in a war."

Fangul studied him for a moment then threw four of his six arms skyward in exasperation.  "You and your Idiotisms!"

#humans are space orcs #humans are space oddities

[guruthesecond]

I Need my Hat

Lvl 6 Warforged, 7 feet tall 400 lbs with the mind of a toddler.  Being guided below decks by two dragonborn warriors without his guide and told to open a door.

WF: “I do not have a key to open this door.  The captain has the key.”

DB: “Open the door.”

WF: “I do not have a key.”

DB: “Open the door.” 

WF: Quiet for a moment.  “I have a hat that will help me open the door.” Pulls out a hat of invisibility.  Before the dragonborn can respond, puts hat on head and vanishes.

DB: Roll poorly for perception, misplace giant warforged standing in front of them invisibly and I am laughing my ass off at the table as I imagine a giant toddler shaking with giggles while two adults pretend not to find them under the curtains in the front room

#DND 5e #yourplayersaidwhat

[guruthesecond]

Intimidating Dad

In high school, a girl I was dating said I had to meet her dad.  I figured he wanted to intimidate me like any father would.  We had dinner that night and it was a surprisingly delightful evening.  Before I left, her dad and I were sitting on the back porch watching the fireflies when I asked, “Is this where you tell me that if I hurt your little girl, you’ll kill me?” He paused then laughed and said, “Son, if it was me you had to worry about, you’d know it.  I’d worry about her if I were you, after all her grandfather taught her how to geld a horse at a young age.”

#justsaying likeabadass fearthegirl

[guruthesecond]

Give till it hurts

I gave a damn once ... now I’ll never get it back. SMH

#giveadamn #lostagain #wishihaditback

[guruthesecond]

I used to be whitty ... then I got married and realized that when I said 'til death do us part', I was setting a life goal.

[guruthesecond]

Conscious AI

Would it really be so bad?

#ai