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If I saw Dr. Oz on the street I would physically fight him.

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THIS IS HER btw in case you don’t follow my bug blog and wish to see her ❤️

Probably I should care more about the possibility of being overheard while I talk out loud to the spider who lives on my patio but 🤷🏻‍♀️

#i haven’t had the light for a good photo yet #I’ll get one Saturday when I can be here at like 10-11am lol #spiders

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Probably I should care more about the possibility of being overheard while I talk out loud to the spider who lives on my patio but 🤷🏻‍♀️

#‘good evening ma’am!’ #‘ooh I hope you catch one of these crane flies you’ll eat for a month’ #look I’m just excited she’s here #I’ve never had an adult orb weaver in my yard before #out of superstition I cannot name her until she stays in this web location for a full week #spiders

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Apart from the usual "aboot" business, a thing that I've noticed about American perceptions of Canadian accents is that Americans love to misidentify accents from other parts of America as Canadian accents. I once had an American dude insist to me that a particular YouTuber had an obvious Canadian accent, and when I looked them up, it turns out they were born and raised in fucking Florida.

#lmao I assumed the American accent was going to be Minnesota or something but FLORIDA???? #also Canadians don’t say aboot but they definitely say ‘aboat’ and ‘hohse’ (house) and ‘sohrry’ #or a good bit of them do. Like Vancouver and over west #Quebec is obviously its own thing and I’m scared of Newfoundland

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#my friend Mike and I never got sick of doing this in high school #like Wendy’s would have a sign advertising their crusty-top ciabatta bread #and I’d be like ‘Crusty Top was my nickname in jr. high’ #for years we subjected people to that

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#collies are so good #huskies are ….. well …. god bless them

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Thank god most people who want every spider they see dead are also way too scared of the spider to actually kill it, or I’d be throwing hands 24/7

#I’ll protect them

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i'm conducting an experiment. everyone who's from an english speaking country state your country, regional area and what you call the following images. i need to see something

#United States - New England originally and Utah from ages 9-18 #1) fries #2) chips #3) biscuits but these do look pretty scone-shaped #4) cookies #5) soda #6) candy #7) cigarettes #8) beanie #9) is that cotton candy?

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My new coworker: I just can’t support hunting, it’s so cruel!

The same new coworker: Sometimes when I see a snake in the road I go out of my way to run over it, and then I back up so I can run over it again.

#Jesus lmao at least hunters can eat what they kill what’s YOUR excuse??

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3d printed start gate

#these sounds made me want to watch Stargate so bad #you know something I never actually saw most of SG-1? #SGA was way more my jam #everyone on SG-1 was too competent for me #bring me the disasters. The weirdos. The deeply-repressed gay pilots

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#this is truly terrible!! genuinely congratulations

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Sorry to talk about food tracking on main but how the hell do you simultaneously eat fewer carbs and more fiber when carbs are where they put all the fiber????

#fiber I hardly know ‘er #anyway my blood pressure and blood sugar got so high that I thought I had a fever for a month lmao #and I have to take care of this myself because metformin makes me so so SO sick #so that’s how we got here

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☎️

#yeah now you just gotta throw it and you need a really good case for that

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Arizona’s only got like a 75% solar eclipse but you know what I’m definitely feeling 75% less personally victimized by the sun than usual.

#thanks moon you’re a real one #gpoy #also I’m not sunburned that’s just my face after any mild activity outdoors

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"Christ on a cracker" well actually I think you'll find Christ is the cracker. And also the wine. But you wouldn't know that you fucking protestant heathen

#also people think Protestant Jesus is white too so the joke wouldn’t even work!

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I’m bringing lunch to work every day now and I think I and the environment would benefit from those reusable wrap things for sandwiches; do people use these in real life and are they realistic for an extremely burnt out person who hates to clean?

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i have such a profound hate for stories that go 'what if just some guy like literally just some guy was thrown into these horrible circumstances with huge stakes' and then take it back and go 'haha he is not just some guy, he's the specialest little boy in the planet, last in a long line of specialest little boys, it was in his blood all along'

#‘the special boy already fucked up’ is Spy Kids 3D lol #poor Elijah Wood