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heilcain · 4 years

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“Did you ask him to do that? Did you tell him to bring me here?”

Alex had come and gone. Dropping off Orlando. She had been told he was coming with him. But at first she didn’t know why. Something had happened.. it was the only reason. So when he walked up and knocked she was eager to hug him. The boys coming out to greet their father and then Orlando. Her eyes shifted towards him. “I can’t stay, Sis” one more hug and she watched him leave.

Her eyes turned then towards Orlando. He had this.. aura he was annoyed. Upset. Leading down the stairs they ended up at Alex’s room. The room Orlando was to stay in for now. She was standing there.. and the words just went flying out of her mouth. “Are you upset with me?” Fingers brushing through her hair. She could feel his pain, and yet why was she hurting so much? Never had she expected what came out of his mouth. ‘A little.... but it will pass.’ He assured her, staring up at the ceiling. “Promise? I don’t know why you are so upset with me.” Leaning in closer so he was looking at her rather than the ceiling. Her hair cascading down around them. “Is it because you are here? Because he is my brother? My brother hurt you. Blu, a woman like my søster, she too hurt you.” Her eyes teared up a bit. “Is that why? Because I have people surrounding me that have hurt you? Because I don’t want you to go and now you are here..” Lost. She was feeling so lost. Could a fear develop after so many repeated events, if so she was feeling that now. The fear she was going to lose a friend, pointless. She was feeling pointless now and her heart felt like it had stopped while she waited for his response once more. ‘Its because im here and im not meant to be... its because im here against my wishes - its nothing to do with YOU or the company being bad. Its just ...not where im meant to be....and i don’t hold you to account for any other people. But you have to admit... being in Alex’s room.... in a place i know shes been with you... where her dogs still are? Why would that be comfortable for me? It feels like at any moment she’ll wander in and finish her tirade about what a terrible and strange person i am for caring- what an idiot for sending apology flowers when i upset her- reminding me as if i needed to know- that i could never be Alex - repeatedly. EMPHATICALLY.... knowing too that...she came here instead of to the place that i made safe for her to go if things got rough. Because that too is a horrid thing.’ She felt a small jab emotionally. Yes heil it was because of them. Not you. New things don’t get thoughts. “Fleeting? You have more than just blu’s friendship..” Scooting away she would slip down off the bed and stand there as she blinked back tears. She was silently reminding herself he was hurting still over Alex, Blu. “No one is asking you to be good at this Orlando. I’m certainly not asking it. I’m just asking you to realize that not -all- your friendships are fleeting.” She could feel the anger boiling up now. No it wasn’t about her. And yes he was hurting, but gods above he sure as hell couldnt see what his words were doing. The jabs.. surely he could see what they meant?‘But you don't know how many people have sworn to be there...always...who have taken the time with me as you and others have....and then -poof.’ He shook his head ‘And i knew Blu before i had the pleasure of knowing you....In fact...if not for her- perhaps you and I would never have met....and now that's gone too....and I need you to understand that you can tell me until you are blue in the face how different this is and how different you are- but my experience is that everyone says that- and everyone MEANS that when they say it.....and everyone leaves.’

-If not for her then we may not have- The verbal slap of reality. Heil was nothing but secondhand. The very thing she always tried not to be.. he has confirmed. She was spoken to because of another. “You keep telling me I don’t understand all because my brain and mouth shit stupid words. But I do. I get it. You think I don’t yet I live that shit too Orlando. And sadly you running away because one more has done that to you is only having you do the same to me. Yet I’m still here. Going to be still here years down the road even when you long forget me.” Sniffling now she points a finger at him. Half childishly and half motherly like. “Push me away like those others have you. Fine. But you don’t get to sit your ass there or thousands of miles away and think it’s for the best you up and leave. That it’s protecting you or me doing so. You are being a coward and running. Giving in and doing what your mother didn’t want." Her jaw tightened as she choked sobs back. “I won’t hold you hostage. You think shit of yourself. I get it."

‘Its ...too much ...Heil.’ his brow furrowing before he looked back up to meet her watery gaze with one of his own: ‘Can we..not do this?’ a helpless shrug ‘Can we..have a day- two days’-bartering now: ‘Where its just not like this? Just...ENJOY our time so we can take that with us both?..You know i won't forget you don't you? That no matter where i am, i'll think of you- and when i do, i want it to be a happy memory-something to help deal with...whatever is going to come.’ But was he going to actually think of her? Why would he need to? Carefully she stepped forward and stopped once more between his legs as she reached out to brush his tears away. “It’s only going to hurt me far more in those two days. I’ll know. I’ll count down. Stop thinking your dad could do anything to harm me.” Leaning in she would press her forehead to his as she slipped her arms around him a moment and sighed. “I wish you would stay.. for a long time to come. How do I know you won’t forget me when it seems so easy to let me go. When you claim I will be the one to forget you..as if you were just a blip in my life.” Because he had only dared speak to her on Blus account. On blus judgement. She hadn’t missed that comment on a thread. He had lifted his hands then to hold her arms where they were and lifted his face to nuzzle at her gently before adding ‘if you give me a photo, i’ll add it to the book. I don’t forget any one of these people.’ He had then brought the book. Showed her, the photo of his loved ones. The night spent watching movies.

Morning had come, the sound of piano playing filled the air and danced to her room. She hadnt slept well.

-Time lapse-

She flitted away quickly, and he felt certain he knew why she was leaving. He would allow her a few moments- and then with a final strike of a piano key, he too slid out from behind the piano and followed her, moving up behind her to curl his arms around her shoulders from behind and press a kiss to the back of her head. ‘Its okay.’

“I’m not strong as people think I am. I just know how to bottle. And you leaving I’ll be rather sad..” Her last words spoken before he left that very next day. He had walked out. And she had been left there contemplating her place in it all.

#oc rp #emotional #spotify #roleplay #writing #sl

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heilcain · 4 years

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"Please babygirl, I want this."

How long had I been in town? A larger town than I had thought and yet, I still managed to find him. The man that captivated me. He was married, and yet.. my heart didn't care. There was no secrets with us. I had just rented a house from the local MC Member, Colt. All he asked was that we dont bother the trailer next door it was for club activities. Rent was cheap, fitting in is a good thing right? Derek was showing me around town. Introducing me to people.

-----

Laying on the couch across his lap we were talking. Just about our days. Hand slipping along my stomach as we lay there. It paused then as he connected eyes with me. "I want to give you a child. You and Selena." My stomach knotted at the comment. A child? My twin and I both.. I wanted to tell him no. "A child? Both of us? And your wife?" Instead it was those three questions that would shift my life. Those blue hues like a clear ocean staring at me. All jokes aside I could tell with how his features shifted. "I would take care of the child and you both." His hand moved along my cheek, instinctively I turn into it as I watch him. "You wouldn't want for nothing. You know I am poly, so is she." There was a lump in my throat. He was speaking with everything, he was prepared for my questions.

"And you.. I don't think I am ready for a child.. would you be there, through it all? You wont run off? Promise.." My voice quivering a moment as the fear was sinking in. I wasn't ready for a child! I had only just turned 21. But he was here, wanting something so..permanent with me. He couldn't give me what I longed for; marriage. He ran his fingers through my hair. "Daddy promises to be there through it all for his babygirl." And just like that my heart ruled over my brain. "Okay then, lets have a child." It didn't matter that he wanted to give my child both a sibling and a cousin. I just wanted him happy. I wanted to make him happy. I was his babygirl, and that was everything to me.

————

The months went on. Seasons changed. My birthday came around and I am rounder with child now. My sister hadn't gotten pregnant. It hurt her that she hadn't. I don't understand why she always sounded like she didn't want children. And though as the months had moved along and so did my thoughts on this child. I grew excited. I have always been one for family, and wanted a big family. But then the text came in. 'Don't tell anyone the child is mine...remember.' I always thought it was because of what he did. Shootings, raping HPD women, torturing. What a way to get to someone then their pregnant lover? No..his wifey and him had one rule..and I am the proof he broke it. Willingly so, purposefully so. I am the 'mistake' that shouldn't have happened. The mistake he made sure happened.

Hand to my round belly, 'Mommy is here..da is around. You know it too. You get so excited around him.' The tears ran down my cheeks despite keeping my voice calm. A half lie. Derek was around. But not for me. Not for his promise. How many nights had I gone out to HPD to visit my sister with him sharing a cell with her. Unable to look at him or else someone finding out. A stranger in this threeway. In he came and out he goes. Dropping off people, cash, weapons to stash for him. When I need him..busy. Selena off silent, no doubt with him. I may have been the babygirl, he may still come when he feels my mood shifting, my feelings waining.. I am not blind to his ways. Those psycosociopathic ways, so why can't I just walk away.

>He hasn't ever hit us that we didn't enjoy. He loves me..he only says it to me...right. I can do this.

-----

He had been pushing me to Doves ex, Austin. Poly wasn't something I have ever done. Not on my end..

I have stayed silent for far to long. I snapped at him the other day. Virus had left the seat. It had been Spectre that took the hold. "You promised you would be here..through it all. And you have been so busy with my sister off shooting up cops, bringing home strange people. I want you here with me! Is it so much to ask...just for you to be here even just an hour..." I had been in tears, I could feel them spilling down my cheeks as I watched him standing there. The silence was suffocating, finally he stepped closer and slipped his arms around. "I hear you babygirl. I am sorry, you are right. I promised, but this is all for him when he is older. Call up the gang lets watch a movie." Growing excited for the fact it had reached him. I was being given such a simple thing and yet it felt like the world had been handed to me. It didn't take long and I was sending the text out. His daughter coming home who had moved in with us. Though she tended to stay with camiya, one of the HPD officers he raped, tortured, cut open. Faye too came over. I remember watching Guardians of the Galaxy. But not when I had fallen asleep. Waking up to an empty house. I pulled my phone out and sent a text.

Days went by and I hadn't seen, heard from him. He had left. Completely. I was alone, doing this alone. My connection with my twin strained all over this man. For this man. 'You got everything! Took everything!' Her words repeated in my head. How.. I got fat with child, and she got him. More time. Open time. I was some dirty secret kept. I had met a woman.. even she used me. To get close to my twin, my little angel, our younger sister, Chloe. Used to get to Lena. Is that all I am? Something ... one to just be used. Is that to be my fate..have I upset Odin?. I had made new friends at least. I was making my own family. One that wanted me around. The cemetary and those souls around have become my comfort. They love to hear what is going on around town. I sing for them, check on them. There is this understanding.

Faye and Chris Vond had decided to adopt Serena. Daddy D had been gone so long and she needed someone that had time, would have time. She was always forgetting her insulin and getting into trouble. Im pregnant and can barely get around. But that touble had followed her to my home..

The temperature was shifting, and it was then a flurry hit my nose. Crossing my eyes to watch it melt. Looking up at the sky it was then Hathian was getting its first snow...if ever that I was aware of. Christmas was coming that was sure. November just setting in though. My phone buzzing announcing Derek had returned to town. And he had done so with a bang.

Mass text: Remember everyone. Death is not the End.. It is only the beginnings. Death is the Next greatest adventure. For those whose hands are floth with blood. For those who make a deal with a Devil. For those who deserve nothing more than what I'm getting right now. It is PAIN that I have felt. Pain that I have concentrated on for the many years of my life. To My Wife I love you, To Heil, AJ is the father, To Malakai, Brother perhaps this life wasn't meant for you to see a new world.. Nor a New Order. Enjoy the ruins of an empire that you'll never see. For the rest. For Ashlee. A monster is what I became.. A demon I am. At the very end.. It doesn't matter anymore. Death is imminent for us all.

I found myself standing on this rooftop here. Looking down below at the people walking by. A few had stopped to look at me. How could they not? I am nearly 9 months along now and debating on ending everything. His wife knows now..he had decided to pull me into his dramatic drama. Put me on the radar of not but his children from her, but to the very creation he had made, his wife. Damon had warned me if his mother ever found out she would rip my son, his brother from my body and devour him before my eyes. My heart hurts, and worries. Not for my own but for Chaytons. "What have I done to deserve such a life. Why must you throw so many test at me. Is it to see just how much you can fuck with me until I crumble? Do you find more strength in me, Odin, than I do myself?" The snow is coming down hard now. I can no longer see HPD from here. Rick had joined me. He really sucks at talking someone off the ledge. Its laughable at best.

But it worked. I'm alive. Odin won this round. I wish to live.

Throw your worst at me, I will climb back to the top, bloody and thriving.

#oc rp #emotional #history #heil #depression #spotify #roleplay #SoundCloud

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heilcain · 4 years

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“Your Demon is weak, Luci. He is nothing. You have lost your way and I will prove it.”

She had come for his punishment. Walking through the electric fence as she waited for the power to go off. He owed her his blood. Wrath was settling in nicely within her. Those words spoken she could see his inner demons growing angry. With him. With her. And yet she could only smirk. The corner of her lip curling as she spoke in her oddly calm and sweet voice. “You are no demon. Just a man taking sides. You have grown soft. Turning your back on family for that fucking bird.” His eyes flared as he stood so quickly and moved before and yet, she didn’t flinch. She was poking a man she knew well. He held no secrets she didn’t know. ‘I am a demon. I am always a demon. From the time we came about! She is protected I can not touch her!’

Heil reached up and grabbed the man by the horns he worn. Pulling him in close as she sneered. “Pathetic. Whipped. Your demon is dying and you are the one killing it.” Her eyes flared with the pain, the anger. She was too calm. “What demon chooses another over family!? Asking what I have done to deserve my children taken at gun point.” She shoved him back away from her. “I have done nothing.” She pointed in a means to exert some of her building rage. “Nothing.. but try to survive. I am drowning and you are no where to be seen but if you need something. No more. You are dead to me.” Reaching for the door of the old shack she would pull it open. “Your payment is blood. I wish to see your heart beat within that chest of yours, Demon.”

Straightening up the resolve of the situation washing over his face as he stepped through. ‘Will this allow my forgiveness?’ She spoke nothing as she shoved him towards the lift and would grab the chains to cuff his hands only after she managed to get his clothing out of the way. With the button pushed and him hoisted she finally spoke. “This is only the beginning.” Stopping it once he was off the floor. She moved to the counter and grabbed some matches to light the wood burner. ‘Heil..I am sorry.’ He spoke them with so much sincerity and yet it hadn’t earned his freedom. No she grabbed the knife to put it into the flame. She needed it hot before cutting into his flesh. A moment she would bask in. The way the knife soon would glide through his flesh like butter being cut. Just enough to see the beating heart. Eyes shifted towards him. “I had trusted you.” She spoke as she wiped blood along her face. Moving closer she smiled. And he spoke, ‘I will repay this moment back’

And she would look forward to it.

#oc rp #heil #demons #Spotify

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