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happyk44 · 26 minutes
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sorry I wasn’t in the mood to be a person today, sorry I forgot to keep a conversation, sorry my soul needs ironing. give me a moment, a day or a so. it’ll be good. I’ll brush my hair and change my clothes. I’ll laugh a lot. I’ll say important things. it’ll be good.
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happyk44 · 1 hour
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laptop with seven fold-out screens
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happyk44 · 2 hours
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Hello archivist
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happyk44 · 3 hours
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schizoid culture is powerlesness in any type of relationship [and even just in life in general] feeling fucking sickening. absolutely gut wrenching. it's having alarms immediately set off in your head the moment you feel them trying to guilt you. it's feeling "i have to get out of here" in big bold letters inside you the second you think you're about to be used, the second you believe they don't care about you, because you have to protect yourself from the world. the only one you can rely on is yourself, which is bold because actually taking care of yourself is like pulling teeth sometimes. but rotting because of my own fault is 100 times better than rotting because i dared to rely on someone who couldn't shoulder it, or worse, didn't want to.
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happyk44 · 3 hours
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anyways it is important that steph grew up in the suburbs. it is important to her story as an outsider of not just the batfam but gotham city itself. her relative isolation in the suburbs means something.
similarly, tim's childhood spent in flux & boarding schools, but his home base being gotham city itself (through his parents' various apartments throughout the city) is also important to his story. gotham city is the epicenter of security for him. he may have to leave sometimes, but it is the place where he returns home, where he has any semblance of 'this is home' (until they move out to bristol ofc, and that becomes home). he grew up in the city, many different parts of it. that's important!!
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happyk44 · 4 hours
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reminding myself there are no truly "bad days", because every single day, someone somewhere in the world has taken a photo of an extremely tiny animal and shown it to someone else, and that's very good actually
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happyk44 · 5 hours
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Gossip Girls
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happyk44 · 6 hours
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the goldfish problem
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happyk44 · 7 hours
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Dungeon Meshi is so great bc it’s creator has an artistic sensibility that can only be described as “I love women the way lesbians do and men the way gay men do”. It’s both fairly chaste and the Most Deeply Homoerotic Thing I’ve Ever Read
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happyk44 · 8 hours
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happyk44 · 9 hours
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biting and killing and attacking you
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happyk44 · 10 hours
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God I am sick and tired of people uwu-washing indigenous American history.
Did the Inca have exquisite building techniques, efficient messengers, and quality waterworks? Yes. They were also an expansionist empire built on violent conquest and the splitting up and relocating of conquered peoples.
Did the Aztecs have a gorgeous capital city built at the heart of a lake, with floating farms and towering temples honoring their fascinating pantheon? Yes. Guess what tho. They were also a violent expansionist empire who practiced ritual sacrifice of prisoners of war.
The Iroquois confederacy had one of the most unique representative political systems I’ve ever heard of, with women taking a forefront in most local government matters too. But their internal peace allowed them to redirect violence to their neighbors, as so often happens with tribal confederations, and they eventually violently conquered the Ohio valley and destroyed or displaced dozens of other indigenous groups.
Even my beloved Cahokia has the graves of sacrifice victims amidst its ruins.
A society should not need to be (and fundamentally cannot be) squeaky clean unproblematically stannable in order to be worth studying and remembering, and pretending that they were is no less disinformative than the European accounts painting them as godless savages.
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happyk44 · 11 hours
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happyk44 · 11 hours
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The more I think about it, the more Laios and Falin's different perceptions of their parents are a case of "same parents, different childhood".
Whenever someone asks Laios about his and Falin's family, he comments on how they treated Falin but never comments about how how their childhood affected him - in fact, he kind of glosses over it. It's Falin that everyone is rallying to save, it's Falin that's Marcille's friend, it's Falin that everyone has a positive opinion of - he's just the weirdo brother that gets to share some of her light sometimes. He's the one who's only tolerated when he's useful in a dungeon. Falin's treatment is a large part of the reason that he left, but it's the symptom of a larger issue.
When we see Laios' thoughts of his parents in his nightmares, it's all about the expectations that he's supposed to live up to: the expectation to stop being "childish", the expectation to get married (to who his parents picked) and have children, the expectation to take over from his father as the village chief, the expectation to adapt to something that he isn't able to be in the way that people want him to. And these are all things that he has had to be told in some way: he had to be told that Shuro didn't like him, he had to be told that told that the gold-peelers were taking advantage of him - these aren't thoughts that just appeared on their own, these are all failures that someone has explicitly pointed out to him and they haunt him. Some of the things he considers his biggest failures are his failure to provide for and protect Falin and those have very tangible examples he can point to.
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We get a glimpse of what happens when he fails to live up to his father's expectations when Falin is born. He expects a certain reaction from Laios and when he fails to give that reaction he physically puts him down, dismisses him, and underestimates how much he understands.
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And that's something that's shown to be a bit of a sore point for him - people thinking that he doesn't understand something because he doesn't express himself like people expect. The few times we see him snap at people are because people think he isn't understanding something because he isn't reacting "normally".
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On Falin's side, the expectations seem to be a lot different - she's the younger one, for one, she's a girl, and she was so young when the fallout from her having magic happened. She too had an arranged engagement, but that was broken off when she was sent away to magic school and since then, their parents only seem to be passively involved in her life. She's mostly been freed of the expectations that their parents had for her in her village - she won't be coming back after all. She understands why they sent her away, she wasn't completely oblivious to the villagers treatment of her and it was, arguably, for the best so she is at peace with what their relationship is for now. But she still wants to go to her hometown and see for herself with adult eyes because she has never really had the space to do that.
I don't think their parents are inherently evil people - the truth is probably somewhere between Laios and Falin's version of the story, Laios' side tinged by too much cynicism and Falin's by too much naivete.
It just strikes me that when he tried to provide the "normal" way he failed, but given the space to do something similar to what people expected of him, but in his own way, he succeeded. He isn't perfect but his efforts are ultimately fruitful and he is able to carve out a place for himself, Falin, and others who had been ostracized like them to call home.
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happyk44 · 11 hours
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(cw: needles/syringes) gender affirmations & realizations
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happyk44 · 11 hours
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they should invent a general public that can’t perceive me
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happyk44 · 11 hours
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The problem with Batman in his present incarnation is that we need simultaneously to believe that this is a man who can effortlessly ninja his way through dozens of gun-toting mercenaries, and that this is a man to whom Danny DeVito with an umbrella is a credible threat.
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