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my toy delivery is here

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Timothy Chalamet passed away last night after choking on a single frozen unchewed green pea. Family members confirmed his passing in a statement to the media "it's how he liked to eat them"

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rate my uncles setup

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Flea circuses would pop the fuck off on youtube shorts

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God sending his silliest soldier:

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mumu haters please die forever. look what youre doing to her.

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how i see the world after taking a shitty accidental hour long nap

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My dinner moodboard

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*eminem voice* *falls into a hole in a sewer grate before saying anything*

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this girl shows up when there is an error on my mixer and I just want to let her to know that I'm not mad at her

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the despicable count dooku has eaten twelve cookies before suppertime

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character in a movie: Oh no, angry dog, please don’t bite me!

the dog: I’m at work! I’m doing so good at being at work! I’m barking because my handler gave the sign ‘bark’! I am going to get such a good grade in being a dog actor, which is completely possible to achieve, and normal to want! I am doing a great job! I am proud of myself for doing such a great job! I love this, because I’d make it physically impossible to get anything done if I wasn’t enjoying it! I’m barking!

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Huge fan of when my speech patterns rub off on people enjoy when thay happens

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Wizard Fact #42: The real reason you're not supposed to stick a fork into your toaster is because you might stab one of the wizards in there

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on the one hand, extremely funny to get told “get help” by a fortune cookie, on the other, i can’t believe betterhelp has breached influencers and podcasters and started getting fortune cookies to shill for them

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newborn baby that obviously doesn't understand language at all but makes a distinct smirk whenever it hears someone say fuck